“Because I li—” I close my mouth and shut my eyes. “Because I don’t want to have any more strings attached to him. Not myself. Not you. Nothing. I want to act as if he doesn’t exist and move on. Can you respect that?” The words are next to impossible to get out, and they burn my tongue, but I gather a deep breath and vaporize every mirage of Grey to disappear into thin air.
“Yes, I can,” he says around a huff of air.
“Good.” I force on a smile and open a random book in front of me. “Now, mind helping me with an essay?”
***
I am so wrapped up in writing my research paper that I almost don’t hear the librarian tell me the library has closed. Graciously, she gives me a few extra minutes. I thank her profusely for the much-needed extra time and pack up my belongings and return borrowed books.
I hear my stomach growl as I exit the building. It hit me half an hour ago that I hadn’t eaten anything the entire day. I don’t know how I didn’t notice before, though. I guess I’ve just been so distracted by Grey and the rollercoaster that are his emotions that I didn’t realize. But it’s okay, because Mason ordered Chinese food, which sounds incredibly appetizing right about now.
I wrap my arms around myself, pull my hoodie over my head, pop in a pair of headphones, and plug the cord into my phone. I didn’t realize it would be so cold this time of night, or I would have worn a thicker sweater or even a coat. Maybe throw on a scarf. I fear I’ll catch a cold, but if I walk quickly, maybe I can avoid that. Doesn’t change that it feels like below zero degrees and I’m only wearing a hoodie. I guess it’s a good thing the dorm is only ten minutes away.
I’ve walked a good half of the distance, listening to one of my favorite artists, Billie Holiday, when I get a peculiar feeling in my chest. Almost like…I’m being watched. I quickly look around but find nothing but swaying trees and a single piece of trash blowing to the other end of the path.
I shake it off and chalk it up to paranoia. It is very late, and I’m the only one out. I take my phone out to change the song when I bump into something hard. Something that has arms and holds onto my shoulders.
I quickly look up, feeling my heart in my throat. It’s the guy from this morning. The one at the fraternity who was giving me the creeps outside of the bathroom. He’s smiling down at me. I step out of his hold and look around.
“Sorry, I didn’t see you,” I mumble, dropping my gaze as I slip my phone back in my pocket and try to walk around him, but he steps in the way again. I look up and watch with a rising pulse as he chuckles and eyes me up and down.
“What’s a pretty girl like you doing out here all alone?” His voice gives me the chills.
I look around nervously and shrug. “Just coming from the library,” I answer, smiling close-lipped.
He nods and squints his eyes briefly as he looks me over again. I feel extremely uncomfortable as the seconds pass. I don’t know this guy, nor do I feel like chit-chatting when a platter of Chinese food is waiting for me at the dorm.
“I’m sorry, but I should be going.” I point behind him and step to the side, but he takes one forward, standing in my way again.
“Do you really not remember me?” He sounds slightly offended.
“I’m sorry, but no.” I try to walk around him again, but he holds his hand out, and this time he snakes his arms around me and grips my butt, causing me to stand on my tippy toes and gasp in shock.
“How about now?” he says slowly.
Suddenly, it all hits me. I do know him. I didn’t remember before, but he tried to mess around with me while I was drunk. Drunker than I’d ever been. It was the party where I found Grey and Diana fooling around, and I lost control.
I briefly see a flashback of me dancing on a table, and Grey with his hands on my neck, once again, and…and…him—this guy pushing himself on me. He tried to take advantage of my intoxicated state, and he’s trying to do the same thing again.
Only this time, I’m not drunk. I am fully aware of what’s going on. I am fully aware of the drop my heart just made as I realize no one is around to stop him. More specifically, Grey isn’t.
“Let me go,” I whisper, too afraid to speak any louder. My throat has clogged up. My body follows suit. I feel numb, like my body is preparing for the worst. This cannot be happening.
“I think we should have a little fun first, don’t you?” A smirk slithers onto his face. “Wanna dance for me like you did at that party?” he croons and chuckles when I widen my eyes. He hums and tips my head back. “I’d love to see you get down…on your knees. How does that sound, little dancer?”
“Let go of me!” I shake out of my shocked daze and instantly regret it. Something snaps in him. His smile drops, and his eyes grow dark. I feel my feet lift off the ground and watch as he rushes forward and slams me into a tree. Pain explodes behind my eyes, and I let out a breath of agony.
“I said I want you to dance, and that’s what you’re going to do,” he whispers in my ear. I burst into tears as he swipes his tongue up the side of my neck and swirls around my earlobe. All the while, he reaches inside my pocket, grabs my phone, and throws it to the ground. “If you shut your trap, this might actually be enjoyable for you. Either way, I’m going to have some fun.” His laugh that turns the blood flowing through me ice cold.
“No! Please, let me go! Let me go!” I scream and scream and let the tears flow down my cheeks. My chest hurts and so do my eyes from the sting of the tears.
“Shut the fuck up,” he hisses while unbuckling his pants. I feel my entire body freeze when I feel him tug at my sweatpants, a disgusting and dark cackle slipping off his tongue. “I bet you’re already dripping for me.”
“No, no, no!” He smacks me across the face. I reel back in shock and pain. My senses blur; my eyes dull and a haze fills my ears; his taunts and sly comments sound like they’re being shouted into a room sucked of all oxygen.
I try to move. I try to scream. I try to do something, but all I can do is watch as he shrugs off his jacket and tugs on the string of my sweatpants. And through it all, I can’t think of one single thing but him—Grey. I take back every bad thing I ever said to him. I want him here. I need him here. I shouldn’t have left the library so late. I should have left with the crowd. This shouldn’t be happening. I don’t want this to happen. I had a plan, an agenda on how to lose my virginity, and this was not what I had planned. Why is he doing this? Why can’t I breathe? Why can’t I see anything but black? I want to see Grey. I want Grey.
I am suddenly pushed. All the air knocks out of my lungs, and I catch my breath and pant rapidly. I open my eyes—not knowing when I even closed them in the first place—and look around. I’m on the ground, but where is that horrible guy? Did he realize what he was doing—or was about to do—was inhumane and run away? I crawl over to my phone, and that’s when I both hear and see it.
Grey is five feet away from me, punching the guy’s teeth in. And he’s going at lightning speed. All I can hear is his heavy breathing and the repeated crunch! of bones splitting into fragments. I feel my eyes enlarge, tuck my phone inside my pocket, and run over to him. I almost slip on the dewy grass, but I reach him in time just as he has his bloody fist in the air, ready to strike again.
“Grey!” I shout.
He whips around, and I gulp. A splatter of blood trails across his face. His eyes are wide and unhinged. He doesn’t say anything to me, just looks at me, breathing heavily, teeth bared, and nostrils broadened.
“Let him go, or you’ll kill him.” My voice is soft, and my smile is rubber, but I’m trying to calm him down. I’ve seen this look in his eyes before. When he was on top of Mason, pounding his face in, and even then, I feared he truly lost himself and was replaced by a blood-thirsty beast. And if I didn’t stop him before, I know he would have killed him, and I know he will kill this guy right now. “I don’t want you to get in trouble because of him.” My jaw tightens, but I hold my soft edge and watch him grumble something under his brea
th.
“Fine,” he spits.
I reluctantly let go of his bloody hand and look at my hands with a flutter of my eyes in disbelief, but I don’t say anything in case I trigger his desperate need to kill.
He turns around and yanks the guy up by his collar and barks in his face, “If I ever see you near her again, I will not hesitate to rip your fucking arms off and shove them down your throat. Do you understand me?”
The guy hums an incoherent moan. Grey shoves his head onto the ground. I flinch and watch unnerved as the guy slowly gets to his feet, swaying so much I think he’s out of it and will fall right back down. But he doesn’t. Grey and I watch as he turns around and limps away from us, leaving a silence filled with Grey’s rough breathing and my heart pounding out of my chest.
I’m paralyzed as my brain attempts to catch up with everything that just happened. Did that guy follow me? How could he not learn his lesson the first time and leave me alone? I’m sure he got the message this time around and will not bother me again. What the hell would have happened if Grey hadn’t shown up? I know what exactly, it just scares me too much to dwell on the thought…
“Liv?” Grey is suddenly in front of me, calling my name gently, but I was too wrapped up in my own mind to hear him.
I hum and look into his eyes. “I’m sorry…what did you say?”
He clamps his lips shut and shakes his head. “Nothing…but are you okay? Did he…touch you?” It looks like it’s hurting him to even ask.
I shake my head and look down at the ground. His gaze is too intense for me to even try to comprehend. “No, no, b-but he almost did.” I gulp and tug dangerously at my bracelet. Grey says something I can’t hear under his breath and tips my head back so I’m facing him again.
“I’m glad I got here in time.” He tries to smile, but I know it’s forced to make me feel better. It’s kind of working, but then again, I was almost—I can’t even finish the thought.
“What are you even doing here?” I’m definitely not complaining; he just saved me big time. But that doesn’t mean I can’t be curious as to why he was here in the first place. The library would be the absolute last place I’d expect to find Grey casually walking around. Unless he—
“I followed you,” he says, voicing my disturbed thoughts.
“You—what?”
“I left your dorm after you did, but I couldn’t just leave the campus knowing you were out there all alone. After walking around in the cold for a few hours, I finally cracked and demanded Mason tell me where you were. I figured he’d know. He wouldn’t just tell me, of course, considering—” He gestures to his bruised face. “Anyway, he told me you were here, so I came. And then I saw that prick and…” He shakes out his bloody fist and shrugs. “I’m just glad I came in time. Are you all right?”
He walks over to me and bends down to look into my eyes.
I am frozen, unable to speak. My heart is still moving ten miles a minute. I try to thank him and maybe even throw my arms around him in gratitude, but I can’t. All I can think about is: if he hadn’t arrived when he did…I would have been raped. I would have been ripped of my virtue. I have always planned to lose it to someone I love, someone I saw spending the rest of my life with. Not a low life who was waiting to attack me. But luckily that didn’t happen, because of this brilliant but complex guy in front of me. I owe him my life.
“Thank you,” I whisper and wrap my arms around myself. I am freezing. I should have brought a jacket.
“You’re cold. Here.” I watch as he slips off his jacket and places it over me. His chest is pressed against me as he places my arms inside the sleeves. The leather nearly drips off my body, but he zips it up and smiles covertly. “Better?” he asks, his eyes taking in my frown. He mirrors my expression and brushes back a piece of stray hair. My skin tingles, and I suck in a sharp breath as he takes in his bottom lip, frowning.
“What’s wrong, Princess?” he asks.
I like you, but like you said, we clash too much and too often. You fight, and I despise it. I wear appropriate clothes like khakis, and you constantly mock me for it. Your mood swings are nothing short of a manipulative nightmare. I expect too much from you, but it doesn’t change the fact—the fact that I like you. And I’ve been trying to fight it this whole time, and you’ve helped me deny it and label it as a flirtation with the dark side. Yet I want to kiss you whenever you’re around. Like, right now. I want to grab you by your shirt and taste the bittersweetness of your tongue against mine and have you pick me up and spin me around, and for us to be something more than this silly back and forth bickering and jealousy. I want more. I…want…you.
But I say none of that. Instead, I shove all those words back into a sack and push it in the farthest, darkest corner of my mind, and I shake my head and tear my eyes away from his. I step back and unzip his jacket, and I hold it out to him as I say, “I have to go.”
I watch as he hesitantly takes his jacket and opens his mouth to say something. But I’m already walking away. The urge to turn around and act on my desires makes me pick up speed.
Soon enough, I am running. I am running away from the only guy who makes me feel alive and pained all at once. I am running away from the guy I have fallen for, because I am afraid of the impact once I finally hit the ground.
Chapter Thirty-Three
The next morning, I invite Mason, Jaimie, and Julia out for coffee. Mason, of course, came, and so did Jaimie, but Julia didn’t. But I didn’t really expect her to. She sleeps like an irritable bear in hibernation.
I couldn’t sleep last night. I kept having nightmares of that guy pulling me out of the over-turned car and dragging me into the nearby forest so he could have his way with me. The moment it all felt too real, I forced myself awake and was unable to go back to sleep after that. I stayed up and read until the early morning sun crept between the blinds.
What happened last night has been circulating in my mind, and I can’t seem to shake it away. But then again, how do you just shake something as horrifying as that away? I’m pretty sure it’ll take a long while until it fades and I feel safe again. Until then, I have to get it off my chest.
While Mason was ordering our coffee orders, I broke down everything that happened to Jaimie. Starting with Grey showing up in my dorm room and crushing my heart, to me going to the library to cool off and get him off my mind—which was pretty much unsuccessful—and ending with that disgusting guy trapping me and attempting to…have his way with me. It hurts to tell her everything and relive what happened, but the moment I finish, I oddly feel better.
“You almost got what?” Jaimie shouts loud enough for everyone in the coffee shop to turn their heads and look at her as if a second head popped up on her shoulder. She just rolls her eyes, sits back, flips them off, and exclaims, “Am I so much more entertaining than your chai hipster bullshit coffee that you all have to stare at me at once?” She turns back to me with a shocked expression like she didn’t just insult the entire shop. “You’re so lucky Grey was there.”
“I know, I was so scared…” I shake my head and feel my leg shake under the table. Jaimie reaches under and places a firm hand on my jittery leg, smiling sweetly.
“It’s over, hon. You’re with me now. If anyone tries to hurt a hair on your little Bambi head, I’ll slice their throats open.”
I squirm in my chair and twist up my face. “Must you be so graphic?” I still feel sick to my stomach because of what happened. I don’t need her declaration of protection over me to worsen the churning in my stomach.
It’s the morning after, and I still can’t sit straight without fearing that guy is watching me—waiting.
He could be that guy over in the booth with his head drawn down, a hoodie covering his head. But then a girl with blonde hair and a warm smile walks over to him, and he pulls his hoodie back. His hair is dark brown; the guy’s hair from last night was sandy blond.
I really am growing paranoid. I hope it doesn’t last long. I don�
��t want to live like this. On edge. Just waiting for him to pop up and attack me.
“What’s up with insulting my people?” Mason jokes as he sets our coffee orders on the table and takes a seat in the chair beside me. I stiffen and rub my shoulders.
“She just had a coffee withdrawal burst.” I widen my eyes for emphasis. I haven’t told Mason what happened. Only because I was in shock, and I don’t want to worry him now. It happened. It’s over with. There’s nothing to talk about.
I feel a sharp pang in my knee, and I look up from my black coffee to Jaimie looking away innocently, sipping on her jasmine tea like she didn’t just kick me.
“This is some lovely tea, don’t you think?” She turns to me and bats her eyelashes, shrugging her shoulders.
“I wouldn’t know,” I say through gritted teeth, flashing Mason a smile. “I’m having coffee.” She kicks me again but harder this time. I kick her back and mirror her scowl.
She nods her head in Mason’s direction. I shake my head and narrow my eyes, challenging her. This goes on for a beat more until Mason holds up his hands and waves them, laughing nervously.
“Okay, what’s wrong with you two?”
“All’s well with me,” I mutter, picking up a red straw out of the holder in the center of the table and sipping to avoid staining my teeth.
Jaimie stares at me with a straight face before blurting out, “She almost got raped last night.”
I choke on my coffee. I cough and gasp for air, and Mason rubs my back, patting in circles, his eyes wide. I finally catch my breath and straighten myself after setting down my coffee.
“What is wrong with you?” I hiss at her. I thought I made it clear that I didn’t want to tell him.
She leans forward, setting her tea down. “I should be asking you that. Who doesn’t tell their best friend they almost got raped?”
A passing couple looks at her as if she lost her mind and whispers on their way out. I widen my eyes as I watch them leave and hear little whispers regarding Jaimie’s blunt outburst and swivel my eyes back to her. She still looks chilled, like her repeating that twice doesn’t affect her.
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