I look over Jaimie’s shoulder, exasperated. “It isn’t that easy.”
“Why not?” she asks.
“Because I love him.” I widen my eyes and feel the world stop.
Did I just admit that? Did I just say that? Out loud? I don’t mean it…at least, I don’t think I do. Nope, I don’t. I want to cram the words back in my mouth and swallow my pride, but I can’t. They’re out there, and they’re making me rethink everything.
“I—I didn’t mean that,” I quickly retract.
Julia’s eyes are nearly bulging out of her head, and Jaimie looks just as shocked, maybe even more. Her hold on my hands has grown tighter.
“So why’d you say it?” Julia asks, glancing at Jaimie, who looks back at her. “You wouldn’t have said it if you didn’t mean it.” What, is she a therapist or something? She doesn’t know anything.
“I don’t mean it, though,” I sputter out in a defensive tone, crossing my arms over my chest. “I was just—you—you just got in my head. I said the first thing that would satisfy and shut you up. Worked, didn’t it?”
“Not really,” she sing-songs, propping her elbow on her thigh and hitching her chin on her fist. “’Cause here we are, talking about it in graver detail. So, when did you first know you loved him?”
“I’ve only known him for three months,” I defend myself, still not believing what I stupidly blurted out.
“That doesn’t matter,” Jaimie says, and I look at her. “I knew I loved Julia after a few weeks. I mean, who could resist her hotness and charm?”
Julia playfully waves a hand at her, making her girlfriend giggle. “And I knew I loved her the moment I saw her. She was listening to Panic! At The Disco. If I weren’t gay, I would totally jump Bren Urie’s bones. I bless God every day for that man’s existence.” She makes a cross over her chest, causing Jaimie to laugh harder and wave a hand at her girlfriend.
“The same can’t be said for Grey and I,” I tell them, yanking them out of their little moment. “He and I haven’t even…and we have never even gone on a single date. Or had a nice moment to be anywhere near a couple before his phone rings or his dick decides it needs a visit to Diana.”
“It would make sense, though,” Jaimie says. “You have been really hung up on him, and I don’t mean that in a negative way. I mean…well, you two are linked together. If you’re not talking about him, or worrying over him, you’re with him. And although the interactions haven’t been the greatest…that doesn’t mean there isn’t anything there. You can have strong feelings and even possibly love a person without dates or perfect moments. You just have to have affection and emotions for them. Plus, love isn’t always meant to be easy peasy. Otherwise, everyone would experience it without the true passion.”
I take a moment to soak in and evaluate Jaimie’s words. She’s absolutely right. He has been all that I have been able to think about from the first moment I saw him. He has seeped in and latched himself onto my life without me ever realizing. He’s become a part of my world, a citizen of my heart, mind, and everything in between. But it doesn’t change his mind, his abnormal and fast-paced mind. Because of it, I have suffered at least three heartbreaks from him.
And although I have feelings for him, it doesn’t mean I will put up with it every time he thinks he’s unworthy of loving me or doesn’t take his medication, which he isn’t even doing in reality.
“I—” I begin to say but am cut off by my phone ringing. I let out a sigh of relief and sort through the sheets in search for it. When I find it, I hesitantly look at the screen. An unknown number. But the closer I look at it, the more I recognize it. I swipe my finger across the screen and put it up to my ear. “Sam?”
“Hey, Liv,” he says, and I can practically sense his bright smile.
“Hey…how’d you get my phone number?”
“Nothing is hard to get, baby girl,” he says vaguely. I shift in the bed. “I was wondering if you were free tonight.”
Oh…is he asking me out? I’m not so sure I like him that way.
“I’m not doing anything…” I tell him hesitantly. I can’t help but remember Grey’s warning, about how Sam is not a good guy, but is he any better? I don’t know Sam all too well, but he seems decent to me.
“Great, you up for a party tonight? I swear, this is not, like, a date thing, or anything, but I’m a little bit of an outsider considering I’m visiting from out of town, and I’d like a familiar face with me.”
I furrow my brows as I debate whether or not I want to go out tonight. I don’t have much to do, unless I rented a movie and ate Chinese food or pizza with Mason and possibly the girls, but I know I’ll only be able to think of Grey, and I’m already so wrapped up with him. Maybe a night out will cure me?
“Sure, why not?” I smile and listen to him tell me he’s sending me the address and to invite my friends.
“It starts at eleven, but you can come whenever,” he says, and I nod even though he can’t see me.
“Got it. See you then.” I hang up the phone and find both girls staring at me with incredulous expressions. “What?”
Why are they staring at me like this?
“Did you seriously just hook up a date after admitting you love Grey?” Jaimie implores with arched eyebrows.
“It is not a date,” I defend myself. I just need a little time to get him out of my mind. He’s taking up way too much space as it is. “I’m just going to hang out with a potential friend.”
Julia rolls her eyes and scoffs. “Yeah, right. Friend.”
I glare at her and look at Jaimie, letting out a groan. “Will you guys come with me to this party or not?”
“Yes,” Jaimie says. Something is obviously brewing in that little head of hers. I want to know what, but all she says is, “To protect your sweet, little, naïve heart—we will go with you.” Then she looks over my ironed pink silk pajamas and adds, “But we should pick out your outfits from now on. I’ve been seeing less and less khakis, so maybe this won’t take long.”
I roll my eyes but let her pull me toward the closet.
***
Following Jaimie’s navigation system, we arrive at the party, which is more of a bonfire than anything, at 11:45. As we exit her car, I examine where we are. An abandoned dirt lot about thirty minutes away from campus. There are cars parked in a line, away from the good amount of people drinking and laughing scattered across the massive lot. I don’t notice any of the people who attend the crazy fraternity parties and smile. Maybe tonight will be chilled and just what I need to clear my mind after all.
Jaimie excuses herself to one of the port-a-potties, and Julia goes off to find the drug dealer of the party. I roll my eyes at the latter excuse but find myself texting Sam, asking where he is. He texts back saying he’s a few minutes away.
To pass time, I absentmindedly walk around and revel in the warm fire heating the cold, November air. I tilt my head back and look around, watching as others knock back drinks and laugh, some dancing in a little crowd to the deafening music.
I move over to the bonfire itself and admire the high-rise and the exuberant colors of yellow and intense orange. I cross my arms over my chest and rock back and forth on the combat boots Jaimie had me wear. They have a thick little wedge, giving me a good inch. Covering my arms is a leather jacket I swore I would never wear that Julia let me borrow, and a pair of skinny jeans from Jaimie make up the rest of my outfit.
I remind myself that I have to go shopping for new clothes, because I am always wearing theirs when I go out to parties. Plus, I am growing to love jeans more and more. They are much more comfortable than khakis and make my calves look good—sue me. A little voice at the back of my head berates me and reminds me of who I really am, a derivative voice stemmed from my mother’s constant reaffirmations, but I am becoming someone else.
Someone who obsesses over a guy who continuously breaks her heart. Someone who attends parties. Someone who has made out and had sexual relations with that very heartbreaker I to
ld you about. I already disappointed my mother, may as well go all out.
I am rounding the large flames when I spot someone through them. I clam up and feel my world shift a little at the sight of him.
Grey. He’s sitting on one of the logs surrounding the fire.
What is he doing here? There is no way he would come to this party. Not after what he said about Sam. So, how did he know about it? I certainly didn’t tell him, Sam doesn’t have his number. The only other people who knew about this party were Julia and Jai—it was Jaimie. I am going to kill that girl.
I quickly look away from him. Everything the girls said fly around in my head until I find myself looking at him. I should step away and continue waiting for Sam. I should find Julia or Jaimie and avoid him. But I can’t. I can’t even tear my eyes away from him.
Little by little, I find myself peeling back reasons why I should stay away from him and wonder if I can actually give him—us—another chance. The more I think about it, the more I am decided on the idea. Damn him and his being. I can’t help but give him another heart, like we’re in an arcade game. I only pray he doesn’t ruin this last one.
My heart lifts like it’s just been awoken by the sight of him. He looks so beautiful, with the crackling flames brightening his sharp features. His dark hair is pushed back against his forehead, and he has his large hands wringing in his lap, almost like he is nervous. Why would he be nervous? I should—and am—the nervous one here.
I’ve thought about what the girls said to me earlier, and I am willing to give this another try. He did try to protect my heart, in the worst way possible, but the intention was still pure. And I already know how fragile and twisted his mind is, so I should accept his attempt as that—an attempt. I should give us a clean board to start fresh with. However we define us is up to him and me, after I tell him how much I want this to work. For real, this time.
I start to walk over to him, but I stop when I see Diana walking over to him with a Solo cup in hand. Are you actually kidding me? This is just getting ridiculous. I watch as he gives her a barely there smile and brings the cup to his lips.
I turn around before he can see me. Of course, he’s here with her. Why wouldn’t he be? Why wouldn’t he unknowingly crumble any chances of me taking him back? I shouldn’t have even entertained the idea.
I run into a person, who I instantly recognize as Sam. He’s wearing a green t-shirt that clings to his muscular biceps and makes his electric blue eyes pop. Looking down at me with a Solo cup in hand, he flashes me a grin that illuminates through the pitch dark.
“Found you,” he says, holding up his cup. “Drink? It’s the one you liked at the Halloween party. I saw it and instantly thought of you.” His smile and little blush is endearing and inviting, but what Grey warned me about him pops into my brain.
I push that annoying voice of his out of my mind and return the smile and take the cup.
“Thank you, Sam. That was really thoughtful of you.” I stare at the inside of the cup and nervously tap my fingers around it.
“You up for some dancing?” he asks, playfully nudging my shoulder.
I could easily turn around and walk over to Grey, ignoring the hag—girl—next to him and forgive him. She can’t be the one that dictates his and my relationship. Only he and I can. He can easily erase her from his phone and move forward with me. But I find myself questioning if he really can. He does seem more comfortable falling into this pattern of him ending up by her side…maybe they are meant to be. Not him and I…as painful as it is to say.
“I’d love to. Thank you,” I tell him and bring the cup to my lips, letting him take my hand.
BEFORE YOU GO…
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Acknowledgements
I remember when this story was born. I had just finished the After series by Anna Todd. That last book had left me wanting so much more because I felt lost in this world she had created. Sitting in my school’s library during lunch, I thought to myself: I want a series that a reader can get totally lost in and become so invested, it’s almost unhealthy. And so, with the desire to create my own full-fledged series (which I’d never done before), I pulled out an unused spiral notebook and jotted down one random idea after the other. The name Olivia popped into my head like a lightbulb. But I needed a bad-ass boy name…and there came the mysterious, frustrating, (admittedly sexy) Grey—Grey Wyler. And Olivia Westerfield (a last name I maybe stole from a nearby book). These two became my world as I got lost in theirs. Little did I know they would engrave themselves into me.
To my Wattpad readers, who gave this story a chance, this one is for you. None of this would have happened if you hadn’t read, because you guys showed me my work could be loved and legible and had the ability to be read without completely pulling out your hair. When every update took a turn or a jump or a dangerous low, you stuck around and, not just for the next chapter, but for my book babies, Liv and Grey. Or, as we like to call them: Ley. You guys mean the freaking world to me, and I thank you from the bottom of my Ley-infested heart.
To my family, thank you, thank you, thank you. From leaving me alone to write for hours on end in my bedroom, to pestering me to read my stories, you guys believed in my writing. The moment I revealed that I wrote stories, my mom and sister didn’t laugh at me or make fun of me; they had questions and encouragement to have my works published, even though they hadn’t even read a word. You just trusted that whatever I was doing exiled in my room, it was meant for the world. Even though this book will probably have given me a few shocked stares at some certain parts…I thank you for cheering me on.
To Limitless Publishing, thank you for giving me a chance. Funny story, I didn’t think this would ever get published. I was probably watching some TV show I was obsessed with at the time when I was simultaneously browsing your website and got the idea: hey, why not just submit the first book? I thought, if they don’t accept me, that’s fine. I’m just doing this to do it, since I never had before, and this publisher was on my mind for a while, but if they do actually accept me, then it’d be a dream come true. Thank you for reading my way-too-long book and giving me this opportunity. I wouldn’t have this book out in the world without your help, and I will forever appreciate you. Thank you, a million times.
About the Author
Allison White is a writer spending most of her days creating stories when most people are asleep. She has always been a lover of stories, especially romance. From the very first word she typed, she knew writing was her passion and never stopped. And when she isn’t creating stories that tend to break and mend reader’s hearts, she’s either listening to music or getting way too involved with fictional characters.
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Grey: The Encounter (Spectrum Series Book 1) Page 43