I nod my head, feeling every bit a part of a family for the first time since my childhood.
“I had a good Mom, Pami, the best. Lost her way too young. She taught me right from wrong. I haven’t always done right, but I promise you I’ll do right by you and your boys.”
I smile and lean against him as he wraps his arms around me. I am safe and free in his arms. I exhale, and for the first time in years, I think I might just live. I might really have a life with my kids.
Boomer gave me that hope. Boomer is giving me the chance to simply be me. My mom, my kids, and Boomer, we can simply be.
Chapter Eight
~Boomer~
We arranged a call to her mother so she was aware Roundman and the Haywood’s Hellions were coming for them. In all the pain she endured today, there was a peace in her once she knew they would be protected.
Once that was all settled, Doc Kelly checked her out, and although her nose may need to be reset, she will heal from all the damage he inflicted. Mentally and emotionally, she may never truly recover, but physically, she is a survivor.
Since she never actually planned to stay and hadn’t acquired a bunch of junk, we packed up her belongings relatively quickly, and now we are in my home where she just finished her fifth shower and getting ready for bed. I have a feeling she will shower five more times tonight, but I don’t care—whatever makes her keep pushing through.
I grab a pillow from the bed and make my way to the couch. My couch isn’t the best, but it will damn sure beat sleeping on the floor tonight.
I never thought about the size of my house before. However, with Pamela and two kids here where I have only one bedroom and one bathroom, I see construction in my future.
“Boomer,” she whispers.
“Yeah, Pami?” I turn, looking over my shoulder at her.
“I don’t want to sleep alone. I need to know I’m not alone.”
Without hesitating, I make my way over to her. I toss the pillow back in its spot and climb in. I then pull her to me like I have so many times before. She fits against me as if it’s second nature, and for this moment, all is right with the world.
Almost.
I do believe that children who have a mom with as much heart as Pamela should be with her, not away from her. There are kids out there with mothers who don’t care, and they are stuck with them, like it or not. Then you have Pamela’s situation that feels almost helpless.
How is it that the bitches seem to have all the luck, while the good women get held down?
She sighs against me. “I messed up, Boomer. I messed it all up for my kids.”
“No, Pami, you did the best you could for them.”
“Do you believe in angels?”
“I’d like to think that my momma can see the man she raised. I’d like to think she is watching over me.”
“I had a daughter, Boomer.” She pauses, holding back emotions. “Cannon was their little sister. He hit me one too many times in the stomach that night, and I hit my head and blacked out. When I came to, the contractions were too close together. I didn’t make it in time to stop them. I didn’t buy my baby girl enough time.”
I stroke her hair as her pain fills my chest. The loss, the guilt, the sadness, I feel it all. I know the emotions all too well.
“Boomer, no matter what happens, I gave my boys time. I failed their sister, but I bought them time away from him.”
“Quit talking like he’s gonna get you. I’m not gonna let that happen, Pamela. Believe that.”
“You ever wish you could turn back the hands of time? Even though you got something good in the end, you ever wish you could go back?”
I continue to stroke her hair and try not to let the moisture soaking my T-shirt kill me. Although I want to take away her pain, I learned a long time ago that no one can do that. People can come along and ease the ache, but no one can take it away.
I murmur without actually answering. Do I wish I could go back? With every breath I take. I wish I could go back and switch places with my now dead brother-in-arms. He had so much to live for. Me, I had a mom in the grave and no family left to worry for. I had friends, sure, but they could move on. Skid, however, had a wife and a baby on the way.
“My boys are the best thing that ever happened to me. As much as I love them, I love them enough to let them go. If I could turn back time, I never would have been with him. I never would have met Dennis Williams. I know that would mean I wouldn’t have my boys, and the thought of that …” She pauses in an attempt to control her emotions. “It kills me, but Boomer, if I could turn back time, I would because this isn’t the life I ever wanted to give them.”
The nagging question I shouldn’t ask pops out. “Why stay for as long as you did?”
She moves, and I tighten my grip around her. I don’t want her to run. I want to get to the real Pamela, the one who is vulnerable, the one who is beautiful, the one who is the strongest woman I have ever known.
“I was young, dumb, and once upon a time, I was in love, or so I thought.”
“You don’t believe anymore?” I ask after hearing her defeated tone.
“I believe people aren’t always who you think they are. I believe that the sum of one plus one isn’t always two.”
“What does that mean?”
“Boomer, if you meet someone and have a connection, you build on that connection, right?”
I nod my head but don’t speak.
“You let your walls down, but you also dream. You allow yourself to dream of a future. Then, somewhere along the way, the fantasy is nowhere near the reality. The person you thought you knew is long gone, and in their place is a stranger and, in some instances, a monster.
“One plus one in my marriage didn’t make two. Everything was his way, his time, and his terms. There was no part of me allowed to be free. Instead of coming together to multiply, he divided. He divided me into tiny, little pieces of myself that I don’t think will ever be whole again.”
“Take back the power, Pami. Take back your life,” I whisper, feeling her loss.
“He’s never gonna let me live with my boys without him. How can I take back anything when my entire body reminds me of him? He marked me from the inside out. Every day, I wake up and fight the pull to style my hair the way he liked it. I dress purposely, showing off my body, because he would want me covered.”
“The tattoo?”
“Imagine having a scar you have to feel every time you go to the bathroom—a constant reminder of him, a constant reminder that, if I didn’t give him what he wanted, when he wanted it, I would pay … painfully. I tried to cover it up. I tried to turn something bad into something beautiful.”
I kiss the top of her forehead. “Most beautiful pussy I’ve ever seen. Most passionate pussy I’ve ever had. More than that, it’s part of the strongest woman I’ve ever known. We’ll get through this.”
And we will. If it’s the only thing I get right in this life, I’m going to give Pami the opportunity to live her life free of him.
~Pamela~
Boomer lets me cry on his chest while stroking my hair and giving me the security that nothing can get to me right now. I have this moment. I have this time to get it all out. Oh, how I wish I could believe him. Oh, how I wish I could live in the bubble of Boomer’s safety. I know Dennis, though. He will keep on until he kills me while trying to get me to talk. I won’t, though.
Wesson and Colt are the only things I have gotten right in this world. I may have messed them up, but they are the good in me. I won’t give up on making sure they are free from the monster.
I will die before he gets to my boys again. I have made peace with my mistakes—him being the biggest one I ever made. If sacrificing my life for my boys to be away from him is what it takes, I will gladly pull the trigger myself.
My body aches from Dennis, and my heart hurts, but my mind is suddenly focused.
It’s going to be me or him, no way around it.
I have
never been the violent type. Growing up, I was Suzy fucking sunshine … until Dennis. He took all my joy away until he gave me my kids. Then he took her away, my baby Cannon. All this time, year after year, I have allowed myself to be beaten and broken at his hands.
No more.
They say anger is a healthy part of the grieving process.
I don’t feel anger. No, I feel fury.
I am furious for the joy he stole. I am furious for the years he’s taken from me. I am furious for the childhood innocence my children never experienced. Allowing your children to be free to be kids is the gift we give them; only, Dennis didn’t do that. No, he ripped that away the first time he hit me in front of them.
He made my children feel helpless. He made me feel weak.
Well, helpless, I am not, and weak, I am no more!
Dennis Williams has touched me for the last time. He will not get a chance again. I will kill him myself before he finds my boys or gets his fingers on my body.
I dry my tears and settle against Boomer. What a mess I have brought him into. I need to get away from him, too.
I won’t ruin anyone else’s life with my problems. I appreciate the Haywood’s Hellions helping my mom and boys. It’s not their problem, though. I can’t expect a club to take in my family as their own.
Who am I? Nothing but a whore who made her place on her back. Once I stop, will they put my mom and kids out? Did I make my mess even bigger now? What will happen to my mom and kids if I disappear to regroup until Dennis finds me again?
On one hand, I want to face him and put a bullet in him. Of course, that means jail. Mom would be free with my kids, though. On the other hand, I had this much time with the boys safe, and I could do it again. I will move west, and he will follow me. The more distance between my kids and me, the better they are, even if it breaks my heart into a million pieces.
“You’re a million miles away,” Boomer whispers, reminding me he is still awake.
“Trying to sleep,” I reply on a sigh.
“Trying to make a plan.”
How does he know?
“Been a long day, Boomer,” I reply honestly.
“Yeah, and a woman like you who loves her kids with every breath isn’t allowing herself to face what happened today; instead, she’s thinking ahead for her kids.”
I say nothing. What can I say? He’s right.
“I’ve been through this with Shooter and Tessie, remember? Tessie would have lost her shit if she didn’t have Axel to keep her going. You let Wesson and Colt be your reason to keep going, honey. They need their momma.”
“Do they really?” I don’t see how they do when I make a mess of everything.
“As a grown-ass man who misses his momma, yes, honey, they do.”
“Boomer …” I start, sitting up to look him in the eyes.
“Yeah, honey?”
“How are you so confident, so sure of yourself? More than that, how are you even remotely okay with me and all my baggage?”
He smiles, and I want nothing more than to feel his beard against my face.
“I’ve seen a lot of shit, Pami, shit I wish I hadn’t. I’ve done a lot of shit, a lot I wish I hadn’t. I’ve felt loss that cuts so deeply the wound will never heal. The only good I’ve ever had outside of when my momma was alive has been with you.”
“It’s sex, Boomer.”
His eyes never leave mine. “Keep tellin’ yourself that, but it’s always been more with us, and you know it. The minute you quit lying to yourself about everything is the minute you can finally start sorting your life for real. No running, no hiding, but really facing and fixing it. You gotta get real with yourself and everyone around you.”
“I am real with myself. I’m a barfly. My job—” He cuts me off.
“You get paid to fuck me? You get paid to suck my dick so hard I see stars? Last I checked, Pami, you get paid to clean houses and a few offices.”
“Boomer, you know I don’t get paid, but I get a place. There have been more than just you …” I pause, not wanting to hurt his feelings.
“I’m very aware there have been more than me, but I happen to know you give me more than them. Again, be real with yourself. You know what we have is more. It may not be roses and sunshine, and it damn sure isn’t conventional, but it’s something.”
“I can’t—”
“Or won’t?”
Okay, mister, I will get real with myself.
“I won’t!” When I start to push off him, his hand on my back remains firm, though it doesn’t push me into him. If I want to get away from him, he’s not going to stop me. He’s simply reminding me he’s here.
“Pami, you’re going through hell. I don’t expect you to commit and fall in love. I just want you to know I’m with you. Ride it out together. Whatever the future holds, we’ll face it together. See the word ‘together,’ it means not alone. When I came to the Hellions, I was no longer riding alone. When you came to the Hellions, even as a barfly, you weren’t alone anymore.”
“It’s not that simple,” I argue.
“Sure it is. Make the choice to let it be. Let me help you and your boys. Whatever happens, we deal with it together.”
Can it be this easy? Can I let Boomer and the Hellions take on my mess? I did this to myself and my kids, so why would they be willing to go to bat for trash like me?
Boomer watches me closely, and I drop my head back onto his chest to avoid his knowing stare.
“Don’t over-think it all. Just give me and the club a chance to help you, to show you it’s going to be okay, and to protect you.”
“What—”
“What nothing. Ride with me. Ride it out with my club. Simple enough. When the dust settles, we’ll figure out the future together. Don’t complicate everything; just be with me.” He kisses the top of my head, his beard tickling my forehead.
The simple touch eases my anxiety. He is a like a balm to my sensitive skin. He is a salve to my wounds, slowly healing little parts of me at a time.
Can it be this simple? Ride with Boomer and let the club help me get my family safe? Can I have the hope to have a life with my kids again?
Chapter Nine
~Boomer~
I should have known there would be no sleep tonight. After hours of sharing and finally exhaustion winning, Pami is sound asleep on me.
Never one to sleep heavily without medication after all my years in the service, I am alert when I hear the breaking glass of my back door. I slide my hand between my mattresses to get my Glock.
“Pami,” I whisper and nudge her awake.
She sleepily pushes off me.
“Crawl to the closet, baby, and stay put. No matter what you hear, you stay in the closet.”
The problem with a one bedroom cabin is there isn’t a whole lot of space to not only hide someone, but to get them secure before an intruder makes their way to you.
I hear the door open, and Pami freezes over me.
“Pami, move slowly and crawl under the bed.”
She stills, and I nudge her into action. Once she is off me and moving to the side of the bed, I get up and move to the doorway.
Standing in the dark against the wall, I control my breathing and watch for the shadow to make its way into the room. Except, the cocky son of a bitch stops right outside the doorway.
“Pamela, I’m coming for you.”
At his voice, Pamela jumps up from the side of the bed where she was secure. Her eyes go wide as he enters the space with a gun pointed right at her.
You’ve got to be fucking kidding me! I want to roar, but I have to remain in control.
His hand is steady, his arm firm, aiming the gun right at the chest of the mother of his children.
“Where are my boys, bitch?”
“Where you’ll never get to them,” Pami states firmly, almost goading him.
I wait for the jackass to look around to see me. I wait for him to try to turn on the light. He certainly can’t be stupid
enough to think she’s here alone.
I keep my breathing even and remain silent and still. The last thing I want to do is spook him and have Pami end up with a bullet wound … or worse.
“Your friend”—he pauses as if thinking—“what’s her name? Oh, yeah, your friend Keri was helpful in locating you.”
This has my attention.
“I don’t have a friend named Keri,” Pami says boldly. She doesn’t move, yet she isn’t backing down. “Stop the games, Dennis. If you wanna shoot me, do it. I’m not telling you where the boys are. I’ll die first.”
He laughs menacingly. “You’ll die when I’m ready for you to die. Never could understand, could you, Pamela? You are mine to do with as I please. I marked you.”
“You scarred me,” she fires back.
“Yep, and those marks are how I found you. A craigslist add for a special dotted pussy was quickly answered with ‘I have a friend with a tattooed pussy.’ ” He laughs harshly. “A little money incentive, a sob story of a husband with a wife who ran off after going through the loss of a child, and I had your whereabouts and a new friend. I think it’s sweet you prettied up my design. A butterfly, though … I didn’t peg you as the delicate kind.”
“You don’t know a damn thing about me.”
“I know you’re gonna tell me where my boys are,” he commands.
“I’ll die first.”
At his twitch, I react, moving quickly out of the shadows. Once at his side, I hold my gun to his temple.
“I’ve killed people for no reason except to follow an order before, so killing you will be nothing on the list of reasons I’m going to Hell.”
He moves, and Pamela drops to the floor just as the gun goes off.
I pull the trigger without hesitation.
Pamela screams yet remains on the floor on the other side of the bed.
His blood splatters all over my wall along with brain matter as his body drops and his gun slips from his grasp.
I wipe my face and blink. Blank. Void. Black. I have to numb myself to the situation. I took another life.
Simple Ride (Hellions Ride Book 6) Page 6