Kate’s words are “an intimate look at the heart of a mother.”
July 2006
Kate wrote that she was less than patient with her kids today. She gets so tired that her fuse is almost non existent according to her. She knows that it’s not fair to her children to have an impatient mother and she is aware of what she is doing when she is doing it. She wishes that she could stop and become patient.
July 2006
In detailing a trip, Kate writes that they had a great time. She said that the kids, with the exception of one of the twins who received a spanking when they got home for her behavior, were all well behaved and had fun!
July 2006
Kate said that little Alexis got injured and Collin brought her a drink without being asked to. She thought it was nice of him and she praised him because according to her he gets more negative attention than positive. She said he is so naughty and she really doesn’t know how to handle him!!!!! She says that she needs to show him more love!!!!!
July 2006
Kate is sad because one of the twins commented to Jon and her separately about why Kate doesn’t play with them. She made a sad face in her journal.
July 2006
A memorable Sunday in the Gosselin house today according Kate. They didn’t go to church of course but they cleaned the house and she and Jon didn’t argue at all!!!!!
July 2006
The family went shopping at Target and got the usual stares. Most of the kids were very good except for one of the twins who was grouchy so she received a few spankings with something Kate calls ‘the spanker’ that has been added to the family van’s emergency supply stash!!!! The spanked girl eventually happied up according to Kate.
July 2006
Kate used many exclamation points when discussing getting a glass of wine with dinner!!!!!
(Tummy tuck operation at Dr. Glassman’s in New York)
August 2006
Kate and Jon stayed at hotel. She said the hotel is okay but seems very busy and the staff is not very nice. She can’t complain though because they don’t have to foot the bill. This is just another gracious gift from the Lord!
August 2006
Kate was grouchy because she didn’t have breakfast or coffee. Nothing was written about her receiving a spanking though.
Kate realized that she and Jon rarely ever kiss because Jen the producer was excited about them filming their first on camera kiss like it was a milestone.
August 2006
Kate writes about the twins going off to kindergarten and that she’ll feel sad and lonely and she is upset that this is a control issue that she can’t control. She’s excited to have her afternoons to herself now that the girls will be gone. She talks about how the kids love Jon and how much Jon loves his kids. More praying to God about asking for things and receiving them. “You have not because you ask not.”
September 2006
Kate admits that she was a horrible mommy today and that she failed all the way. She was absolutely awful to Collin because apparently he was awful to her. She says that he does things just to irritate her. He’s only two years old and Kate is beside herself because she can’t ‘control’ him. She told him to sit in the corner a million times and he disregarded her. She admits to being to rough with him in front of the girls. She says she feels guilty for treating him like that and will try to be a better mommy tomorrow.
She says she can’t explain it but she needs to pray for her relationship with Collin. She does love him but she doesn’t understand him. She can’t understand or explain his frustration and she doesn’t know what he wants. He just starts shrieking and she ignores him a lot. She admits that Collin is a sweet, cute and smart boy but she just doesn’t understand him! She prays to the Lord for her to be able to understand him and to feel only love for him. She asks the Lord to help her to be slow to wrath with him. She also prays for help to be able to take time to play with her children.
September 2006
Kate talks about her bliss-less childhood and adult life and how much she loved her grandparents.
September 11, 2006
Kate takes time out of her busy schedule on the five year anniversary of 9/11 to remember “the Sept 11 bombings or whatever.”
September 2006
(The first day of school was really two weeks before.)
Kate discusses the fake filming of the twins first day of school which was actually two weeks prior. She also is frustrated that the twins are too smart for the class that they’re in right now.
September 2006
God is comforting Kate throughout the grocery store when she shops, telling Kate to buy what she needs in the quantities that she needs. He’ll take care of everything. This makes Kate feel at peace so that’s good for the kids.
September 2006
Kate writes about getting another free dinner from their best friends the Carsons and that she doesn’t want to steal their joy so she lets them pay.
September 2006
Uh oh. Another official horrible mother day for Kate. She yelled at the kids all day and said things to them that she regrets. She thinks the kids think that she’s a terrible witch and she feels like she is as well. Once again, she’ll try to be better tomorrow because she realizes that her children are a gift to her. She asks the Lord again to be a patient and loving mother and not to be so mean and a yelling, crazy mother. She asks the Lord to remind her when she gets out of line.
September 2006
This was a strange entry in the journal. Kate went from being sad and emotional because she didn’t visit her grandma in the last few days of her life, to getting the phone call from Jon that she had passed away, to wanting to skip going to a parade with the kids and instead going shopping for and getting some ‘retail therapy’ by buying some new jeans and pants at Old Navy. She goes on talk about how skinny she looks in them and how Jon panted at the sight of her.
October 2006
Kate and Jon and the twins were in NYC heading to the American Girls store when they were inconvenienced by a Hispanic parade near the store. Then a big black bodyguard told them they would have to wait in line like everyone else in the store. He shares the joy of being waved in front of all the other families to the front of the line so they could be seated first. She wished that she could see the look on the black man’s face.
October 2006
Another very ugly day today. Kate screamed at Jon in the hallway at church and a lady was shocked at her behavior. The pastor gave a good message about marriages and Kate realized that she cannot talk ugly to Jon and that she must love him. It was a really good message!
Went to Target after church and yelled at the kids for spilling their popcorn and drinks.
Got home to a wreck of a house that Kate had to clean up and things spiraled quickly into a big ugly argument (Just a few hours after the good message about not talking ugly to your spouse). Kate feels like she and Jon are the worst parents in the whole world and their kids will grow up scarred about what they have heard them say in front of them when they fight. Kate asks the Lord to deliver her from herself and Jon from himself. Kate actually asks the Lord to help her to keep her mouth shut when she’s tired and irritable.
October 2006
Another two-year-old rough day! Before the official start of nap the kids stripped again and got spankings. Then the kids acted like two-year-olds do and Kate got out of control with Collin again but luckily she sent him to his room until Kate could settle. Kate hates this two-year-old stuff!
October 2006
Kate worked a double shift and can feel God urging her to quit and live fully on faith instead of down and living on less. She prays to the Lord to be able to let go and let Him handle her finances totally.
November 2006
Today is going to be the worst day of Kate’s life. Teacher conferences in the morning and Mrs. Dolan just blew smoke up Kate’s butt about the twins. Kate said “No duh!” to herself when she was told how wel
l the girls are doing in school.
Kate also got mad at the builders because they left dust even after Kate showed them exactly how she wanted it to be cleaned up as they were working.
November 2006
Kate snapped at the pastor at a church tonight because he made the mistake of asking her if her babies were natural. This is a question that Kate HATES. Kate responded that she had a good answer for him. She told him that it was written in God’s history book so yes, they are natural.
November 2006
God has been urging and urging Kate to quit her job and she finally said yes. She is sure that she will be amazed at how God provides for them now that she won’t be earning a paycheck.
Kate says that she has been hard on Joel the last few days because he (a two-year-old) says no too often. She says that she must work that out of him.
November 2006
Some big wigs from Discovery Health were coming to visit Kate at home today. A Wendy Douglas, who was an executive producer from Discovery and a Reenie Kuhlman. Kate got showered and the house was in order and she had eaten lunch before they arrived. She was proud that she was actually under control when they got there. The visit went well. They told Kate that Discovery people were obsessed with her and the family, especially someone named Eileen. Kate said, whatever!
Kate expresses her disgust that friends are starting to come out of the wood work to visit. She says that people are making her want to move to an island!
December 2006
Money fell from the sky and the house was filled with a sea of Christmas presents for the kids. Kate listed the amount of money each of her friends gave her.
January 2007
Kids are sick and Kate is having a difficult time getting an appointment with the ‘obnoxious pediatrician.’ Kate writes that she knows what she’s talking about and the pediatrician office is driving her nuts! Kate says she can’t stand this area’s lack of intelligence and calls the local pediatrician a retarded practice.
Kate wants to mention in her journal yet another stress melt down today.
The kids were outside playing and Collin poured some beans on the floor and was sent inside. He didn’t like that so he knocked down some highchairs in the kitchen and that set Kate off.
Kate said that she was instantly so SO angry that she grabbed him and spanked him as hard as she could and thought that she may seriously injure him so she sent him to his crib and whipped him into it very hard! Kate Gosselin said that for the first time she thought she might really lose it and she was glad that she left him in his crib until Jon came home from work. Kate wrote today was the day that she felt like she may really seriously injure a child!
Kate goes on to pontificate about Collin saying she doesn’t understand him. She says he’s usually kind and caring and tender and nice until his (two-year-old) temper flairs. Kate says she doesn’t like that little Collin doesn’t know how to handle his frustration and anger, but apparently beating him and screaming at him is her way of trying to calm him down and make him understand. Kate then laments that she didn’t even get the chance to have Collin apologize to her because she had other things to do.
Kate feels like a horrible mom after this day. She feels like a mean awful mommy and asks the Lord to make her kind and loving and patient and caring. The Lord should also help the Gosselin kids to know that everything Kate does is for them.
January 2007
Another bad day at the Gosselin house. Kate discusses all of the infractions that the children committed and her meltdown that went along with it all while the film crew was documenting everything. Kate gave the toddlers a lecture, on and on in her words about the importance of staying in their cribs and how happy it would make her and how she would hug and kiss them if they stayed in. Kate has learned that spanking toddlers in diapers for climbing out of their cribs doesn’t work so now she makes the offenders stay in their cribs for at least a half an hour while everyone else goes down stairs. That makes the kids in cribs quiet upset according to Kate.
January 2007
Kate thinks using pull ups is a bad parenting method but she gave in to avoid the stream of pee she would have to deal with while potty training. Her stress level has decreased since using pull ups! Kate’s reward system for successful potty use is one mini M&M for pee and two mini M&Ms for a poop.
Leah fell out of her crib since the side has been removed for them to get out and go pee and because of that, Kate announced the start of another horrible day.
January 2007
Kate thought that she might seriously lose her mind after the week she’s had.
She’s praying that God works out a scholarship for the girls to attend a new school.
February 2007
Kate got a phone call from the twin’s school and she knew something was wrong. One of the girls had a bloody nose and was hysterical and incoherent and the teacher said she wanted to come home immediately. Kate told her that she would come to get her asap. After Kate hung up the phone she ran to the mirror and scared herself and she discovered that a shower was in order before she could go to her hysterical child at school.
That same day of great mothering found little Leah telling Kate that her belly hurt. Kate said she only half listened to Leah’s cries because she was concentrating on her dinner. Kate finally turned around to see her young daughter lying on the floor in front of the kitchen sink vomiting continuously and profusely!!!!!! Amazingly, Kate stayed calm and sent children for a towel, a new outfit and a bucket.
March 2007
Kate apparently spoke freely during an interview for Chicken Soup for the Soul magazine and was labeled a ‘radical’ by her television network. She said they were listening in to the interview and got a call afterwards where they treated her like a high school kid receiving a detention! She didn’t appreciate any of their message and now knows that she can’t say any ‘hot button’ words and can only say approved phrases and words governed by others. Kate is exhausted by this ugly turnout.
When Kate came upstairs to reprimand the little kids for not being in their beds and lying down, poor little Leah told Kate that big girls don’t want a spanking so Kate lovingly told her to lay down and she won’t get a spanking.
April 2007
Great day today in Gosselin Land. The first episode of JK+8 aired to great ratings and the twins got almost a full scholarship to attend first grade at their new private school.
Discipline is the Gosselin children’s normal. They get their daily spankings and apparently they love it. Kate went from describing an adorable moment with little Aaden in one sentence right into describing her disciplining him at night before bed. While she was ‘disciplining’ him she included “and I love you” and she said he looked up at her immediately and said “I love you too.” Kate said that totally melted her, hearing his little small voice saying I love you as she’s beating him.
May 2007
Kate said that the kids were actually naughtier than normal. Two-year-olds Collin and Aaden continue to try Kate’s patience. She thinks they might actually set out to do exactly what she asks them not to do. She is sooo frustrated and she knows that she’s not as patient as she should be. She goes on to say that not only is she not patient with the boys, she is plain rough with them in response to their constant disobedience!!!
May 2007
Today, Kate thinks she may have crossed the line with the little kids. Alexis and Joel trashed their room twice according to Kate and she spanked them both times plus they were made to stay in their beds for a long time. Once she finally allowed them to come downstairs, they got right into the M&Ms for potty training with Collin and that’s when Kate REALLY lost it and pulled Collin up by the hair and spanked them all so hard!!! Kate says she loves them but she was so very angry with them for eating mini M&Ms that were obviously left out where toddlers can get their little fingers on them.
Kate says that she put them back into their beds for their own safety. Kate saw her fathe
r in herself today and she says that really scares her. She is once again begging the Lord to help her to become a slow to anger mommy. She asks the Lord to please somehow stop her from hurting her children. Help them Lord to obey me Kate asks the Lord. Help them to not get into trouble!!!!! Kate ends her thought by saying Please Lord, amen!!!!
June 2007
Kate writes how she heard gleeful laughing and giggling in the laundry room but she was exhausted which she adds is not a good thing. Kate discovered to Aaden and Alexis splashing and playing in a bucket of oxiclean water, which some irresponsible parent must have left on the floor with the door open. The babies splashed water all over the floor and Aaden had it in his hair and on his face. She added that the oxiclean water was STRONG!!!! So Kate lost it. She wrote that she absolutely melted down!!!! While she was cleaning the floor she called Jon thankfully to tell him ALL of the news. She said she was crying so hard he couldn’t understand. She told Jon that she felt like she may hurt his children because of this. Thankfully, Kate says that she knows to send them to their beds when they act like toddlers and are naughty. Once they are out of Kate’s sight, she knows that they are safe from her. So now Kate is cleaning the water from the floor and sobbing and she decided to lie down on the wet towels and continue to cry. She describes the scene saying that she was sobbing for some to please help her…won’t someone please come and help her, when she says she heard a little voice say mommy I will help you. Leah had been standing there and witnessed the whole meltdown and she and Hannah offered to help.
KATE GOSSELIN: HOW SHE FOOLED THE WORLD - THE RISE AND FALL OF A REALITY TV QUEEN Page 23