“Shut up. Go away. Don’t bother me!”
If you were to go through every episode of Jon & Kate Plus Ei8ht, you could fill several pages with statements just like those that Kate has made to her children.
The scariest part about this is that she spoke to them like that while television cameras were filming. Most people being filmed would be acutely aware of their actions and would hold back from doing anything ugly and mean. They would put their best face forward for the world to see. If what Kate showed us is her best face, just imagine what life is like for the Gosselin children inside of that house with no cameras rolling.
At the time of their divorce, when Kate was splitting time at the house with Jon, she would always leave a list for Jon of things she wanted him to take care of at home when he had the kids. These were things that she was just too “busy” to do. Like doctor’s appointments, clothes shopping, filling the gas tank on the big blue bus, etc. Kate always left a list for Jon.
I remember when little Lexi had been sick and complained about it to Kate for four days, but Kate put off helping her until Jon had custody. She left him a note telling him to take her to the doctor. It turned out that Lexi had strep and had been suffering with an infected throat and a fever for days. But Kate felt it could wait a few more days until Jon had custody. Caring for her sick child just wasn’t a priority for her. During those days, I followed Kate as she went to the tanning salon numerous times, got her nails done, and made countless trips to the Target shopping center, all without any children along to bother her. It was all about Kate - all day, every day. She had time for herself, but not for her sick child.
Kate’s indifference to the needs of her children is astonishing. A perfect example of this was highlighted by something I learned secondhand and from reading Kate’s journal and emails. Several years ago, when Jon and Kate were out to dinner doing a magazine interview, they received a call from their manager, who was back at their house watching the kids. One of the little girls had accidentally slammed one of the boy’s fingers in the bathroom door and nearly cut the end of his finger off. He was left with a fracture that required stitches. Such news would have sent most parents flying out of the restaurant and home to care for their child, but not Kate. She told Jon to go and handle it while she stayed at dinner to continue the interview. This is the type of scenario that plays out with Kate Gosselin every day, like clockwork.
Instead of being at home with her kids, Kate always manages to fill her day running errands by herself while the kids stay behind with a babysitter or nanny. If she truly enjoyed spending time with her children, and it was important to her, wouldn’t it be better to have her paid assistants do the menial tasks and errands so she could spend time mothering her kids?
If not for a reality television show, how was Kate planning to support her large family, back in the very beginning, when she decided to undergo fertility treatments in the first place?
“All faith was in God to deliver?”
Did God want Kate to treat the kids this way?
To leave them with strangers?
To beat them?
To emotionally and physically abuse them?
If not for television, how was she going to support her family?
CLEAR AS MUD
Children need structure and consistency to help them learn appropriate behavior and to develop self-confidence. Kate does many, many things to confuse and frustrate her children, and then she wonders why they might not be perfect like she wants them to be. She’s inconsistent on a daily basis in how she teaches and disciplines them, and they act accordingly.
While doing research for this book, I watched Kate with the kids, over many months. I also bought and watched every episode of Jon & Kate Plus Ei8ht. As a loving parent, it was painful to sit through the shows. There are many examples of Kate sending contradictory and conflicting messages to her children. For instance, what kind of mother would say this to her 4-year-old children when showing them their new house for the first time?
“Do you see this room? Honestly, you will never open this door and come in here again. No one will be found in here. If you do, severe punishment! Mommy and daddy need their privacy and we haven’t had any for a good four years now. Excuse me! I’m talking! Come in here! Now Jon, you can help by standing in here instead of wandering. Let’s have you talk. Speak!!
“Excuse me, severe punishment if you come in here. We need privacy. You may knock on our door. You will never open our door and walk in. That’s rude. Understand?”
Never mind that the only reason Kate was able to move into her giant house was because her beautiful children worked to put her there. That fact always seems to escape Kate’s notice. She thinks it’s all about her.
So now, on what was supposed to be an incredibly happy day, when Kate was showing her children their new $1.3 million dollar home in the country, she turned it into an opportunity to threaten them about something that could have and should have been handled in a much less stressful way.
If you had the stomach for it, you could go through each episode, one at a time, and document Kate’s words and actions, identifying the behavior she exhibited that might have led to her children’s own behavioral problems, and that certainly led to marriage problems between Kate and Jon.
Kate has no emotional connection with any of her children. It is obvious from viewing her interactions with them that there was never any bonding between Kate and her kids. She always had Jon and many other people bathing them, feeding them, and doing everything for them, while she made lists and barked orders and sat back and watched.
Even to this day, Kate treats her children not as individuals, but as groups. It is the “twins” and the “little kids” or the “littles.” They must dress alike and do everything together. There is absolutely zero individuality promoted by Kate.
The “little kids” all wake up at different times, but are forced to stay in their rooms until they are all awake before they can come downstairs. They’re told to put a DVD in the player and entertain themselves, sometimes for several hours until they are all up, dressed and ready to come downstairs. I’ve known about this for several years, but recently Kate was silly enough to reveal this fact to the world during a local radio interview on Berks County’s Y102.
During the “Day In The Life” episode of Season 3, poor little Aaden was sick and trying to throw up. This should have been a private moment for any person. Kate should have closed the door and taken care of and comforted her son with no one watching or filming. Instead, she held the throw-up bucket for him and allowed the camera to get right in his face with the sound boom mic hanging just overhead. As a parent watching that, it was embarrassing and disgusting. Kate thought it would make great TV.
Kate talks about being “consistent” with the children regarding discipline, but she doesn’t practice what she preaches. In that same “Day In The Life” episode, Kate throws a dirty diaper at Jen Stocks, who was the show’s writer/director/producer at the time, right in front of the kids. Kate and Jen both laugh about it and have a great time. The kids see this behavior from Kate, so they would obviously conclude that it is OK to disrespect someone like that. How is a child supposed to understand what they can and cannot do when they get spanked or put in time out for small infractions like talking when they’re not supposed to, but they see their mother laughing about throwing a diaper filled with pee and poop at another person?
“THE SEXTUPLETS TURN 4”
For the sextuplet’s third birthday, Kate and TLC threw them an elaborate, carnival-themed party in the front and back yards of their house, complete with clowns, pony rides, games, cotton candy, and friends and family. But one year later, according to Kate, “They didn’t want a repeat of the fun-filled day, opting instead to do something small.”
Offering my opinion as just an objective parent, that alone sounds far-fetched. Offering my opinion as someone who knows the Gosselin kids personally as I do, it is completely untrue.
I can j
ust imagine how that discussion would play out at my house, with my kids being the same age as the sextuplets:
Me: “Kids, would you rather have a carnival in the back yard, with all your friends and games and pony rides and popcorn and cotton candy, or would you rather have a small family day?”
Kids: “What, are you kidding me? CARNIVAL!! CARNIVAL!!!”
During the show, Kate’s exact words were, “They wanted a family day. They did not want a carnival again. Much to my dismay…”
Right at that moment, one of the little girls, hearing Kate’s obvious crapola, says “Mommyyyyyy!” and Kate says, “We’ll do a carnival next year, right?”
Well, the next year came and went and there was no carnival. Big surprise.
Kate went on to say, “So the little kids recently turned four, and, um, as opposed to a big party this year, we decided to decorate cupcakes at a bakery.”
“We actually did something small this year because they requested it. I was going to redo a carnival, but they said they just wanted a family day.”
Even though two separate people close to Kate told me that Kate absolutely did not want to go through the “hassle” of repeating the carnival-themed party, for the sake of argument, let’s take her at her word on this one. Surely this would be a great family day if it were going to replace a carnival with pony rides and clowns for 4-year-olds.
In the kitchen during the episode, Kate says to Leah, “Yeah, they know they’re going to decorate a cupcake, don’t you Leah?”
Leah nods yes.
“And then what do you do after you decorate it?” Kate asks.
“Eeeeaaat it!” Leah responds happily.
“That’s right!” adds Kate.
So after a battle to get the kids dressed and out the door, off they go to a bakery, with the sextuplets filled with excitement at what was going to be a day better than last year’s backyard carnival.
Once at the bakery, one of the workers explains to Kate what fun they will be having with the kids, and asks, “Is that OK?”
Kate responds, “Yeah, just so it doesn’t get messy.”
Uh, oh.
On the interview couch, Kate says, “We’ll I’m always concerned about the mess.”
And Jon says, “And I was just kind of, let them have fun, here’s your bibs.”
To which Kate says, “I know but they were in church clothes which I didn’t feel like changing them either. That would be a hassle.”
Heaven forbid Kate should be hassled by having to change her children’s clothes so they could enjoy their birthday.
Meanwhile, back at the bakery, Kate tells Collin, in her nurturing passive-aggressive way, “I love your dirty nails Collin. It’s such a nice feature. Remind me not to eat anything you bake.”
Then the bakery woman explains to Kate, “I was gonna do one for them to eat here and one to take home, or do you wanna just do one each?”
Kate quickly says, “Uh, let’s just take one home.”
Remember, this day was replacing clowns, cotton candy and pony rides.
Jon says, “It’s better to change them and let them have fun then sit there and monitor every single thing they’re doing.”
While Kate is yelling, “Don’t touch! Don’t touch. We’re not eating them here. We’re not eating them here!”
Jon says, “Kate!”
Kate says, “No, not in these dresses, sorry!”
Back on the interview couch, Kate says, “I didn’t want to let them eat them there because they would be messy, and it was getting closer to dinner time so I wanted to use that as their dessert.”
Jon says, “Didn’t Cara and Mady eat theirs?”
And Kate says, “Yeah, I let them eat theirs.”
Voiceover: “So we were gonna go home and eat dinner and eat our cupcakes for dessert.”
Kate says, “But this day was no different than any other day. You had to eat your dinner to get your dessert.”
Except that this day was different from any other day. It was the celebration of the sextuplets’ 4th birthday. It was their special day. The episode was called, “Sextuplets Turn 4,” not, “This day was no different than any other day.”
Back home in the kitchen, Kate says, “Dinner, dessert, bath and bed. I was thinking on the way home, it’s a lot of hours ’til bedtime. I’m exhausted. I must be getting old.”
“I’m gonna make dinner. Then after dinner they can eat their special surprises.”
Now comes the trouble. Some of the little kids didn’t eat their dinner according to Kate’s standards. And we see Hannah in front of a full plate of food asking, “Do I get my cupcake?”
On the interview couch, Kate says of Hannah, “She made a good dent. Again, they don’t have to clean their plates to get their dessert, but she did make a good dent, whereas the boys weren’t even into trying.”
“Collin didn’t try. Aaden barely tried. And Joel certainly didn’t try,” says Kate.
The boys are all crying at this point.
Kate says, “Dessert is a treat. Not a mandatory course.”
Poor little Aaden looks up and says, “I don’t get my cupcake??!” And starts wailing and sobbing.
Collin is crying and saying, “I want my cuuupcaaaake!”
Kate says, “We’ll save it for tomorrow night and then you can eat it tomorrow night for dessert.”
Back on the couch, the producer, trying to egg Kate on, says, “The boys were really sad that they didn’t get their cupcake.”
To which Jon says, “But guess what? They had no clue the next day.”
Kate takes his cue and jumps in, happily chirping, “They didn’t even ask for them. They never even missed them.”
Meanwhile, back at the table, Kate lets the girls eat their cupcakes in front of the boys as they watch, and cry.
Happy 4th birthday, kids.
WATER-GATE
In early 2009, Kate and the kids were waiting to tape an interview for Access Hollywood, and the kids, especially Mady, were thirsty.
“I want a drink. I haven’t had a drink all day,” Mady complained, placing her hand on her head. Kate ignored her, and Mady said, “I’m going to get dehydrated!”
Kate then announced, “Yes, me too,” and asked if someone could throw her a bottle of water.
Kate was given the bottle of water, unscrewed the cap, and took a sip. She then put the bottle down on the floor next to her chair without offering any to a clearly distressed Mady.
Mady pleaded, “I need a drink now.” Kate told her to “Be quiet.” Mady then said, “You’re really, really mean! You drank it right in front of my face.”
Good call, Mady.
But as is always the case, Kate alters reality to paint herself as a caring, nurturing mom who always puts the needs of her children first. During an interview on Jon & Kate plus Ei8ht, Kate proudly tells the viewing audience:
“I think that Jon does well, he listens, especially to Cara and Mady, He’s a good listener and he hears them out and hears their stories and he sees all the little things that are important to them, um, and I sometimes probably overlook those things.”
Kate then says this to and about Jon: “I think you have trouble hearing past their whining. That so bothers him. He just says, Oh, just go away, and all somebody was saying was, Daddy, I want a drink (in a child’s voice), and I always say, honey, are you listening to her, do you hear what she asked for? That I think I usually am pretty good about, is hearing them, not the long drawn out heart to heart conversations, Jon tends to have with Cara and Mady, but the little kids, like the immediate needs, I think I’m probably better at hearing.”
A very thirsty Mady would probably beg to differ.
WHO GETS THE BROKEN LOLLIPOP?
In the summer of 2010, Kate and the kids and the film crew were in New York City, filming for Kate Plus Ei8ht. This particular situation was left out of the actual episode that aired, but for some peculiar reason, TLC included it on their website as a “webiso
de” called “Lollipops.”
In the webisode, Kate and the kids get a bunch lollipops shaped like the Statue of Liberty to eat. Lollipops are the treat of choice to bribe the kids during filming, so that’s not so strange. But Kate showed the viewing audience her deeply selfish side as she was handing out the lollipops. While she was violently and not-so-carefully unwrapping them, she broke off Lady Liberty’s torch arm on one of the lollipops. So rather than keeping the broken one for herself, like any normal, loving, considerate, unselfish mother would do, she instead handed the broken lollipop to 6-year-old Joel, while she kept a perfect one for herself.
I guess Kate felt she deserved an unbroken lollipop. After all, the show is all about Kate. She’s the star. What does she care if her little boy gets a broken – and pink – lollipop, as long as hers is “perfect”?
CRIB CLIMBING – GOOD OR EVIL?
I discovered something while cross-referencing Kate’s journals, TV shows and books, etc. It’s some of Kate’s worst behavior of all, in my opinion, because it involves physical violence against 2-year-olds, for acting like … 2-year-olds.
How she treats the kids all depends on the day, Kate’s mood, and who’s watching … or filming.
On Jon & Kate Plus Ei8ht, Season 1, Episode 3, “Shopping For Ten,” Kate is getting ready to go to the grocery store. But before leaving, she wants to put the kids down for a nap. So far, so good.
With the cameras rolling, Kate watches in amazement, eyes wide and mouth open, as Aaden climbs up into his crib on his own. Kate cheers Aaden on, even giving him a little boost under his diaper to help him climb. Kate says to Aaden, in a very excited and happy tone, “Wow!!! That’s a big boy!!!”
Then she looks at the cameraman and the audience and says, “He like scaled it like a monkey!!!!”
Then she looks back at Aaden and says proudly and lovingly, “You got in!!! Good job!!!!!!”
KATE GOSSELIN: HOW SHE FOOLED THE WORLD - THE RISE AND FALL OF A REALITY TV QUEEN Page 26