by Simply BWWM
He swallowed with difficulty and looked down at her with an air of elegance. "I said, would you care to dance? Do you hear the music?"
She turned her head to look toward the front deck and then she realized that the staff were playing a violin and a cello, and she grinned through her tears and looked back at Roman, standing there waiting, with his arms still raised toward her.
"I'd love it!" she said with a grin. She stepped toward him and he held her close, turning her delicately around the wooden slat deck of the boat, there in the wide-open Pacific Ocean under a brilliant moonlit sky, and they both felt happiness, and relief, and the beginnings of friendship.
They danced for two lively songs, and then the musicians slowed their melody, and a love song filled the night air, drifting to the couple and around them, winding them closer together until their bodies met, and their arms were closed around one another.
Her warmth felt good to him in the cold night air, and the scent of her perfume pulled his nose closer to her ear as he let himself breathe in her essence. He felt her slump in his arms slightly, and he looked down at her.
"You can't keep the sadness,” he said quietly.
She looked up at him. "I can't?" she asked. "Haven't I earned it?"
He tilted his head and looked around for a moment, and then back down to her, gazing into her eyes. "Well, I guess if you wanted to cherish it, you could, but who would want to do that? No, you've got to let it go. You have to let it fall away from you and open yourself up to the possibility of new love."
"Do I? Is there a possibility of love again? I don't think that's true for everyone. I think some people are just lucky," she told him softly, her eyes locked on his as they danced slowly.
He frowned a little. "Well, of course, it's possible. Everything is possible. You never know who you... might meet..." he said with unintentional hesitation. He meant it to sound as though she could meet someone who could love her, but there he stood, holding her and dancing with her in the moonlight, while her perfume intoxicated him and it felt like he was saying she might meet him. He mentally bashed himself for the way it had sounded coming out.
"What about you?" she asked, her eyes on him still, looking at him deeply.
He knew it. He'd said it wrong. He'd fouled it up and now she was confused about what he meant. "I... didn't mean me... I meant you might meet-"
She looked at him in confusion as he spoke and then she laughed at him. "No, no... I meant what about you finding love. You said everything is possible, so I was asking what about you? Have you found love?" She smiled at him and watched him as he closed his eyes in understanding and a little embarrassment.
He laughed a little, and said, "Oh... sorry." He turned her in a wide circle under his arm and drew her back to him again, holding her as close as he had been. "I thought I'd found love. Real love. I thought I had found passion and a partner for the rest of my life."
Cami looked at him with a furrowed brow. "What happened? Did you get divorced?"
Roman shook his head. "No... no, we're not divorced. We're still married. At least on paper."
She looked a little sad for him. "Is the love still there?"
He took a deep breath and shook his head, pursing his lips for a minute. "No. No, I don't think it is."
"Maybe you just need to find it again,” she offered generously.
He looked away from her as shame clutched at him, but there in the dark cold night, in the warmth of her arms, he felt safe; he felt as though he could trust this new friend he had made.
"I have tried, but she's just not interested in it. She doesn't even share the same room with me, or the same bed. We haven't made love in a long, long time. It's just not there anymore." His voice was quiet and the music held them close.
Cami watched him with sympathetic eyes and a heart that hurt for the loneliness she saw hidden away in him. "How long has it been?" she asked him.
He sighed and looked away from her again. "Oh, I guess it's been about two and a half years. Maybe three... yeah, three years."
She stared at him and stopped dancing, leaving her arms at his side. "You haven't made love with her in three years? Do you have a lover on the side?"
He shook his head. "Oh God no, of course not. No. It's just she and I."
Cami felt her heart ache for her new friend, and her eyes filled up with tears for him. "That is so awful! How could anyone be in such a close relationship and not be loved? Not be touched and held? How horrible to feel so alone when you are bound to someone who should love you more than anyone else in the world!" She shook her head as he watched her, and he realized that the words she had spoken were the truth that had darkened his heart for so long.
He was alone, completely alone, because he had no one to go to; no one because he was married to a woman who was absent from his heart and his bed. It was one of the worst things he'd ever heard or felt, and he stared at Cami in a near horror.
She shook her head and threw her arms around him, holding him tightly in an embrace, pressing herself as closely to him as possible.
At first he didn't know quite what to do; he was taken aback by her suddenness, but then she held on, and on, and on. His worries about what she was doing and why she was doing it, began to drift away and after a while, he was just there in her embrace, and he let himself feel it, let himself be wrapped up in it, and let himself feel the warmth of physical affection from another human.
His arms closed tightly around her and he held her in return. It almost broke his heart.
He realized it had been ages since he had been held and hugged by someone who cared about him. So long since anyone had held him so close. And it had been just as long since he had been able to hold anyone else and share affection. He felt hot tears roll down his cheeks as his body trembled in her arms.
She began to cry silently with him, holding him tightly as he let go of years of pain and loneliness. After a long while, just embracing each other and letting it all out, he loosened his arms from around her just a little, and whispered in her ear, "You don't have to keep holding me if you want to let go."
Cami smiled and whispered back, "My grandma taught me to never be the one to let go first, because you never know how much the other person needs to be hugged."
He held her closer to him and kissed her cheek by her ear. "Thank you," he said softly.
Then he let a little laugh escape him. "You know, if everyone hugged like that, no one would ever let go."
"Wouldn't that be a beautiful world,” she said with a smile, and kissed his cheek in return. Her breath and her lips were warm on his skin and he closed his eyes, feeling all her kindness and comfort, breathing her sweet scent in and finding himself whole in the soft feel of her body against his. He truly could not remember the last time he had felt so close to anyone. He turned his head slightly and pressed his lips softly to her cheek, and in that gentle kiss, he tasted her tears. His breath grew shallow and his heart began to pound in his chest.
"Why are you crying?" he asked quietly, his words touching her skin.
She whispered back to him, her words on his cheek, "My heart hurt at finding someone so lonely." She closed her eyes and pressed her lips to his skin, slowly and softly. "How long has it been since anyone held you? Just... held you?" she whispered, moving her mouth across his jaw, nearer to his mouth.
He closed his eyes. "I can't remember," he answered her, kissing her cheek as their lips neared one another. Just as they were about to taste each other, just as their lips were about to meet, the music stopped, and the sound of the ocean hushed their pounding hearts. The cold wind swirled around them as their warm breath mingled together on each other's lips.
Roman struggled against the current and with tremendous difficulty, he pulled his head away, taking a step back and looking down at her. "I'm so sorry..." he whispered, staring at her. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to..."
Cami shook her head and lifted the corners of her mouth in a gentle smile for him. "No! P
lease don't apologize. We haven't done anything at all; we haven't done anything wrong. I just held you, that was all. And you held me back, and that's something that friends do. It's okay; there's no need to apologize. Please don't say you're sorry, unless you really, truly are."
He stared at her, standing there before him, her eyes kind, her heart wide open, loving, forgiving, helping, generous beyond measure, and he knew he didn't regret it at all. He hadn't felt cared for in ages, and he hadn't realized it until she had held him, as though he had been starved for affection for so long he didn't even know it when it was soaked into him, like a monsoon rain on a parched desert. He covered his mouth with his hands and smiled beneath his fingers, then let his fingers fall away from his face.
"I'm not sorry. I'm not sorry one bit." He reached for her and pulled her into another embrace. "Thank you," he whispered. "Thank you so much." Then he let her go and stepped away from her. She smiled through a tear at him and held his hand.
Roman lifted her hand to his mouth and kissed her fingers warmly with firm lips, and then he let her hand go. "I need to get to bed. Have a good night, beautiful Cami, and thank you so much." He shook his head at her. "You're an amazing woman." He turned and walked away from her, and as she watched his back disappear through the door to his room, she felt a piece of her heart go with him.
Roman showered and went to bed, his heart and his thoughts on nothing but Cami. When he finally fell asleep, he slept better than he had in years. Cami went to bed feeling sorry for him, wondering what kind of wife wouldn't want to be with him every single night. She knew in her heart that she had found a friend she wanted to keep.
The sun pulled them both out of bed, and each of them was showered and dressed, and out exploring the ship, both of them looking for the other one, neither one of them wanting to admit it to the other.
Allen found Roman before Cami did. He pulled Roman down to a deck chair beside him and covered his face and his sunglasses with his hand. "I made a huge mistake," he groaned.
Roman's mind shifted toward Allen and he looked at him through narrowed eyes. "I told you to be careful with Colette."
Allen nodded. "I know."
"What happened, did you fall for her?" Roman asked, with an air of disappointment.
"Not exactly." Allen looked left and then right, making sure no one was around them. "We were in the hot tub together and she was drinking a lot and I wasn't. She was talking about how she could never find good love and we were listening to the musicians play last night, and I don't know what came over me, but I just grabbed her and kissed her. Right out of the blue. She just went nuts and started kissing me back... and then we made out... and then she took me to her room and I woke up tangled in her sheets. She didn't want to let me go last night."
Roman tried to hold it in but he couldn't. "She wouldn't let go of you?"
Allen shook his head slowly. "No. She was like a vice grip on me. She told me she fell in love with me."
Roman laughed out loud then, but just as Allen looked at him in aggravation, a high pitched voice called down the deck toward them. "Oh pooooopsie! Poopsie, where are you? There you are!" Colette came tottering toward him on high-heeled sandals and pulled him up from his chair, wrapping her arms around him and walking him down the deck as he looked over his shoulder helplessly at Roman. Roman just laughed at him and shook his head.
Cami found him just before breakfast. He was sipping a cup of hot coffee at the back deck where they had spent their time together the night before.
"I thought I might find you here!" she said with a grin, reaching for him to hug him tightly. He hugged her back, holding her close and enjoying every moment of it with no guilt at all. After a long while, he let her go.
He looked at her and saw that she was dressed in a light peach sundress with white swirls throughout it. He grinned. "Peaches and cream. You look beautiful."
She turned in a circle and her wavy loose hair flew out around her, falling to her elbows when she stopped twirling before him. "Thank you. You look good too." She took in his white button up shirt, snug shorts and tanned sculpted legs with a smile.
"There's a buffet breakfast, would you like to get something to eat?" he asked, hoping she'd say yes. She nodded and took his arm as they headed into the dining room. They ate together at a small table on the deck, looking at the sea and the land as they sailed past it in a parallel line. They saw whales and dolphins playing in the water, and when they looked overboard later, they were thrilled to see schools of huge jellyfish as they passed by.
They spent the morning walking around the boat and talking. She showed him her stateroom, which was an identical match to Allen's, although hers was on the other side of the boat, and then he showed her his room, and she gushed at the incredible beauty of it. They walked out on his private deck and talked about many different aspects of their lives, enjoying each other's company, humor, wit, and kindness, as they sailed along in the sunshine.
Before they knew it, the boat had reached Cabo San Lucas, and they decided to go ashore and spend the afternoon shopping in the little seaside town, talking with the Mexican people, admiring their wares, tasting their food and beer, and loving their music. It was magic for them both.
They swam in the waves and walked in the sand. Both Roman and Cami felt that their friendship had deepened considerably in no time at all. He bought each of them a silver bracelet, placing hers on her wrist and then she placed his on him, and they smiled at the old tradition of friends sharing matching tokens.
After a long day in the sun, sand, and sea, they went back to the boat and headed in separate directions, showering and napping, and agreeing to meet for dinner. Roman found her on the deck in their spot, just before dinner was served, and this night, when they sat beside each other, they were sharing stories of their day together in Cabo, and listening to everyone else tell their own tales. It was a night full of regalement and happiness.
Neither of them really wanted to spend any more time at the dining table than was necessary, and so they both skipped out early, and headed to the back deck of the boat. They were talking and laughing when they heard some of the others coming their direction, and not wanting to lose their time together, Roman led Cami quietly through his private door down the stairs into his room and they went out to his deck where they could have privacy in peace.
"I hope that's okay,” he said. "I just didn't want to visit with everyone else tonight. We'll be back in Carmel tomorrow, and then I'll go my way, and you'll go your way, and who knows when we will see each other again."
She shrugged. "Oh, I'm sure we'll run into each other at some point." She smiled and they both knew it was a long shot, and neither of them wanted to think about it, so they both looked at the sunset. Roman hated the feeling that he was going to lose the ability to see her after they returned.
He'd made a close friend, and it was going to slip away. The current between them pulled hard at him and he rose up off his chair and went to railing at the edge of the deck.
She stood up and went to stand beside him, pointing at the dolphins that were jumping in the brilliantly colored water of sunset as the sun sank into the ocean. "Don't hold on to the sadness. Just let it go,” she said sweetly. "We had a great time, didn't we? I know I'm never going to forget it." She nudged him with her shoulder and turned her head to look up at him, but his expression was serious and he pursed his lips.
"I don't want to let it go,” Roman said softly. "You're a great woman, Cami. I'm so damn lucky to call you my friend. You can't even begin to imagine what you gave back to me in the brief time we've been out here." He shook his head as his breath and his heart caught in his throat.
She turned him toward her and looked up at him. "Hey..." she said softly, taking his hands in hers, "it's alright. This was a powerful time for me, too. I was all broken up about some idiot and you and I found a way to heal together. That's huge."
He looked down into her lovely face and could not look away. "It
is huge, and it should be enough. We should be able to walk away from this and not feel like we're losing. It just doesn't feel fair. It's like you woke me up, and I didn't even know I was asleep."
Cami shook her head. "You weren't asleep, you were just left alone for far too long."
"I don't want to be alone again," he said quietly, reaching his hand up to her cheek and running his finger along her cheekbone. Her eyes darkened and her mouth turned down in sadness.
"Please don't look like that..." he whispered, feeling the current suck him down into powerful depths. She lowered her eyes and he saw a tear roll down her cheek. He knew it was for both of them, and he brushed it away with his fingertips. Then he brushed the next tear away with the barest touch of his lips on her cheek, and then he succumbed to the current and let himself go. Their mouths met in a tentative kiss that began to catch fire almost immediately, burning away all the air in their lungs and the resistance in their bodies as they wrapped themselves around one another in a tight embrace.