“I’ve called the people at the exit ministry,” Mrs. LeCroix tells me in the kitchen. I’m helping her to refill a platter of appetizers.
“Oh.” I glance over my shoulder to make sure Jess is not listening, since I just don’t think she needs to hear this tonight. She seems to be pretty edgy anyway. She’s already cried over an insensitive comment her sister made. Although I’m pretty sure I’m the only one who knows it. At least her brother, the one in seminary, seems to be acting fairly compassionate.
“The nice man at the exit ministry told me that while he understands my pain, Jessica will have to call the ministry herself before we can send her in for help.” Mrs. LeCroix calmly tells me this as she arranges her meatballs in a neat row. “He said that it’s no use coming unless the person wants help. Like you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink sort of thing.”
I nod absently as I curl the pieces of ham like she told me to, slipping a toothpick in to keep them together. I only half listen as she continues going on and on about this place, how great it is, how badly she wants for Jess to go there. But I’m getting impatient now. It almost seems like the only thing Jess’s mom cares about is getting things back to “normal.” Like Jess isn’t even a real person with real feelings. And, okay, I suppose I’ve been guilty of the same thing. But even so!
“Anyway,” she continues, “I was thinking that maybe you could talk to her, Ramie. I really think Jessica would listen to you. you’re a strong Christian girl and I think maybe you can convince Jessica that this perverted lifestyle is sinful and immoral and that she needs to get some—”
“You know, Mrs. LeCroix,” I interrupt her so abruptly that she actually drops a meatball on the floor with a splat. “The thing is,” I continue, “I’m just trying to love Jess. Trying to be her friend, you know. And I’m trying to love her unconditionally, the way God loves all of us, no matter what. I figure it’s up to God to show Jessica what’s best for her life.” I pause and look at her. “Does that make any sense to you?”
And then I hear the sound of hands clapping behind me. I turn around to see Jess and her brother, standing in the doorway and watching us and clapping.
“Makes sense to me,” Alex tells me as he comes into the kitchen and snatches a meatball off his mom’s neat row, causing it to go crooked.
“Me too,” says Jess as she takes another meatball.
Mrs. LeCroix looks slightly flustered, but at least she smiles as she straightens her meatballs. “I’m just trying to help, Jessica. you know I love you, don’t you?”
“Yeah, Mom.” Jess pats her mom on the back. “I know you love me, it’s just that it doesn’t always feel like it.”
Things seem to lighten up in the LeCroix household after that. And as we sing Christmas carols and play silly games, it almost seems like Jess is having fun too, almost like she’s her jolly old self again. And yet there are moments when I think I can see this shadow hanging over her. And I’m reminded that things have changed. She has changed. Maybe we’ve all changed.
“Thanks for coming tonight,” Jess tells me as she drives me home. “I think it really helped having you there.”
“Hey, I was glad to come,” I say. “It was fun. Just like old times.”
“And thanks for what you told my mom in the kitchen.”
“No problem.”
“Did you really mean it?”
“Of course.”
“Thanks.”
She’s pulling into my driveway now. “Thanks for bringing me home,” I tell her. “And for everything. And Merry Christmas!”
“I didn’t get you anything for Christmas this year,” she says.
“Oh, that’s okay. I didn’t either.”
“But I have something . . .”
Okay, this makes me nervous. But I just take a deep breath and say, “What?”
“A promise that I’m going to get counseling. And I’ve decided I should start with Christian counseling, just like you suggested.”
I smile. “Oh, that’s a great Christmas present, Jess. Thanks!”
“But I was thinking maybe your mom could do some counseling with my parents. To help them to see outside of the box, you know?”
“Sure,” I tell her. “My mom would be glad to help. you know that.”
“And that won’t bug you? I mean I know how you feel about your mom sometimes.”
I consider this. “Okay, to be perfectly honest, it would’ve bugged me before. But I actually think my mom is right about some things. Not everything, of course.” Then I laugh. “But knowing your parents and their convictions, well, I’m not too worried that she’ll steer them wrong.”
“Yeah, I can’t exactly see them worshiping trees or taking up yoga or any other New Age kind of thing after talking to her.” She smiles.
“Me neither.” I open the door of her car now.
“Merry Christmas, Ramie.”
“Merry Christmas,” I call back as I get out of the car.
twenty-two
I’D LIKE TO SAY THAT THE FORUM AT OUR CHURCH RESOLVED EVERYTHING BEAUtifully. That Nathan’s vision for Christianity Meets Homosexuality was an enlightening and gracious gathering of diverse people from all over the community, and that lives were changed, and that we ended the meeting with an altar call followed by the holding of hands as together we sang “Kumbaya.” I wish I could say that the whole thing was a total screaming success. Unfortunately, only the screaming part of that statement would be correct.
Our well-intentioned meeting was more like The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly. And although I’d like to say that the Christians were “the good,” that would not be entirely true. Oh, sure, some of the Christians were very good, including Nathan, who tried extremely hard to bring a peaceful understanding of gospel love to the confused people of Greenville. But some of the Christians, in particular those who misunderstood the publicity and erroneously believed that this was supposed to be an open forum for Christians to rant and rail against the likes of Sodom and Gomorrah, were in my opinion very, very bad. And, to be fair, some of the gay-rights activists got downright ugly. Plus, the way some of them were dressed, you’d think we were hosting a gay parade or preparing for Mardi Gras.
Consequently, what was supposed to be a civilized and informative meeting quickly turned into a shouting match—a shouting match where no one was completely heard. Even as I watched the whole miserable thing on the eleven o’clock news later that night, it made absolutely no sense. There were snippets of an angry Christian man literally shaking his Bible as he yelled, “Keep your queers out of my kids’ schools!” followed by two vividly gay men, embracing one another as they demanded their civil rights for a legal marriage.
Between accusations of physical gay bashing and actual verbal gay bashing, the whole thing turned into a pretty big mess. But if nothing else, I think our botched-up forum did provide something of a wake-up call for a lot of people in the community. Okay, maybe it was more like one of those obnoxious alarm clocks that you want to smash against the wall because it won’t stop buzzing. But I was pleased that Jess’s parents attended that meeting. And I could see that they were taken aback by some of the hostility shown to them by “fellow” Christians when they attempted to show their support of their daughter. yes, they stood up for Jess. A small gesture, perhaps, but I could tell that Jess was deeply moved. Of course, her parents are still torn about this whole thing, and I’m sure they were pretty shocked by some of the skanky behaviors from a few of the openly gay community—specifically the ones who took advantage of all the in-your-face attention that the media gave to them when things got crazy.
Still, one of the best moments, albeit brief, was when some members of the youth group tried to express their desire to show Christ’s love to gay teens in our community. Of course, this totally annoyed those who had hoped that the purpose of this meeting was to condemn all homosexuals and their evil influence, and perhaps to ban them from our schools and our town and maybe even our
country forever.
“God judged Sodom and Gomorrah!” one irate woman yelled out toward the end. “And his judgment on the homosexuals of this age is AIDS. I predict that the Lord will wipe them out, every single one of them, until not one is left standing!”
When it was clear to see that this meeting was going nowhere but downhill, and fast, the church elders and pastors announced that it was time to quit. Cameras were shut down, members of the panel were ushered toward the back, and spectators dismissed. (Although some of the more determined rabble-rousers took their protests and accusations out to the church parking lot, where cameras were turned back on and some of the juiciest pieces of smut were taped to run on the late news.)
Meanwhile a bunch of us from the panel were still hanging out behind the scenes in the back of the sanctuary. Some members of the youth group were there, as well as some of the less rowdy members of the gay alliance, including Jess and Joey. And maybe the coolest part of this whole crazy evening was the way we just stood around and talked about everything that had just happened. I think we were all pretty stunned by some of the behaviors we’d just witnessed, most of it from the adults. And as we stood around, rehashing the whole strange event, we began to experience an ironic sense of unity.
“Let’s do this again,” BJ said, and others agreed.
“Maybe we can plan a meeting just for teens,” I suggested.
“Yeah, we’ll make sure not to tell the so-called grown-ups about it,” said Joey. “Man, some of those people are really messed up.”
Unfortunately, a few people from our church think that Nathan is the one who is messed up. Some of them are downright angry at our youth pastor, actually accusing him of brainwashing the youth group with his “pro-homosexual propaganda.” And some are even calling for his resignation. Fortunately, Pastor Bryant is standing behind Nathan. At our Sunday service the following day, he even announced that he plans to continue this discussion of Christianity Meets Homosexuality, but within the confines of the congregation this time. “Apparently we still have a lot to learn before we go public,” he apologized to the congregation.
I found out later, through Nathan, that part of the reason for Pastor Bryant’s support of Nathan is due to his own son.
“How’s that?” I asked.
“Apparently Mitch spoke out in my defense,” Nathan told me.
“Why?” I wondered aloud, and then felt bad for doing so. Like why shouldn’t Mitch defend Nathan? I certainly would.
Nathan just smiled. “Well, it may come as a surprise to you, but Mitch has suddenly gotten very spiritually hungry. He and I are going to start meeting for breakfast once a week.”
“Cool.”
Nathan smiles. “I think God has used your breakup with Mitch as a real attention-getter, Ramie.”
I hope that’s true. I know that I’ll keep praying for Mitch. I do care about him, and I’d like him to start taking God and his own life more seriously.
We’re back in school now, and while there are still those people who seem to thrive in making crude remarks and mean judgments, I’ve noticed that some of them are changing too. Even Kelsey has been a little kinder to Jess during basketball practice. And it seems some of the snide locker-room comments have died down a bit as well. Does this mean we’ve arrived? That we’ve figured this whole thing out and that everyone is happy now? Get real.
I think it just means that we’re trying. And although some of my ideas about homosexuality have changed, I still believe that God didn’t design us for same-sex relationships. I think he made us male and female for a reason, and not just for sex and reproduction either. I think God knew that men need women and women need men, and the world would be a mess if we all decided to become homosexuals. Not to mention there would be no one left on the globe after a few generations. But I also think that, like with many things, we get messed up, or our thinking gets confused, or maybe we’ve been sexually abused, or maybe we just want to rebel and go a different way. But that doesn’t mean we can’t change. That doesn’t mean that God can’t rescue us—from anything. And so I still believe that Jess could be rescued from living the rest of her life as a lesbian.
But I don’t feel pressed to preach this at Jess every chance I get. I don’t beat her over the head with scriptures and tell her to repent or go to hell. But I do encourage her to follow God, to spend time with him, and to continue her counseling, which she actually seems to like. Because I realize that most of all, God simply wants me to love Jess—unconditionally. He wants me to stand by her, even if I’m standing all by myself. And he wants me to know that, in the end, it’s up to him to do the changing anyway. I can live with that.
reader’s guide
1. Consider how these characters responded to Jess’s revelation: Ramie, Mrs. Grant, Mrs. LeCroix, Jess’s teammates. How would you react if your best friend told you he or she was gay? Why?
2. Why was it hard for Ramie to be a friend to Jess? Do you think Ramie was more selfish or more righteous? Explain.
3. What could Ramie have done differently to avoid hurting Jess while she sorted out how she felt about Jess’s announcement? What did she do right?
4. What about Ramie’s attitude toward Jess changed? Why? What stayed the same?
5. Ramie says, “More and more, I’m thinking about what Jesus did. And mostly I think that he loved people. He spent time with people. He hung with them wherever they were at. And that’s what I’m trying to do. . . . But it’s still tricky, you know?” Do you agree or disagree with Ramie’s thinking here? Why? If you try to live the way Ramie describes, what’s the trickiest part for you?
6. Do you think sexual orientation is a choice or just the way some people are? How does your answer affect the way you relate to gay people?
7. How do you think Jesus would relate to a homosexual? Would it be the same way that you relate? Explain.
8. If you, like Ramie, believe homosexuality is wrong or a sin, do you believe that it’s any worse than other sins? Why or why not?
9. How did you feel when Ramie broke up with Mitch? Why?
10. Ramie used a tightrope to describe how she felt about dealing with homosexuality. Do you think this metaphor works? Explain.
TrueColors Book 11
Moon White
Coming in June 2007
One
“I AM NOT EVIL,” I SAY QUIETLY, TRYING TO KEEP MY VOICE CALM FOR THE SAKE of those listening into what probably should be a private conversation. We’re sitting in the cafeteria with about five hundred other kids at the moment, and I do not get why my best friend wants to pursue this topic right now.
“How can you say that, Heather?” she persists. “You’re a witch!”
I try not to glare at her. “Come on, Lucy,” I say in a light voice. “Don’t show off your ignorance to everyone.”
“You’re calling me ignorant? you’re the one who decided to become a witch.”
“Lighten up,” I tell her. “And quit calling me a witch, okay?”
“Fine,” she snaps. “What would you call yourself then?”
I smile at Chelsea Klein. She’s sitting next to Lucy and actually seems fairly interested in the strange twist our conversation just took. “All I’m doing is reading a book about Wicca,” I say to Lucy. “No big deal, okay? That does not make me a witch.”
Chelsea nods. “Yeah, lighten up, Lucy.”
Lucy turns and glares at Chelsea now. “So are you saying that you think it’s okay if Heather becomes a witch?”
Chelsea just laughs.
“I’m serious,” says Lucy. “I mean you’re a Christian too, Chelsea. At least I thought you were. Anyway, you used to go to youth group.” Lucy frowns now, as if she’s not sure what she’s stepped into.
“What’s your point?” asks Chelsea.
“My point is, do you think it’s okay for Heather to be dabbling in witchcraft?”
“Dabbling in witchcraft?” I repeat. “Lucy, why are you making this into something that it’s
not?”
“Because I’m seriously worried about you, Heather.” She shakes her head like she thinks I’m totally hopeless. “I mean you spend a couple of weeks in the British Isles and then come back with all these strange ideas.”
“What strange ideas?” I ask.
“Well, for starters there’s this whole vegan thing.” Lucy rolls her eyes at my lunch tray. “I mean just a couple of months ago, your favorite food was pepperoni pizza, and now you won’t even touch a milkshake.”
“So you want to tell me what I should and shouldn’t eat now?”
“That’s not what I mean.” Her forehead wrinkles and she looks more frustrated. “I’m cool with it, although I really don’t get what your problem with dairy products is. I mean we’re talking about milk, right?”
“I tried to explain to you about how I’m concerned with the inhumane treatment of dairy cows, but you wouldn’t—”
“Whatever!” Lucy holds up her hands.
“You should be a little more tolerant, Lucy,” says Chelsea.
“Yeah,” agrees Kimball from next to me. “I happen to be a vegetarian myself. And I’ve been thinking about becoming a vegan. you have a problem with that, Lucy?”
“Maybe you want to make yourself captain of the food police?” teases Chelsea. “The CFP?”
“I wasn’t even talking about food to start with,” Lucy protests. “I mean, seriously, I don’t care what you guys eat. That was just Heather’s smokescreen. I was talking about Wicca and witchcraft and the fact that Heather wants to become a witch.”
Bright Purple: Color Me Confused with Bonus Content Page 17