by Liz Tolsma
January 1945
Teodor lugged another box of heavy parts to the train. The cold bit through his threadbare coat. Wet seeped through the thin soles of his shoes, and he shivered. He stopped on the landing as the world tilted in front of him.
If only he could do something—anything—to pay back the dogs who held him, his wife, and millions of other Poles captive. He fought to get his life back.
The one he’d signed away on that paper.
Jerzy stumbled after him. “If only we were home.” He coughed. “Then again, I know what will happen if our families and our neighbors discover how we betrayed our country.”
Teodor shivered. He knew too.
Jerzy sat on the step, his hands shaking. This man who had betrayed him. And coerced him into betraying his country.
Teodor fought to keep his voice low but couldn’t keep the venom from it. “I prided myself on my love and my loyalty for my country. But because I listened to you, I threw that away. And for what? For nothing. It didn’t help me or my wife. In fact, it turned out to be Fromm’s own form of sabotage.”
Jerzy clenched his fists. “Why blame this on me? You have a brain. I didn’t force you to sign. You did it of your own will and volition. Stop trying to shove the fault down my throat.”
Teodor leaned against the wall as if Jerzy had punched him in the stomach. He steepled his hands and touched his forehead. “Why? Why did I do it?” His voice broke.
“Because you love your wife even more than you love your country.”
Teodor closed his eyes. “You’re right. I do.” As pain tightened in a band around his middle, he pressed his chest. “I do.”
“What we did, we did for them. And only for them. It was a gamble that didn’t pay off. But one I would take again in a heartbeat, if there were any chance, even the smallest glimmer of hope, of me getting home to my wife and my children before I die.”
Teodor glanced up. “Don’t talk like that.”
“It’s true. There’s no time left to deny it. The tuberculosis is about to claim me. I haven’t been a friend to you. I’ll admit that, at times, I looked out for my own best interest and no one else’s.”
“In desperate times, when survival is a daily battle, sometimes that’s what we do.”
“Don’t beat yourself up about signing. In hindsight, maybe it wasn’t the best course of action. But isn’t being with your wife better than anything?”
His wife was the best blessing the Lord had ever brought to him. But even touching her skin, laughing with her, sleeping beside her wasn’t the ultimate joy and wasn’t what was getting him through these difficult days and even more difficult nights.
It was the Lord.
Natia sang to him, but the Lord gave her the melody. Natia stood beside him, but the Lord never left him. Natia loved him, but the Lord sacrificed his Son for him.
The time had come to forgive. “I understand that you didn’t do anything out of malicious intent. But you hurt me nonetheless.”
“I know. I’m ashamed of my actions. In a way, I’m relieved Fromm didn’t send me home.”
“Why?”
“I would have had to tell my wife why I returned. To her, I wouldn’t have been able to lie. And my actions would have crushed her.”
“You’ll see her again.”
Jerzy shook his head, his hazel eyes shimmering. “I won’t. I stopped kidding myself weeks ago. Even if liberation came tomorrow, I wouldn’t survive the trip home. I hope you do. I want you to.”
“When I get to Piosenka, I’ll visit your wife and tell her what a fine man you were. How you fought to come home to her.”
“That comforts me. Just don’t tell her about the paper. Ever. Promise me?”
Teodor forced the words around the lump in his throat. “I promise.”
Dominik napped on a blanket at Natia’s feet as she sat on the flowered chair in the corner of the living room, her knitting needles clacking away, Elfriede’s embroidery floss whishing through the fabric. Natia watched the even rise and fall of the child’s chest. No ill effects remained from the croup.
“What is for lunch?” Elfriede bit off the thread and chose another color from the basket beside her.
“A little soup and a slice of bread.” They had nothing more. Each day Dominik’s cheeks lost a measure of their baby-like roundness.
“You do good job with little food.”
“Dziękuję Ci.”
The clock ticked away several minutes. In the distance came the banging of artillery. The Soviets knocked on their doorstep.
A couple of times this morning, Natia had caught Elfriede opening her mouth as if to speak, then shutting it right away. Whatever she wanted to tell Natia must be hard. Still, each time Elfriede did it, the knot in Natia’s stomach tightened. “What do you want to say?”
Elfriede pricked her finger and stuck it in her mouth, then shook it out. “I’m sorry.”
“What for?”
“For bringing you here. You should be with your husband.”
“Nie. I would have liked to have been by his side, but I wouldn’t have been your friend then. And I wouldn’t have Dominik. So it wasn’t all bad.” Her heart ached for Tata and Helena, and she prayed almost every minute of every day for Zygmunt’s safety, but God had brought blessings in the trials.
“You miss him.”
“Of course. I will be very happy to be with him again.” Soon. That day would be here soon. Each morning she awoke was one less day until Teodor held her close. The Soviets were nearby.
“What happens to me? When war is over?” Elfriede’s hands trembled, and she set her embroidery to the side.
“What do you mean?”
“You have your husband. But mine? I do not know what will happen to him. Do I want him for husband?”
“Those answers, I cannot give you. But the joy of the Lord will be your strength.”
“You say that. Why?”
“Because only the Lord could have carried us through this time. And he won’t forsake us, no matter what lies before us.”
“I don’t understand.”
In heaven, there wouldn’t be a language barrier. She and Elfriede would sit down and have a nice, long chat then. “Happiness only comes from God.”
“Ah.” She smiled but furrowed her brow. “Happiness from God?”
“Even in the bad times.” Even in the loss of her family. They were safe. They were experiencing everlasting joy. How could she want less for them? For herself? “My joy doesn’t depend on what I have. Only on God.” That’s what Pani Rzeźnikowa meant. Joy only came through dependence on the Lord and him alone. Joy was forward looking, toward heaven. Would the pain of losing her children cease? Nie, but she could also find joy, even here, even now.
“That is hard.”
Natia chuckled. “I’m just learning it myself. It’s easy to forget.”
“How can you be happy with bad things?”
“Because God loves me.”
Elfriede scooted to the edge of the couch. “Even now, he loves you?”
“Always.” Tak, always. She repeated that to herself. God always loved her. “He gave you to be my friend. And Dominik.”
“I see. Even with bad, God is good. Then we are happy.”
“That’s the best way I’ve ever heard it put.”
Silence fell over them once more, but not one of unease or tension. One of peace and contemplation.
What would happen to Elfriede after Germany fell? Would there be anything left of her country? Pani Rzeźnikowa brought stories of the Allies bombing Berlin day and night, ceaselessly, relentlessly. Nothing would exist but dust and rubble.
And Pan Fromm? Would the Allies hold the Nazis responsible for their war crimes?
At least Poland would be free. No more Soviets. No more Germans. Only Poles, living peaceful lives. She could almost feel the warm soil of their farm between her toes. The first thing she would do would be to climb the hill and sing her children a lu
llaby.
Dominik stirred and let out a good, strong wail. Natia picked him up. “Do your teeth hurt, little one? Let’s go change your nappy, and I’ll get you a cold spoon to chew on. How does that sound?”
The child cried all the harder, big tears rolling down his scrunched-up face.
Elfriede kissed his cheek. “I’ll set the table while you change him.”
“See there, Dominik. All will be well. A little soup in your tummy, and you’ll feel better.” Natia climbed the stairs to her attic room and laid Dominik on the mattress. “We’ll have to hurry because it’s chilly in here, don’t you think?”
She pulled out a nappy and a pair of rubber pants, then set to stripping the little boy. He screamed as she worked and wriggled out of her grasp. “Come on. Let’s get this over with so we can eat lunch.”
But he ran to the other side of the room, still bawling.
“Dominik. Please let me get you dressed.” She moved toward him, but he darted around her, as slippery as a Christmas carp. “You little stinker.”
“Nie, nie.” He screeched at the top of his lungs, standing by the door, undressed from the waist down.
Natia glanced up.
Pan Fromm stood in the doorway, his face red, his eyes narrowed.
She ran to snatch Dominik before Pan Fromm discovered their secret.
“What is this?”
He knew.
“What is this?”
At her husband’s shouting, Elfriede raced into the tiny attic bedroom. His voice echoed in her ears.
“He’s circumcised. A little Jew, right in my own home. Under my nose,” he bellowed, almost shaking the rafters.
Natia clung to Dominik.
Jewish? That couldn’t be right. Dominik couldn’t be . . . Elfriede couldn’t draw in a breath. How could Natia deceive her? Elfriede had come to care for the little boy, to love him almost as much as she would love her own child, had defended him and Natia.
Erich stepped in Natia’s direction. Elfriede, with the element of surprise in her favor, pushed him to the side. “Stay away from Dominik. Don’t come near him.”
Erich whirled around and struck her across the cheek. “You knew there was a Jew in my house.”
“He’s a child, Erich.” Her cheek stung but she held back the tears. No way would she give him the satisfaction of cowing her.
“A Jewish child. Filth. Her, I can understand. Dirt begets dirt. But you? I expected far better from you. How could you do this?”
“Please, calm down. Don’t hurt us.”
Dominik wailed.
“Hurt you?” He gave a chilly half laugh. “I’m going to kill you. All of you.” He reached for his sidearm.
Elfriede’s heart stopped beating. Nein, she couldn’t let that happen. Couldn’t allow Erich to harm the child, this innocent little love, no matter his ethnicity. She stepped forward and kicked her husband in the groin. “Run, Natia, run.” Now her heartbeat thrummed in her ears.
Natia raced by a doubled-over Erich as she clung to Dominik.
Erich grabbed Elfriede by the ankle as she sprinted to get by him before he recovered from the kick. She tripped and fell on top of him and waited for the searing pain of a bullet.
“Leave me alone. Don’t touch me. Get away from me.” She kicked, bit, scratched. Did whatever she had to do to escape.
“You Jew-loving pig. You aren’t fit to be called a German. How long have you known?”
As he huffed for breath, she scrambled to her feet. Once she had her balance, she kicked him once more, the heel of her oxford connecting with his temple.
As tears blurred her vision, she almost slid down the stairs, a shot firing behind her. Then she stumbled out the door and pushed Natia into the bright January day.
But where should they go?
And who was coming behind them?
Dominik wailed. Natia jiggled him. “Where?”
“I don’t know.”
“Dr. Bosco.” The women chorused his name.
“Schnell.” Elfriede pulled Natia by the wrist and dragged her down the street. She sang that lullaby as they sprinted as fast as the crying child allowed them. The music box-like tune calmed Dominik. Within moments he laughed and clapped his hands.
Natia tried to break off to go one way, but Elfriede held her fast. “Nein. We go around so Erich not come.” She zigzagged through the little town, gasping for air. Any moment Erich was sure to appear around the corner. Or behind them. She glanced over her shoulder.
There he was. Two shots rang over their heads. Elfriede grasped Natia by the arm, and they sprinted. They cut through yards and down alleys until they couldn’t draw in a deep breath.
Elfriede turned again. No sign of Erich. Somewhere, they had lost him.
There, up ahead, was the doctor’s green cottage, a white fence surrounding the withered remains of last summer’s garden. Elfriede peered left and right and behind her. Good, no one was about. She led Natia up the walk and pounded on the doctor’s door.
He opened it, and she pushed her way by him. “Lock the door.”
He complied with her order. “What is this? Why are you outside without a coat?”
Natia stepped forward and unwrapped her sweater from around Dominik’s bare buttocks. “Pan Fromm came home while I was changing him.”
The doctor rubbed the top of his almost-bald head. “So he knows.”
Elfriede motioned for Natia to sit and then turned to the doctor. “What do we do now? Where do we go? Erich, he looks for us. He will kill us. Me too.”
“We have nothing.” Natia’s voice warbled.
“Let me think.” The man paced back and forth across his small but tidy living room. “I don’t know where to bring you. The Soviets are advancing. Warsaw is no more, destroyed in the uprising. Kraków is about to fall. It’s not safe there.”
Elfriede’s Polish failed her, either because Dr. Bosco and Natia spoke so fast or because she ran out of energy to follow the conversation. They bantered for a long while. In the meantime, she peeked through curtains. Any moment now Erich would figure out where they went. They couldn’t stay here.
A movement caught the corner of her eye. Erich? Nein, just Herr Wójcik returning to his home. She closed the curtain.
Natia touched her shoulder. “Pani Fromm, you have a house in Germany?”
“Tak. Near Bremen. You want us to go there?”
Dr. Bosco nodded. “That’s good. The Americans will be there soon. And then you’ll be free.”
“What if Erich finds? He will come.”
The doctor switched to German. “He can’t leave here. At least, not yet. He’s still in charge of the factory. And I’m sure he won’t want to explain to the authorities why his wife hid a Jewish child under his nose.”
“You think we will be safe?”
“As safe as anywhere.”
Natia kissed Dominik’s forehead. “I don’t want to leave Poland. Teodor is here. My babies are here. So is Zygmunt. You left him with those people in Warsaw. I have to get him. He’s alone.”
Of course, she wouldn’t want to leave. And Elfriede couldn’t blame her. “But I am German woman. I hear things. The Soviets are bad. Germans run away from Poland, away from Russians. Soon they come.”
Natia paced the small room. “I can’t leave my husband or my brother. I won’t leave the country without them.”
Elfriede’s hands sweated. Natia was determined to stay. But Elfriede couldn’t. If they parted ways, she might never see Dominik again. Never hear his laugh, feel his soft hands on her cheeks, smell his sweet baby scent. That would be too much to bear. “Fine. We will not go to Germany. We stay here. Go to her farm. But I must have Polish papers.”
Natia plopped to the couch. “But Teodor. I need him. I won’t leave Pieśń Nabożna without him.”
What were they going to do? Any minute, Erich could burst through the door.
Natia sat on Dr. Bosco’s overstuffed couch, still clutching Dominik. “I won�
��t go unless Teodor comes. I can’t leave him. This, I refuse to do.”
Elfriede widened her eyes larger than Natia had ever seen. “Nie. Nie. We go now. Erich will find us.”
“How can you expect me to leave my husband?” Elfriede didn’t understand the bond she and Teodor shared. How could she expect Natia to go so far away? Never in their lives had they been more than a few kilometers apart.
Dr. Bosco sat beside her. “You need to be reasonable, Pani Palinska. For Dominik’s sake, you need to leave as soon as possible. There’s no time to waste.”
Her stomach hardened. “Teodor.” She swallowed her tears.
“I can see it’s important to you that he come.”
“Don’t you think it would be wise for us to have a man with us? Someone who knows the way home?”
“You may be correct. I’ll see what I can do.”
“What if Erich comes?” Elfriede’s voice warbled.
“You won’t stay here. I have a small plot of land on the outskirts of Pieśń Nabożna. There isn’t a home there but a little shed where I keep my tools. That’s where you’ll hide. Tonight I’ll bring Teodor to you, and you can leave.”
“Really?” Natia tingled all over. “I will see my husband tonight?” Her nightmare had turned into a dream. The best kind. But Dominik pinched her cheek and it stung, so she must be awake. “What about Zygmunt?”
“You’ll have a surprise waiting for you when you get home.”
“What?”
“I told you how I was beaten in Warsaw and saved by a young man. The man he took us to, the one who helped me out of the city, also helped Zygmunt. I received word earlier today. Your brother is in Piosenka, waiting for you.”
“He’s there already?” She bounced on the sofa. One less person to worry about and another reunion awaiting her. The time for good-bye had passed.
The doctor nodded. “And from what I understand, most anxious for your arrival.”
“Imagine, Zygmunt safe and Teodor coming to me. I’ll see my brother soon and my husband even sooner.”
The doctor patted her hand. “If things go well, you will see him. This is dangerous, getting him out. Pray that nothing goes wrong.”