by E M Lindsey
“I don’t think,” René started.
“Maybe give me a little time with my daughter and let me prove I’m not incapable,” he said, cutting the other man off.
René went quiet for a moment, then chuckled. “You’re very persuasive. I think I may be able to convince her.”
Cole wasn’t sure it was a triumph. He still felt uneasy about this guy, but he didn’t know why. So for now, in spite of his gut, he was calling it a win.
***
“Alright, we can do this,” Ryan said, pulling Cole’s hand up to his lips for a kiss. He watched Cole’s expression in his periphery, taking note of the way his temple throbbed with tension, and the way his jaw was tight. Ryan didn’t blame him for the nerves—this was unprecedented. It wasn’t exactly meeting the family. He would be meeting Cole’s daughter, and her mother, and the new husband. Ryan wanted to make a good impression, but more than that, he wanted to stand as a buffer against Isabel’s scrutiny at least for a little while.
At Ryan’s words, Cole gave a nod, then reached for the side of the shopping basket to lead him. They weren’t doing anything major, just picking up a few things for the movie night Claire had requested—Netflix had just updated its Disney section so they would be having a marathon while her parents were out. Ryan was too full of nerves to do any real cooking, and Cole still hadn’t quite mastered more than a handful of dishes, so frozen pizza and snacks were going to have to make do.
“Popcorn,” Ryan said, steering them down an aisle. “Do you have a machine, or should we just buy the stuff for the microwave?”
“I don’t,” Cole said, hesitating. “I’ve never actually made popcorn before. I’ve only had it at the cinema and that was years ago.”
“Holy shit,” Ryan breathed. “Remind me to take you there soon. The one over by mine has audio caption devices.”
Cole looked startled, turning his face toward Ryan. “How do you know that?”
“Because I called to ask when I was planning our date. But nothing good was playing so I skipped it.”
Cole’s cheeks went a little pink and he bit down on his lip for a second to hide his smile. “Fair enough. I’ll leave the popcorn choosing to you, but if it matters, I don’t think I have a machine.”
Ryan grabbed two boxes of the terrible stuff and set them into the basket. “Cookies? We can get the crappy break-and-bake shit. Comes in a package, fresh cookies without the work?”
Cole snorted. “She might actually like that. But we should do healthy as well.”
Ryan huffed. “It’s a movie night, Cole. You don’t do healthy on a movie night!” At Cole’s pinched face, Ryan groaned and rolled his eyes. “Fine, carrot sticks? I can introduce her to the bad-ass American culture staple that is ranch dressing.”
“Bloody hell,” Cole murmured, but it was through a grin. He didn’t protest further, so Ryan loaded them up on everything he’d loved as a kid. Before he’d met Wes, it had been years since his last Disney binge, but with Maggie around, Ryan felt like an old pro at these things.
He was nervous, yes, but also excited because this was a huge part of Cole’s life. Ryan knew if Cole only gave him a chance to prove he could do this with him—do something serious, commit himself—then maybe they had a future. Maybe Ryan wasn’t the complete fuck-up he’d been all those years ago when he’d let Noah down.
“Have you spoken to Adrian or Noah at all?” Cole asked as they headed for the check-out.
Ryan frowned at him. “No? Was I supposed to have?”
Cole shook his head as Ryan guided them to a stop behind a man with an over-full basket that proved they weren’t getting out of here anytime soon. “Adrian said he wanted to sort out an evening at Wes’, for dinner. A barbeque.”
Ryan snorted a laugh. “That man and his fucking grill.”
Cole grinned a little and shrugged one shoulder up. “I thought it was a nice gesture. He wanted to have me invite Isabel and René along. I think he’s hoping that him seeing how we all function together, Isabel will calm down about my…capabilities. He may be a bit misguided in that, but I appreciated the thought.”
“It’s not actually half-bad, you know,” Ryan pointed out. They shifted up a space, and he could finally see the conveyor belt. “If her issue really is a lack of trust in your ability to care for your own child…”
Cole stopped his words with a heavy sigh. “She’s not entirely wrong, you know. I appreciate the gesture of support, but I’m not ready to do this on my own just yet. I’ve only learnt the inside of my own home—I’ve only been brave enough these last six months to navigate a well-learned bus-schedule to the gym and back with Kevin. If Claire was with me on my own and something were to happen…”
“I understand,” Ryan told him softly, reaching for his hand. “I mean, obviously I don’t know what it’s like for you, but I do get it. This is new and you’re just finding the time to figure yourself out. No one is going to begrudge you that. No one with a fucking soul,” Ryan clarified, thinking of the way Isabel had treated Cole. He hesitated, then asked, “How’s the new husband? Pompous ass or what?”
Cole couldn’t help another chuckle as they reached the belt and together began to unload their things. “He’s French, so I’m obligated by my British blood to hate him on principal and find Isabel a traitor to the crown. But in all honesty…I don’t know. He’s a nice enough bloke. I’m glad she’s happy.” He went silent after that, but Ryan could tell there was more Cole wasn’t saying.
“Okay, and now the truth?” he prodded.
Cole pulled a face, but as he set the tray of chopped snack vegetables down, he turned to Ryan and his mouth drew into a thin line. “I can’t put my finger on it. He really is nice enough, treats Isabel the way he ought as far as I’ve been witness to, and he doesn’t overstep with Claire.”
“But,” Ryan pressed.
“But there’s something about him, and I can’t work out what it is. Just something about him makes me uneasy. He’s done nothing to indicate he’s not a good person, but my stomach twists whenever we speak. I’m worried it’s just jealousy,” Cole finished.
Ryan rubbed at the back of his neck as he considered Cole’s words. “I get that. I mean, that Scottish weirdo at work does the same thing to me. Apart from his shitty-ass comments about that abusive husband, he hasn’t actually done anything wrong. Just…something about him gives me the creeps.”
“Well this is why I’m glad you’ll meet him finally,” Cole said. “There may be things I’m missing—visual clues that are important. Normally I wouldn’t care, but Claire is all I have, and I need her to be safe.”
His words triggered more suspicion. It didn’t seem like the usual parent sort of worry over a child’s safety, but he knew if he asked, Cole wouldn’t give him a straight answer. He wondered if there would ever be answers, but for now, he couldn’t let it matter. He was doing this for Cole—because cared, because he was clinging to the hope that someday there might be more.
They finished checking out, then headed to the car, and Ryan loaded up the groceries into the back while Cole let Kevin out for a quick bathroom break in the little grassy patch off to the side of the parking lot. He was just closing everything up when he heard a voice behind him, and his entire body broke out in gooseflesh.
“Fancy seeing you here.”
Ryan’s stomach clenched as he turned, his eyes locking on McCaig who was dressed in a long trench coat and wool hat pulled over his pale hair. He looked even more gaunt under the sallow lights, his cheekbones giving him a haunted look. His eyes were deep-set and hooded, but Ryan could see them wandering around the parking lot.
“Well, this is where I shop sometimes,” Ryan said, not wanting to give too much away. “Small town, you know.”
“Is it?” McCaig asked. “I’ve lost perspective a little since growing up in Glasgow. Everything thing over there seems so massive until you find yourself in the States and suddenly it feels no bigger than a broom cupboard.”
/> Ryan bit the inside of his cheek, desperate for this conversation to come to an end before Cole returned, but it was too late. Cole had already started his way back, his face showing he had no idea about McCaig’s presence.
“I think he’s sorted,” Cole said after giving Kevin the command to find the car. “Food?”
“Got it all ready,” Ryan said, then cleared his throat. “Ah. Cole, my co-worker just dropped by. I’ve spoken about him before. Christopher McCaig?”
Understanding dawned on Cole’s face for a brief second, and he redirected Kevin to Ryan’s side before turning. “Yes, of course. Nice to meet you.”
“English then, are you?” McCaig asked with one of his twisted grins. “How’d you find yourself here?”
Ryan took immediate noticed that Cole didn’t offer his name or his hand. “Rehabilitation,” Cole said with a shrug. “Got a bit bashed up on my last tour, found a good doctor here. And yourself?”
“I go where the money takes me. These doctors and lawyers here,” McCaig said, blowing out a low whistle, “cannae knock it. Dinnae mind lining my pockets again before I head back.”
That was news to Ryan, who hadn’t known McCaig’s presence here was intended to be temporary. Good news, he thought, though he didn’t want to rely on it.
“Well we should,” Ryan began, but McCaig went on as though he hadn’t spoken.
“So, on your own, are you? Or did you bring a family? Wee bairn at home?”
Ryan noticed the way Cole cocked his head to the side, turning his ear just so. “Just on my own,” Cole said. “Anyway, we’re running a bit late, so we should head off, but it was good to meet you.”
“Indeed it was,” McCaig said. He turned back to Ryan. “Monday, then?”
“You know me,” Ryan said, shoving his hand into his pocket to retrieve his key fob. He turned away, though hated turning his back on the guy, and headed into the car as Cole got Kevin situated in the back, then climbed in and shut the door.
Neither of them said a word until they were on the street, and Cole turned to face him. “That’s the one?”
“Yeah, the fucking creeper from my office. Do you see what I mean?”
Cole rubbed his hand down and around his mouth in thought, then shrugged. “He’s strange, but then again most Scottish people I know have been a bit mad. Nosy, which I’d be wary of.”
“Interested in you,” Ryan pointed out. He turned down the street toward his so he could pick up his things. “You don’t find that odd?”
“Maybe he’s just looking for something more familiar. Trust me when I say being a foreigner here—even one who speaks the language as a first—can feel a bit isolating.”
Ryan didn’t buy it, but then again, Cole didn’t have the whole picture. The guy looked and talked like a comic book villain, there was no denying it. He didn’t know what the guy could be up to, but it was certainly nothing good.
Pulling up to his parking spot, Ryan hesitated with both hands gripping the wheel. “Okay, we’re at mine. It won’t take me long but…”
“I can wait here,” Cole said softly. “It’s unfamiliar and I don’t want to slow you down.”
Ryan frowned, looking over at him. “I want you to come up. We’ve always been at yours, and I understand why, but I want you to know my place too. I don’t think you’ll slow me down, but even if you do, I don’t care.”
The corner of Cole’s lips twitched up and he reached for the door handle. Mollified, Ryan followed, waiting patiently at the curb for Cole to take Kevin’s harness.
“There’s four steps up to the door,” Ryan told him. “It’s a glass door that swings out, and two sets of stairs, one on the right, and one on the left. Mine is directly to the right and leads straight up to my door which is on the left wall.”
Cole nodded, the directed Kevin to follow along, not nearly as slow as he believed he was. Ryan unlocked the deadbolt, then swung it open and stepped in, flicking on the light switch by the wall. Before he met Cole, he’d always thought of himself as a relatively neat person—not a lot of unnecessary things, never much clutter, his biggest sin leaving out take-away boxes from the night before.
Now that he had Cole in his house, all he could see was every single thing he owned in the most inconvenient location for a walking path. “Uh,” he said, reaching for Cole’s shoulder. “So, it’s not a mess but…”
Cole laughed quietly and put his free hand over Ryan’s. “It’s fine, you know. Unless you’re a hoarder with only a two-foot walking path through your things—which Kevin actually could navigate me through.”
Ryan huffed a sigh, turning his hand and dragging Cole’s hand to his lips and gave it a rough kiss. “I’m not that bad. Just…I want you to feel comfortable here, but we’re only going to be a minute.”
“So tell me about it. Give me the quick tour,” Cole urged.
Ryan bit his lip, then nodded and slung his arm around Cole’s waist—mostly because they’d had no time together recently. He wanted to be close, he wanted Cole in his space, and he hated they were being rushed. “It’s an open floorplan, so there’s no real distinct area between the kitchen, dining room, or the living room. We’re by the front door, so the dining room is to our left, but I only have a little table in there with one chair, and my mom’s old piano up against the wall.”
Cole’s mouth stretched into a grin. “You play?”
Ryan sighed. “Yes, I was forced to attend lessons for thirteen agonizing years of my life. Then I quit, then I realized I actually missed it when I didn’t have some scowling matron from the seventeen-hundreds hovering over my shoulder and bitching about my posture. And no, I won’t play for you, we don’t have time.”
Cole chuckled quietly. “Fair enough, but I expect a concert someday.”
Ryan groaned, nudging him softly in his side. “To the left of the dining room is the kitchen, two counters on either side and the sink against the furthest wall. To the right of it is the living room. The back of the couch faces the piano, and there’s the terrace door and my TV is mounted on the wall to the left of that. To the right is my bedroom door, right of that is the guest bathroom, and the far right of that is the guest room where Noah used to crash when his life was still a disaster and Adrian wasn’t there to comfort him.”
Cole turned his head, lifting his hand to Ryan’s jaw, then kissed him. “It sounds beautiful.”
“It’s nothing special,” he countered. In reality, Ryan didn’t think he’d ever utter those words. This condo had been a triumph—proof that he’d gotten through school, that he’d made something of himself with his degree, that he could afford all the things Rhys had done years before him. He’d meticulously decorated with art, with stylish pieces picked up from local artists at craft fairs, and trinkets from expensive vacations.
None of those things mattered now. Now, all he could think about was, is his couch comfortable enough? Is there room for Kevin to stretch out? Will Cole be able to find his way to the bathroom and back without tripping over a wayward table or corner of a rug?
He was startled by the change in him, but he didn’t have time to worry about it. “Come on, you can explore my bedroom while I throw a bag together, okay?”
Cole let Kevin’s harness go and ordered him to lie down, then took Ryan’s arm and followed him through the door. The room was bright, the window facing the setting sun, so it was bathed in a hazy, orange glow from the bay window. His room was tidy as it ever was, bed made and nothing on the floor. He’d never really decorated much, never had cause to. He never, ever brought his hook-ups home, so who was there to impress?
“Bed’s straight ahead about twenty steps, but don’t quote me on that, I’ve never counted. I have a desk to the right of it and a really big chair in front that. I spent like two-grand on it, so if you want to sit your ass on the most amazing office chair of your life, feel free.”
Cole choked on a laugh, turning his face toward Ryan. “Two thousand dollars? Are you having me on?”
>
“Listen, when it comes to my ass in chairs all day, I indulge. Besides, it’s technically my home-office, so it’s a write-off.”
“Rich people,” Cole muttered with some disdain, though there was a faint grin on his face. “Fine, show me to this amazing chair and I’ll put my feet up whilst you pack.”
Ryan led Cole to the chair, placing his hand on the plush back, and he watched him carefully as he sat. When Cole’s face went from surprised to indignant, Ryan’s head fell back with a belly-laugh. “I fucking told you, man. Tell me it’s not worth it.”
“I can think of at least a hundred things to spend two-grand on that aren’t a single piece of furniture,” Cole muttered, crossing his arms even as he nestled deeper into the soft cushioning. “However, I am willing to come over and borrow yours whenever I’m feeling sore.”
Ryan couldn’t help leaning over, a hand on Cole’s cheek to let him know a kiss was coming. Cole’s mouth lifted toward his, lips parted, tongue brushing along Ryan’s and within only a breath, that sweet kiss turned into something else. Ryan’s hands went out to Cole’s sides, his knee bracing itself beside Cole’s thigh, and he groaned into the gesture.
“How long has it been since I’ve been able to do this?” Ryan murmured against Cole’s mouth.
“A week only,” Cole told him.
Ryan leaned into him more, nipping at the soft lips under him. “A week too fucking long. I want you. God, I miss feeling you.”
Cole’s hands went out, gripping at Ryan’s sides, urging him to straddle his lap in the chair which held fast under their combined weight. “We don’t have long, but to be honest, I don’t think I’ll take long right now.”
Ryan hissed his pleasure through his teeth as Cole’s hips lifted and brought their erections together. Grinding like some horny teen didn’t used to have so much appeal until he’d met Cole. Then suddenly every touch sent sparks of pleasure dancing across his skin, making him want, making him crave. Ryan had almost no power at all to resist that man, not with those hands, those clever fucking fingers working at his belt, working his button and zip open to expose him.