The smallest one was the size of a shoebox. It was crammed with naked pictures of Nick Seabrook. Standing. Sitting. Lying on one side. Lying on another side. Up against the kitchen wall. In the shower. Standing on the edge of the tub. On a beach. In a car. On a car. Jesus!
My fingers shook as I flipped the latch on a large, floral decorated container. There were dozens and dozens of letters. The outside envelopes were addressed from Roger Mitchell to Lola Smith and the postmarks told me that Mama had received them from Asha’s father when they were both just teenagers. I was tempted to read them but were the young thoughts of Roger Mitchell any of my business? Asha obviously didn’t think so because she’d never mentioned this treasure to me.
It was all so unfair, I thought as I left Asha’s bedroom. It was wrong that Roger had been either unable or unwilling to fight whatever demons that had led him to the crack pipe. It was terrible that Mama’s weakness for Roger had led her to stay in that relationship until it damaged her spirit. It was despicable of Philip to use Mama’s body to try to figure out whether he liked men or women and then leave her with another baby to take care of. It was unfair to both me and Asha that Mama worried so much, ate so much, drank so much that she finally keeled over from a stroke before we had a chance to figure out a path for our own lives.
Chapter 45
ASHA
When Mr. Delrossi took his seat at the conference room table, I tapped my water glass for order. Several of the senior staff, my associate buyer, and our guests turned to look at me.
Tucked firmly in my Ann Taylor skirt suit and wearing pearls, I said, “Thank you all for stopping by to meet Splash Brady and Reena Sendo who are partners in Splash Sendo, a brand-new two-woman firm that manufacturers a line of the cutest little handbags to hit the scene since Kate Spade.”
I took a breather and looked at the two perky blondes, barely out of their teens, whom I was talking about. Splash was the trendy girlfriend of an Emmy Award–winning actor and Reena was a party girl about town who seemed to get a truckload of media attention just for walking down the street. Both of them seemed very sullen considering the fact that I had recently ordered $100,000 worth of merchandise from Splash Sendo.
Splash tossed a sheaf of her thick, waist-length hair back over her shoulder and looked down at her hands.
Reena gave her partner an angry glare and managed a tight smile of thanks.
The only thing I could do was ignore the tension between them and keep going.
“We’re here to talk about shipping dates, store selections, and cross-promotional opportunities,” I said enthusiastically. “Splash, why don’t you start with some of your ideas?”
“Let Reena do it. She knows everything,” Splash hissed out of the corner of her mouth.
Something was terribly wrong.
“Sure,” Reena said. “Our market is the hip, downtown New York crowd and young people across the country who want to look like them. We think that five-minute commercials before the start of the hit teen movies will catch their attention. In the meantime, Splash and I will . . .”
Splash snorted in a very unladylike way before Reena could finish her sentence. “Probably kill each other.”
Reena flushed and ignored the comment. “Splash and I will use our connections to hit the talk show circuit, always carrying one of the bags on camera.”
“The only connections you have are your tits,” Splash said loud enough for everyone at the table to hear.
I had to do something. “Perhaps this isn’t a good day for you ladies. Let’s reschedule this meeting for a time when you’re under less pressure.”
Reena closed her eyes.
Splash looked triumphant.
Delrossi harrumphed and asked me, “Ms. Mitchell, how far are we along in this venture?”
“Sir, we’ve ordered more than one gross. This seems to be a minor glitch. Please don’t worry about it.”
Splash hit the table with her fist. “The Titanic was a minor glitch compared to what my double-crossing partner has done to my relationship.”
So this was about a man. I knew right then that the handbag line was over and, unless our legal department could get our deposit back quickly, so was my job.
Mr. Delrossi was staring at me. His eyebrows were raised. Not a good sign.
“Meeting over,” I announced.
Splash and Reena stood along with the rest of the staff.
I halted their departure with a raise of my hand. “Not you two. There are legal issues here that must be worked out. Don’t you dare move.”
Reena sighed loudly.
Splash sat back down, too, but she clearly didn’t give a fuck about whatever was going to happen to her.
That meant Reena had won the man and Splash was in full self-destructive mode as a result.
Chapter 46
SAUNDRA
If Asha had not been my sister, I would have just taken my things and become another camper in Yero’s already overcrowded house, but if she was headed for trouble, I needed to try to stop her. I planned to find out what the deal was with this new guy by starting a friendly sort of girlfriend-to-girlfriend conversation and making her feel comfortable enough to tell me.
It didn’t work out that way.
I had spent the day checking out various museum exhibits around the city and came home to chaos. When I opened the door the first thing I saw was a pair of pink panties lying right in the middle of the floor. An empty liquor bottle wasn’t too far away and the line of clothing—including men’s boxer shorts, a man’s shirt and pants—led straight to Asha’s bedroom door, which was wide open.
I looked in, expecting to see Nick, but the guy was much shorter and his head was completely bald. They were both sound asleep and the smell of liquor rose and fell from their open mouths, creating a disgusting stench.
Should I have just closed the door and gone on about my business? Yes. Did I? No.
I shook my sister’s bare shoulder until her eyes opened. “Asha! Who on earth is this guy? What are you doing?”
Asha sat up with tits hanging and bush showing. She rubbed her eyes, yawned and squinted her eyes at me. “What did you say?”
I repeated my questions.
Asha turned around and looked at her playmate. “Just some guy I met in a bar. Could you get me some water? Jesus, my head is killing me.”
“Some guy you met in a bar? How do you know he’s not a serial killer? Wake him up and get him out of here!”
She held her head in her hands, groaned and then ran bare-assed into the bathroom. I could hear her retching.
By the time she pulled on a robe and stumbled into the kitchen, I was sitting there at the table wondering if this was the first time Asha had done something so incredibly hazardous.
“Asha, have you lost your mind?”
“Leave me alone, Saundra. In fact, get out. You’re on my last goddamn nerve.”
She was clearly still drunk so I wasn’t too hurt.
She filled a glass with water from the tap and drank it down too quickly. This caused her to throw up all over the floor. “What was that rat of yours doing out of its cage?”
“My hamster?”
Asha used some paper towels to clean up her mess.
“I came home and it was running wild. That so-called serial killer was nice enough to catch it. All these animals have got to go. First thing in the morning.”
What had happened to my life? What would become of me? “Shut up!” I screamed. “Just shut up you fucking two-bit tramp!”
Asha’s robe flew open as she lunged at me. “How dare you judge me? Who gave you the right to do that?”
Before things could get any worse, the man appeared. He looked both scared and hungover. “I’ve got to go.”
He looked at me and held out a hand. “Hi, I’m Clark.”
I ignored his outstretched hand.
As we watched, Clark picked up his clothes, piece by piece, and disappeared. We heard the bathroom door clo
se.
I hugged my sister’s half-clad body. “I’m sorry. What’s the matter, Asha? Why did you do something like this?”
She pulled away. “My boss is on my ass because I might have cost the store a whole lot of money fucking around with two stupid bitches who let an argument over a man get in the way of business. I’m afraid to go into my own living room because you have it cluttered up with scary looking statues, weird-sounding music and more creatures than fucking Doctor Doolittle. On top of that, I want to know what happened with Phil and you won’t tell me.”
I shook my head. “No. I won’t talk about Phil. I can’t. And don’t make that an excuse for bringing a total stranger into our home. It was dangerous, Asha. In fact, he is still here so we’re not in the clear yet.”
We were still yelling and screaming at each other when Clark left, closing the front door behind himself without saying another word.
Chapter 47
ASHA
I don’t see this working. As a matter of fact, I know my new living situation is not going to work.
Our fight was not about run-of-the-mill sister stuff—stop eating all the chocolate or don’t wear my silk blouse.
Those types of rifts can be repaired. No, the blow up between me and Saundra was big enough to drive a truck through.
True, bringing that guy home from happy hour was stupid. I’ve never done anything like that before but that day I had been thinking about myself as Nick’s woman. Some man’s woman. Something owned. Someone who was going to be betrayed. I flipped!
On top of that, I lost out on a job promotion over the Splash Sendo mess. The two bickering partners returned our money but the whole incident hurt my credibility.
But getting back to Saundra. I knew the very second I opened that door that me and Saundra were not designed to be roommates. Why didn’t I just call Yero to come fix this shit and take her over to his house?
Saundra is not a bad person.
She is the kind of woman who most people don’t ever get the chance to meet—kind, gentle, faithful, spiritual, non-materialistic, honest to a fault with a genuine love for all of mankind.
When Mama died, she made sure that Phil understood we were always going to be sisters. There was not going to be any of that “time and distance caused Asha and Saundra to drift apart” crap. Saundra made Phil agree to let her call and come see me whenever and however she wanted. She told me all that the week after Mama’s funeral and I’ve never loved her more than I did at that moment.
So, my question is: How do you get rid of a younger sister who is driving you crazy but doesn’t deserve to be thrown out?
Before the Clark incident, Saundra would have said that her moving in with me had made our bond stronger than ever. And I would have grudgingly acknowledged that I was relieved she had me to turn to during her dark night of the soul.
But if she keeps preaching at me, I’m going to explode. After the dust settles, our relationship will be in microscopic pieces. We’ll end up parting company, never to call or speak to each other again.
In the meantime, I’m going to avoid her as much as possible. This shit just ain’t working.
Chapter 48
SAUNDRA
Asha got dumped in high school and she changed. Mom died and she changed. My father bought a house a few years ago and I moved in and she changed. Now I need to stay with her for a while and she has changed again. I am so sick and tired of Asha and her changes. If she changed for the better that would be one thing, but anytime she gets the slightest disappointment or inconvenience, she expects the world to care; and when it doesn’t, she gets more and more withdrawn or just plain mean. She actually had the nerve to say “you should have known better than to trust Phil or get engaged because none of that fairy tale shit ever works.” What kind of thing is that to say when your sister’s life has been shattered? Not cool at all.
I always suspected that Asha was jealous of my relationship with my father because her father was such a deadbeat; and now I’m sure that she would laugh at me about how Phil really turned out. Acting against God, that’s how he turned out. Asha’s dad was a tormented drug addict but at least he liked women. I simply can’t stand the idea of Asha’s secret mocking and ridicule. That is why I have not been able to tell her the truth about Phil.
Her dad was nothing but a drug addict and he never so much as gave Mama a penny to help raise her. My father gave more than his fair share to Mama after they broke up. They were together for a few months after I was born but Daddy said she dumped him because she never truly got over Asha’s crappy father. Mom would never talk about why she broke up with my dad and I always assumed she didn’t because she knew she really blew it by tossing back such a great catch. I vowed to myself I would never make that mistake if I met the right man, and that’s why I took a chance with Yero.
Well, I was wrong about my own father but I’ll never let Asha know just how wrong. She won’t have me to kick around much longer. I’m quitting school, getting a job and my own place even if it is just a room no bigger than a cell. After that, we’ll never have to see or speak to each other again.
Chapter 49
PHIL
I had a concussion.
I didn’t want to hurt Evelyn any further by telling the emergency room doctors what really happened, so I told them and the police department that I slipped and fell in my own driveway. After a two-night stay in the hospital, I signed myself out and went back to work. With zero tolerance for lying suspects or anyone who resisted my attempts to put the cuffs on, I worked double shifts to the point of exhaustion. My weight was dropping, Hugo and I were barely speaking, and out on the street the words “excessive force” were being linked with my name. But I didn’t care. I realized that I really did love Evelyn. Not in that man/woman way that she needed but like a best friend or beloved sister. What I hadn’t known for all this time was that I depended on Evelyn and she had become my rock, my foundation. Losing her really hurt. Knowing that she hated me was as unbearable as losing Saundra. That’s why Hugo and I were on the outs. He could not understand my grief over Evelyn. Worse, he refused to go visit her and apologize for his role in her tragedy. And he really needed to do that, because the whole Evelyn as decoy thing had been his idea.
I was twenty-one years old when I became a cop and scared to death that someone on the force would find out that I was gay. So, I stopped dating altogether and for the next four years, I used work to ease my loneliness and misery. When Lola started coming on to me, I resisted at first. Then I began to imagine how wonderful it would be if I could really make it with a woman. No more sneaking and hiding—I could go back and reunite with Mom and Dad, see how my little brothers had turned out, and have a “normal life.” So I started going downstairs to see Lola and her little girl, Asha. What a cute kid! It felt good to put money in Lola’s hand and know that she was going to buy some nice clothes for Asha or a new pair of shoes for herself. Lola was a good woman—funny, kind, warm. She just wasn’t what I needed and, since I didn’t tell her the truth, she blamed herself. She accused me of thinking she was too ugly, too fat, too yellow, too poor. It drove me crazy. One night I gave her what she wanted. Saundra was born nine months later.
I felt awful when Lola told me she was pregnant. She was already struggling with one child and there was no way I could marry her. I watched her deteriorate emotionally and vowed to leave women alone forever.
Then I met Hugo. He had a reputation around the station house as this Latino heartthrob who had a string of ladies, but it takes a gay man to know a gay man. I peeped his card right away and he knew it.
We’d been doing our thing for a month or two when he scared the hell out of me. People in the precinct were talking, he said. Wondering why the two of us were always together. Why I didn’t seem to have a woman. Hugo said he had an idea. His old friend, Evelyn, was divorced, lived at home with her elderly mother and needed a man to take her out from time to time. What was the harm? he asked. The othe
r cops would get hip to my new “girlfriend” and stop the talk. Evelyn would have a social life until she met someone else, and everybody would be happy.
I bought it.
Then Lola died and that changed everything. I had to take Saundra or let her go into foster care and what did I know about mothering a grieving teenage girl? She was the only biological family I had left and there was no way I was going to lose her to drugs or one of these knuckleheads out here who just wanted to get in her panties. Evelyn was just what the doctor ordered. But I wasn’t crazy. I wanted Evelyn to take over Lola’s job and make sure that Saundra turned into a decent, educated, sensible woman who had clear goals and didn’t sleep around. Evelyn wanted a lover. Plain and simple. Only very small children or simple-minded adults expect to get their needs met without giving the other person what they want.
So I became Evelyn’s sexual partner. At first Hugo was furious and threatened to tell Evelyn the truth. I told him that I’d shoot him in the balls, cut him off for life and simply find another Evelyn to mother Saundra. Only this time it would be a woman who he didn’t know.
Evelyn’s long-term feelings didn’t enter into the plan at all.
Looking back, it was a diabolical plot and it would serve me right if Evelyn emptied every bullet out of her gun into my heart.
I miss Saundra but she won’t return my calls and I’m not putting my business on paper, so sending a letter is out of the question. A whole lot of people are in jail right now because they like writing letters—letters of apology, letters of confession, letters of need, want, hate.
Sometimes, I sit across the street from Asha’s apartment building in an unmarked car watching Saundra go in and out. I’ve thought about just walking up to her and demanding that she hear me out but I don’t have the right to make any demands of her.
I decided to go through Asha. She agreed to meet with me but insisted that Yero join us too. At first I said no. I mean, who wants to discuss this type of shit with another man at the table. When I said no, Asha hung up the phone without another word. So now we’re doing this her way.
The Other Side Of the Game Page 17