by Becca Taylor
On our movie night, I picked out a horror flick. I was determined to make it through the entire thing. Bentley sat between both Aly and me. He would laugh every time I screamed and hid under his arm. When Aly jumped in his lap, he commented, “Gotta love horror movies.” It took me a week to sleep with my feet out of the covers.
We damn near gave Bentley a heart attack when we accomplished: streak a neighbor. Even though both Aly and I were wearing our bras and panties. But he got us back by doing the same one night in his novelty animal G-string. That did make me laugh, but poor Aly had her tongue hanging out. She must have asked me a hundred times, “Do you think that was real or stuffing?”
Then we would do things from my list that made us feel like kids. Build the biggest sandcastle you can. Eat nothing but junk food for a whole day. Try a food you would never normally eat—I will never try octopus or sushi ever again. Play Bloody Mary in the bathroom during a thunderstorm. Bentley had to stay here that night.
My favorite was the night we danced outside in a rainstorm. Bentley had music playing from the outside speakers while he was working. Both Aly and I were enjoying an evening cocktail when the typical four o’clock Florida rain shower began. We ran downstairs into the driveway and danced to whatever was playing. Bentley watched us from above. “You girls are crazy.”
When Aly dared him to come join us, he did. The three of us danced until a streak of lightening hit the neighbor’s driveway. We all took a hot shower, separately, much to Bentley’s disappointment. Then drank hot chocolate with marshmallow vodka.
Mostly, we would just relax at home, play music, and sing songs. If Mike came over, I would hang out in Bentley’s place. Sometimes we would watch movies together, but mostly we would just talk. I began to realize he was much more than a pretty face. He was not always the cocky guy he came across as.
One night, he decided it was time to have the conversation. “You know he’s a mess without you, right?” My complete shock at his words must have showed on my face. I stopped mid bite from the burger he cooked me. “Well he is. Cal and I we go way back. Known each other most of our lives. I’ve never seen him like this.”
I looked at him as if he just grew two heads. “Why are you telling me this?”
He answers with a shoulder shrug. “Someone needs to say it. He for sure as hell won’t. Too fuckin’ stubborn.”
“I don’t know what to say. I think it’s over. Time to move on.” I can feel my throat tightening at the thought. I let it go on too long. I know I told Caleb I needed space, but there is space, and then there is the Grand Canyon.
“Fuck no, Kat.” Bentley protests, getting angry.
“What do you want me to do? He won’t want to see me.” Caleb must think I’m a crazy person by now. If not crazy, he must at least hate me because I was a jerk to him.
“How do you know? Have you contacted him at all?” I shake my head no, as he continues talking. “Then you don’t know what he will do. Try Kat. Give him a chance. Talk to him. This weekend, at Aly’s birthday shindig. I’ll get him to come, then you two can work this shit out.”
Could I do that? Sit down face to face with Caleb, and have a conversation. Tell him why I reacted like I did. I didn’t want him to know about what I was before I met him. I didn’t want him to think I was a weak person. I wanted him to know me for the girl I am now. “I don’t know, Bentley. I don’t see it going well, and I don’t want to fuck up Aly’s party.”
He kneels in front of me, forcing me to look at him. “It will be fine, Kat. I’ve learned something recently. If you meet someone, someone that you know is meant to be yours, you have to grow a pair and tell them. Tell them exactly what they mean to you. Tell them how you want to be in their life every fucking day. How you can’t picture your life without them in it. Don’t take the coward’s way like me, standing in the shadows, waiting for that person to notice you. Things will never move forward if you keep hiding in the background.”
I know he’s right. I need to do this. “Maybe you need to take your own advice, Bentley.” I know who he’s talking about. I can see it on his face every time she walks in the room. And she lives right below him.
“Can’t sweetheart. She’s not ready yet. My time will come, but right now it’s your time.” He kisses my head before heading to his room to go to sleep.
Before he closes the door, I yell to him, “Okay, I’ll talk to him at the party. There’s something I need to clear up first though.”
He winks at me, giving me that I got you smile. “You do what you need to. I’ll get his ass here somehow. Night, sweetheart.”
“Night. And Bentley, thanks.”
Once Bentley closes his door, I go out to the porch. Sitting on the swing, I draw my legs up to my chest, hugging myself. Looking down at my phone, my finger lingers over a number I do not want to dial. I call the one person I never wanted to hear from again. He’s been calling, texting, and leaving me messages every single day. I hit button and call Travis the Douche. I hesitated when he answered, not saying anything at first. “Katerina?”
“Katerina, are you there?”
“Katerina, talk to me.”
Just say something! Annoyed at myself, I finally answer him. “I’m here.”
“I’ve been calling you. I just want to know if you are okay. Are you?” He says everything so fast. He sounds afraid that I may hang up.
“Why do you want to know if I’m okay?”
“Because I feel responsible.” You are, dipshit.
“Whatever.”
“Do you want me to come over?” What the fuck? You think I really would want you here?
“No, do not come here.” Do you know where I live? Have you seen who my upstairs neighbor? He has more muscles than you’ve ever seen. And if you set a foot on his property, he’ll kick your ass.
“I want to help. You want to go get something to eat? Maybe a coffee?” Is he really trying to get me to go out with him? At that moment, it hits me, Travis really thinks I want him back.
“No, Travis, what I want is to be left alone.” Now, I’m really questioning my sanity. Why did I call him? Because I need answers.
“Katerina, with me you wouldn’t have to worry about shit like that. I would never treat you like that.” Is he for real? He may not have cheated, but he did the same thing, minus the picture proof. He treated me like crap every time we were together.
“Travis, you did treat me like that. Every time you went to a god damn stripper bar. Every time you compared me to another woman. You made me feel like that.”
“I’ve changed.” Instead of his voice getting lower, it actually got higher, annoying me even more.
I break out in hysterics. “Travis, answer me one question. Where were you last night?” Silence, complete silence. I knew damn well he was out at some strip joint with his friends. “Thought so.”
“Wait, it wasn’t like that. I was at a bachelor party.”
I scoff at his answer. “Travis, every other day you are at a bachelor party. I am going to say this one last time. We are done.”
“Kat, give me another chance.” He sounds like a child whining for his favorite toy.
“Answer this. When you sent those pictures, was it out of actual concern for me, or was it because you thought it would help you win me back?”
He takes a deep breath. “Truth?”
“Yes, the truth.” Of course, I want the fucking truth.
“I wanted you back.” He says nothing. Waiting for me to answer him.
“One more question. Did you see what happened after you took the picture?” I knew he did. Yet, I needed to hear him say it.
“Yes.” Silence again.
“Well, I’m waiting.” My legs are now bouncing at what seems like a hundred miles an hour.
“The girls walked away.” My heart stops along with my legs. What did I do? I might have ruined the best thing that happened to me. The color drained from my face. I knew deep down, Caleb told me the truth. Everyone
told me he did. I just didn’t want to believe it. I know that this was all a set up to hurt me. This is the last time I will let Travis interfere in my life.
“Fuck you, Travis. I won’t say it again. Don’t call me, don’t send me shit, don’t even think about me. I’m done. Lose my number. If you continue to harass me, I will get a restraining order on your ass so fast.”
“Kat, you can’t. I haven’t done anything wrong. I did it because I need you.” There was that word again. Need, not love.
“I’m serious Travis. If I so much as get a text again, I will contact the police. FUCK YOU, DOUCHEBAG.” I hang up the phone. I delete Travis’s number from my contacts. I know his number by heart, so if he did call I would recognize it. I didn’t want to see his name again. The Douche messed up the best thing that happened to me. That was not exactly true, though. I’m the one that let the asshole get to me. I believed him over Caleb, and that was not okay.
I sat on the porch for what seemed like hours, thinking of ways to fix things with Caleb. I messed up. I have been living in my own hell for the past month because I let The Douche manipulate me again. I let my stupid insecurities get the best of me. Not anymore, clean slate. I mentally raise a glass to myself, toasting to the new Kat. And this Kat, is going to fix everything she screwed up.
Katerina
THE NIGHT OF Aly’s birthday arrived. Just about everyone was here. Bentley set up the speakers both inside and outside for music. I spent days putting together a mix of Aly’s favorite dance songs. The night before the party, we cooked and cleaned, thinking that would make it easier for us today. The sliding door to the deck is open, letting in the gulf breeze. Bentley is grilling burgers and hotdogs outside. This is triggering dirty looks from Mike. He could have offered to help, being that it’s his girlfriend’s birthday. But not Mike, he is choosing to sit on the couch, downing beers, giving Aly dirty looks every time she talks to Bentley.
All the boys from Butter My Bread were coming tonight. Bentley told me he invited Caleb, but he never gave a definitive answer. I’m trying to be positive. He will show up. Logan just arrived, things have been equally sucky for him. Dani got a job transfer and moved a few weeks ago. She’s only two hours away, but it’s still rough.
Throughout this whole month, Logan and I have grown even closer. Without Caleb, I have too much free time on my hands, so we have been working out together all the time. Taking turns coming here or me going by him. He kisses my cheek hello, throwing his arm over my shoulder. I grab us each a beer and we find a spot to eat. “How you holding up, Logan?”
He gives me a sideways glance, “Don’t worry about me. I’m fine. How you doing? I notice so far he’s a no show.”
Giving my big teeth-showing smile, “Just peachy. How about we go get a few shots and start this party right?”
“Now you’re talkin.’ Lead the way.”
I make my way to the bar area, looking up different shots on my phone. Before I know it, I am mixing up shots for everyone, playing bartender. Everyone is drinking them quicker than I can make them. Before long, we all have a nice buzz going. The music gets louder. I was feeling the effects of all the drinking and I drag my girls up to dance. Bentley was kind enough to push the sofa against the wall to make room for us. Even the boys start to join in. Logan grabs me to dance a certain 1980’s movie style dancing. We are laughing when he dips me down. My legs are straddling his thigh. Everyone is cheering us on.
As I’m hanging with my head upside down, I see a figure walk through the open door. Logan pulls me up so fast I get dizzy. I have to hug him so I do not fall over from the head rush. “What was that for, doofus? You almost gave me whiplash.” Grabbing the top of my head, he turns me so I look towards the door. Caleb is standing there staring at me, looking hurt. Or is it hate. I’m not really sure. People are still dancing around us, but the room seems quiet to me.
I was still hugging Logan. Possibly tighter than I should have been. Caleb heads towards Aly, giving her a hug. “Happy birthday, Aly. I can’t really stay. I just wanted to stop by and give you this.” He hands her a bag, kisses her cheek. Without even looking my way, he walks straight out the door.
“Go Kat. Get him. He might be thinking the wrong thing about us.” Logan says to me, pushing me out of his arms.
I run as fast as I can. I catch him as he sits on his motorcycle. “Caleb, wait.” His hands are gripping the handlebars of his bike, tightly. “Can we talk? I want to tell you I’m sorry.”
He hangs his head between his arms, “Sorry for what, me showing up? Or you moving on?”
“It’s not what you think.”
“It’s cool, Kat. I get it.”
“No, you don’t. That’s just Logan . . .”
He interrupts me before I can finish, starting his bike. “I know who the fuck he is. I said it’s fine. Just go up to the party. Have fun with your friends. I’ve had a long day and just need some sleep. I’ll see you around.”
“Caleb, don’t go. Please. Logan’s just a friend. I was wrong. I’m not ready to give up on us.” This isn’t going as I had planned. It was all said too late. He put on his helmet, revving the engine. I can hear the music playing through his headset, and now he is pulling out of the driveway.
Someone heard me yelling though, and they running down the stairs. Bentley grabs me in his arms and yells, “Fuck, Kat. What happened?”
Now the tears are coming. “He wouldn’t even listen. He just took off. He thought I was with Logan. What do I do now?”
He wipes my tears with his thumbs. “We give him time to cool off, then we try again. You hear me, sweetheart?”
“Yes, Bentley. I hear you.” At the moment, though, I felt like it was hopeless.
“I’ll call him later. I have an idea though. If you can handle it.”
He fills me in on what I will be doing to win Caleb back, once and for all. He will spend all week setting things up with me. I have big doubts if it will work though. I think I really messed up, again.
“Kat, I want you to wipe your eyes, and get your cute butt upstairs. Go party with your girl. Everything will work out.”
I swipe my eyes, annoyed at the tears, and walk upstairs. I have to believe it will work out. Before we go inside, I hug Bentley. “Thanks, Bentley. You really are a good guy. I hope things will find a way to work out for you. Just give her time.” He nods as he looks towards Aly. She is sitting on Mike’s lap laughing, enjoying her day.
Caleb
RIDE. JUST KEEPING going. The music is blasting in my ears. My hands are gripping the handlebars so tight that my knuckles are white. Anger and rage are boiling in my blood. Kat had every right to move on. The anger is all aimed at me, for waiting so long to go see her. When Bentley told me about the party, I played it cool. Like it was no big deal. Inside, I was playing the biggest rock concert ever. This was my in to see her again. I was determined to end this shit. Claim her as mine, and bring her home, where she belongs. I’m done with being without her. I’m done with being alone.
The past month has been pure hell. I was a walking shell of my old self. I have done everything that I normally do, my old routine. Wake up, run, shower, eat, work, gym. Lather, rinse, repeat. It used to work, my routine, now I hated it. Since Kat came into my life, I was beginning to think that was changing, for the better. I thought I put up a good front. But my boys saw right through me. They knew my laughs were forced. They knew, inside, I was breaking.
Seeing her so happy and dancing with Logan did me in. My heart didn’t just break, it was fucking ripped from my chest, thrown on the ground and stomped on. Fucking Logan. He is supposed to be her trainer, not more. I guess he got his hands on her enough times he could not help himself. Who could, the woman was pure perfection. She looked just as beautiful tonight, if not more.
Fuck my life. Every time I close my eyes, I picture Kat and Logan getting hot and sweaty with each other. Both in the gym and out. I turn into my driveway, heading inside as fast as possible. Knowing the
re is only one thing that can settle me down, I change quickly into my gym shorts, grab my headphones and head toward the beach. I need a long run, to work this shit out. I run, not sure of how many miles I went. I make my way back, taking a moment to sit on the beach. Listening to the small waves calms my anger, but it doesn’t stop the pain in my chest. I feel like someone dropped a weight there and I can’t get it off. I keep rubbing, but the pressure won’t ease up.
I wish I could say why I didn’t go to Kat first. It comes down to one thing, pride. I wanted her to realize I am nothing like the douche that she used to date. I would never cheat on her. When I was with her, no other girl was in my sightline, just the beauty that was with me. The woman put blinders on me, ones just like a horse wears. I could only see in front of me, and that was Kat.
Sitting here, I begin to think what my next move should be. Should I call and talk to her? Or just give up and move on. No, moving on is not an option. My heart already told me that. I may never move on from Kat. No woman will ever be able to replace her. At the same time, she deserves to be happy.
The buzz on my phone breaks me out of my thoughts.
Bent—You good, dude?
Me—I’m good. Going to bed.
Bent—We need to talk tomorrow.
Me—Fine.
After a quick shower, I hit the mattress with a crash. The one good thing about the run, it wore my ass out. I fall asleep once my head hits the pillow. The bad thing, now I dream. Dream of Kat by my side. Her dancing with me. Laughing with me. In bed with me.
Getting through the morning at work was easier than I anticipated. It was busy as usual, and busy is good. Bentley rolls in around noon with someone on his heels. When I actually see Logan with him, I head straight for the back. What the fuck? Did he seriously want me to flip my shit here?
He grabs my shoulder, “Listen, trust me will you? Have I ever fucked you over? Just talk to him.”
I grab my coffee and stand in front of Logan. All I want to do is punch the guy in the face. “You got five minutes.” I pull out the chair, turn it backwards, and sit down.