by Tara Rose
The light was back in her eyes, but the fact that it hadn’t returned until he’d mentioned wanting a repeat of last night wasn’t lost on him. Had he waited too long to tell Kai how much he cared for her, and now he was about to lose her to Ian? It couldn’t be. How the fuck could he have been so damn stupid? He had to fix this. He couldn’t lose her. He just couldn’t.
Chapter Nine
Kai took a walk along the beach while she waited for Jagger to call. Her mind was a mess of jumbled thoughts, but in the midst of all the confusion, two things were crystal clear. It was time to tell Jagger how much she cared for him, and that included letting him know that she wanted their relationship to be more than part-time.
The second revelation was more difficult to admit, but she had to. It wouldn’t be fair to either man if she ignored the obvious. Jagger knew her too well, and she suspected he’d caught a glimpse of her feelings this morning anyway. If they invited Ian to top her or have sex with her again, Jagger would see how she felt. Neither man was stupid. And after what Eden had put them through, the last thing either one needed was to believe another woman was playing them both.
As impossible as it seemed, she had feelings for Ian too. They weren’t as strong as those she had for Jagger, but she didn’t know Ian as well. But to have experienced the kind of play they’d shared, and to have that much sex with him and not feel anything, would make her a cold, cruel person. And she wasn’t. Kai didn’t need anyone to tell her that. She knew she wasn’t rotten.
Oh sure, she got a bit impatient at work sometimes, but it always left her feeling guilty. Even when she’d found out about Jesse and Dot’s affair, and that it hadn’t been the first one, she understood what her Aunt Wendy meant when she told Kai that you don’t toss out the entire carton of eggs simply because one happens to be rotten.
As bizarre as their marriage appeared to Kai, her aunt and uncle loved each other. They understood each other. And if Wendy wanted to forgive her husband twenty times over, that was none of Kai’s business. She didn’t agree with it, but that didn’t matter. It wasn’t her issue to deal with.
That’s what made this whole thing so damn fucked up. It was bad enough that her aunt and uncle knew she was seeing Jagger. If they found out she was involved with Ian as well, she had no idea what they’d do. She didn’t want to be forced to choose sides. Jagger and Ian probably faced that choice every day of their lives, and it sucked. It colored everything, including the things that should be good, and fun, and positive. Like everything that happened last night.
Especially everything that happened last night.
How the hell was she going to tell Jagger that she wanted to see Ian again? After three months of dancing around this with him, if she told him she had feelings for both of them, would he assume she was that shallow? Or worse, would he believe that Ian had that much more charisma or charm that her heart could be lost to him after one night?
Jagger had given her three months, and he didn’t even know that she’d been half in love with him all this time.
So maybe that’s all she needed to do at this point. Tell Jagger how she felt, and let him know she was okay with Ian joining them in play, and in bed, again? Then she could ease them both into the realization that she had feelings for Ian too.
Kai sighed in frustration and tossed a rock across the surf. It skipped a few times but then was lost in the tumbling waves. That was even worse. It smacked of subterfuge, and if they ever found out she’d been keeping something like this from both of them, they’d be reminded of Eden all over again.
No. She couldn’t do that to them. If someone did that to her she’d be devastated. There was only one clear solution. The adult one. The honest one. She needed to talk to both of them, at the same time, and confess everything. Just get it all out in the open, and then let the chips fall where they may. Because anything else was less respect than both men deserved.
* * * *
Ian checked his text messages after taking a long, cold shower, surprised to find a slew of them. There was one each from Asa, Jagger, Arizona, Dallas, Graham, and Brett, and with the exception of the one from Asa, they all basically said the same thing. If you can come into the office, do it now. Asa’s message didn’t give him a choice. He’d been summoned to the office. No questions asked.
He called Jagger on the way there and asked him what was going on. Jagger told him the news story had broken about Jesse’s and Dot’s affair, and that wasn’t the worst part. Someone had let it leak that the couple had been caught by Asa in his office at Phoebe’s Playthings.
“Who the fuck would tell a reporter that?” Ian had heard the story from Lucie at the same time as Jagger. Neither man had bothered asking who she’d heard it from. It hardly mattered now where or who had started passing it around. The bottom line was that Asa would kill whoever had leaked it to the media, plain and simple.
“We don’t know. But Asa is here and he’s demanding we all find out.”
“How are we supposed to do that?”
“Fuck. I don’t know. Can you get here?”
“I’m already on my way in.”
He’d rather think about Kai and the things they’d said to each other last night, but that hardly mattered, either. She was with Jagger, and as soon as she did what he’d advised her to do and tell Jagger that she wanted their relationship to be more than it was, that would be the end of his play and sex with her.
Ian found the rest of the men already in the conference room outside Asa’s and Tim’s offices, but Tim wasn’t there. Only Asa. He was dressed for the golf course, and that meant he’d be even more upset because he’d likely missed a game or two this morning.
“Finally. Where the hell have you been?”
“Taking a shower. I was up late.” He cut his gaze toward Jagger, who grinned like an idiot and gave him a thumbs-up. He was so fucking weird at times.
“I’ve called all of you here this morning because you’ve been working the phones or you’re in PR. I want the leak found. Too many people know about Jesse and Dot to begin with, so start with them. I’m betting the same person who’s feeding the press information about Jesse and his wife’s family is the person who told them this.”
“I hate to point out the obvious,” said Brett, “but Uncle Jesse could have told them about the affair himself. And he’d know the detail about you catching them in your office, as well. He probably told them everything else we’ve been hearing on national TV. Or he told Morton, who let it all leak.”
Asa’s face turned red. “I know that! But I want the others eliminated just the same.” He glared at Jagger. “All of them.”
Jagger stared him down. “If you’re suggesting Kai had anything to do with this, you are way off base.”
“Do you know specifically what Wendy told her?”
“I don’t need to know. She wouldn’t do this. You might be surprised to learn she’s on your side about those fires.”
Asa looked confused, but only for a split second. “Yes. That would surprise me. I’m sure she told you that, but I wouldn’t stake my life on it.”
Ian knew it was the worst possible time to speak up, but it pissed him off hearing Kai’s name dragged through the dirt in this room. Just because she happened to be Wendy’s niece didn’t mean she sided with her and Jesse. She’d never said or done anything publicly to put down Asa or Phoebe’s Playthings.
“Asa, I can back Jagger up on that. Kai isn’t the leak here. She’s staying neutral for obvious reasons.”
Asa narrowed his eyes. “Are you fucking kidding me? Both of you? What the hell is it with all of you? And if you must do this, why can’t you pick a woman from one of our families?”
Arizona, Dallas, and Graham all spoke up at once, protesting Asa’s words. The argument was an old one. Ian listened to them argue, resisting the urge to point out that William, Robert, Agapito, and Iago had all married original natives. That meant both sides of the family were also descended from the original inhab
itants of this island. Didn’t Asa realize that?
When they all finally had their say, Asa insisted on getting back to his original reason for dragging them here on a Saturday morning. “I expect you all to make this a top priority.”
“You mean after we do what you pay us to do, of course.” Dallas’s sarcasm caused a few snickers around the room, but Asa couldn’t jump down Dallas’s throat and he knew it.
“Of course that’s what I mean. Business as usual. Nando and Liam have come up with a plan to add a third shift to manufacturing without adding new line managers or shift supervisors. That means more product going out, and increased efficiency. I’ve already let Taj and Jeff know they will likely need to add a third shift to shipping as well. We need to stand united on this and put on our game faces. No one will have any reason to believe this has affected our bottom line.”
“Has it?” asked Arizona, glancing toward Ian and Brett.
“Not a bit,” said Ian. “We’re rock solid.”
“And that’s the way it’s going to stay. Now, before I leave for the golf course, I want to make something perfectly clear to all of you.”
He glanced around the table at them as if he was about to make an announcement that would change the direction of the tides. Ian resisted the urge to smile as he imagined Asa trying to do that. The old bastard would find a way to make it happen if he thought it would preserve his way of life.
“I did not set those fires. I don’t know who did, but I’m standing here before all of you, looking you square in the eye, telling you it was not me who did this. And that’s the last I want to hear about those rumors among this group. Are we clear?”
Once Asa finally left, Ian sought out Jagger and motioned him into the hallway, out of earshot. “I was out of line, but I couldn’t sit there and listen to Asa accuse Kai of this.”
“You weren’t out of line. I was glad someone else defended her along with me.”
The look in Jagger’s eyes didn’t match his words.
“Look, I know last night was a onetime thing. But she’s a good person. She’s nothing like her batshit aunt or uncle. And I wanted everyone in that room to know she never would have done this.”
“I appreciate that. Really. Thanks, man. But why do you think last night was only a onetime thing?”
“I just assumed it would be. You two have a good thing going.”
“Well, then, you might be surprised to learn that Kai and I briefly discussed last night, and both of us want to repeat the experience.”
“What?” Ian didn’t want to let hope build, but it was impossible not to. “Why?”
Jagger laughed softly and clapped him on the back. “Ah, because she had a wonderful time and responded so well. Because I enjoyed watching her have such a great time. And unless I hallucinated everything, you enjoyed yourself, too. So what’s the big deal?”
Ian studied his friend’s face. Then he glanced around, but everyone else was still in the conference room. He could hear their raised voices. It was now or never. “Let me ask you something. And first let me acknowledge it’s none of my damn business. But what exactly do you feel for her? I mean, is this only playtime for you? Is it really that casual?”
Jagger’s entire aura changed, just like that. “Why does it matter?”
“It matters because you and I have been down this road before. Okay. Maybe not in exactly the same way. Obviously not. But we cared about the same woman. Hell, we married the same woman. And it nearly ruined any chance of a friendship for us. I won’t see that happen again.”
Jagger narrowed his eyes. “You care about her.”
Ian’s pulse raced. “Don’t you?”
“Yes, of course I do. But so do you. I mean, as more than a friend. I didn’t see it until now.”
Ian averted his gaze. “Jesus Christ, Jagger. What the fuck do you want from me? You invited me to top her. We practically had finger sex with her during the play. And then you invited me into your bed and encouraged me to fuck every one of her holes while you watched. Of course I care for her. And it’s worse now that I’ve shared all that with her. What do you think I am? Some cold-hearted bastard that can just flog her and fuck her, then go on about his business like none of it happened? Fuck you.”
“Hey, back off. Why are you attacking me?”
“Because I don’t like the way you played her last night.”
Jagger took a step toward him, his eyes blazing with anger. “I did not play her.”
“You sure about that? Why did you let things go as far as they did? Just to see her reaction? She’s not a prostitute. How the fuck did you expect her to react? You’ve been seeing her for three months, but do you even know what she wants?”
Jagger’s hands curled into fists and a muscle twitched in his jaw. “What the fuck does that mean?”
Ian knew this was dangerous ground, but he was on a roll now and he was going to have his say. “Do you know what she told me? She told me how much she wishes her relationship with you was more than it is. And then she felt guilty for telling me. I actually encouraged her to talk to you about it. So I think it’s time you got your head out of your ass and acknowledged how you feel about this extraordinary girl. Stop dicking around, Jagger. She deserves better than that.”
Jagger actually recoiled, and Ian realized he’d struck a nerve. “She’s the one who insisted on keeping things casual.” His voice was small and uncertain, something Ian had never heard in him.
“And why do you think that is? She doesn’t want to pressure you. She knows how badly you were burned by Eden, and she won’t be the same kind of woman to you.”
“She’s not.”
“Does she know that? Have you ever bothered to tell her that?”
“You were burned, too.”
“I know that. So does she.”
Ian watched the same thoughts pass across Jagger’s face that he’d been struggling with all morning. But he didn’t have the patience to deal with Jagger’s guilt or his conflict right now. He had his own shit to figure out where Kai was concerned.
Jagger opened his mouth to say something else, but the others stared filing out. He turned to leave, but Ian followed him out to the parking lot and got into his car. “Look. We need to talk about this. All three of us.”
“I’m not sure Kai will be—”
“I think you’re wrong about that. I think that’s exactly what she wants us to do.”
Jagger turned on him, his eyes filled with anger once again. “You’ve known her in an intimate way for less than two days. I’ve been seeing her for three months. I think I know what she wants a bit more than you do.”
“Then ask her. Call her right now and ask her what she wants.”
“Fuck you.”
“Jagger, I’m telling you this as a friend. You’re going to blow this if you aren’t careful here. You didn’t see the look on her face last night before we came in to wake you up. You didn’t hear the pain in her voice. You need to make this right with her. We both do. Or else.”
“Or else what?”
“Or I’m afraid she’ll wash her hands of us both. She’s torn up enough about this fighting between our families. All she needs is an easy excuse to decide she can’t be involved with either of us. If you care about her at all, talk to her. Tell her how you really feel.”
He opened the passenger door and got out, but leaned in again to say one more thing before leaving. “And if you want me to repeat last night again, you’ll get things straight between you and Kai first, because I won’t have us at odds over the same woman ever again. Especially not Kai. I value your friendship and hers too much.”
Ian closed the door and forced himself to walk away. It was the only shred of pride he had left right now.
Chapter Ten
Jagger sat in his car in the parking lot at Phoebe’s Playthings for a long time, thinking about everything Ian had said. He hated the fact that Ian had nailed him that easily, and he hated the fact that everything h
e’d said was spot-on. Fuck him. But at the same time, it wasn’t anything earth shattering. He’d been dancing around his feelings for Kai all along. But why didn’t he know she wanted their relationship to be more? Why had she told Ian but not him?
Because you never discussed it with her, that’s why.
It was true. Every time she’d even hinted at a serious discussion of their relationship, he’d changed the subject. Not because he didn’t want more, but because he was afraid. He was a fucking coward. Kai wasn’t Eden. Not even close. But by keeping her at a distance like this, he’d closed off the possibility of being hurt by her. He’d also closed off the possibility of everything they could have together.
And now he’d invited Ian into the picture. This was his own doing. Did Kai have feelings for Ian already? It was entirely possible. She might have had them before last night. Ian was right. She wasn’t a cruel woman who used men then threw them away. What she’d shared with Ian last night would intensify any feelings she’d already had. Jagger had placed himself and Kai in this position. He had no one else to cast blame on. He’d done this to both of them.
He stared at his phone. She was waiting to hear from him. It was time to stop being afraid of what might never happen and embrace all they could have together. And now he’d have to face the added possibility that he might have to share her with Ian. He’d opened up that box, and now it was too late to close it.
What was Asa always telling them? That the price of free will meant you had to live with the consequences of your choices. Asa was right.
* * * *
Kai was back in her apartment by the time her phone rang. She was so relieved to hear Jagger’s ringtone that she nearly tripped over furniture reaching for her phone to answer the call.
“Hey. I miss you already. When would you like to talk? Ian will be joining us.”
She nearly dropped the phone. “Oh. Okay. Um, I’m free anytime today.”