"Nope."
I left him to get dressed, discreetly closing the door behind me and remembering to take my drink with me. No one was upstairs, so our encounter had gone unnoticed-or so I thought. When I reached the bottom of the stairs, I nearly walked right into Seth.
"Oh my God," he said, giving me a once over. "You really did it?"
"Did what?" I asked in a saccharine voice.
"You know what. You've got that-that glow. That, and you're missing a button."
I glanced down at the guilty gap in the blouse and shape-shifted it to its former state. "There. Good as new."
He shook his head, keeping his voice low so we wouldn't be overheard. "I didn't really believe you'd do it. I saw you walk off with him and thought, 'No, she wouldn't. Not here.' So I came over and-"
"You what? Came to stop me?" I couldn't help an incredulous laugh. "Seth, what I do or don't do is none of your business."
"What about Dante? You just cheated on him."
"I cheat on all my boyfriends. Did you forget? It's what I do."
"You didn't need the energy fix. I could tell."
"Yeah, but I wanted the energy fix. What are you, jealous?"
"What happened to you?" he demanded, evading my question. "How did you change so much? You're better than this."
"I've always been like this. You were just too starstruck to notice."
I turned and left him, heading back out to our friends, making sure I neatened up my appearance in tiny increments as I walked. The alcohol was really kicking in at this point, but I was pretty sure I still managed to walk without looking obviously drunk. When I reached the group, Kayla gestured to be picked up again. I was a little hesitant, but she seemed so insistent that I handed my drink to Doug and lifted her into my arms again. Mercifully, I didn't fall over.
She studied me with those big blue eyes, and I wondered what she sensed. Something about her gaze affected me in a way that Seth's chastising hadn't. I felt bad for what I'd done. Dirty. Cheap.
"She sure does like you," said Maddie. "And you're great with her too. You should have kids of your own."
I ran a hand over Kayla's fine hair, recalling the dreams Nyx had sent me while she'd stolen my energy. They'd all shown an impossible future, me with a daughter and husband. "Can't," I said. "Doug would be lousy at child support."
"Oh, be quiet," he snapped back good-naturedly. I think he'd been drinking as much as me by now.
Seth returned just then and touched Maddie's arm, his expression grim. "We should head off. Terry and the others will be back, and Kayla's probably getting tired."
Maddie's face fell a little. "Already?" It was the first time in their idyllic relationship that I'd ever seen signs of clouds.
"We need to get her back," Seth reiterated mildly. "And I've got a chapter to write."
She rolled her eyes. "Ah. Now the truth comes out."
Interesting. Maddie had to put up with the same stuff I had.
"Stay," Doug told her. "I'll give you a ride."
"Yeah, like I'd trust you behind a wheel right now."
"Then you drive me and Kincaid home, and Mortensen can go now."
They all finally decided that was a good idea. As Seth and Kayla were about to go, Maddie suddenly did a double-take. "Oh! Wait. You have to give Georgina her present."
I blinked. "Present?"
Seth's face turned almost- almost -mischievous, though he was still clearly bothered by what had taken place in the house. "Uh, yeah. I just got a box of advanced copies of the next Cady and O'Neill book and wondered if you wanted one."
"I…" I stopped, unsure what to say. Maddie laughed.
"You've been the belle of the ball all night, and this is what makes you speechless?"
"Hey, it's not that easy. I mean…this is Cady and O'Neill. You know how I feel about them. I've sort of accepted that I wouldn't get to read their next installment until October. If I get it now, my whole universe will be thrown out of whack."
"So you don't want it?" asked Seth.
"Oh, I want it. Just seems…I don't know. It feels like cheating."
"They're in the car right now," teased Maddie in a singsong voice. "Sure you don't want one?"
I looked at Seth's smile, and something weird passed between us. I could hardly believe that minutes ago, we'd been fighting in the house. The looks we exchanged, the way I felt…it was almost like it used to be. I hastily turned away.
"Yes," I groaned. "Of course I do."
Seth said good-bye to the rest of the bookstore gang and tried to find Casey, but she was surrounded by a throng of relatives. Giving up, he led me out of the yard to where he'd parked a block or so away. Kayla was still in my arms. None of us spoke, and it was just as well because my feelings were all tangled up. Every post-breakup interaction between us had been angry or painfully tense lately. Yet, in these last few moments, things had become almost comfortable again. Was it possible we'd ever move past this phase? Could the pain I'd gone through with him really ease up so quickly?
He unlocked the car and got the book for me. I hoped I didn't gape like a schoolgirl when I saw it. All Fools Night . The cover showed the skyline of Washington, DC, blurred like a Renoir painting and overlaid with dark indigo. All sorts of warnings about it being an advanced copy and not for sale were on it, but I paid those no heed. I didn't want to sell it. I wanted to read it. Now.
When I dragged my eyes up from the cover, Seth regarded me with happy amusement. "I can't believe you're really that excited."
"Why wouldn't I be? And why are you surprised? Lots of people love your books."
He shook his head. "Yeah…but it's still surreal to think that I can write something-create something-that affects people so strongly that they get an emotional involvement with what I've pulled from my head. And to realize that someone I know personally…knowing it affects you like that…well, like I said, surreal."
The sweet, earnest look in his eyes was making butterflies dance in my stomach, so I hastily looked back at the cover. I almost wished we'd start fighting again. "Seth…why…why are you doing this?"
"Giving you the book?" He was puzzled.
"No, I mean…being nice. And worrying about me back there."
"You don't think I'm normally nice?"
I looked back up and sighed. "You know what I mean. We've been avoiding each other since New Year's, and when we have been together, it's been disastrous. Yet, here you are bringing me this…I just don't understand it. Was it Maddie's idea?"
He stared at me for a long time, or at least it felt like it. A chill ran down my spine, and for a second, I felt disoriented, like I was in this time and another, reliving the same moment over again.
"No. I did it because hate shouldn't last forever," he said finally, voice soft. "Because eventually, you have to forgive. You can't just stop caring or…" He didn't finish the phrase. "I think we'll always have a connection, no matter where we go or what we do. And if so, I'd like us to be friends."
For the second time that night, I was speechless. There were a hundred things that would have made good responses. Telling him I agreed. Telling him I forgave him. Telling him I wanted us to be friends too. Yet, I couldn't muster those words, and I never had a chance to ponder exactly why because Kayla suddenly jerked in my arms, coming awake with wide-eyed alacrity.
"Hey," a voice called to us. We turned.
Dante was about half a block away and walking toward us. With each step, Kayla recoiled further and further from his approach. Dante's lifetime of power-seeking and wicked deeds had left a taint on him, one that Kayla could sense the way she could sense my aura. I didn't entirely know what it felt like for her, but it couldn't be good.
"Here," I said to Seth. "Trade me."
Kayla went to him eagerly, and he handed over the book just as Dante reached us. He put an arm around me and kissed my cheek. "Got your message and thought I'd come by. Hey," he said, by way of greeting to Seth.
Seth nodded back, a
nd whatever fragile companionship he and I had been rebuilding disappeared. Eager to distract, I employed the conversational gift I allegedly had.
"Seth was leaving and just had to get this book for me." I held it up as explanation. "How was work?"
Dante kept his arm around me in a way that was almost proprietary. He'd always regarded my past with Seth nonchalantly, but I think me being so deeply involved with someone bothered him sometimes. His eyes lighted on Kayla for a moment. She was trying so hard to keep away from him that she was practically crawling off Seth. Mortal magic and abilities varied considerably, but I imagined Dante must be able to sense her too. A ghost of a smile crossed his lips, and then he turned his attention back to me.
"Slow, as usual. I did get a couple of high teens wanting Tarot."
"Oh, lord. Your favorite kind of teens."
"Yup. Never questioned the price. I don't even know if they comprehended the fortune, to be honest."
"You didn't tell them about tree frogs, did you?"
"Tree frogs?" asked Seth.
"Yeah, Dante had these kids on acid come in once, and as part of their reading, he told them to beware of tree frogs."
Grinning, Dante shook his head at the memory. "Shit, that freaked them out. You should have seen them when they left the store. They were practically crouching on the ground, looking up everywhere, peering at every window and telephone wire. That would have almost been compensation enough."
The image always made me laugh. "But not this time?"
"Nah, this group was just sluggish and out of it. On the bright side, they paid me ten dollars for a bag of Doritos I had sitting around. Gotta love kids spending their allowance."
Dante and I were both amused by his clients' antics, but glancing over, I saw that Seth was not. Something cold clenched inside me, and I could suddenly see us through his eyes. He didn't really find taking advantage of teens under the influence of drugs funny, whether it was monetarily or psychologically. When I'd first met Dante, I'd actually been appalled by the charlatan side of his business. When had I come to accept it? When had I come to enjoy it?
I felt ashamed all of a sudden and hated what Seth must think of me. Then, I became angry for feeling that way, for letting myself feel judged. He had no power over me anymore. It didn't matter what he thought. The last of the coziness between us shattered, and I felt my icy exterior slip into place. I moved closer to Dante, and Seth's body language told me he'd seen the transformation I'd just undergone.
"Well, you guys probably need to go," I said abruptly.
"Yeah," Seth said uncomfortably. "I guess we'll see you later."
"Thanks for the book."
He merely nodded and then turned to put Kayla into her car seat. Her eyes met mine and I waved a good-bye, but the look of horror on her face never faltered. I knew it was for Dante, not me, but it hurt nonetheless.
Dante wanted to head home and had mostly come to give me a ride. By that point, I felt weary and emotionally disoriented. Home sounded good. We went back inside to drop off my glass and tell Doug I was leaving. Doug looked about as thrilled to see Dante as Seth had, but he said nothing that wasn't in his usual jovial style.
On the drive home, I stared vacantly out the window and ran my hands over the book's cover.
"You were kind of chummy back there," noted Dante.
"Huh?"
"With Mortensen. I felt like I was interrupting something."
"Oh. No. I just got kind of giddy over the book. You know how much I like them."
We came to a red light, and he glanced down at the cover. "Advanced copy? We could make a lot of money on eBay."
"Dante!"
"Just a joke, succubus. Well, kind of. If you ever wanted to work your wiles on him and get more books, you could start a little side business."
"I don't need any extra cash. And my wiles are no good. Things are done. He and Maddie are happy."
"That doesn't mean anything. You don't think he still wants you? You don't think he'd sleep with you if he could?"
"Why do you assume the worst about everyone?"
"Because it's always true. I'm trying to break you of seeing the world through rose-colored glasses." He paused while we merged onto the freeway and headed back toward the city. "And he can want you all he wants. I don't care, as long as you don't want him back."
"There you go again, acting jealous." I tried to keep my voice teasing in order to deflect how close he'd hit to home. "I thought you didn't care who else I slept with."
"I don't. Just so long as you don't like them better than me."
I laughed and left that as my response, indicating how foolish a notion I thought it was. And yet, as we rode back in silence, I found myself hugging the book closer and closer.
CHAPTER 10
Dante promptly passed out after sex later that night, but I stayed awake for a while. Rolling over at last, I turned my back to him and stared at my bedside table. I'd set Seth's book there, and now its spine stared out at me, like we were having a showdown to see who would look away first. Seth had given it to me as a gift, possibly a peace offering, yet I was afraid of it, afraid of how I might feel if I opened it.
After ten minutes of staring, I finally reached for the book and scooted closer to the bed's edge so that I could get more light from my tiny reading lamp. Curling onto my side, I took a deep breath and opened up All Fools Night .
First came the title page, then the dedication: For my niece Brandy, who dreams of great things and will achieve greater ones still . It was embarrassing, but I had almost for a moment speculated whether he might have dedicated the book to me. He'd finished it right around the time we first started dating, but he'd been editing and making small changes right up until the time we broke up. It was vanity, I supposed, to think there might be some sign of my time with Seth in the book.
Yet, when I turned the page, I wondered. Before the first chapter, Seth always had a quote, something from a speech or possibly a verse from a poem that was relevant to the book. This was from a song:
And if I only could
I'd make a deal with God
And I'd get Him to swap our places
- "Running Up That Hill," by Kate Bush
I read the lyrics a couple of times, wondering if there was more to them or if I just wanted there to be more to them. I'd heard the song a long time ago, and it had had that poppy synth feel so common to music in the 1980s. I didn't recall this particular part. Finally, dragging my eyes away, I moved onto the heart of the book.
Before meeting Seth, I'd rationed myself while reading his novels. I would only read five pages a day because I'd wanted to prolong the sweetness of that first reading. When something was really good, it was easy to dive into it, and before you knew it, the moment was gone. You'd burned through it. I experienced that too frequently in my long existence, and a strict reading schedule was a weak attempt to slow things down. When I settled into this book, though, I didn't really have a plan, and before long, I knew stopping at five pages was impossible.
It was exquisite. While he had a few self-standing novels, this series-Cady and O'Neill-was his flagship one. At its basic level, this was just a mystery book, yet there was a wonderful, lyrical quality to Seth's writing that elevated him above the genre ghetto. Sure, there was action and a trail of clues, but his characters were also evolving, always growing in ways both wonderful and heartbreaking. Seth had a way of describing their feelings and their reactions in a style that was so real, it resonated with my own life and left an ache in my chest. Whether that was for his art or for the man himself, I couldn't say.
It was only when Dante rolled over that I'd realized I'd been sniffling.
"Are you crying, succubus?"
"It's this book," I said.
I had just read a section where Cady and O'Neill were having a profound talk about life, and O'Neill had commented that all people were seeking both damnation and forgiveness, needing each to make sense of their existence. I wa
s crying because it was true and because Seth had known it was true.
"There are a lot of things to cry about in this world," Dante said through a yawn. "Not sure a book should be one of them."
The clock read 4 a.m. by that point, and my eyes were bleary from tears and a need to sleep. I put down Seth's book-which I was now more than half-way through-and turned off the light. Dante shifted and threw an arm around me, resting his chin on my shoulder. His breathing grew heavy and regular, and before long, I joined him in sleep.
The phone woke me up at an ungodly hour later in the morning. Dante was gone already. I found that surprising, but seeing as he hadn't gotten three hours of sleep, it might not have been that much of a leap.
"Hello?" Finding the phone had been feat enough, let alone checking the caller ID. A frantic voice answered me.
"Georgina? This is Blake."
"Blake?" I didn't think I knew any Blake.
"Don't tell me you forgot about us?"
He pronounced "about" as "aboot," and it came back to me through my sleep-addled brain. "Oh, God. I'm sorry. Blake. From the Army." Him calling me couldn't be a good sign. I sat up straighter in bed. "What's going on?"
"They're doing something today…I'm not supposed to tell anyone, but I'm worried. I don't know much, except that it's big."
I was up and moving now, clothes and hair shape-shifting as I walked. "Do you have anything else? A time or place?"
"Not yet. Evan's being really secretive about what he's telling us. He says the Angel wants it to be a need-to-know-thing and that we won't find out the details until the absolute last minute."
"Fuck." I suspected the Angel was also trying to limit my knowledge as well. Flattering, but frustrating. "Okay, well, listen, I'm in Seattle, but I'm getting on the road right now. I should be there in two hours."
"You can't get up here in two hours," he said incredulously.
"I can if I don't drive the speed limit."
There was a bit of congestion within the city itself, but once I got a little north of it, the traffic cleared up. It was the morning commute; everyone wanted to get into Seattle. Once I had clear highway ahead of me, I dialed Cedric. I knew he wasn't going to like my lack of information, but considering how angry he'd been after last time, I had to at least make the attempt here to keep myself out of trouble. It was Kristin who answered.
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