by Ann Nichols
Her eyes widened in wonder. “That’s just it, Luke. You’re talking about a love that lasts forever and passes on to another generation. And I’m just afraid I don’t have forever in me.”
Luke watched her as she sat looking out over the lake. A split second before, his dream had been almost within his grasp. But suddenly, the love of his life seemed remote, untouchable. Ignoring the knot that was beginning to tighten in the pit of his stomach, he said, “Forever plays out one day at a time, Meli. You can’t eat the whole enchilada in one bite. But you also don’t have to.”
She shrugged her shoulders and looked back at him. Her voice sounded weary and flat. “I can’t help it, Luke. Here we are, talking about starting our lives together. . .” Her voice trailed off. She sat with her arms clasped protectively around her knees and rested her head on her shoulder, once again staring out across the lake at nothing in particular.
After what seemed to Luke like an eternity, Melissa stood up and turned around to face him. “Luke, I’m missing something that I had as a child. It’s like a part of me got left behind. And I feel like I want to go back for it, but I can’t.”
Luke heard defeat in her tone and it made him feel raw and tense. She didn’t have to feel that way. He knew the answer, if only she would listen to him. “It was love, Meli,” he said quietly. “It was love from your mother and father. And you feel like it was left behind because they were taken away from you too soon. But you’re right; you can’t go back, and I can’t replace the love of your parents—nor do I want to. But I can offer you a love that is just as genuine, just as pure, and just as strong—if you’ll let me.”
Melissa blew a long stream of air between her lips. Luke couldn’t tell if it was a sigh of resignation or relief. He looked anxiously at Melissa and waited for her to speak
“Maybe you’re right,” she conceded. “Maybe love is what I’ve been missing all these years.” She paused and looked nervously at Luke. “But I’m afraid of losing it again.”
Luke took Melissa’s face gently in his hands and looked her straight in the eye. “Meli, the only thing we’re losing is the opportunity to be together and to make each other happy.” He looked at her tenderly and caressed the side of her face with his thumb. “Marry me, Meli. Marry me—before Christmas. Let’s not lose another day.”
Her smile was tentative at first, but soon it spread to light her entire face. For the first time, she saw a world filled with hope, a world filled with love—and Luke. Tears came to her eyes and she nodded her head with determination. “Yes, Luke. I will marry you!” She threw her arms around his shoulders, knocking him off balance. He took a step backward and the two of them toppled off the pier together. They surfaced, splashing and laughing, hugging and kissing. “If you’re willing to have me, confusion and all, then I’m the luckiest woman in the world!” Melissa spluttered.
Luke shook his head and said joyfully, “No, Meli, I’m the luckiest man in the world,” he corrected. When they were safely back on the dock, he swept the wet hair away from her face, pulled her into his arms, and kissed her boldly.
❧
For one blissful month, they were extremely happy, reveling in their professed love for each other and making excited plans. They set the wedding date for exactly one year to the day after their first meeting. Congratulations and good wishes came from their friends, and bridal showers were given for Melissa. After struggling to trim their guest list down to a somewhat manageable number, they sent out the invitations. Luke’s family in Greece, including his godfather, his sister Anastasia, and her husband and young daughter, and of course his parents, made plans to attend.
Luke continued to encourage and reassure Melissa of his love for her, but from the moment he placed a diamond solitaire engagement ring on her finger, he noticed a subtle metamorphosis take place. Though he didn’t want to acknowledge that she was changing, he sensed her gradually growing more distant, detached almost, from the wedding plans, and from him.
Melissa tried to hide her anxiety, but the uncertainty she felt about their future gnawed at her, bit by bit, a little more each day. As the leaves of autumn gave their final colorful dance to the earth, and later, as the tree’s bare branches lay bravely silhouetted against the steely sky, nagging doubts hounded her, a growing fear that became more paralyzing with each passing day.
She didn’t want to hurt Luke, but as their wedding day loomed closer, her thoughts were consumed by a temptation to run away to a safe place, a refuge from the torment of her mind. The cabin, which had once been such a wonderful haven, no longer soothed her. When she wasn’t with Luke, she spent more time in her room than ever before—the one place that seemed reassuringly familiar.
Two weeks before the wedding, while Melissa was out shopping with her aunt for bridesmaids’ gifts, someone broke into the Kincaids’ mansion and ransacked the house. In addition to countless valuables stolen from almost every room in the house, Melissa’s aunt lost irreplaceable jewelry, and Uncle Bob’s collection of Civil War memorabilia, which he had painstakingly assembled over the years, was completely gone.
When the thieves had finished downstairs, they had entered Melissa’s sanctuary and taken everything of monetary value—and then had the audacity to steal her wedding dress.
After the police finished cataloging what had been stolen, Melissa was relieved to close the door to her room and block out the sound of her aunt’s angry tirade down the hall. Slowly, she picked her way through the debris in the middle of her floor. Casting her eyes around, she didn’t know which way to turn. The room didn’t feel as though it was her space—her refuge—any longer. Clothing was scattered all over the floor and books lay tumbled and torn from her shelves. Even her bed had been rudely pulled apart when the thieves looked for valuables under the mattress. Her dressing table, with its array of expensive perfumes, had been wiped clean. Nothing remained on the marble surface except a few coins the intruders hadn’t bothered to grab.
Melissa felt as though the room had been contaminated, fouled by an unknown enemy, and she shuddered. She didn’t want to touch a thing. But she knew she had to. The rest of the house was such a wreck that no one would be available to help her sort out the mess in her room.
Rubbing her hands down the length of her jeans, Melissa decided she had better start somewhere. She stepped over a smashed ceramic bunny, bent down, and picked up a large, black book that had been flung into the middle of the room. When she turned it over in her hands, an involuntary gasp escaped her throat. It was her father’s Bible.
In their frenzied search through Melissa’s room, the burglars had dislodged the Bible from the back of the bookshelf where it had been stuffed and forgotten years earlier. Melissa felt the texture of the leather cover and smoothed the corners of the pages that had bent when the book was tossed across the room. She had a sense that what the thieves had cast aside as worthless was the only thing of lasting value that she owned.
Clutching the book close to her heart, Melissa sank to the littered floor. A tear slipped out of the corner of her eye as she remembered the wonderful and special moments when her father had read to her mother and her from this same Bible. How could she have forgotten those times for all these years? And like a veil had been lifted from her mind, she remembered how her father had lived by the precepts and commands written on these pages. In that instant, a flicker of understanding ignited in her heart. Like a tottering child taking its first wobbly steps, she began to understand why she had felt lost and vulnerable for so long.
Slowly, reverently, she opened the pages of the book, and began to read.
Six
Luke paced the floor of his apartment like a lion in a cage. Melissa had just called to tell him about the burglary, and he was seething.
He was angry that someone had dared to invade her home—and angrier still for the impotent way it made him feel. He wanted to take care of her, to protect her from everything bad—and now this! He slammed the palm of his hand against hi
s thigh. The burglars had proven the futility of his efforts.
He had wanted to go over immediately, to comfort Melissa, support her, help her clean up. But she had assured him that she was fine—actually better than fine, under the circumstances—and she didn’t need his help. Her gentle and unintended put-down was like a punch in the stomach to Luke. He had become so accustomed to hearing doubt and vulnerability in her voice that her calm refusal of help took him off guard. And when she had told him, with a new and bewildering serenity, that she needed to discuss some important matters with him the next day, a shiver of apprehension had sliced through him like a scalpel.
She seemed strangely unaffected by the burglary. Something more was on her mind and he knew that he wouldn’t rest until he found out what it was. He wished that it was two weeks down the line. He wanted Melissa as his wife more than ever. He needed her. And he needed her to need him. And at this point, he would do anything—anything—to ensure that she would walk down the aisle on the appointed day.
Flopping his large frame down on the sofa, he picked up a medical journal and absently started to read. Studying would hold him over until he saw Melissa. Studying had always helped him get through his problems.
❧
The next day, Luke thought his appointments with patients would never end, but by midafternoon he was driving across town toward the Kincaid estate. When he arrived, he was surprised to see Melissa standing outside the gate at the end of the long driveway. Before he had a chance to unbuckle his seat belt and come around to open the door, she yanked the door open and slid into the seat.
“This is a surprise,” he said, leaning over to kiss her. But before his lips could find hers, he noticed that she wasn’t wearing any makeup and dark circles underlined her eyes. He reached out and touched the half-moon shadows. “If the robbers stole all your makeup, that’s okay with me, but these circles are a concern. They’re your body’s way of telling you that you need more rest, more sleep.”
“I know. . .” she said softly.
“But Meli, if you couldn’t sleep, why didn’t you call me? I know you wouldn’t have wanted a sedative, but I could have prescribed some warm milk and boring conversation with me to help you get to sleep.”
Without a word, she slid her hands around his neck and pulled him closer, nuzzling her nose just below his right ear. He knew she loved to do this—and he definitely liked it—but she hadn’t been quite this friendly for several weeks. “How about some of that ‘world famous’ hot chocolate, Doctor?” she murmured.
“Sounds good to me,” he said. “Let’s grab some milk and head over to my place.” He reached for the handle to put the car in gear, but Melissa placed her hand on his arm to stop him. “Luke, the cocoa sounds wonderful, but there’s something we need to talk about, too.”
Luke glanced at Melissa and from the somber seriousness of her lips, which were drawn into a tight line, he knew there was nothing simple about what she wanted to say. His stomach muscles tightened.
“Does this have anything to do with the robbery?” he asked weakly.
She looked down at her diamond engagement ring, the only piece of jewelry she had left, and twisted it. Does it have to do with the robbery? she wondered. I suppose in a roundabout way it does. If the thieves hadn’t thrown her father’s Bible into the middle of her room, she wouldn’t have found it and read it—and the life-changing stirrings in her heart would still be dormant. But she knew that Luke didn’t know about any of that. “No, it has to do with us,” she said simply.
The knot in his stomach pulled tighter. Facing forward, he put the Jeep into gear. “We’ll talk at the cabin.”
They drove in silence, and hot chocolate was the furthest thing from their minds.
❧
The cabin was freezing. Luke quickly set to work lighting a fire in the huge stone fireplace and Melissa went from window to window opening the shutters. Then, while Luke fussed with the kindling, she went into the kitchen to prepare two mugs of coffee. “We forgot to stop for milk, so I guess it’s coffee time.”
They both liked instant coffee. Melissa drank hers black, but Luke preferred his Greek style. Melissa knew the recipe and he could hear her making the necessary preparations. She measured two spoons of sugar, one heaping spoonful of coffee, and one teaspoon of water. He didn’t have to turn around to know that she was sitting on her favorite stool at the kitchen bar as she stirred the concoction.
He also knew that her eyes were on him. They burned into his back as hotly as the leaping flames in the fireplace were warming his face.
The new fire popped and sizzled, the metal spoon stirred and stirred, a hollow sound against the inside of his favorite ceramic mug. The outside world was hushed, as if waiting breathlessly for the big news.
The stirring stopped and he could hear Melissa adding boiling water to the whipped sugar and coffee, the finishing touches on a steaming cup of coffee with a frothy, golden top. The moment of truth had arrived.
He glanced up at the Christmas tree they had decorated the previous weekend. He was almost envious of the little man-and-woman ornament he had found for the top of the tree Their world never changed. They were perpetually happy.
He felt Melissa come up behind him and smelled the aroma of the coffee. “Here you go, sweetie,” she said.
He didn’t respond for a moment. He didn’t want the moment to change. He wanted the warm feeling of the fire and the quiet calm of the cabin to last forever. He was afraid that what Melissa wanted to talk about would change everything forever. Finally, he shifted his eyes away from the wooden couple on the tree, stood up and turned to face Melissa.
She held out the ceramic mug to him. Its tranquil woodland scene mocked him. “It’s nice and hot,” she coaxed.
Taking the mug from her hands, he put it to his lips and took a swallow. The steaming beverage slightly burned his throat, but it felt good. “Thanks. It’s perfect. Just the way I like it.”
She smiled, and her smile held wisdom, sadness, and love all wrapped up together. It only served to deepen Luke’s confusion.
Melissa turned to walk over to the armchair. Luke caught her hand in his before she moved out of reach and motioned toward the flocati, the sheepskin rug that his sister had sent from Greece the previous Christmas. “Let’s sit together. You can lean on me.”
He started to fold himself down onto the thick, woolly rug, but paused when he felt Melissa hesitate. It was an almost imperceptible hesitation, a tenth-of-a-second stutter, but like an electrical current, it ran all the way down her arm to the tips of her fingers.
The tiny pause spoke volumes. Melissa’s eyes met Luke’s, and he knew, with 100 percent certainty, what was flashing through her mind.
She was going to break the engagement.
A muscle twitched in his jaw, but his resolve was set. He wasn’t going to let her off the hook.
Releasing her fingers, he folded his long body onto the rug and with his eyes implored her to join him. He thought for a moment that she was going to refuse, but she didn’t. When she sat down, he pulled her into the crook of his arm—she fit so perfectly—and rested his cheek against the freshness of her hair. As always, it reminded him of the bluff above his sister’s home on the shore of the Ionian Sea, smelling faintly of rosemary and honey.
They sat close together, quiet, still, and watched the flames dancing in the fire. They sat for so long that Luke began to consider that he might have misjudged her intentions. But when she turned her eyes up to meet his, his hope plummeted into the pit of his stomach again.
“Luke, I—”
He kissed her, cutting off her words. Her lips were warm, but dry and offered no response. She pulled away, but Luke could feel her reluctance. “Luke, I don’t want to hurt you, but—” she rushed on, wanting to get the words out, “I’ve been so unfair to you. I—”
“Meli,” he cut her off and begged her, with eyes that were both sad and knowing, to be silent for just awhile longer.
/> She looked at him the same way she had the night they met, gazing deeply and fully into his eyes, and nodded. She knew that he suspected what was coming, and she settled back in his arms. Luke sensed that she needed the time as much as he did.
Taking his right hand in her left, she squeezed it, intending to comfort him. But the cold-to-the-bone feel of her skin didn’t soothe Luke at all. Instead, it shocked him. If he had needed any concrete evidence that her decision was wrong, he had it now. If breaking up made her cold, then Luke was certain that he must stop her before the chill reached her heart.
He reached across her to grasp her other hand. Freezing too. Raising both of her hands to his lips he blew his warm breath on them.
“Oh, Luke,” she murmured, nuzzling her icy nose against his warm neck. “What are we going to do?”
Luke knew the only thing he could do. Wrapping his arms tightly around her again, he held her, rocked her, kissed her. They clung to each other as if they both sensed that this might be the last time. Their silent embrace spoke far more eloquently than words.
Luke felt her shiver and shifted his chest to cover more of her back. He couldn’t hold her any closer, but he flexed his arms to tighten his grip.
With an apologetic “Oh!” Melissa pulled away from Luke and swiveled around to face him. “That hurt,” she said.
He looked at her with a tortured expression on his face. “Sorry, Meli. You know I would never try to hurt you.”
She started to reach for him and he thought she was going to touch his face; but instead her hand went to the heavy gold chain around his neck. She pulled gently on the chain and drew a gold pendant out from beneath his sweater. Luke watched as she cradled the piece of jewelry in her hands almost reverently. He looked down at the heirloom gold cross that his godfather, his nono, had given him the day he had graduated from medical school. He knew that the words “May God bless you always, Son” were inscribed on the back.
“Your cross,” Melissa said, as if the two words explained everything. “I know I’ve seen it before, but I never really noticed it.”