She knew that physically he was holding back, although she often caught him looking at her with such heat in his eyes that she felt her own body clench and squirm in response. Being near him was having a profound effect on her, too; every day she wanted him more until just being near him caused a hollow, empty ache in her.
The issue of spanking lay unspoken between them. As the days counted down Abby felt alternately apprehensive and excited. She had grown to trust Mac, and knew that he was not the sort of man who wanted to inflict pain, or take pleasure in others experiencing it. For him, administering a spanking would be a little like administering nasty medicine: a necessary evil in order to achieve a good outcome.
Even so, Abby couldn’t help feeling a little excited at the prospect of being bent over his knee. The intimacy and trust involved in such an act drew her like a moth to a flame. She wanted to be close to him, and this was one way to achieve it.
That said, she knew the act would involve pain, and she was not at all sure whether she would cope well with it. If she couldn’t, she knew that their relationship would go no further. He had been clear from the outset that it was something he believed in passionately.
The night before the deadline, Mac approached the issue. Relaxing in the den together, Mac hesitated and then said, “Abby, do you remember the conversation we had a couple of weeks ago? About… spanking?”
Abby felt her stomach clench, nervously. “Yes.”
“Well, is it still something you’re still willing to try? You don’t have to…”
Taking a deep breath, Abby nodded. She heard him exhale roughly.
“Are your bruises healed? Completely?”
“Yes.”
“How about… tomorrow, then? Tomorrow night?”
“Here?”
“Yes.”
The following day dragged unbearably. Abby tried to keep busy, but her thoughts were haunted by increasingly lurid and scary images of what might happen that night. By dinnertime, she could hardly bear to eat a thing, a fact Mac noted with concern.
She wasn’t the only one feeling nervous, Mac thought, as he popped in to see Ethan. Over the last couple of weeks his feelings had deepened and he knew unequivocally that she was the one. If Abby wouldn’t marry him, there would never be another woman for him. By subjecting her to a spanking, he was risking everything. If she couldn’t take it, if she walked away, his life would be over. Oh, he would continue to exist, to run the ranch and pay his bills, but his heart wouldn’t be in it.
He was tempted to call the whole thing off, to say that he would forego the spanking. But in his heart of hearts, he knew that he would never feel right in a relationship that wasn’t structured along such lines.
By the time Ethan was settled for the night with his nurse, Jack, and Jeb and Calla had gone to bed, both he and Abby were tense with nerves.
They went into the den, and Mac sat on the sofa, holding his arm out for her to sit beside him. He felt her tremble as he rested his arm on her back. Surely she wasn’t scared of him? There was no way he wanted a relationship where she feared him, where she didn’t trust him to have her best interests at heart.
“Okay, sweetheart?”
“Y… yes.”
“Really?”
Abby sighed. “No, not really. I’m feeling nervous.”
“Why?”
She shrugged. “I’m afraid it’ll be embarrassing, or painful. That it’ll be too much.” She stopped. “That I’ll feel differently about you afterwards.”
He closed his eyes on a wave of pain. She had just expressed his worst fears. “I’m afraid, too,” he muttered.
“You are?”
He nodded. “This is important to me. But I’m frightened of driving you away, of losing you. You mean… everything to me.”
Abby’s eyes widened as she realized what he was saying. Did his feelings really mirror hers? Did he care about her as much as she cared about him? “Okay.” She swallowed dryly. “I said I would do this. I trust you. Let’s get it over with.”
Mac nodded slowly. “A kiss first, then.”
He lowered his head slowly, and touched her vulnerable lips with such exquisite gentleness that her whole body shivered in his arms. The soft whisper of his lips on hers made her breath catch as he lightly caressed the sensitive skin. His arms wrapped round her as if he could protect her from every hurt the world could inflict. Abby felt herself sink into the kiss as if she were coming home. She felt her love for this strong, tender man spill over, and knew that for him, she would try to conquer her fears.
Finally, reluctantly, he raised his head, resting his brow on hers. “Sweetheart,” he whispered brokenly, “are you sure?”
She looked into his eyes, knowing what this meant to him. “I’m sure,” she said softly.
He sat up slowly. “Okay,” he breathed. She watched as he pulled himself together, committing himself to his course of action.
Finally, his expression settled into serious, stern lines. “I propose a new rule,” he said quietly.
Abby stared at him, nonplussed. She had been expecting to be swept over his knee. “You do?”’ she asked cautiously.
A wry smile flitted across his stern features. “If you remember, you called me a pervert. I propose that, if we have disagreements in future, we don’t insult each other or call each other names, but instead sit down and talk about it.”
“Ah.” Looking back, she knew that she’d called him that purely as a defense mechanism. Clearly, it wasn’t the best way for two adults to resolve disagreements. More to the point, she knew she would never accept it if he called her names, or verbally abused her. She nodded. “I think that’s a good rule. Deal.”
“‘Good. Now, how about you come over here and bend over my knee?”
She inhaled sharply, blushing brilliantly at the sudden vivid image his words evoked. Shyly, she stepped forward towards his knee and hesitated. He took her hand. “Bend over,” he said softly.
Slowly, she lowered herself over his knee until her stomach lay over his knees and her head and arms hung down towards the floor. Her feet barely touched the floor. She breathed deeply, trying to contain her panic at the acutely vulnerable feeling that assailed her. She was dimly aware that she was shaking, and she could hear her breathing coming in short gasps.
“Steady girl, steady.” She heard Mac mutter, and then she felt her skirt being raised to expose her small white cotton briefs. Momentarily she panicked, twisting around to try to pull her skirt down, but he must have been expecting it because his arm clamped quickly across her waist, holding her down. “Take it easy, honey,” he soothed. “I promised you it would be with clothes on. You can keep your panties on.”
Abby mewled with embarrassment at the thought that he could see her bottom, exposed and revealed over his lap.
“It’s all right,” he soothed, stroking his warm hand over her bottom. She wriggled, half aroused and half apprehensive at what might come next. “I’m just getting you used to my touch.”
For a few moments, he just made her lay there, accustoming herself to the feel of his hands on her skin and underwear. She felt her panicked breaths abate as the warmth of his touch soothed her, and frissons of sensation started to shimmer in the pit of her stomach.
He waited until he saw her relax and calm before saying gently, “Okay, darling, we’ll start in a minute. I’m going to make you take ten. Are you ready?”
He felt her tense, and then a small voice said, “Yes.”
“Okay. Now, what are you being spanked for?”
“For… calling you a pervert.”
He brought his hand down in a firm thwack on her bottom. She jolted as if electrified and her breath came out in a harsh hiss.
“That’s right,” he said conversationally. “And will you do it again?”
“No!”
He brought his hand down hard on her other buttock, and she yelped.
“No, you won’t. Do you think it’s acceptable to call so
meone names?”
“No!”
His hand came down a third time. This time he saw her bottom flinch, and a faint blush appeared on her bottom cheeks. He let her catch her breath for a minute, before continuing.
“I expect you to be a good girl from now on. What are you going to be?”
“A good girl!”
Another thwack. She cried out.
“And you’re going to follow the rules?”
“Yes!”
His hand smacked down again, and this time she let out a despairing wail. Mac noted carefully that her bottom was beginning to glow, the unconscious wriggling movements of her hips suggesting a mixture of pain and pleasure.
“Tell me the rules,” he ordered.
She groaned, twisting in his grasp. “To… keep myself and others from harm… not to call each other names… not to swear in front of the children…”
Thwack!
She moaned. “Please…” she gasped, writhing, and he held her firmly to prevent her from wriggling away. He looked down at her little bottom, ablaze now in brilliant contrast to the white of her panties.
But it wasn’t enough. He recalled what she’d said, that she hadn’t talked to anyone about what had happened to her father. He was willing to bet she hadn’t cried about it either, and he had a strong conviction that she needed to, that all the fear and tension bottled up inside her needed to be released. He didn’t know if he could open the floodgates through this spanking, but he was going to try.
“Steady now, darling,” he breathed. “‘You’re nearly there.”
“It burns.”
“I know, I know. But even so, you have to learn… Tell me, what have you learned?”
“To be good, to be safe, not to call people names…” The words tumbled frantically out of her mouth as Mac brought his hand down on her quivering backside, hard. The sound rang through the room, and she yelled out, swallowing back a sob. Not enough, not quite…
“You had better not find yourself over my knee again for calling people names.”
He brought his hand down again as she choked out, “You won’t, you won’t… Please…” and he could hear the tears in her voice.
Thwack! His jaw clenched as he brought his hand down hard again, and this time he felt her body slump against him as she gave in and howled. He knew that she was learning that when he said ten, he meant ten, no matter how much she pleaded. He also knew that she was close to breaking down, to releasing all of the anguish of the last few months. But he had only one smack left to give.
Firming his jaw, forcing himself to take the final step, he gritted, “Give it up, Abby. Let go for me,” and then he slammed his hand down hard on her burning buttocks in a lightning crack. For a minute she screamed, arching in shock, and then she collapsed over his knee in a violent storm of tears and helpless sobs.
He firmed his arm heavy over her waist, keeping her down. He knew that if she sat up, she would try to compose herself, and he didn’t want that. She needed to cry out all of the anguish and pain of the last few months.
Above her shivering, prostrate form, Mac felt his own tears roll down his cheeks. He had hated pushing her so far, even though he was convinced she needed it. Dread washed through him as he realized that, after such a thorough spanking, she could easily reject him and walk away.
They sat that way, with Abby held across his knee, until he heard her storm of weeping tail off into muted sobs. Then gently he lifted her up, and cuddled her onto his lap, laying her head on his chest. He could feel the trembling in her small frame, and his jaw clenched.
Awkwardly, he reached for a box of tissues and handed them to her. She fumbled with them, pulling out a wad, and dabbed at her tear stained face.
Gently, Mac bent and kissed her hair, afraid that she would pull away from him, that she would hate him for what he’d done. His stomach was in knots and he felt desperately sick.
She looked up and her eyes widened as she observed the tear tracks on his face, the apprehensive look in his eyes. “Mac?”
“Yes?”
“Are you all right?”
“What!” He stared at her, astonished.
“You’ve been crying. You look… distraught.”
He swallowed hard. “Doing that to you… was awful. I didn’t want to hurt you.”
She nodded, slowly. “At the end, you told me to ‘let go’. What did you mean?”
His eyes slid away from hers. “I… I’ve been worried about you. You don’t talk to people about your problems; you bottle things up. You needed to let it all out. That… was what I meant.”
“You were trying to get me to cry, weren’t you? To release it?”
“Yes.”
“And that was why you were so hard at the end?”
“Yes.”
She put her arms around him. “Well, you succeeded, you made me cry,” she said softly. He winced. “And I guess I do feel better for it. Even if my bottom is on fire.”
“Oh!” He looked at her, all of his vulnerabilities in his eyes. “What does that mean?”
“It means we’re okay. Everything’s okay.”
“Really?”
“You did it for my benefit, because you cared.”
“Oh, darling…” He couldn’t believe it. Gathering her in his arms like the most precious object, he held her close, whispering soft words of praise and joy. Kissing her hair, he breathed in her beloved scent and gave thanks that this amazing, wonderful woman had come into his life.
Chapter 4
After cuddling and comforting her, Mac had kissed her and sent her to bed, with a wry admonition for her never to call him names again. She wouldn’t dare, she thought later, lying on her side restlessly shifting to ease the warm ache in her lower regions.
He had certainly shown her what a good spanking was all about. It was, as she’d feared, embarrassing, but there was something about being vulnerable and helpless over his knee that had made her feel very feminine, very loved and wanted. It was very clear to her that he was spanking her because he cared about her.
The pain had been a shock, fiery and wild inside her, making her lose her inhibitions and hurling her into a maelstrom of sensation and emotion. It had been enormously cathartic to howl out all of her pain, all of the anguish that had built up over the last few months. Afterwards, she had felt like the earth after a mighty rainstorm; battered but renewed, refreshed. In an odd sort of way, she felt liberated from the darkness that had shrouded her since her father’s decline began.
Her feelings towards Mac had changed too, though not, as she’d feared, for the worse. Instead she felt closer to him than ever, more able to trust him and rely on him. He’d revealed a lot about himself in the way he’d approached the spanking; his caring, protective nature had been evident in the way he’d handled the whole situation. Abby felt more fathoms deep in love with him than she had before, and a ripple of warm pleasure flooded through her at the thought of seeing him the next morning.
When the morning came, her bottom was sore, and she felt overwhelmingly shy. She sat down gingerly at the breakfast table, quite unable to meet Mac’s eyes. He frowned, concerned. Last night she had seemed so close, so loving afterwards. Had she changed her mind about staying with him, now that she’d had a chance to reflect?
“Coffee?” he asked, willing her to look up at him.
“Please.” She glanced up at him and he instantly recognized the emotion in her eyes. Bashfulness. She was feeling shy.
He relaxed imperceptibly, and smiled at her. “Did you sleep well?”
Her eyes flew up to his, and a rosy blush blossomed across her face. Calla and Jeb, busy chatting about cattle futures, didn’t notice. She cleared her throat. “I… had an unsettled night. You?”
“I dreamed a lot.”
“Oh. Right.”
He laughed, and turned the conversation into more neutral waters.
There was little time to talk over the next couple of weeks. Abby’s father took a
turn for the worse, and the doctor warned that it was only a matter of time before he passed away. Abby took the news badly. Even though she’d known, in her heart of hearts that the end was close, to hear it confirmed by someone else was devastating. Her father was her last living relative, and once he’d gone, she’d have no one.
She took to sitting with her father in the evenings, as well as in the day. Whilst Jack took care of Ethan’s physical needs, she sat and held his hand or read to him. Memories of her childhood, of her father when he was well, haunted her thoughts, and her grief and despair were overwhelming.
Mac, Jeb and Calla looked on with concern, but at the same time, bad news arrived about the cattle rustlers. It appeared that there were eight people in the gang, and they had shot another rancher. Worse still, they appeared to be heading in the direction of the Lone Star.
The sheriff, tense and exhausted after weeks tracking the rustlers, proposed to Mac that they pool resources at the ranch, in a huge, coordinated effort to catch the gang. The Lone Star was the biggest spread, with the most valuable Santa Gertrudis cattle, for miles around, and it was a good bet that the gang would turn up.
Mac agreed, but he was concerned about the three men over at Abby’s homestead. They would be overwhelmed by a gang that size. Deciding that caution was better than regret, he arranged for them to move Abby’s animals onto Lone Star land, and then return to the ranch. He didn’t mention it to Abby; she had enough on her plate.
Soon the ranch was full of deputies and cowboys. Mac’s every waking moment was taken up organizing armed patrols, the men operating in shifts around the clock both to guard the ranch and to patrol the perimeters. At the same time, the usual work of the ranch needed to be completed, and Jeb worked nonstop keeping everything going. Calla prepared beds, cleaned and organized huge meals in sittings.
Jack agreed to stay at the ranch full-time to care for Ethan in his last days. Her father had slid into semi-consciousness, and there was no longer any risk of him lashing out. Abby spent as many of her waking hours sitting with him as she could.
Teaching Abby (Lone Star Family Values) Page 4