“He called twice before. The first time he wanted to talk to you. The second time he—”
“I don’t care about the second time.” He turned away from her, too upset and furious even to look at her. He fastened his pants as he spoke. “You knew what I think of him. You knew I didn’t want him to have anything to do with my family. You knew!” It was a roar of rage. “I trusted you and you went sneaking around behind my back to meet a man who’s managed to upset my entire family.”
Allison’s face was even whiter. “You give him too much importance. And look what the end result was. Even if he went about it for selfish reasons, you still got Emma and Justin.”
“And I’m about to get three new cousins,” he snarled.
At the uncomprehending look on her face, he sneered. “Oh, did he neglect to mention that to you? My loving father has discovered three illegitimate kids of my uncle Cameron’s and for a small fee, he was kind enough to share the information with us.”
“When—how—” she stammered.
“My mother called me today,” he said. “I stopped by on the way home. That—that slug—is ruining my whole family!” It was an exaggeration, of course, but in some ways that was how it felt. The fragile status quo he’d finally learned to accept would be tilted wildly off-balance once again. The Fortune clan was nothing if not volatile; he could only imagine some of his cousins’ reactions to Lloyd’s demands.
“Kane, I know he’s got flaws.” She twisted her fingers in the blanket. “But I believe he’s sincere about wanting to get to know you—”
“Hell, yes, he’s sincere,” he shouted, goaded beyond restraint. “I’m a Fortune now. That surely gives me some worth in his eyes. Maybe if he gets on my good side I’ll let him sponge off my family’s wealth.” He wheeled and stomped back into the kitchen, “I want nothing to do with him and you knew it!”
“I knew it.” She had followed him into the kitchen. “But I thought you were wrong. I still do.” Her voice shook, but she kept it level with an obvious effort.
It was a shock to have her challenge him. He was used to thinking of Allison as a soothing presence, a peacemaker, an oasis of calm. If she’d ever seriously disagreed with him before he couldn’t remember it. For the first time he realized there was a core of steel beneath his wife’s gentle exterior. Not readily evident nor used for harm, perhaps, but she wouldn’t bend and break as easily as he’d always assumed. The realization only made him angrier. “I don’t care what you think,” he said brutally.
But she went on, in that same level, inflexible tone. “You loathe the man. You won’t give him the time of day much less a chance to talk to you.”
“He had a chance,” Kane shouted. “But he was too damned busy blackmailing my family! And encouraging my own wife to lie to me.”
“I have never lied to you!” Her tone was vehement.
“Not in words, maybe. But a lie of omission is still a lie. For all I know, you’re helping him with his filthy little schemes.”
She gasped and he could see her recoil at the words. “That’s ridiculous.”
“Is it?” Of course it was, but he knew it would hurt her. And he wanted her to hurt, damn her! He wanted her to feel the way he felt when he’d realized what she’d done. “What else haven’t you told me about his plans for my family?”
“He is part of your family.” Her eyes were dark with pain but her voice was steady. “Someday it will be too late for you ever to talk to him again. And I feel sorry for you, Kane, if you let the past keep you from making that connection. I missed that chance with my father and I’ll regret it until the day I die.”
He couldn’t look at her; he was too mad. Instead he stared through the glass of the French doors at the still waters of the moonlit pool, hands clenched at his hips. “I will never forgive you for this.”
An hour later, Kane rested himself on the edge of the pool with his elbows.
The horrible shock of hearing his father talking to Allison had faded. Now what he remembered most vividly were his own harsh words and the shattered look on her face.
He hadn’t been looking at her when he’d said the nastiest of the hateful words he’d hurled at her: I will never forgive you for this. But he’d heard her shocked intake of breath, as if he’d slapped her. And then she’d slipped from the kitchen, and he’d heard her moving up the stairs. That was when he’d torn open the door and stormed outside.
Now, physically spent from the vigorous exercise, his rage expended on plowing through the water like a madman, he just felt…empty.
And guilty. Okay, so he’d been mad at Allison for talking to his father. He knew her well enough to understand that she would have been fundamentally unable to refuse a plea if she perceived it as honest. And he generally considered her an excellent judge of character.
I missed that chance with my father and I’ll regret it until the day I die.
Oh, God. Could she be right? He didn’t know. Right now he didn’t think there was an ounce of compassion in him to extend to Lloyd. But still…
Far more important, he had to patch things up with her. He rarely let his temper slip its leash because he always regretted it, and this occasion was no exception. His anger had blinded him momentarily and he’d behaved inexcusably. Allison would never conspire against him. She loved him. He groaned and rested his head against the tiles of the poolside. What could he say that would erase the hurt he’d inflicted?
Very little, he realized as he pulled himself from the pool, grabbed his discarded clothes and headed for the house. All he could do was beg her to forgive him.
A few minutes later, he opened the door to the garage and his heart sank. Her car was gone.
He’d headed straight upstairs to talk to her but she hadn’t been there. And when he’d glanced through the master suite, he’d seen little signs that bothered him, missing items, toiletries, her hairbrush, the romance novel she’d been reading that had been on her bedside table. Only the kitten had been left, still sleeping peacefully on the bed. And that was when the first stirrings of panic had struck.
Now they had coalesced into a full-fledged storm inside him. She’d left him. Dear God, he’d never imagined that she would leave. They’d had a fight; that was all. But clearly it had been more than that to her.
She must have left while he was swimming. His own splashing would have masked the sound of the Mazda’s engine starting or the garage door moving up and down.
He’d been going to tell her he loved her, he remembered suddenly. She didn’t even have that to comfort her. No wonder she’d thought he didn’t want her anymore.
I will never forgive you for this. Another fresh arrow of guilt quivered through him as he thought of what those words must have meant to her. He knew how her life had changed after her father had left. He could imagine living with someone as depressed as her mother must have been, could see how mental illness had leached beauty and vitality from her mother. And he knew Allison had seen it as well.
She hid herself behind a bland exterior because she’d seen how little external beauty really meant…how little it had meant in her own parents’ lives. And she’d hidden her own natural loveliness for years, avoiding even the chance at a relationship that could destroy her as her mother had been destroyed.
But he’d seen through her. She was beautiful all the way through, and he’d been amazingly lucky to have realized it and to have married her before someone else recognized what a treasure she was.
But to her, even marriage didn’t guarantee a lifetime of commitment. She’d grown up believing that marriages didn’t last forever. To her ears, his hastily uttered words probably had sounded like the death knell of a marriage. She must have been convinced that he was ending theirs.
His hand shook as he reached for the telephone. First he called the hospital. After an interminable wait, he’d been informed that she wasn’t working at this time. Next, he dialed his sister. Gabrielle had taken Allison to lunch once or twice and they�
��d been becoming friends; maybe she’d gone to her.
But Gabrielle, with distinct concern in her voice, reported that she hadn’t seen or heard from Allison.
The next call he placed was to his mother’s house. God, he hated to confess what he’d done, but that didn’t matter as long as Allison came home. All his life he’d worked to be perfect, to excel at whatever he chose to pursue. But his pride would be a cold companion if he couldn’t make Allison see that he hadn’t meant to drive her away.
When Miranda answered, he rushed into speech before she could respond. “Lloyd asked Allison to help him effect some kind of peace with me. When I found out…I didn’t take it very well. Given that she knew how I felt about him, it didn’t make any sense to me that she would do that.”
“It makes perfect sense to me,” his mother said tartly. “Allison is a peacemaker, Kane. You know that. She must feel strongly about this, because I know for a fact that girl lives and breathes to make you happy.”
“She and her father were estranged,” he admitted. “And he died before she could forgive him. She didn’t want me to have the same regrets she does.”
There was a momentary silence. Then his mother said quietly, “She really loves you, Kane.”
He winced, feeling panic rise anew at the memory of his hasty words. “I told her he didn’t mean it,” he confessed. “I accused him of only wanting to get close to me because of my family connections.”
On the other end of the line, his mother sighed. “For what it’s worth, he might be sincere. Lloyd seems genuinely sorry that he let so many years go by. At least,” she urged, “hear him out.”
“I’m not sure I can do that.” He might as well be honest. “How could he blackmail you like he has if he has even a shred of decency?”
His mother hesitated. “Lloyd…was a kind, decent man when we were married, Kane. Regardless of what happened afterward, he was very good to me at the lowest point in my life. I wasn’t the woman I am now when I met him. I was a scared, unhappy teenager who needed someone to lean on. It wasn’t until I began to regain my self-confidence and assert myself that things changed.” Miranda made a sound of distaste. “You didn’t meet the Lloyd I knew that day when he came here. He appears to be—” she hesitated again, as if choosing her words with care “—very much under the influence of his current spouse.”
“You can say that again.” Just the memory of that woman made his skin crawl. The thought struck him that living with her every day had to be a kind of punishment in itself. That marriage couldn’t be anything like his and Allison’s, and he almost—almost—felt a twinge of pity for Lloyd Carter.
Still…having a heart-to-heart with his father wasn’t high on his list right now. After he’d asked Miranda to call immediately if anyone in the family heard from Allison, another thought occurred to him. There were a lot of things he’d rather do, but…
Reluctantly, he pulled out his wallet and extracted a torn slip of paper. His father’s phone number. He’d taken it from his mother’s desk after that first meeting because he’d been afraid they might have to track the man down again. Now, he just prayed his father hadn’t moved.
“Hello?”
“Carter? It’s Kane Fortune.” He closed his eyes against the conflicting emotions that blasted through him.
“Kane? I’m glad you called back.” His father’s voice was notably subdued. “I hope I didn’t cause any trouble between you and Allison. She’s one special lady.”
“Yes, she is.” Kane cleared his throat. “Um, you haven’t seen her, have you?”
Dead silence. “Ah, hell. This is all my fault.” Dejection and self-directed rage sounded over the connection. “No, I’m sorry to tell you I haven’t seen her. I’ll let you know if I do.”
“Thanks.” He didn’t know what else to say.
“Kane…I’m sorry for butting into your life, for trying to force you to accept me.” His father took a deep breath. “I promise you I won’t do it again. And I’ll never come asking for money again, either.”
“I want to believe that.” It was the best he could do. He hesitated, then said, “Maybe I’ll call you again someday.” Though he didn’t know if he’d ever be able to forgive the man’s abandonment, he knew that because it meant so much to Allison, he’d try.
“That’d be great.” Lloyd sounded so pathetically hopeful that Kane winced. “Now go find your gal.”
Problem was, he didn’t have a clue where to go looking. She hadn’t contacted any of their—his—family. She wasn’t at the hospital. If she had close female friends, he’d never heard about them.
Then again, he thought, he hadn’t exactly encouraged her confidences during their short marriage. He’d spent half of their relationship resenting the hell out of his need for her and the other half in bed with her. The few times they’d had long opportunities to talk, he’d been the one doing most of the yakking. She had a way of deflecting attention and making him want to share things with her that tended to obscure the fact that she wasn’t doing much sharing in return.
Not with her past, anyway. In every other respect, Allison had been willing to share anything with him. He slumped onto the barstool at the counter and stared at the receiver he’d replaced. Where was she, and when would she call him?
She wouldn’t call Kane if somebody were driving needles into her feet, Allison thought the next day, looking around the depressing little living room. Several times during the interminably long night she’d nearly given in to the urge to call him, just to hear his beloved voice.
But she wouldn’t. She couldn’t. Her marriage had been a mistake, a sham into which she’d been the only one pouring love and affection and energy—
Not strictly true, her conscience reminded her. Kane had been openly affectionate in the past few weeks and had seemed to need her in the same way she needed him. But need and love were two different things. And she couldn’t live with him without love.
She didn’t know when she’d had that revelation, but it was true. She loved him so much that she’d do almost anything for him. But she needed his love in return. She deserved his love. Her mother had never believed that of herself; after her husband’s rejection and departure she had simply folded in on herself, leading a quiet, joyless existence centered around Allison. She’d been an attractive woman of forty when her husband had left her, but she’d seemed decades older after that.
It had been one heck of a role model. Easy to see now. She’d feared rejection so much that she’d almost missed the chance to marry and share her love and her life with someone. Loving Kane, living with him, had been wonderful. It had changed her life in some very good ways, But ever since she’d confessed her love for him, she’d felt something was missing—and she knew what it was. She needed to hear the words.
She’d hoped against hope that someday he would return those words, and for a while it had seemed as if he eventually might. And that had been all right with her. She’d been willing to wait.
But his reaction yesterday had showed her just how flimsy the foundations of her hope had been. Kane didn’t love her. He’d never loved her. And the naked rage in his voice when he’d said, “I’ll never forgive you for this,” had convinced her that he never would. Forgive or love.
And so she’d left. She’d start over again somewhere, alone. But this time she wouldn’t expect to find love. Twice now she’d seen what love did to people and she didn’t intend to ever feel like this again.
But maybe someday, when the hurt wasn’t so sharp and fierce it felt as though her heart had been torn from her chest, she’d look for friendship and the kind of companionship she could share for the rest of her life. She might not have love, but her marriage to Kane had shown her that she didn’t want to live the rest of her life alone. She wanted a family. Someone to laugh with, to share the small intimacies of daily life. Children of her own to cuddle and nurture.
“Miss Preston?” She’d given the apartment manager her maiden name sin
ce she expected she’d soon be taking it back.
“This is fine,” she said dully, handing the woman a check for the deposit and a month’s rent. It was a by-the-month lease, hard to find but perfect for her right now until she decided what she was going to do, where she was going to go.
Where to go. She was leaving San Antonio, of that she was sure. She had no family, no ties to the city, nothing to keep her here. With a pang, she thought of Miranda, of Emma and Gabrielle and Ryan and Lily—Kane’s family, she reminded herself. Not yours.
So she was getting out of town. There was no way she could live here where Fortunes were daily headlines, no way she could work at County General and bump into Kane in the nurses’ station and the halls. The thought brought the ever-ready tears to the surface. No, she didn’t want to see Kane ever again.
Ten
It was no trouble settling into the tiny, furnished studio apartment. Allison had brought very little with her. She was off for the next two days and she spent part of her time at the public library on the Internet, looking at hospitals and locations, trying to decide where she might like to settle.
On the third day, after another sleepless night, she dressed and drove to the hospital.
Her nerves were frayed and about to get worse. Would she see Kane? What would he do? Say? Maybe nothing. He’d be glad she’d left, she was sure.
She’d just put away her things and was walking toward the desk when he stepped out of the elevator. He looked both ways and when he saw her, a grim smile touched his mouth. “Wife.”
She didn’t trust herself not to sob as a wave of fresh grief tore through her. He looked a little tired—maybe he’d had a late night—but to her eyes, as wonderful as always.
“Where have you been?” He’d stopped directly in front of her. His eyes were fierce, his tone aggressive.
A Most Desirable M.D. Page 15