by Robin Roseau
* * * *
It was another hour until the cook sent a runner to the captain announcing dinner could begin.
"Commander Halfheart," the captain said. "Dinner in shifts. Half watch until midnight, then return to standard watch, but tell the men to sleep in their clothes. Officer mess is in my cabin tonight, in shifts as you see fit."
"Aye-aye, captain. I'll take the wheel, Lieutenant. Commander Wattmore, stand down. Ensign." She looked at me.
"Ensign? That's me?"
She nodded.
"Yes, Commander?"
"You will serve dinner in the captain's quarters."
"All right, but I will be blind returning from the galley."
"Squint against the galley light," she said. "And make multiple trips if you need a guiding hand on the railing while crossing the deck."
"Aye-aye, Commander. Thank you, Commander."
"This is one of the reasons we keep the entire ship ship-shape, Ensign," she explained. "If nothing is out of place, then there is nothing to trip you. One of many reasons."
"I understand, Commander."
"Go."
I went. I heard chuckles as I descended the ladder.
When I arrived at the galley, I covered my eyes with my arm before stepping inside. I waited for someone to notice me.
"Ms. Karden, what are you doing?" I heard the cook ask.
"I am to bring food for five to the captain's quarters, but they are eating in shifts. I do not want to be blinded."
"Five?"
"Four officers and one ensign."
"One ensign? Since when?"
"Three minutes ago."
The cook laughed. "The ensign will eat in the last shift and will serve until then. Go back into the hallway; you look silly like that. Keep your back turned and I will send things out to you. Will you be able to use two hands?"
"Yes."
It took three trips, but I ferried everything to the captain's quarters. They were empty and very dark when I first arrived, but I knew my way well enough to find the table in the dark. I then found the lamp and turned it up to a glimmer, no more. I glanced at the curtains, and I was sure they were well-closed, but I eyed them carefully and turned the lamp down as low as I could and still get any light from it at all.
I was just turning to the door when it opened, and the captain stepped in, followed by the navigator and quartermaster.
"Rani?" she asked.
"I am here by the lamp," I said.
"You didn't turn it up?"
"You haven't checked the curtains yet."
The captain crossed the room to me and turned the lamp up to a glimmer again. The navigator turned to the windows and checked them, tugging on them. "They're fine. Well done, Ensign." The captain turned the light up a tiny bit more, but not enough to destroy my vision.
"I admire your caution, Ensign," the captain said.
"I need to make more trips." I set out the plates then made my other two trips. By the time I finished, I was crossing the deck with confidence carrying a heavy tray of food.
I served as I had been taught and stepped into the background. During a lull in their conversation, I stepped up behind the captain and said quietly, "I'm not really an ensign."
"We'll discuss it later, Ensign," she said pointedly.
"Yes, Captain. But I have concerns, and I would discuss them before I agree to that title."
She chuckled. "Understood. You are tentatively Ensign Karden, but you may revert to Ms. Karden by morning."
"Thank you, Captain."
Lieutenant Nordon finished her meal promptly and made to leave, but the captain said, "Relax for a few minutes. You still have the watch coming up. I'm sorry."
"Quite all right, Captain," she said. Then she turned to me. "Commander Halfheart will appreciate hot food, Ensign."
"Yes, Lieutenant," I said. I started for the door then stopped, unsure whether that had been an order. I turned back to the table.
"Captain?"
"Yes, Ensign?"
"Did the lieutenant just give me an order?"
"You will know when you have been given an order, Ensign," she explained. "The lieutenant made an observation. No one else here gave you any contrary direction."
"In other words, use my judgment?"
"Yes, Ensign."
"I do not know much about military or naval operations, but an ensign is a very lowly position, is it not?"
"Quite lowly," the captain agreed.
"Is it common to suggest someone with such a lowly position act on her own judgment?"
"Only when the ensign's name is Karden, Ensign," the captain said with a grin.
"Captain, this ensign is left wondering about the judgment of ship's officers who trust the judgment of an ensign who admits her own ignorance regarding naval operations."
The three of them guffawed in laughter. When they quieted down, the lieutenant said, "Perhaps the ensign should trust the captain's judgment that the ensign knows enough to realize when she doesn't know something."
"And perhaps the ensign has already demonstrated remarkable competence in crossing between different parts of the ship, even at night, in order to retrieve food and drink," added the quartermaster.
"And perhaps the ensign should take her time fetching more food so that the ship's officers can talk about her behind her back," suggested the captain.
"Oh." I said. "How much time?"
"Just don't run," she said.
"Aye-aye, Captain."
I made ample noise when I returned. The first mate had replaced the navigator at the table, and I immediately gave her a fresh place setting, then served her meal.
"Sit," said the captain. "Eat."
I made a plate and took the fourth place.
"Was I gone long enough?"
"Yes," she said. "Eat a little and swallow."
"Am I in trouble?"
"No, but you may respond poorly. Commander Radha is ready if you do."
"I will try to cooperate, Commander," I said.
"Eat a little, Rani," the captain said. "Relax. You aren't in trouble."
I ate quietly, but I was nervous, and it undid my appetite. I pushed away.
"Not hungry?"
"Nervous," I said. "If this doesn't turn messy, I'll eat the rest later, if that is allowed." I rinsed my mouth carefully with water then set it down and moved a little further from the table. "All right, Captain."
"We talked about your curse."
My heart immediately began pounding. I held up my hand, and the captain waited for me. I closed my eyes and tried to control myself. I whimpered with my own reaction.
"Do you need the gag, Rani?"
"Not yet," I managed to say. I took a few breaths and opened my eyes. "What about my curse?"
"You will not be punished for your curse, Rani," the captain said. "But you will not be allowed to overly disrupt the ship, either. I have authorized the remaining officers to subdue you, if necessary, and I will also be talking to your sister-in-law."
"All right," I said. "Captain, I have a request."
"Yes?"
"I would prefer you treat me as if I am willful, not cursed, at least in public."
"For heaven's sake, why?"
"I would not like Noridan society to know about the curse."
"Will you explain why not?"
"Not in detail." I pushed down my fear and anger. "I am losing it, Captain."
"Can you let it out without becoming too shrill?"
"How the hell should I know?" I asked her hotly, but as she suggested, not too shrilly. "It's not like my god-given curse came with a manual of instruction!" I looked at the commander. "Radha, please!"
"Not yet," the captain said.
"You are so perfect!" I snarled at her. "So god-given perfect, and I am so god-given flawed!"
"That is a lie," the captain said. "Everyone has flaws. You have such gifts, and thus you are cursed with one very large flaw. I have many, many flaws, they just aren't quite as obvious."<
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"What would you know about my gifts?" I spat at her. "All you see is my hair that reminds you of your dead lover!"
"Another lie, Rani," she replied. "And you know it."
My speech devolved from there, but the volume remained low even if the words and the venom did not. She and I went back and forth, and she was intentionally baiting me, increasing my anger, but I controlled the volume, if not the words.
And then, from one breath to the next, the mood left me, and Sorri knew immediately when it happened, and she pulled me into her arms, speaking soothingly.
"How could you let me say those things?" I asked into her chest. "I didn't mean them!"
"You did," she said. "But you didn't mean the way you said them, and I understand."
"You must gag me, Sorri. You must."
"No. I will gag you if you are going to disrupt the ship. You did not. The people here understand this isn't your fault. Those are the orders I have given. We will stop you if you are disruptive. But in private, I am going to egg you on."
"Why?"
"I think Minori is right. I think you need to let it go or it builds up. I think trying to control it is the worst thing you can do."
"It is like a festering wound," said the quartermaster. "If I lance it, then I can control how the poison escapes the body. But if I let it proceed on its own, it can burst almost explosively, and it does so disruptively."
I looked over at her.
"I am also the ship's doctor," she explained. "The quartermaster is not so busy during naval battles, so I run double duty. My assistants are quite able to deliver cannon balls where they are needed without my direction."
I looked back at Sorri.
"We will try this, Rani. If it doesn't work, then we will try something else. I am going to bait you, several times a day if necessary, and we will see what happens."
"This isn't your choice," I said quietly.
"I am the ship's doctor," Commander Wattmore said. "It is my decision how to treat this, Ensign Karden."
"But I say such horrible things."
"I have thick skin," said Sorri.
"All right," I said. "But no more tonight. It has been a difficult day."
Sorri nodded. I heard Radha chuckling.
"My distress amuses you, Commander?" I asked her.
"You are worried how you will address your kidnapper, Ensign," she pointed out. "Yes, it amuses me."
"I recognize the irony," I admitted. "Is there anything unsettling remaining to talk about?"
"Not right now," Sorri said. "It is safe to finish your dinner."
And so I did.
* * * *
Captain Sorri Westmere
It grew late. I fretted, but there was little reason to go back on deck. I invited Rani to a final walk outside and then to bed. While I used the head, she readied herself.
"I owe you two kisses, Sorri," she said quietly. "I do not feel at all cheated in my treatment today. Do you still want your kisses?"
"Very much so, Rani," I replied. We moved closer together, and suddenly my mouth was dry, and I was very nervous, like my first kiss when I was Minori's age.
Rani began walking towards me, her lithe form moving easily. She stepped into me, taking my arms and wrapping them around her where she wanted them. Her voice low, she told me in her lovely accent, "I control these kisses, Sorri. Do you understand?"
"Yes," I said.
She snaked one hand to the back of my head, the other coming to rest with her fingers against my left cheek. She pulled me down to her, stretching to reach me. Her lips brushed mine, butterfly light, once, twice, and then she pulled me down further, and our mouths met.
At first, the kiss was just our lips, although her hand on the back of my head snaked into my hair, and her fingers caressed my cheek. Then her tongue flicked against my lips, withdrew, and then flicked again.
I parted for her, accepting her request, and the next time her tongue approached, she slipped between my teeth. Our tongues caressed.
Her taste was glorious.
And then she pulled away, slipping away from my arms, humming. "One," she said. She crossed to the bed, turning down the covers, and pointed. "Sit."
I couldn't help but obey, and as soon as I was seated on the edge of the bed, she insinuated her legs between my knees, pulling me forward until I was on the edge of the bed. She was now slightly taller than I was, only slightly taller. She tipped my chip up and captured my mouth a second time.
One of us moaned into the kiss. It might have been me. I had never before moaned into a kiss in my life.
She slipped her tongue between my lips again, danced with my tongue for a moment, then withdrew. She did it twice more before I grew brave enough to follow her, and she took my tongue willingly. This time, she moaned, and I was sure it was she. Or was it I?
This kiss, to be our last kiss that night, she drew out, wrapping my arms around her again, and then her fingers played in my hair, bound in its braid.
She reached down with a hand, not breaking the kiss, and moved one of my hands until my fingers rested right at the top of her bottom, then held me there. I lowered the second hand to match the first, and she squirmed, just once, before pulling herself against me more closely.
Finally, as all kisses must do, this kiss ended, but she remained in my arms. I looked up at her, and she was smiling at me in the dim light of the cabin.
"Am I a good kisser, Sorri?" she asked.
"Yes, a very good kisser."
"I very much enjoy kissing you."
"If I allow you on the quarterdeck more often, will I receive more kisses like that?"
"No. You will receive no more kisses like that, Sorri."
She pulled away, and my heart knew utter disappointment. "You know what you would need to do for more kisses like that," she added. "But I do not believe the price I charge for more kisses is a price you will pay."
"What if I did?"
She crossed the cabin and turned down the light.
"We will not have that discussion, Captain," she said.
"Not Sorri?"
"No. That is a conversation for the captain. And if the captain does not know why she should pay that price, she certainly should not pay it for kisses. Not from me."
"Kisses from you may be worth the price."
"Perhaps for a time," she said. "But how long? I have a life to return to. Are you asking me to join your crew as your bit of fluff between the sheets? The kisses would end, but the price would go on or it was not a price fully paid. I am not asking you to take a brief break from what you do. I am telling you I want you to stop."
"I know."
"I do not believe you will stop. But if you do, it must not be for kisses."
"If I do, will there be more kisses? Rani, I need to know."
"Yes, Sorri. There would be more kisses, if you convinced me. I may be difficult to convince. And if I can forgive you for my welcome aboard your ship. You must not do this for me. You must do it because it is right to do. And that must be your only reason."
"Maybe I would do it to make you proud."
"That is a poor reason. Do it for yourself, or do not. Do not do it for me. Do it because you have grown to realize what you do is wrong."
"Tomorrow, will you allow the other affection?"
"Yes, if your hands remain polite. But you must not act as if we have become lovers. We have not."
"Will you come to bed now, Rani?"
"Yes. Will you hold me and talk to me about being an ensign? I am not sure this is wise."
* * * *
Rani Karden
It was all I could do not to ask her to take me, right there, with all her strength. Telling here there would be no more kisses was even harder, and I wondered if I could keep my resolve.
I climbed to the far side of the bed and settled between the covers. Sorri joined me, and I wrapped her arms around me and wriggled my butt in her groin. She moaned and begged me to stop.
"
That is too much, Rani," she said.
"I was only getting comfortable, Captain."
"Captain again?"
"I thought perhaps you needed some emotional distance."
"Some distance from you and your delectable but taunting bottom," she muttered.
"Is it delectable? I did not know."
"You know it is," she told me firmly. "And that is why you did it."
"If you touch it, Captain, my reaction will certainly land me in the brig. I do not know if I can forgive one stay; I am almost certain I will not forgive two."
"You are touching me with it!"
"It was cold. You are warm there."
"Rani," she said quietly. "I enjoy holding you, but do not tease me too hard. Please."
"All right, Sorri. You are right. I apologize." And then I wriggled again.
"Stop it!" she yelled into my ear.
I giggled. "I'll behave now. But Sorri, no woman has treated me like you have treated me. Ever. It is intoxicating and turns me playful."
"Perhaps I shouldn't be so nice."
"Perhaps not, but that is a discussion for another day. Tell me about 'ensign'. I think this is a mistake."
"It was playfulness on the commander's part," she replied.
"I believe it implies far more than I understand, and the unknown implications give me pause. I cannot be both hostage and member of your crew, and I am first and foremost a hostage. And I will not be a member of your crew for the same reason there will be no more kisses."
"You were a member of my crew today."
"We were running from a fight, not creating one," I pointed out. "I will help you run. I will be very, very angry if you use my help to create a fight you could avoid. You have not seen anger like you would see, Captain. I will be angry, but not so angry, if you create a fight while I am aboard your ship, but I have not helped you. If you create a fight, even without my help, there will be no more shared affection. Period."
"Are there no legitimate targets in this war, Rani?"
"There are, Captain. But the moment I began to help you, it is no longer appropriate for you to engage with them. If you intend to do so, then tell me now, and my help stops."
"I intend no engagements between now and when we return your brother's family to him," she replied. "I do not know how long we will have you aboard. Once your family is returned, then I will be planning more engagements."