Joel: Your honor, I believe Tom can attest to how much my client has done for her characters.
Rick: In that case, Tom come on up.
Tom: *sighs but goes to sit at the witness stand* Alright. What do you want to know?
Joel: Is it true that you are happily married?
Tom: What is that picture?
Joel: That’s a picture of you, Tom. Don’t you recognize yourself?
Tom: I do not pick my nose. Your honor, I demand that picture be removed at once!
Rick: Tom has a good point, Joel. You need to remove the picture.
Tom: But he didn’t remove the picture of Ruth when he had her wearing that creepy tiara.
Rick: But that picture wasn’t disgusting. No one wants to see Tom picking his nose.
Joel: Fine. I’ll dig up another one.
Tom: *glances at Rick and mutters* At least you agreed with me on something.
Joel: Now Tom, is it true that you are happily married? And we don’t mean happily married according to what Jessica thinks since she got the raw end of the deal.
Tom: What is THAT picture about?
Joel: You look like this on a regular basis. We can’t be sure what it means, but I suspect these are the moments where you’re trying to think.
Tom: Objection, your honor!
Rick: Objection sustained. Joel, this isn’t the time for giving Tom grief. Save that for another book. Get to the questions.
Joel: Are you happily married, Tom?
Tom: Yes. Jessica is the best wife a man could ever have.
Joel: And who gave you Jessica?
Tom: Ruth.
Joel: So if it wasn’t for Ruth, you wouldn’t be married today.
Tom: If it wasn’t for Ruth, none of us would exist.
Joel: Exactly! We are here because Ruth wrote us down. If she had never taken the time to write her books, then we wouldn’t be here today.
Tom: Well…yeah. That’s right.
Joel: And hasn’t Ruth been good to you? Hasn’t she been good to all of us? We’re all happily married. If she wanted to, she could have killed off one of us or our wives. But she didn’t do that. She’s given us a happy ending. While it’s true that the books are somewhat unrealistic… I mean, we all know I could have outwitted you and Rick when you two came out to force me to marry April… But for the sake of fiction, I played along with it.
Rick: *bangs gavel* Objection, Joel. Stick to the case.
Joel: My point is that even if there are some things that are hard to believe, she wrote it in anyway so we could all be happy. Don’t you think you’re better off having been in one of Ruth’s romance novels because she gave you Jessica to be your wife?
Tom: Well, yeah. I can’t imagine my life without Jessica.
Joel: So instead of taking Dave and Mary’s side, don’t you agree that Ruth has the right to ask that we appreciate all she’s done for us?
Dave: *stands up* Objection!
Joel: Objection to his objection!
Dave: Your honor, Joel is asking Tom to make an opinion based on his experience and to apply that opinion as if the rest of us agree to it.
Rick: Objection sustained. Joel, just ask Tom what he thinks based on his experience.
Joel: *rolls his eyes* I can’t wait until you’re up here for me to question, Dave.
Dave: *narrows his eyes* Bring it.
Rick: *bangs gavel* Enough. Joel, do you have anything else to ask Tom?
Joel: No, I think I’ve stated my case. You may go back to the wrong side of the courtroom, Tom.
Tom: *returns to his seat*
Photo credits:
Tom picking his nose: ID 7117486 © Imagery Majestic | Dreamstime.com
Tom confused: ID 7419647 © Imagery Majestic | Dreamstime.com
***
Sally Larson (Aka Sally Johnson) Gives Her Side of Things in the Case of
Ruth Ann Nordin VS Dave and Mary Larson
(Posted on June 13, 2012)
Rick: Who’s next to the stand?
Joel: The court calls Sally Larson to the stand.
*everyone looks back to see where Sally is on a cell phone with a computer open on her lap*
Sally: I love those shoes! Yes, I’m looking at the site right now. Definitely buy them. It’s perfect for the new dress you just bought. I’m telling you, Ethel Mae, you need to run out and buy them before they go out of stock.
Rick: *clears his throat*
Sally: *still talking into phone* Well, I don’t have a dress in that particular color, but then I don’t think that color goes well with my complexion. It’s perfect on you. It brings out the color in your cheeks. *silent for a moment* You didn’t! You did? Really? And what did he say?
Rick: *bangs the gavel*
Sally: *jerks and looks up from her computer* Oh, I have to go, Ethel Mae. Yeah, I’m in court because my brother is an idiot. Yeah, the one who thinks we need to join some kind of union because he’s so much better than the rest of us. As if we’re here to do his bidding. *silent for a moment* I know. He was so nice in Her Heart’s Desire. I don’t know what happened to him either. I guess fame goes to some people’s heads.
Rick: *whispers to the bailiff who hurries over to Sally and closes the laptop and takes her cell phone away from her* We’re having a hearing, Sally. You can talk to your friend after the verdict.
Tom: I’m pretty sure cell phones and laptops aren’t allowed here, especially since we live in the 1800s.
Joel: Oh good grief. It’s fiction.
Sally: No matter what time period it is, a girl has the right to shop and talk to her friends. *goes up the front of the room and sits on the witness stand; glances at Rick and bats her eyelashes at him* You’re not mad at me, are you?
Rick: *smiles* Nah, I guess not. Just remember you can’t do it in any of the books because then we’d all get in trouble for historical inaccuracy.
Sally: Sure thing, honey. *winks at him*
Tom: *rolls his eyes* Can we get on with this already?
Joel: Right. *approaches Sally* Now, Sally, what do you think about Ruth?
Sally: She’s awesome. Not only did she give me a great husband, but I’m one of her best characters.
Tom: Objection! That’s is conjecture. No one can say Sally is Ruth’s best character.
Sally: *crosses her arms and pouts* I said one of her best.
Tom: Your honor, objection! It’s still conjecture.
Rick: Objection denied. Joel, continue with the questions.
Joel: You were in favor of the plot for Isaac’s Decision. In fact, you convinced Rick to marry Isaac and Emily.
Sally: Yes.
Joel: Is it fair to say you thought Dave overreacted when he tried to rewrite that book?
Sally: Of course, he overreacted. He’s not a storyteller. He doesn’t have a literary bone in his body. Can you imagine what a catastrophe that story would have turned out to be? I mean, he was writing, and I quote:
Sally reads:
Isaac wasn’t sure if listening to his father was a good idea. But he knew his father had his best interest at heart, so he decided to take Eva home without any of his brothers or sisters tagging along. He took Eva home, and they had a wonderful conversation. He thought that maybe his father was right and he would give Eva a second chance.
When they arrived at her home, her father asked him if he wanted to visit for a while, and he agreed. Isaac had such a good time he asked Eva if he could court her. She said yes but said she couldn’t officially be courted until after her teaching contract was over. Soon enough, it was, and they did. By the end of the year, they were married and lived happily ever after because she was a good wife who was a lot like his mother and he had a wonderful mother. The End
Sally continues: I mean, who in their right mind would read such a stupid story? Ruth did Isaac and Emily a huge favor of ditching what David wrote.
Joel: Ruth claims she deserves compensation for the way she was treated. Do you agree?
Sally: Sure. If she isn’t, then David might pull some other sneaky stunt. And if that happens, Ruth might give up because it won’t be worth it to have a character and his gullible wife creating a ruckus all the time. Who wants that hassle?
Joel: Thank you, Sally. That’s all I have to say.
Rick: Do you have any questions, Tom?
Tom: Indeed, I do. *walks over to Sally* What does your husband do for a living?
Sally: Seriously? That’s your question?
Tom: Will you just answer it?
Sally: *rolls her eyes* Fine. He’s a judge. *she points to Rick* Do you want to know his last name, too?
Tom: My point is that being a judge’s wife, you ought to be aware of the Constitution, specifically the First Amendment, which just so happens to be the freedom of speech. That being the case, isn’t Dave within his rights to speak up when he doesn’t like something Ruth does?
Sally: There’s a difference between speaking up and being a pest. He was a pest. Hiding from everyone so we all thought he was kidnapped is taking it too far. Anyone with half a brain can see that.
Tom: But if Dave wants to form a union and gather characters who’ll go along with him, then that’s his right.
Sally: If you must persist in this crazy talk, then be aware that Ruth also has the right to give up the Nebraska books and find other books to write. Book which, I might add, will feature other characters. And if David bugs those characters until they give in and go along with it just to shut him up, then she might give up writing altogether.
Tom: *stands silent of a moment and sighs* I can’t think of anything else.
Joel: *snickers at Tom who mutters for him to shut up*
Sally: *leaves the witness stand*
Photo credits:
Sally taking on a more serious role: ID 13731827 © Syda Productions | Dreamstime.com
***
Mary Larson is at the Witness Stand
(Posted on June 20, 2012)
Rick: Joel, is there anyone else you want to bring up to the witness stand?
Joel: No, your honor.
Rick: Tom, who is your first witness?
Tom: I want to call Mary Larson to the stand.
Mary: *goes up to the stand and sits down*
Tom: It goes without saying that this whole ordeal has been hard on you and the children, especially since you’re in the family way.
Mary: It’s no secret I didn’t like the fact that a tree nymph wanted to join Dave’s union. There’s only one reason a nymph would do such a thing, and unlike my naive husband, I know what that reason is.
Tom: I don’t think anyone here will argue that it’s your right to defend yourself and your children against a woman of loose morals.
Mary: Honestly, I don’t think she even knows how to read. She probably saw Dave’s picture and wanted to use him for her… *shifts uncomfortably in the chair* Well, being a woman in the 1800s, I won’t say the exact words.
Tom: I think we all know what you’re thinking, and I, for one, agree. Kyala was up to no good.
Joel: Objection, your honor!
Tom: On what grounds?
Rick: I can speak for myself, Tom. *looks at Joel* On what grounds?
Joel: We can’t say for sure what Kyala’s motives were.
Rick: Objection denied. It doesn’t matter what Kyala’s motives were. What matters is why Mary did what she did. Continue, Tom.
Tom: Really?
Rick: Well, you are the one questioning Mary right now.
Tom: No, I mean, you’re actually telling Joel his objection doesn’t stand and that I have a good point?
Rick: *sighs* Can we please get on with the case? I’d like to be done with this before July 1. At the rate it’s going, we’ll be here until Christmas.
Tom: *turns back to Mary* Besides the threat you felt Kyala posed, you also worried about something else, didn’t you?
Mary: Yes. I worried that Dave’s persistence was going to bother Ruth until she dropped the Nebraska series. As Sally said, I didn’t think Dave was helping the situation. While his fierce determination to stick with something he believes in is something I love most about him, in this case, it worked against him.
Tom: So what you did was meant to help Ruth, not hurt her.
Mary: Yes, but I also wanted to help Dave. Ruth plans to write another book about us and then about our children. Dave has as much to lose as the rest of us do.
Tom: That’s all I have to say, your honor. *sits down*
Rick: Joel, do you have anything you wish to say?
Joel: *stands up and approaches Mary* Yes, I do. Mary, do you honestly think Dave would ever cheat on you?
Mary: No, of course not. He’s as loyal as a man can be.
Joel: So why were you so threatened by Kyala that you demanded Dave follow your sinister plan to kidnap him? You gave him no room for argument as you used your womanly wiles on him.
Mary: *gasp* I don’t look anything like that!
Tom: Objection, your honor! Not only is that picture grossly modern, but it taints Mary’s gentle nature.
Rick: Objection sustained.
Joel: On what grounds? I’ve just established that Mary doesn’t believe Dave would have run off to a tree with Kyala. It makes her testimony questionable.
Rick: First of all, “womanly wiles” suggests that she was using her sex appeal on Dave, not going psycho on him. Second, I can’t allow a picture that modern in this courtroom. A laptop and cell phone? Okay. But the rollers, sunglasses, modern kitchen…. It’s too much. Remove the picture at once.
Joel: *groans but obeys* Fine, but let it stand that Mary didn’t believe Kyala was a threat.
Mary: Kyala was a threat. Even if the man is faithful, it’s still unpleasant for the wife to sit idly by and watch a young, beautiful woman sporting off her hourglass figure in front of him. No wife wants that.
Joel: So why didn’t you kidnap her or ship her off to some Greek island somewhere?
Mary: Because given the nature of her personality, I figured if I put up a resistance, then she’d want Dave even more. Women set on sleeping with married men find the challenge much more appealing if the wives fight them. By simply removing Dave from the spotlight, I figure an airhead like Kyala would get bored and move on. And she did. She was flirting with Joseph Connealy and Owen Russell. She’ll sleep with anyone.
Joel: Let’s say your theory was correct and that you had to kidnap Dave to get rid of her. How did you talk Dave into it?
Mary: *blushes* I’d rather not say.
Bonus Material from the Nebraska Series Page 21