by L. P. Maxa
“Nice to meet you, Landry.”
She sat back, her head cocked and her eyes on mine. She looked like a tiny fierce little kitten. Landry was one tough cookie, or at least that’s how she came across. “You’re Jacks’s best friend.”
I glanced at Jacks to see him smiling. I nodded. “I am.”
Landry nodded, mimicking me. “Jacks thinks you’re pretty.”
“I do.” Jacks lifted his head, looking at her in the rearview mirror. “And I think you are pretty too. I am the luckiest guy in the world, to have two such pretty girls.”
Jacks’s sweet words made my heart do this weird flutter and Landry smiled so big, her whole face lit up. But as quickly as it appeared, the light left. Had this little girl ever been told she was pretty before? Did she not believe him? Or was she afraid to? Afraid to believe anything good or positive from a grown-up.
A few minutes later Jacks pulled the car into the driveway. The house was large and powder blue with lots of white trim work and shutters. The front yard was full of flower beds, surrounded by pine needle mulch. The tiny white picket fence capped off the beachy Leave It to Beaver vibe perfectly. Now my heart was pounding, not fluttering. Jacks reached over and grabbed my hand, rubbing his thumb over the frantic pulse in my wrist. He whispered, “Everything is going to be fine. We don’t need their permission to be friends, B.”
I nodded and got out of the car. I opened Landry’s door and helped her out while Jacks unloaded my suitcase, plus several large shopping bags. “Miss Landry, did you go shopping today?”
She nodded enthusiastically. “Jacks let me spend his black card money.”
I put my hands on my hips and leaned toward her. “Lucky! Next time you go spend Jacks’s money, can I come?”
Landry giggled. “Sure. Garrett can get you clothes too.”
Jacks came around to our side of the car so we could walk to the house together. “Garrett is Landry’s personal shopper.”
I tapped the end of Landry’s nose. “That settles it, next time I’m coming too.” I smiled even though my stomach was, once again, in knots. This man was going to give me an ulcer. Every step up to the house made the knot grow bigger until it was like a giant ball of rusted barbed wire. I wasn’t scared of my sister, but she hated secrets. She and I were close, we talked a few times a week. And even though I hadn’t flat out lied to her about Jacks and I, I’d withheld information. Dylan was a hard ass.
“Hey, Buttercup, can you get the door?” Jacks was balancing all the bags and I was behind him like a coward refusing to enter first.
Landry went up to the door and opened it slowly, then she stepped back making Jacks walk in front of her. I wasn’t the only nervous girl here.
Chapter Five
Jacks
I sat all of Landry’s shopping bags and Bryan’s suitcase on the floor in the massive tiled entryway. The girls were still behind me, both timid for two entirely different reasons. Dagger came bounding down the hall and went straight to Landry, licking her face and making her laugh. Usually I was Dagger’s number one stop, but apparently I’d been replaced.
Landry turned to Bryan, her arm resting on Dagger’s back. “This is Dagger. He is Lexi’s dog.”
Bryan reached down and scratched Dags behind his ear. “Hello, Dagger.”
“All right, ladies, who’s hungry?” I smelled food. Dylan had been cooking a lot; she claimed we ate out too much. Fast food was a no-no these days. I ushered my insanely hot best friend and my cute-as-a-button maybe-daughter toward the kitchen. They both seemed so hesitant that I refused to let my fear show. They needed me to be strong? I was sure as hell going to give it a shot. Huh, look at that. Maybe I wasn’t going to be such a shitty father after all. “What’s for dinner?”
Dylan was at the stove, stirring something in a large stainless steel pot. “Well, I wasn’t sure what kind of food Landry liked. So I went with spaghetti, because everyone likes—”
Her words cut off when she turned and saw the three of us standing on the other side of the bar.
“Bryan? Oh my gosh, what are you doing here?!” She dropped the wooden spoon and rushed up to her sister, pulling her into a big hug. “I didn’t know you were coming to see me! What a great surprise. Is Mikah with you too?” Dylan released her and then looked over her shoulder back toward the front of the house.
Bryan took a deep breath and shook her head. “Uh. No, it’s just me.”
“You had your last exam this morning, right? I can’t believe you are a college graduate now!” Dylan took her by the hand and pulled out a chair at the large center island. “Dinner is almost ready. Let me get you a glass of wine.” Bryan nodded. “I would love that, thanks.” She looked over at me and shrugged.
I guess for the time being we were going to let Dylan think that Bryan flew down here to see her and celebrate her upcoming graduation. Easy way out sounded okay to me. At least until after we ate. I was starving, and Dylan wasn’t above using food as punishment. “Where is everyone else?” The house was oddly quiet this close to dinnertime.
Dylan set a glass of white wine in front of Bryan. “Oh they’ll all be here in a minute. Smith and Dash are still down in the studio, Lexi is napping and Luke literally just woke up and got in the shower.”
I glanced down at Landry. She was quietly petting Dagger. I tapped her on the top of the head. “You like spaghetti?”
She nodded. Good. One potential problem solved.
Dylan pulled out a carton of milk and poured a glass for Landry before handing it to her. “Landry, Bryan is my baby sister.”
Landry pursed her lips. “And Jacks’s best friend.”
Bryan choked on her wine and Dylan looked confused. “What?”
Well, shit. “Hey, Dagger accidentally rolls around in his own poop sometimes. You should go wash your hands before dinner. Do you remember where the bathroom is?” Landry looked between me and Dylan. She looked like she wanted to say something but instead she nodded and then walked off with Dags trailing behind her. Bam! Another father point.
Dylan turned off the fire under the sauce, which smelled perfect by the way. “What did Landry mean? You aren’t Jacks’s best friend, why would you tell her that?”
“Well, uh… You see… Jacks, you want to answer that?” Bryan took a very large gulp of her wine. My feisty little friend was a bit of a chicken when it came to her big sister.
I put my hands on B’s shoulders, pulling her back against me like it was the most natural thing in the world. Which made Dylan narrow her eyes into tiny little slits. “Bryan and I have been talking since we met in New Orleans.”
“Talking? Why?” Dylan took a step toward me.
I shrugged. “I don’t know. We just hit it off when we met and we’ve kept in touch.”
Dylan looked between us. “Kept in touch? So, like, you guys text every once in a while or something?”
I was hoping Bryan would jump in at that point, but instead she picked up her wine again. I gave her hair a quick tug. “We text all the time, and not a day goes by that we don’t talk on the phone. We’ve become friends.”
“So you didn’t come here to see me?” Dylan stole the glass of wine out of Bryan’s hand before she could busy herself with another sip and not answer her question. Smart. I should have done that two questions ago.
Bryan shook her head. “Jacks called me this morning and told me about Landry. He asked me to come out here.”
All at the same time Smith and Dash came upstairs and Landry, Luke, and Lexi all came downstairs. The kitchen was suddenly full of people. Smith went straight to Dylan and pulled her in for a kiss, which was when he noticed Bryan. “Hey! I didn’t know you were coming down!” He beamed at her…until he noticed my hands on her shoulders and the tension in the room. He looked at me. “Why are you touching her?”
Dylan pointed at me with the knife she was currently using to cut a loaf of French bread. “Because Jacks and Bryan are BFFs. Didn’t you know?” The sarcasm in her voice
was unmistakable. I cleared my throat and nodded toward Landry. I was fathering like a champ right now. Dylan set down the knife. “Hey, sweetheart, would you like to help Smith set the table?”
Landry sighed and looked at me. She knew that we were once again trying to very nicely get her out of the room and away from the tension. I winked at her and she walked toward the large dining room with Smith. The silent room suddenly erupted with words. Lots and lots of words. I held up my hand. “One at a mother fu…fudging time.”
Dash went first. “I’m confused. Bryan is here, but to see you? Not Dylan?”
Bryan rose to stand at my side. United front. Good choice. “Of course I am happy to be able to spend time with my sister. But, yes, I came here because Jacks asked me.”
Lexi grabbed a bottle of water out of the fridge. “And Jacks asked you to come because you guys are friends?”
I slung my arm around her shoulders. “Yes, Bryan and I are friends. We have become very close over the last month or so. When Landry showed up, I asked her to come. I needed her.”
Dylan shot me another go-to-hell look. “You needed her? You needed my baby sister who you’ve only met in person once to help you with this huge life event?”
“I did.” I took a deep breath, trying to maintain my calm. I wasn’t really sure how to explain what I was feeling, or how to put into words why I wanted Bryan here. “She treats me like I’m more than some dumb-ass man-whoring guitarist. Which I know is how all of you see me.”
Bryan wrapped her arms around my waist and laid her head on my chest. I liked having her in my arms. It felt…natural. “Dylan, I wanted to tell you. But I didn’t think you would understand that we are just friends and—”
“Why wouldn’t I understand? You think lying about it helps the situation?” Dylan continued cutting the bread, with a little more force than necessary. Obvo she was picturing my…head…on the cutting board.
I threw my hands in the air. “Look. We didn’t want to say anything and risk you guys freaking out over nothing.”
Lexi cleared her throat. “If no one else is going to ask, I sure as hell will. Are you guys fu…fudging?”
I snorted with laughter; I couldn’t help it. I wasn’t shocked that it was Lexi who had the balls to ask. It was always Lexi. “No. We are not fudging.”
Bryan added, “I have a boyfriend.”
I rolled my eyes. “You’re dumping him and we both know it.”
She just shrugged, still in my arms.
Lexi nodded then pursed her lips, “What about phone fudging?”
Bryan sounded a little exasperated. “I just said I had a boyfriend.”
“Phone fudging isn’t cheating.” Lexi stole a piece of bread off the island.
Dash looked at her like she was crazy. “Excuse me? It sure as shit is.”
It was Lexi’s turn to shrug.
I shook my head. “No. No, phone fudging.” I stepped away from Bryan and grabbed the wine out of the fridge, refilling her glass. “We are friends, nothing more, nothing less. And neither one of us are looking to ruin our relationship with sex.” I met Dylan’s eyes. “I won’t hurt your sister, Dil. I promise.”
Dylan gave me a sad smile. “She’s not the one I’m worried is going to end up hurt, Jacks.”
Bryan cocked her head. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
Dylan scoffed. “When’s the last time you had a relationship that lasted longer than three months, Bryan? Hmm? Can’t remember? Yeah, that’s because you never have.”
“Those cartwheels don’t matter.” I popped a piece of bread in my mouth as everyone looked at me like I’d lost my mind.
Dash shook his head, confused. “What the hell does that even mean?”
I shrugged. “You know, like a clown at the circus. Their cartwheels don’t matter. No one cares; they’re irrelevant.”
Dash scratched his head. “I can’t believe someone left a child in your care.”
I ate another piece of bread, smiling at the low blow I knew he’d said with nothing but love in his heart. “Anyone have any more questions?”
Luke raised his hand. “I do. Who is the child setting the dining room table?”
***
Dinner went surprisingly well. Dylan loosened up after a glass or two of wine and she and Bryan made us all laugh with stories about when they were little. Even Landry was giggling. After it was over Bryan went into the kitchen with Dylan and Lexi. Leaving me alone once again with my daughter. Was she my daughter? The more time I spent with her, the more convinced I was that her mother had actually been telling the truth. But we wouldn’t know for sure for a few more days. In the meantime this kid deserved some comfort and happiness and warmth. And I was going to make sure she got it. But I wasn’t super positive what to do next. It was late and she’d had a big day. That meant bedtime, right? “Do you want to come upstairs and pick out a room?”
Landry nodded and got to her feet. We stopped and grabbed all her bags before heading up the dark wood stairs. There were two empty bedrooms on the second floor, which was where Luke’s and my rooms were. Whichever one Landry didn’t want, Bryan could have. I doubted it would go over well if B stayed in my room, even if nothing was going to happen. Plus, was that a good example for Landry? I had no clue what was good for her and what wasn’t. I was so out of my element it wasn’t even funny. “Okay, this is my room and the one at the end of the hall is Luke’s.” I flipped on the lights in both empty rooms. “Which one of these would you like?” The one across the hall from me was super girly-looking and had its own bathroom where the one next door to me shared a bathroom with my room.
“Uh…this one.” She picked the one right across the hall from mine. The doors were lined up exactly.
I nodded. “Good choice, the bathtub in there is huge. It’s like a swimming pool.” I sat her bags down. “Uh, do you want to use it? The bathtub?”
She peered inside and smiled. “Can I?”
“It’s your bathtub, Buttercup. You can use it whenever you want.” Right? Wait. Did I have to bathe her? She seemed old enough to do that herself. Right? “Do you take baths by yourself? Or did your mom…? I can get Bryan to come sit with you, if you want.”
She shook her head. “No thank you. I can do it myself.”
I nodded. “Okay. Well, uh, how about I stay out here and unpack your stuff?” I dumped all her bags out on the bed. “Want to grab some jammy jams?”
She giggled at my words and I felt like I’d just won the lottery. Like every giggle, every time she was happy and carefree was a gift. After she shut the bathroom door I made myself busy putting away all her new stuff. After I was done I reached for her tiny pink suitcase, unzipping it and opening the lid. Just like I figured, all her clothes were tattered and worn. All her shoes had holes in them. Did her mom work? If she knew I was her dad, why didn’t she come to me for money? There was nothing personal in her bag. No stuffed animal, no pictures. I went across the hall to my room and opened my top dresser drawer. I had a stuffed elephant named Ello that I’d had since I was a kid. I took him with me everywhere, every tour and every hotel. I kept him packed in my bag, I didn’t sleep with him or anything…but I just liked having him close. Maybe Landry would too.
Chapter Six
Bryan
Landry and Jacks had been gone for a while by the time I’d helped Dylan clean the kitchen and put away the leftovers. Smith, Luke, and Dash were all stretched out in the living room watching a movie. Lexi was lying with her head in Dash’s lap and her feet across Luke’s legs. Smith smiled when my sister walked into the room, holding his arm out for her to climb onto him. I liked Smith for Dylan; it was so obvious that he loved her, cherished her. I stood for a minute watching the two of them talking quietly while he ran his fingers through her long hair. Jacks was right, I was going to break up with Shep. I never once looked at him the way Dylan looked at Smith, or the way Lexi looked at Dash. I’d never looked at anyone like that. I’d dated some really nice gu
ys, and some really not nice ones. But either way, Dylan was right, it never lasted. I was a wild card, a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants kind of girl. And I had just never found a guy who held my interest past a certain point.
I headed up stairs and smiled when I heard Landry’s laughter. I leaned against the open bedroom door, watching as Jacks pulled back the covers and then tucked her in tight. He handed her a stuffed elephant. I couldn’t hear what he was saying to her, he was talking softly. But the look on her face was priceless and she tucked the elephant in next to her. I stepped back into the shadows and waited for him in the hallway. He closed her door partway and then gestured to the room across the hall. I followed him in and shut the door a smidge when he turned on a lamp. We were in his room. I recognized the dark gray walls and the plaid bedding from our FaceTime calls. “Think she’ll be okay in there?”
Jacks stood staring across the hall. “I hope so.”
“My gosh, I can’t even imagine what she is going through right now. You know? I mean her shitty mom bailed out and abandoned her, then she was plucked from the only home she knew and brought to live with people she’d never met.”
Jacks hung his head. “I know. It’s fucking gut wrenching. To top it all off she thinks her mom is lying about me being her dad. And I can’t set her mind at ease, I don’t want to tell her I am and then the paternity test says otherwise.”
“What if it does? What are you going to do? Let her go into the system?” I felt sick just thinking of Landry being passed around from one foster home to another.
“No. I don’t know. I have no fucking clue what I’m doing. I play video games and wear t-shirts that say Blow me, I’m in a band. I’m not father material, B. I’m not even grown-up material.”
I sighed. “Don’t sell yourself short, Jacks. You are a good man and you are already doing a good job with her.”
He sank down on the bed and then reached for my hand, pulling me next to him. “I’m trying. I’ll keep trying. For as long as she needs me, I’ll try.”