by L. P. Maxa
I went downstairs and found my sister sitting at the bar, a steaming cup of tea in her hands. “Hey, you.” I kissed her on the cheek before going to the stove and putting hot water in a cup for me.
“Hey.” She took a sip. “I happened to notice you didn’t sleep in Jacks’s bed last night.”
I laughed. “Happened to notice? Or made it a point to check?” She just shrugged. “I actually spent most of the night in Landry’s bed, she had a nightmare.”
“About what?”
I shook my head. “I don’t know, she wouldn’t say. I don’t even want to begin to try to guess. Who knows what that little girl has seen.”
“She needs to talk to someone. Jacks needs to get her into counseling.”
I dropped a mint tea bag into my cup and brought it over to the bar. “I know. I was going to talk to him about it last night, but I didn’t get around to it.”
“You’re good with her, with Landry.”
I smiled. “So is Jacks.”
Dylan nodded thoughtfully. “I heard Jacks come home last night, it was early…”
He had come home early. I hadn’t expected him to come home at all. It was clear to everyone but Landry why he’d left the house with Luke last night. When he’d told me that with us was right where he wanted to be, my heart had done that little flutter thing again. But I was sure he didn’t mean it like I took it. He’d probably just felt guilty. Right? And I was probably just developing a heart condition or something.
“Yeah, he probably just felt bad about leaving Landry here.”
“You sure? Because I think he’s falling for you and it took him being in a bar surrounded by willing and able chicks to realize it.”
I made a face at her. Childish, I know. “I think you’re crazy.”
“Don’t hurt him, Bryan. Don’t do what you always do: flirt and play and make him love you… Don’t do that, not to him.”
I scoffed. “I don’t do that!” On purpose. I leaned my elbows on the cool granite, ready to change the subject. “You know what I really want to talk about? You and your super dreamy boyfriend.” I batted my eyelashes. “What’s it like to be loved and lusted after by one of the world’s hottest rock stars?”
“I don’t know, you tell me.” She cocked a perfectly shaped brow.
I rolled my eyes. “Come on, Dylan, just drop it, okay? Jacks and I are friends. I’m here to help him out with his daughter. He isn’t into me, not like that.”
“You’re blind. He’s so into you he can’t even think straight.” She held up her hand to stop my protest. “Just be careful, okay? I don’t want Jacks to end up hurt because you get bored.”
She wasn’t wrong, even though I really wished she was. “Will you please drop it?”
She was quiet for a minute before she finally answered me the way I’d wanted her to in the first place. “Life with Smith is…perfect. He’s so kind and thoughtful. And it’s the best sex I’ve ever had. Ever.”
Lexi came down the hall, grinning. “What are we talking about? Sex? I want to talk about sex.” She perched her pregnant butt up on the stool next to Dylan and put her chin on her hand. “Dash is the best sex I’ve ever had too.”
I chuckled. “Is ‘great at sex’ a prerequisite to being a rock star?”
Lexi nodded. “Like I’ve told Dilly before, these guys fuck like it’s their job, because it kind of is.”
I liked Lexi, she was funny and easy to talk to. She reminded me a lot of Mikah. The youngest and the most carefree of the three of us. “From the stories I’ve heard, Jacks likes his job.” I grinned. “Although, from what I’ve seen of this area, there aren’t really any good bars to go to work at.”
Dylan looked at me. “Jacks hasn’t been going out at all.”
Lexi stole Dylan’s tea and took a sip. “You know, now that you mention it, he really hasn’t.”
She took it back. “There is caffeine in that. Make yourself a cup of the mint.” Lexi rolled her eyes, but got up to make herself a new cup.
Dylan looked toward me and held my gaze. “He hasn’t gone out once since before the music festival in New Orleans.”
“He went out with Luke last night.”
Dylan snorted. “He came home two hours later. That only proves my point.”
Oh, here we go again. “So that’s what you’re basing all this on? The fact that Jacks has gone a month without whoring it up? That’s insane, Dylan. Maybe he just needed a break. A detox.”
Lexi’s eyes shifted from me to Dylan and back again. “What’s happening? Why do you both have on angry faces?”
“Dylan thinks that Jacks is in love with me, and that’s why he hasn’t been partying and why we are friends, why he asked me to come here.”
Lexi cocked her head, tapping her chin. “Interesting…”
“No. Not interesting, ridiculous. Besides, I have a boyfriend.”
Dylan turned to me, full of attitude. “Oh yeah? What’s his name?”
“Shepard Kensington.”
Lexi snorted. “He sounds like a tool.”
Dylan ignored her. “And how does he feel about you flying out at the drop of a hat to see another guy?”
I took a deep breath. “Well, I don’t know how he feels about it. Because I didn’t ask for permission.”
Lexi put her fist in the air. “Good for you, sister.”
Jacks came down the stairs before Dylan could ask any more questions. His bed head was sexy and his sweet, sleepy smile was making me weak in the knees. Neither of which I’d ever admit. I didn’t need to give Dylan any more ammo. He came straight to me and kissed the top of my head before going to the coffee machine. “What are you girls gabbing about?”
“Bryan’s boyfriend.” Dylan leaned back and crossed her arms over her chest. She was getting more irritated by the second and Jacks’s casual morning kiss hadn’t gone unnoticed.
Jacks wrinkled his nose. “Who? Shep?” He looked over his shoulder at me. “He’s a tool, she’s dumping him.”
Landry came walking into the kitchen. “What’s a tool?”
Jacks picked her up and sat her on the island next to me. “It depends on the context. If I were to say, Buttercup, can you hand me that tool over there? That would mean I was asking you for an instrument used to fix things. But if I said something like B’s ex-boyfriend was a tool, that would be different. That would be me using the word in a negative connotation to describe someone’s less-than-sparkling personality.”
Luke walked in, holding his hand up to Jacks. “Parenting. Nailed it.”
Jacks slapped his hand and then went back to the coffeepot. Was it wrong that I felt no urge to defend Shep? He wasn’t a bad guy; he just didn’t seem to be the guy for me. We’d been together two months; I’d slept with him, then immediately started to get bored as hell. Dammit. Dylan was right. Sort of. I let out a deep breath and then tickled Landry’s ribs. “What do you want for breakfast, sweet girl?”
She giggled and squirmed. “Uh…muffins? Can we make muffins?”
She’d asked me to buy muffins at the store yesterday. I told her we could make better ones ourselves and then piled the ingredients in our cart. I nodded. “We sure can. Blueberry or chocolate chip?”
“Blueberry. I don’t eat chocolate for breakfast.” I turned to the pantry and laughed when I saw Jacks with a cookie halfway to his mouth.
***
Landry and I made muffins, and the wolves descended and ate all of them. Then the guys went down to the studio and Dylan went to work. Once again it was just Lexi, Landry, and I all alone in this massive house. Landry was at the coffee table with a coloring book and huge box of crayons. Lexi was watching a pregnancy yoga workout on TV. Smith had put it on for her before he went downstairs, and she’d gotten on her mat and done it until the door shut. Then she’d gotten up and climbed on the couch. I adored her. I looked out the window, and there wasn’t a cloud in the sky. It was too pretty to be inside.
“Hey, Landry? Have you ever seen blue
water and powder sugar sand?”
She turned around, her long hair whipping to the side. “No.”
I grinned. “You want to?”
She hopped up, that fun little light in her eyes. “Yes! Can we go?”
“Go upstairs and change into a swimsuit while I get some stuff together.” I looked across the room to Lexi. “How ’bout it, Lex?”
She put her hands on her belly. “I’d love to. But I have a Skype meeting with the builders today. I’ve been overseeing our house as well as Luke’s and Jacks’s. I am spent.” She sat up. “Actually, I was wondering if maybe you wanted to take over Jacks’s place while you are here.”
“Take over how?”
“The guys all worked on their own plans with the architects, but they need help picking out everything else. Tile, paint colors, fixtures. Would you mind?”
Would I mind picking things out for a house that wasn’t mine? That some other woman would live in one day? I couldn’t say I was thrilled about it. But if Lexi needed help, I wouldn’t deny her. “Uh, yeah, sure, I can do that.” I’d just pick out a few different options and then let Jacks do an either/or type of deal. It wouldn’t take long and then he would be responsible for the final decisions. “But can I start tomorrow? I’m taking that girl to the beach.” I jerked my thumb in the direction of the stairs.
“Yeah, of course. You guys go have fun and I’ll put all the catalogues and builder notes in your room.”
I went to the kitchen, got some snacks together, and loaded it all in the small cooler I’d found in the pantry yesterday. Then I headed into the studio to let Jacks know where we were going. I was once again greeted with the sound of a guitar, and before I even saw him, I was licking my lips in anticipation. His eyes opened when my foot hit the last step, like he could sense that I’d entered the room. He continued to play, his gaze never leaving mine. I was captivated by him, and I barely resisted the urge to jump him. After the last chord was strummed, he sat his guitar down and came toward me. My breath hitched in my chest. I had a sudden vision of him grabbing me by the back of the head and pressing his mouth to mine. Well, our friendship was taking an odd turn…
“What’s up, baby doll?”
I blushed. I freaking blushed at the sweet nickname that I’d heard a hundred times before. “I, uh, we’re going to the beach.”
He frowned. “Right now?”
“Yeah, well, Landry said she’s never seen the ocean and it’s such a pretty day.” Why did he look so upset? He asked me to watch her and…oh. “I’m sorry, how selfish of me, I didn’t even think to… You should take her for the first time, you should be there when she sees it.”
Jacks shook his head. “No. That’s not…” He pursed his lips and looked over at his bandmates. “I’m going to skip out today if that’s okay with y’all.” He smiled. “I’m going to take my girls to the beach.”
Chapter Eleven
Jacks
Bryan and I were sitting on a blanket; all the fear and nervousness I’d felt last night had been gone when I woke up. Like I’d worked out all my fears and worries in my sleep. Plus, seeing her comfort Landry in the middle of the night? Was everything. I guess what they say is true, things always look better in the morning. For once, I wasn’t scared of a relationship. I wasn’t running or avoiding commitment. B was perfect, and I was going to take things one day at a time. And today? We were watching Landry build a castle in the sand. Bryan had thought of everything. She was the one that slathered Landry in sunscreen, she was the one who stopped off and bought Landry this floaty ring noodle thing and a bunch of shovels and buckets… I’d have been lost without her. Landry and I spent an hour playing in the waves while Bryan laid out on the beach with a book in her hand. Her body was toned and tanned; she wore her long dark hair piled on her head. The way the sun kissed her skin, the way she looked in her aviators, everything about her was sexy as fuck. The only thing capable of distracting me from Bryan was Landry. She had so much fun jumping the waves and watching for dolphins.
Seeing the world through Landry’s eyes, like it was brand new, it was almost like reliving the best parts of being a kid all over again. I bumped my shoulder against Bryan’s. “Thanks for today, for suggesting this.”
She bumped me back. “Thanks for letting me be part of it. I’m sorry I didn’t think to check with you before telling her we could come.”
How did I tell her what I really wanted to say? That there was nothing she could do wrong in my eyes. “You don’t need to check with me, doll. Whatever you think for Landry is the right call.”
“You’re her dad or whatever…and I almost brought her to see the ocean for the first time without you. That’s not okay. You need to be there for her firsts, you need to be the one making these memories with her.”
I sat up and grabbed her by the nape of her neck, bringing her forehead against mine. “You’re her family too. Because you’re my family.” Because I think I’m falling in love with you. I sat back and took a long pull off my bottle of water, yet another thing that Bryan thought of. Kids needed hydration when they played in the sun, who knew?
Landry came over and sat down in front of us. “I love it here, thank you for bringing me.”
I reached out and tapped the end of her nose. Between Bryan and me, that gesture was becoming a habit. Neither one of us could help touching her tiny button nose. “You’re welcome, Buttercup.”
She smiled. “Can we come back again someday?”
“We can come back every day if you want to, I mean as long as we live here.”
Her smile fell and she looked down at the ground. “Oh, okay. I understand.”
It took me a few seconds to realize what I’d said and how she’d taken it. “Hey, hey, come here.” I reached for her hand and pulled her against my side. “I think you misunderstood what I meant.” I kissed the top of her head and blinked back my tears. The thought that I could have made this sweet girl feel sad or alone, even for a second, tore my heart to pieces. “You and me? We’re together, from now on. When I said as long as we live here? I meant both of us. Because one day we’re going to move to Texas. That’s where our forever home is. This house? The big one with tons of people in it? We’re just staying here until Lexi has the baby.”
She looked up at me, her big blue eyes searching. “What if my mom lied?”
What if she did? Would I ever be able to send Landry away? I was just a dude in a band, my life was chaos and irresponsibility. There were definitely people out there better suited to raise a little girl. But then I’d never know if she was safe; I’d never know if she was happy or had clothes that fit and shoes she could walk in. I wouldn’t be able to live like that. The second Landry walked into the house, she’d walked into my heart. I took a deep breath. “Doesn’t matter. You’re mine, and I’m never letting you go. No matter what.”
“You promise?”
I nodded. “With all my heart.” Landry smiled, got up, and went back to building her sand castle. B and I watched her in silence while she decorated it with tiny seashells. I couldn’t look at Bryan, I couldn’t see the emotion I was sure was in her eyes. If I did? I’d start to cry and never stop.
“Does Landry know that her mom could come back for her? Still have a chance at taking her home?”
I hung my head. “Guess not. Either that or she figures there’s no way her mom would ever come back.”
Bryan picked up a handful of sand and let it fall back to the ground. “What are you going to do if she does?”
“I don’t know. She has four more days…we just need to make it four more days.” The life this brave, perfect little girl had led—the abandonment she no doubt felt, the fears she dealt with on a daily basis—in a way, they were all my fault. I treated women like they were toys. I used them and then tossed them to the side. No wonder her mom didn’t come to me, no wonder she didn’t ask for help. I probably made her feel like she was nothing, like she was less than nothing.
“Stop.” Bryan
put her lips against my shoulder, kissing me lightly and causing goose bumps to break out all over my body. “I can hear your self-deprecating wheels spinning.” She looked out toward Landry, with her head resting on my arm. “You’re at the beach with your daughter. You just handed her your heart and made her the happiest little girl in the world. Don’t let your guilt ruin this for either of you.”
She was right. Whether Landry was my blood or not, I promised to never let her go. And I wouldn’t break that promise. She was mine. I put my arm around Bryan. “You are the best friend I have ever had, baby doll.”
She tilted her face up to mine, kissing my jaw. “Me too.”
***
Landry fell asleep the second we got in the car, and it was only about a three-minute drive home. I didn’t want to wake her just yet, the cool AC and the alone time with Bryan were icing on the cake. I leaned my seat back and Bryan did the same.
We looked at each other, smiling at our choice of hangout location. “Did you always want to be a musician?”
“I guess so. I don’t ever remember wanting to be anything else. We’re lucky, the guys and me, our success came early in life.” I never thought about the future when I was growing up. I was loved and safe and cared for; I never had to worry about anything. I met the guys, we formed the band, and it took off. My life was cake. And I took it for granted. “What about you? What did you want to be when you grew up?”
“A vampire slayer.”
I turned and looked at her. “You serious?”
“Hell yeah, I’m serious. I watched Buffy the Vampire Slayer one day with my grandparents and that was it. I wanted to grow up and be a badass like Kristy Swanson and be kissed by a guy who looked like Luke Perry.”
“There is a Buffy the Vampire Slayer movie with Luke Perry? I thought you were talking about the TV show with the tiny blonde and that British guy.”