by Mallory Rush
A dilemma of much greater magnitude than his current one. Her mind was in chaos; the only clear thought emerging was that he had deceived her for some ulterior motive—horribly true—and alien that he was, even his touch was suspect.
Not true. Urich stroked her shoulders, hating the way she shrank from him. Wooing her understanding, and her slender grip on reason, he quietly asked, "Tell me, would you have trusted me, allowed me into your home, if I had exposed myself for what I was from the start?"
"Not likely," she admitted. "I wouldn't have believed you and then, if you'd convinced me... okay, I probably would have freaked. Actually, I'm pretty damn close as it is."
"A very human reaction," he said with the sympathy of the true companion he was. "Your race has a tendency to fear what they don't understand. There's much I don't understand about you, especially your emotions, but I'm fascinated by everything I've been privileged to absorb."
"Ab-absorb?"
"Yes," he reluctantly confirmed. "You see, Eva, I come from a civilization of logicians, highly evolved, but limited in their emotional capacity. We Deducians weren't always this way, and some remnants of our basic nature do remain. In an effort to reclaim some of what we've lost, I entered your mind and took knowledge of your heart. It's infinitely more complex than the powers I shared with you in return."
Eva wanted to hear more but she'd already heard too much.
Absorbed. By an alien. Good God, she'd been mind-melded by Spock, who surely thought her hi-tech holodeck a Romper Room to his Star Trek world. Did they even have blood? Did they sleep, dream, eat, bathe? Have sex?
Eva shuddered. Liberating and incredible as it had been, just what had Urich done to her on the terrace? Had he transformed himself into a blob, entered her bloodstream and all but hemorrhaged her organs with an overdose of ecstasy?
Her mind pitched and swayed while laughter bubbled from her throat. Laughing, laughing, until tears ran from her eyes. She was hysterical, that's what she was. In a state of hysteria and when she came out of it, she'd wake up and there would be Bobby in the shower. This was only a dream.
"It is not a dream." Urich's voice cut through her wild laughter like the snap of a hypnotist's fingers. "Calm down and stop your rabid thinking. The effect it's having on me is very unpleasant."
"Then get out!" Eva shook her head as if tossing out a rat running through the maze of her brain. It felt violated, subjected to a calmness he had commanded when she felt perfectly entitled to her every rabid thought.
Urich stared at her, puzzled. "My presence there helped you surpass your self-imposed limitations. Why you should suddenly resent it is beyond me."
"Has it occurred to you that I might want some privacy? The least you could do is go 'knock, knock—may I get inside your head and rummage around your heart, just long enough to absorb your every emotion and thought?'"
"The flux and flow of your emotions intrigue me," he replied with a maddening composure. "As for the ones you've created in me, they're strong and unfamiliar, very difficult to analyze. I'm hoping to better understand them by observing this thing called human nature. Such data is invaluable to those who are expecting me to provide it. You'll lend your assistance, won't you? And I'll share my knowledge with you in exchange for your help," he pronounced with the finality of a done deal.
So, he wanted to understand human nature, did he? By golly, he'd asked for it. "Okay, Urich, stuff this into your memory bank: My emotions are mine to share or withhold as I wish. They're not something to barter and even if they were... well, vast as your knowledge surely is, it won't do you any good when it comes to feelings. They're instinctive and unique to each person. Besides, emotions don't make sense. If you don't believe me, feel free to come on in when I'm battling a case of PMS."
Urich regarded her at length, considering what Eva had said. The air fairly crackled with the flare of her emotions while his own were divided between longing for a consoling touch, a kind word, and an almost frantic need for the logical familiar. Yet human nature simply wasn't logical. If he was to live amongst humans, he had to emulate them at the least—but that was... what did they call it? A cop out.
Deciding to 'go for it', Urich said with determination, "I want to try this your way. But first, let me make sure I have this straight. My intrusion makes you angry. It doesn't matter whether or not I'm hungry, starved, for what's inside you because it's not mine to take unless you willingly give it. Correct?"
"Yes, he can be taught!" Eva slapped her forehead.
For his being so advanced, she seemed to think he wasn't overly astute. Unfortunately, when it came to this terra incognita of hers, that was probably true. And since it was true, it wasn't logical to feel insulted. But he did. A good sign? Yes, he believed it was. Maybe he was developing some human nature of his own to go along with his emotional acquisitions. Still, he was hardly prepared for the new mission he'd assumed to side-track his impatient peers.
"You're right, Eva, I can be taught," he said without the defensiveness he felt. An argument wouldn't get him what he was after, but a sincere appeal for help most likely would. "The question is, how much more do I have to learn? Humanity is like a labyrinth I'm lost in and you're all I have for a guide. I can only hope you'll be generous enough, care enough, to help see me through. This mission is a dangerous venture for me."
"Dangerous? What do you mean, dangerous?" she asked in sudden alarm. "Is our atmosphere bad for your health? Or—or, if you're afraid I'm going to blow your cover, forget that idea. I'd never do anything that would put you at risk."
Hmmm... more than her help, he'd managed to summon her protective instincts. But protection wasn't what he really wanted. He wanted a hug, a kiss, an endearment or two. These he could have without too much guilt for bending the rules. Even those stolen touches he was so needful of were within reason. Human reason, that was. But more than that was a breach of honor, a sure kiss of death, and had to be absolutely, unequivocally denied.
For now, he would be content with a simple assurance. Just to be sure, he asked, "Then you still care for me?"
"Of course I do!"
"But only a moment ago, you didn't seem to care for me at all. How can your feelings change so quickly?"
Read my mind. It's something I couldn't explain in a life-time. That's what she was thinking, but beyond that, Urich refused to let himself listen. It was Eva's right to tell him what she would tell him, that much he'd grasped.
"Let's just say I'm a woman and leave it at that," she finally replied. And then she did something wonderful, something that no Deducian would do. Her hand caught his and squeezed. "I'm sorry, Urich, really sorry for getting so beside myself and making you think I don't care about you. I do. Deeply. It's just that I'm adjusting. And I'm worried as hell about what kind of danger you could be in here."
"Your concern makes me feel..." How did he feel? And when would he quit trying to analyze these feelings that didn't make sense anyway? Or maybe some did. After all, she was hugging him now and it made perfect sense that he'd feel: "Fortunate. Happy. Warm. You're right, I do have to experience my own feelings and not rob you of yours. There's the danger I mentioned—the range of human emotion can be toxic to my breed. We sent an emissary once to find out if we could co-exist in harmony with your kind. He didn't survive."
Eva held Urich tighter while she wildly wondered if their emissary had suffered a fate similar to one of those campy, late night sci-fi flicks from the fifties.
Urich chuckled. "No, that wasn't his fate." At her glare, he said, "Force of habit. Sorry."
"That's okay, you slipped. You slipped and I'm having a hard time handling all this." Eva let it go. Her head felt like a hoola-hoop and she was dizzy from the spin. "I need to sit down. But first, I need a drink. Brother, do I need one."
"Would you mind sharing your drink with me?"
"Urich, you can have my whole bar—which isn't much, and for once I wish it was stocked—and while you tell me more, I'll try to drink mys
elf sober. Heaven knows, I don't feel anywhere near sober at the moment."
"Your feelings have an inordinate importance in all that you say and do," he observed as she made tracks to the small bar John had come to find inordinately important to visit before climbing into their unhappy bed.
Eva shut out the thought in case Urich "slipped" again. Hell, he probably already knew! Later, she'd deal with it later. Right now she was having trouble enough hitting the glass in the center. Having managed her own, three fingers of brandy in the snifter and just as many on the counter, she asked, "What would you like? It's either this or beer."
"I'll have what you're having."
Eva jumped. One second he was twenty feet away, the next he was breathing down her neck. "I wish you'd quit that. It's unnerving and my nerves are shot as it is."
"Obviously." He pointed to the bottle's sloshing mis-aim and there went the brandy, bingo! Center of the snifter. "The laws of gravity are not as indelible as you think."
"Obviously," Eva returned dryly.
Urich chuckled. "You made a joke. Another human quality we don't indulge in often. But should. We're much too humorless in comparison to you."
"In comparison to my mood, I'm sure your pals are a barrel of laughs." Bracing herself with a swig, she pounded her chest and wheezed out, "okay, let's hear it. What happened to this guy who didn't survive? I take it he died."
"Eventually." Urich lifted his glass—manually, Eva noticed with relief as she sipped from hers. His own sip was followed by a jerk. "What a strange taste. And it works a strange effect on the taster."
"Maybe you shouldn't drink that."
"But how else can I get experience? It's a better learning than observation can provide, and this certainly seems to be a pleasant indulgence of man." He indulged himself with half the glass and after several more jerks, licked his lips while eyeing hers.
"Eventually," she repeated, returning them to a subject that seemed a lot safer than Urich's dreamy gaze dipping to her breasts. "What happened to him before he died?"
"To be exact, Mylar was put to death."
Urich was smiling, seductively. And he was leaning in, getting close, way too close to her mouth. Eva put her glass where his lips seemed to be headed.
"Put to death," she said, trying to ignore the hot-flash effect of his nearness. "Who did it?"
"We did, of course." At her horrified expression, he explained, "it was the most compassionate thing we could do. We are occasionally capable of compassion." He finished his drink and though Urich didn't jerk this time, that dreamy look he had got closer to downright amorous. "Be compassionate, Eva. I'm in torture now. Kiss me... kiss me."
"After we finish this conversation." After she finished her drink. Then maybe another one. "This Mylar, what was so wrong with him that death was kind in comparison?"
"He was mad. Ravaged by insanity. The emotions he tried to assimilate proved more than he could endure. We retrieved him and did what we could to salvage his mind and body but our efforts were futile."
"His body? What was the matter with his body?"
"Many things. He put his eyes out to drive away the visions. He attempted to cut out his heart."
"Cut out his heart!" This was appalling. Macabre. And yet Urich all but crooning his words, making his nightmarish recounting sound like a Julio Iglesias love song. "Why in the world would he do such a thing?"
"In a rare moment of sanity, he said it was where he'd been most severely afflicted. That it was the core of where emotions were seated and he couldn't bear the pain of what he had taken into himself. Mylar was a hybrid, part empath. He neglected to shield himself from negative forces—such as hatred, violence, jealousy—and something of a war between good and evil tore him apart. So, we honored his service by granting him his wish that he be put to death."
Was it Urich's gaze or the booze making her so feverishly warm? Eva undid a button and flapped the neck of her blouse. The air against her skin was cool but thick with a scent that seemed to be emerging from Urich. A heady aroma, intoxicating.
Arousing.
Gravitating closer, inhaling what was working like a hormone high, she murmured, "that's a tragic story. Why didn't Mylar leave us before so much damage was done?"
"The same reason I'm here when logic dictates a safer space between us." Urich closed the distance and nuzzled her neck until she purred. Ah, pheromones, he thought with a heady vagueness, no female could resist nature's most potent scent. Human males should be so lucky as their animal kingdom counterparts. And lucky him to be some of both—and more. How tempting it was to reveal himself in all his beastly magnificence, but even delightfully light-headed as he was, he knew better than that. Eva was calm now, so sweet and soft in his arms, supple as his murmured, "a woman was why he stayed."
"Then why didn't Mylar take her with him? Any woman who loves a man would do anything, go anywhere, to stay together."
"Love," Urich whispered. "It's like a virus in the veins, the mind, the heart."
"Feel my heart beat." She pressed her chest to his, swept her breasts against him. "It beats for you. Urich, I think I'm falling in love."
"Eva... Eva." His groan was heavy with the effort to subdue the primal growl her words of love incited. "I fear that I could become a victim of this illness of yours."
"But it's not an illness. Falling in love is a wonderful thing. Even when it's horrible, it's wonderful."
"I've never been 'in love'. Does it hurt?"
"Sometimes," she whispered, looping her arms around his neck. "It hurts when your love isn't returned. And it hurts when it is. But that's a good hurt, feeling your heart so full that you want to cry with joy."
"To cry... with joy. Such a contradiction. I've never cried before," he confided between eating kisses. "Lips on lips and tongues stroking tongues, I've never experienced anything like it. It's too wonderful to even describe." His palm to her breast, he gently squeezed, savored the stolen touch that called to the beast who lightly pawed at her breast. "How did I ever live without this? Eva, what do you do to me?"
"I can only hope it's half of what you're doing to me," she moaned, urging his other hand to her belly. "You make me ache. Can you hear my womb crying for you?"
"Yes," he said in a hush as the scent of her arousal augmented his own. Strong, so strong, how precariously close he was to being overtaken by those animal instincts he had sworn to protect them both from. Hard as it was to think, he claimed a thread of reason and reminded himself, aloud, "This is your temple. Your sacred woman place."
"Be there," she pleaded. "Make love to me."
She tried to slip her hand inside his pants. Feeling as if he'd just slammed into wall and had some sense knocked back into his head, Urich gripped her wrist, frantic to make her stop before she unleashed more than his gender.
"I don't know how to make love." His voice was terse with anger—anger at himself. How could he have let this go so far, instinct all but trampling intellect? He had to center himself, hold fast, hold fast to those origins that were his only defense against this blinding urge to mate. Haltingly, he explained, "Making love isn't our way."
"Then take me your way."
Sweat beaded his brow and Urich swiped at it as he willed his mind to clear as well. The haze was lifting, and with it came his silent gratitude for the ability to once again think past immediate gratification and to the consequences of it.
"It's sacred and it's savage. I'm sorry Eva, I cannot."
"Then I'll teach you how to make love like a man."
Knowing how desperately he wanted just that, he thrust himself away and glanced warily at the bottle. "I never should have consumed this—this aphrodisiac. The effects linger, but fortunately for us both, I'm regaining control."
Her feverish hands racing over his chest, she demanded, "take off your shirt, Urich. Lose your damn control and take me like an animal, a man. Take me the way you did on the terrace until we're nothing but ashes on the wind."
H
e gave her a small shake. "What I gave you on the terrace was little more than a caress, an affectionate kiss within. You needed release, acceptance of that part of yourself and I was honored to be the means of it. But it was only a kiss. See?" He spat into his palm and held out the same glowing substance that had been inside her.
Eva swept his wet palm over her breast as if it were the substance of emotion, evidenced by the rising beat of her heart pressed to his hand. "You're very generous, Urich. Let me be generous in return and give you release."
His eyes lifted to heaven. A deep, ragged breath and he said, "I'm not as generous as you think. What I did wasn't just for you—it was for me too. I was impatient and wanted to prompt your awareness so you'd take me in right away. Even now while I'm telling you 'no' when all I can think, can feel is yes, yes, yes, I... I believe that I acted with more selfish need than wisdom."
"Be selfish." She enticed him with the wedge of her thigh between his. "Be needy. Be my lover."
"A lover? I can be many things to you, but never a lover as you know one." Warn her, frighten her, do whatever it takes, just stop this madness for both your sakes. Grip stern on her wrist, Urich led it to his mouth. Upper lip lifting, his incisors glistened with feral intent. She gasped as his teeth raked a needle path over the hill of her palm. Turning it to her, Eva visibly paled at the sight of two thin streaks of scored flesh, rising in welts.
"You don't know what you're asking for," Urich said in a lethal whisper. He kissed her palm. Hard. Harder still was his warning gaze. "Much as you make me wish otherwise... Eva, I am not a man."
Chapter 9
He sure could have fooled her about not being a man. Eva wrinkled her nose at the television Urich was glued to. Two days on earth was all it took for him to discover football.
She hated football. The announcers were even more irritating than the crowd working themselves into a frenzy over some big lug knocking his fellow lugs down and hugging an inflated piece of pigskin like a woman in bed.