by Mallory Rush
"Emotions?" His silence was a dread sound. "Look, if you need me to help your people get in touch with their feelings so they can adapt to Earth, no problem. Sign me up, take me with you, I'll be glad to go."
"No," he said flatly. "If you go, it won't be a better understanding of emotions they'll want from you."
Heart on hold, she asked, "What would they want me for?"
"To breed."
Stunned beyond speech, all she could do was stare at him.
"I told you we're a dying race." His voice held a numb quality, as if he was trying to dull the razor about to slice them apart. "What I didn't say was that when we were overtaken, only our elderly females were left. All others were given a choice to be extinguished or sterilized then sent to serve our enemies. My mother chose to be extinguished."
"And your father let her do it?" she gasped. "Even if he didn't love her, didn't he at least try to fight for her?"
Urich shook his head. "It was a bloodless coup. Logic dictates that it's senseless to kill and be killed in return. Returning war for war wasn't considered a viable option."
"So the males just sat back and let it all happen? What a bunch of gutless wonders," Eva spat with distaste. "But you're different. You would have fought for me."
"I would give my life for you, Eva." There was something so certain in his vow that she was well and truly alarmed. "Now. Or then. How long ago it was, but our present is linked with those past events."
"Go on," she made herself say.
"We made a pact with our adversaries which allowed us to remain on our planet until our race naturally deceased. An inevitability with all of us sterilized—save one. They thought the remains of another were those of our ruler. He still lives... with his fertility intact." Urich drew a ragged breath. "I was to bring you to him."
Eva's voice sounded raw as the senses she scraped together to get out, "But why me? Why me, when there's surely a universe of females that are just as fertile?"
"Genetic compatibility, superior intelligence, and many other factors elevated you above the other candidates. Even the ruler can have only one mate and you were selected as the most qualified. You were the logical choice."
She was hearing it, hearing every toneless word, but she couldn't believe a single syllable she was hearing. "Selected as the most qualified? Was I supposed to be flattered that my name was drawn from sort of computerized gene pool and I got picked to get pregnant because I was the logical choice?"
"It was hoped that... that once I won your agreement, you would consider it an honor to aid our cause. The offspring would be hybrids but by propagating, there was a chance we could remain in our homeland. And if we were displaced, at least the progeny might survive on Earth, even if the rest of us couldn't." His eyes begged her sympathy. "Please, Eva, try to understand."
"I'm trying." But try as she might, she couldn't get past the cowardice that had allowed their females to be so abused. And now, this ruler who had escaped the fate of their women wanted her to give them some babies. Love had nothing to do with it and big surprise that was since Urich's people were as emotionally sterile as their reproductive organs.
How could they think she would allow any children of hers to grow up amidst the coldness Urich had been subjected to? Even their approach to selecting and obtaining her was cold.
The only credit she could give them was for wanting her to come willingly—but that smacked of being self-serving, too. After all, if she tried to do herself in like Mylar, or decided she'd rather castrate their ruler in his sleep than get raped by a beast, they'd be better off without her.
"Let me tell you something, Urich. As far as I can see, your species has no one but themselves to blame for the jam they're in, and this plan to get out of it stinks." With a snort of disgust, she said, "Who thought it up? The ruler?"
"No." A long, foreboding pause. "Me."
Her heart twisted as his revelation sank in. Urich, not only the instrument of her capture, but the instigator of it? If only he had been under orders, been as much a pawn as she; but no, he'd come to her under false pretenses he had devised, deceived her with a plan of his making.
"Eva, please, say something. Yell at me, accuse me, strike me, forgive me, I don't care. Just talk to me."
"How could you?"
Urich flinched. Her whisper was worse than a scream, the tears she held at bay more lashing than a torrent of epithets. And her jerk from his beseeching touch, a rejection more powerful than a slap to his face. The controlled facade he'd struggled to maintain crumbled like brittle paper in the fist she clenched to her breast as she whispered again, "How could you have done this to me, Urich?"
"I couldn't now, Eva, believe me I couldn't," he said in a passionate rush, unable to bear parting with this between them. "You've changed me from what I was—ambitious and un-feeling and knowing nothing of love. The trap I laid may have been meant for you, but it's me who got caught. Can you find it in your heart to forgive the unforgivable? Even a little?"
His plea mingled with her hurt, so palpable he could feel it. His own hurt went just as deep for being the inflictor of hers and for the first time in his life, Urich wanted to weep. He swallowed against a knot of tears, but couldn't hold back the single, sharp sob that caught in his throat.
It seemed to release the floodgates of Eva's compassion. She grasped his hand, kissed it. "Real love forgives, Urich, and my love for you is unshakable, as certain as the law of nature itself. I forgive you. But we have some damage done that's not going to mend overnight."
"There won't—" He could hardly get the words out. "There won't be time for any mending. Raven left to prepare the Tribunal for my return. Chances are next to none that I'll be back since the charges I have to face are severe."
"No." She shook her head, shook and shook it as if a swarm of bees were killing her alive with their mean stingers. "No no no no..."
"Listen to me!" His fingers dug into her shoulders with an urgency to match the caution she had to hear. "The only fear I have is for you, once my claim is gone."
"But—but you said not even time could erase your mark," she said frantically. "That it's an eternal kiss."
"It is." His stroke to her neck was full of tender possession and ache, so much ache. "But once I die, another can have you. By marking you to protect you from the very thing I targeted you for, I've committed an unpardonable crime. All but Raven will lack any understanding of it—and powerful as his position is, he'll be implicated as an accessory and suffer the consequences of my actions. So I've betrayed not only you, but Raven as well."
Clutching at him for support, she demanded, "Tell me—tell me that you're not up for execution and Raven along with you, because we fell in love."
"That's exactly what I'm telling you. Now, there's one way I might be able to keep you safe, and I think it'll work." Let it work, he silently prayed. But if his plan went the way of his botched others... "If it doesn't, then be wary. The one you were intended for could order your abduction."
"Just let him try," she suddenly seethed, the lioness roaring to life and consuming her panic with a white-hot rage. Good. Gone he might be, but Eva would still be formidable in her strength. "I'll cut the balls off that bastard if he lays a hand on me. And I'll stab him in the heart he hasn't got if he touches so much as a single hair on you or Raven."
"Brave and worthy as you are, Eva, you would be no match against him," he warned. "Should you present any threat, he'd have your irrationality extracted. A lobotomy to render you incapable of anything except for conception."
Fire flashed in her eyes as she demanded, "Just who the hell is this sorry sonofabitch who calls himself a ruler over a bunch of walking-talking computers just like him?"
His smile mirthless, Urich said quietly, "Zar."
"But that's your father!"
"Yes. You were meant to be my father's bride. He won't forgive my betrayal to him, the son promising to deliver the keys to his kingdom—only to dangle them just within hi
s reach before taking what was his for myself. Zar doesn't have the ability to love, but after this he may find himself quite capable of hatred."
"But no father, not even yours could sentence his own son to death—could he?" When Urich said nothing, she shook him as if she could shake some sense into his father and him both. "If that's the kind of creature he is, then you have to stay here. Stay here with me. We'll hide if we have to, we'll—"
"We'll do nothing of the kind," he firmly informed her. "Eva, they could retrieve us easier than you can program one of your holograms."
"I'm not going to let you go there alone." She clung to him, clearly determined to hold on for the ride he was preparing for. "We'll face them together. I'll tell them I seduced you and we fell in love and—"
"And they won't understand a word you say. All they'll hear is gibberish that defies their comprehension." He held her face in his hands as all that she had taught him about love and humanity welled up with a poignant intensity.
A tear, he could feel one, then two gather in the corners of his eyes, then roll like liquid emotion down his cheeks.
"You were right, Eva. Love hurts. It hurts so sweet and deep that I want to cry... with joy."
And then he kissed her with all the joy she'd brought to his soul, all the hunger that not even a lifetime together could appease. And as he did, Urich poured his consuming emotions within her, cleared his mind of all but the purpose of this deep, parting kiss. Deeper and deeper he kissed her, taking her down with a flood of sensation, filling her thoughts with his silent whisper:
I love you, Eva. Love yourself enough for us both and never forget that you can be all that you dare dream to be. Sleep with the lioness and call to her for courage and wisdom and comfort. She'll always be there, for she's the very core of you. Dream now... sweet, deep dreams...
As her mouth went lax and she succumbed to a heavy slumber, Urich cradled her to him. For a time, he held her, just held her.
Time. No amount of shifting its fickle composition could erase the kiss of the beast. He could, and should, implant a false memory of an accident to explain his mark, but what harm was there in allowing Eva to ponder the mysterious?
"Admit it," he muttered harshly to himself, "you're selfish enough to hope it stirs some fragment of memory, that deep down she'll remember you like a lover from a past life."
Or a future one yet to come. That much he could hope for, that in another life the stars would be aligned in their favor rather than crossed.
But for now, he had to cross over the other side of the envelope. Do what he could to ensure Eva's safety. And if he failed? They'd still want her willing and he nixed that with a mental command for her to resist the overtures of strangers, even if the form they took was that of a hologram.
The one she had initially taken him for would appear on cue—he'd see to that momentarily. But first...
A last, lingering kiss to her neck. Forcing himself to let her go, to leave this marvelous world he was homesick for already, Urich streaked toward his fate as he returned her to the moment just before they met.
Like a dot beneath a microscope, he saw her in the illuminated foliage, heard her call, "Companion!"
Companion that he was and she would never meet, he protected her from the heartache his death would surely bring. He made it as though he'd never been.
Chapter 20
"Hey, Eva, what're you doing holed up in your office while the rest of us are celebrating? C'mon, join the party."
"Sorry, Ethan, but I—I..." she rubbed at her temples. "Something's missing." Or someone? "The experiment failed on some level."
"Take a reality check! Eva, the experiment was a phenomenal success. The hologram showed up on cue and simulated a human interaction. What else could you want? Besides matter conversion, we're there!"
But he wasn't. Only... who was 'he'? She had no idea; all Eva knew was that she'd kept staring at the hologram and thinking it looked all wrong. And as for its verbal and emotional responses, they'd been artificial, stilted, left her feeling hollow, certain that something of indefinable magnitude had been missing.
Since she couldn't make a case for what she didn't understand herself, and since she didn't want to rain on Ethan's parade, Eva made her excuses.
"I'll join you later. I'm not feeling quite right."
"Are you sick?" he asked with concern.
"No, I just feel really weird. Not quite disoriented, but..." If she explained it to Ethan, maybe she could figure it out herself. "It's like I'm caught in a lucid dream. And in it, I could leap this building in a single bound, except I can't because I've been cut off at the knees."
"Huh?"
"I know it doesn't make any sense, but I feel invincible, capable of anything, only I know that I'm not and—" Belief is the key. "And I keep hearing this voice in my head. This wonderful, incredible voice. It's like nothing I've ever heard before, but it seems so close, so familiar."
"Get a grip, Eva." Shutting the door, Ethan approached her desk, oddly hesitant in his stride. "Strange, but you kind of look different. A little... wild and ferocious?"
She sensed something like a scratching within, something that should be scaring the hell out of her instead of imparting this transcendent calm. More than calm, it was awesome, making her feel like she was regal and bold and yes, ferocious. Like a creature of courage and untamed desires.
Untamed desires? Now she knew she was losing it.
"Hey." Ethan was snapping his fingers. "You okay?"
She was losing it, but never had she felt so centered, so without the fear she should be up to her eyeballs in. "Fear eradicates power." She whispered the words that seemed to come from a great distance within, carried on the echo of that marvelous, comforting voice. "Belief accesses it."
"Did something happen in the chamber that messed with your head?" Ethan demanded with enough alarm for them both as he put a palm to her forehead. "No fever, but—" Leaning in, he squinted at her neck. "What's this on your neck, Eva?"
Touching it, she felt the rise of two half-moon shapes, their texture similar to a scar. Scars that she could swear were pulsing, giving off a glowing sensation that spread through her fingertips.
Ethan pulled at her wrist. "It looks like a bite. But not a human bite." His frown deepened. "You didn't have that before the experiment. What the hell happened in there?"
"I... something. Yes, something happened. But I—I can't remember." Grabbing his hand, she noticed he jumped as if her fingertips carried an electrical jolt. "Something happened, Ethan, but I don't know what. What happened to me?"
"The hell if I know, but one thing's for sure—this is getting too creepy. Maybe we should put off calling our funders with the news. We need to find out more before we take this public. Putting out a mind-blowing invention is one thing, but I don't want to be responsible for sending anyone into the Twilight Zone."
"Agreed," she said vaguely. She might have been amazed that they were finally in synch on the ethics end of their collaboration, but her mind was elsewhere, combing for a thread that would lead her to the source of this mystery.
"Why don't you let me drive you home? I'm worried about you, Eva. More than worried, I... I care about you."
"I know you do." Yes, Ethan did care about her, and the way he cared wasn't at all professional. How did she know that? And how did she know, know in her gut that her own heart could never be Ethan's because it belonged to another. But... who? There was no other, and yet she heard herself say, "I'm sorry, Ethan, but you care in a way that I can't. There's someone else."
"Who?" he demanded. When she shrugged, the best answer she had, he smacked her desk. "Damn. And here I thought you were too busy at work to eke out the time for a date. Guess you found it anyway, huh?"
"Anything's possible," she reflected, saying what she'd heard before... somewhere. "Anything you can imagine, if you believe strongly enough, is within your ability to reach."
"Oh yeah? Are you telling me if I imagine
long enough that you're nuts about me, it's gonna happen? Much as I wish it was true, there's some things that a mind can't work over matter and scoring with you is one of 'em."
"What did you say?" she asked, coming out of her chair.
"Down, girl. No need to get pissed because scoring with you is my favorite fantasy. There, the cat's out of the bag, and too bad for me I'll never get closer than—"
"No, not the scoring part. What you said about—about mind over matter."
"What about it?"
Indeed, what about it? Eva grabbed her purse, but she didn't bother to lock her desk since Ethan would probably pick it anyway. What? Where did that come from? At the door, she said, "You've been snooping in my desk, haven't you?"
His expression sheepish, Ethan confessed, "only to play with some of your girl stuff. Sorry, Eva, I won't do that anymore. Especially now that I know there's someone else. Lucky bastard, I'd like to meet this guy."
"You—" already have. Deep breath, she needed some fresh air. "Later, Ethan. I'm going home."
Eva was almost there when she stomped on the brake in front of an outdoor cafe. A woman at a table sparked some recognition that was too insistent not to heed.
Pulling into the closest parking spot, Eva approached the woman, who looked up at her quizzically.
"Excuse me," Eva said, "We've met before, haven't we?"
"No."
"But I know you. You're—you're... would you mind telling me your name?"
She minded, judging from her pause. "Justine."
"Justine... Justine..." Eva repeated. "You're wrong. We have met before," she insisted.
"Look, I don't know you, but if you've got a problem—"
"You—you like older men."
"Who doesn't, especially if they're rich. Oh, waiter—"
"And you drink... fuzzy navels?"
"Yeah. Waiter, could you come over here? This woman—"
Eva didn't stick around for the waiter to toss her out. Leaving her car behind, she walked in a daze, feeling trapped in a time warp, a déjà vu loop-de-loop. Ethan had told her to get a grip. Justine had thought she was pushing the envelope of sanity. The envelope. Envelope, envelope. What envelope?