“Great. Want to go out for lunch? My treat. We’ll take the kids.” She looked around. “Where are they anyway?”
“Kevin’s playing out back and Mara’s sleeping.”
Amanda came closer to him, wrinkling her nose. “Of course, if we go to lunch, you’ll have to clean up first.” Still, she came closer, pausing only when they were separated by less than an inch.
Blake wished he could take her in his arms, lower his lips to hers, tell her about his daydreams of their future. But now certainly wasn’t the time. Instead, he lifted his hands, pretending to lunge for her. Laughing, she stepped out of his reach.
While he was storing his tools, she went to the back of the garage where a door led to the yard. “I don’t see Kev,” she said.
A sinking sensation filled Blake’s stomach. Glancing at his watch, he saw that it’d been at least an hour since he’d heard Kevin and his friend out back. Not to mention the fact that he’d never gone in to check on the sleeping Mara.
He crossed the garage and called out into the yard. “Kevin! Amanda’s here. Come quick! We’re going out to eat!”
“That’ll get him.” Amanda smiled, but her brow creased when there was no immediate answer. “Could he be next door?”
Blake shook his head. “He knows not to go over there without asking. He was playing with the neighbor girl, though. I saw them at least an hour ago, sitting on that step by the phone. I thought they went out back.”
“There’s no phone there now.” Amanda was looking at the step.
Blake was beginning to panic. Had Paula come and snatched Kevin while he wasn’t looking?
“I bet they went inside,” Amanda said. “Either here or at the neighbor’s. The sun may be out, but it’s kind of cold—even if they had coats. I know my kids at school can’t stand more than fifteen minutes in the cold.”
Now that she mentioned it, Blake’s fingers were rather frozen. The rest of him, too, even though he had on a second sweatshirt under his thick blue one. He nodded sharply and walked to the door, wiping his hands on a rag. “If he’s not there, we’ll call the neighbors.”
They went through the outer door and down to his apartment. The minute they opened the door, high-pitched screaming met his ears. “Mara!” Blake ran through the living room to the kids’ bedroom, Amanda on his heels. There they found Kevin and his friend Tara standing by the twin bed. On the floor near the bed lay Mara, her face wet and red from crying. A chair from the kitchen stood by the crib.
Blake swooped her up in his arms. “It’s okay, honey. Uncle Blake’s here. It’s okay, sweetheart.” Mara’s tears didn’t stop.
“Her falled off the bed,” Kevin explained.
Blake glared at him. “And what was she doing on the bed? You got her out of her crib, that’s what! You should know better than that, Kevin. You could have killed her!”
Kevin’s blue eyes filled with tears. The phone dropped from Tara’s hand to the floor as she edged toward the door and escape. Blake let her go. Kevin was responsible here, not her. He opened his mouth to say a few more choice words to Kevin, but Amanda had sat down on the bed and put her arms around the child, holding him close. Her green eyes challenged Blake.
“Don’t blame him,” she said. “You’re the one who was watching her—watching them both. If Mara was in here all alone, that was your fault. How many times did you check on her?”
“She was sleeping,” Blake protested. “Kevin was outside. I never thought . . .” He stopped. Amanda was right. He was the adult in the situation. He shouldn’t have left Mara unattended so long. He should have kept a better eye on Kevin and Tara. It was all his fault. He’d thought he’d been doing so well at parenting, but his neglect, however unintended, had put them both at risk—again. He opened his mouth to tell her he was sorry, that he hadn’t wanted it to turn out this way, but she spoke first.
“Is Mara okay?”
Whatever words Blake wanted to say died in his throat. He examined Mara, whose sobs were fewer now, comforted by his touch, but he couldn’t find any marks on her. “She looks all right. Just shaken.” Blake was shaken, too, and his stomach felt queasy.
“Mara wanted out,” Kevin said in a very small voice, looking up at Blake with his mother’s eyes. “Her was happy on the bed. Then her falled.” He started sobbing. “I didn’t want to hurt her!”
“Shhh,” Amanda said. “Blake knows you were just trying to help. But next time you should go tell him if Mara’s awake.”
Guilt washed over Blake anew. He knelt down before Kevin. “I’m sorry, bud. Amanda’s right. You shouldn’t have gotten her out, but it’s my fault. I wasn’t keeping a close enough eye on either of you.”
Kevin broke from Amanda and buried his head in Blake’s chest next to Mara. The baby stopped crying and reached for his hair. For a long moment, Blake held Kevin and Mara tightly. “It’s okay,” he whispered. “It’s okay.” But he didn’t know if he believed it himself.
“If we’re going out to lunch,” Amanda said when at last Kevin pulled away and began playing with Mara, “I think we’d better let Uncle Blake change.”
Kevin’s eyes widened. “Are we going to the place with those big slides?”
Amanda gave a slight grimace, which she quickly replaced with a smile. “Well, that’s not exactly what I had in mind, but I suppose—yes. I’ll make an executive decision and take you there.”
“Yay!” Kevin laughed. Seeing his delight, Mara laughed, too. “Her likes it,” he said.
“She likes it,” Blake and Amanda said together.
“I said Mara.” Kevin gave them a withering look and left the room.
Blake was still clutching the baby. There was a streak of grease on her pajama sleeve that he didn’t know if he’d be able to get out later, but she was okay—despite his mistake.
“It gets easier,” Amanda said, placing a hand on his sleeve. “In another month or two, you’ll know exactly what Kevin’s capable of and predict what he might do. And you’ll get in the habit of either checking on Mara every few minutes or having her where you can hear her.”
“I don’t know how women do it,” he said, relieved that she didn’t seem angry with him anymore.
“Well, probably because it happens slowly. You’ve had Kevin on and off, but you never had both of them before. I know when I got this teaching job—it’s my first solo deal, you know—those kids surprised me at every turn. I’d never dreamed they could come up with so many unusual circumstances.” She grinned. “Of course, sometimes they were good surprises, but some were potentially dangerous.”
“Dangerous?” Blake asked. In his arms, Mara struggled to get down, obviously having decided she no longer needed comforting. He put her onto the floor, where she promptly picked up the phone and began sucking on the end.
“Like not understanding that they should stay away from broken glass, not watching to see if fingers are in the door before they shut it, or daring each other to swallow odd objects.” She shook her head, a smile on her lips. “Every week they still come up with something new, but I’ve learned to avoid most everything that’s potentially dangerous—and still have fun.”
Blake took the phone from Mara, replacing it with her favorite stuffed dog. He climbed wearily to his feet. “Maybe they would be better off with Paula.”
A swift intake of breath told him she hadn’t expected this vein of thought. “You might have a lot to learn—we all do—but that doesn’t mean they’d be better off with her.”
“He could have dropped Mara on her head.”
“But he didn’t, did he? And now you know what he’s capable of. He won’t surprise you like that again. You’ll find yourself transferring this experience to other situations.”
He snorted. “Like giving her whole grapes?” He had caught Kevin doing that this week and had warned him about her choking.
“Something like that. The point is, they’re getting regular meals and good care—and you love them.”
“P
aula loves them,” Blake felt compelled to say. Could it be that the children might really be better off with his cousin? After all, his lack of attention today could have been fatal.
“Enough to go sober?” Amanda stood up from the bed. She shrugged. “I guess that remains to be seen.”
“She might get them back sooner than I thought.” He explained what Erika had said to him on the phone. “With school and work, I’m worried she’ll make a good case for neglect on my part.” He took her hand, feeling the softness of her skin compared to his work-roughened one. “Will you go with me to the hearing, Amanda?”
“Of course,” she said, her eyes glittering with unshed tears. “I’d be glad to.”
He went to hug her, and then, remembering his greasy clothes, he stopped and pulled off his outer sweatshirt. He hugged her for a wonderful moment, breathing in the flowery scent of her hair. When he drew away, her green eyes held his. He bent down for a kiss. All the insecurity about his parenting skills seemed to evaporate.
Too soon she broke away, though he knew it was for the best. Despite his very strong attraction to her, their relationship was too important to mess up. Something this good was meant to last for eternity—and that meant having patience.
“So, are we going to lunch?” she asked.
“You’ll wait for me to clean up?”
“Sure. You go ahead. I’ll watch the kids.”
A short time later, Blake was ready to go. He walked into the living room and discovered Amanda had dressed Mara in a burgundy outfit that emphasized her dark hair. Until he saw her, Blake had forgotten that he’d left the baby in her pajamas.
Amanda was on the phone. “It’s your aunt,” she said, holding up the cordless receiver. “Something about Thanksgiving. I was trying to take a message, but she really wants to talk to you.”
“Blakey?” Aunt Bonny’s voice came from the phone, sounding tinny and very frail.
He took the phone and put it to his ear. “Hi, Aunt Bonny. What’s up?”
“Well, I’ve decided I just don’t feel up to having Thanksgiving here this year, and Tracey was sort of wanting to stay home, so we thought we’d do it at her place. They’re buying me a plane ticket for Monday. Hal and his family are going there, too. They’re driving up later in the week. You’re invited, of course.”
“Thanks, but I don’t think I can make it to Idaho right now. You go and have fun. It’ll be good for you to get away.”
“You always were such a sweet, polite boy, Blakey. Of course, I knew you could always go to Doug’s, or I never would have dreamed to make plans with Tracey.”
“Don’t give it a second thought. Go and have fun. When you get back, we’ll come visit.”
“I’ll look forward to it.” Then her voice altered, becoming the cautious voice of a woman who had too often been disappointed. “I heard from Paula yesterday. She sounds a bit better. Maybe.”
“Yeah. I’m hopeful,” he said. “We’ll see.”
“You dating that girl who answered the phone?” Aunt Bonny asked, her voice back to its normally blunt, if frail, state.
“Yes, I am.”
“Is it serious?”
Blake glanced at Amanda, who was putting on Mara’s pink coat. Feeling his gaze, she looked over and smiled. “I think so,” he said.
“Good. I like her. She sounds nice.”
“She is. I’ll see if I can bring her the next time we come to visit.”
“I’d like that. Good-bye, then. Tell the kids Grandma loves them. And pray, Blakey. Pray that Paula will see the light.”
Blake hung up the phone, forcing a smile.
“What’s wrong?” Amanda asked, not fooled.
He shrugged. “I just feel sorry for her. She’s been through a lot.”
“What was all that about Thanksgiving?”
“Aren’t we going to Grandma’s?” Kevin piped up from the table where he was scribbling in a coloring book that looked suspiciously new—and about the same size as Amanda’s purse.
“Oh, she’s going to Idaho instead. But that’s okay. We’ll have our own feast.” He grinned at Amanda, an idea coming to his mind. “We should stop and buy a turkey today,” he added. “Give it time to thaw out so I don’t burn the outside again like I did last year.”
Amanda’s forehead wrinkled. “Wait a minute, she told me something about you going to your brother’s.”
“Yeah, but what she didn’t know is that my brother and his wife already have plans with her side of the family—which they made only after I told them I was going to my aunt’s.”
“Oh. I see.”
No, she didn’t, not yet, but he would help her. He walked to the table and stared over Kevin’s shoulder at the snake he was coloring. “It’s really all right. I have some ancient secret family recipes somewhere, and we’ll have a great dinner—provided I can find them. Though I think someone left out the sugar in the pumpkin pie recipe. And I never did like the stuffing—whoever heard of stuffing that contains gelatin?” He winked at her. “I’d invite you over, but I know you’ll be with your family.”
Her eyes narrowed. “Ancient family recipes—are you trying to wangle an invitation to my family’s dinner?”
He laughed. “Actually, yes. How else am I ever going to make you introduce your family to me?”
“Hey, you know Kerrianne, you’ve met Mitch, and Tyler’s on his mission. There’s only my parents left.”
He met her eyes, suddenly serious. “Exactly.”
She smiled. “Okay, consider yourselves invited.”
“Don’t you have to ask someone?”
“No. Believe me, my mother will be only too happy to have visitors. But I warn you, before the evening is over, she’ll have you choosing a date for our wedding.”
Blake grinned. That would suit him just fine. “You’re too sensitive,” he said. “I’m sure your mother is just as level-headed as her daughter.”
Amanda started laughing and shaking her head. “That,” she said, “is exactly what I’m afraid of. You don’t know what you’re getting into.”
Chapter Twenty
Paula Simmons felt as though her head was going to burst. A week. It had been an entire week since she had tried to visit her children at Blake’s apartment. Tomorrow she would have her first drug test.
“I need to know if it’ll work,” she said to Loony, holding the bottle in her hand. “I did some research and found that some drugs show up even after two weeks or more.”
He shrugged. “You can never be 100 percent certain, but it should do—especially since you’ve been clean all week.” His gray eyes in the acne-scarred face met hers. “But are you going to be able to hold off?”
Of course she could hold off. It wasn’t like she had a problem. “I’m fine,” she said shortly. Her head pounded in her skull, echoing the lying words.
Actually, she had done well since receiving the restraining order, staying home over the weekend, drinking only the barest amount of liquor to get through the rough spots. At first it had almost been easy, but by Monday simple abstinence had transformed into this terrible yearning, this pounding headache. Her hands shook, and she felt like screaming and crying all at once.
Yesterday, when she’d gone for her supervised visit with her children, the acute cravings had momentarily fled. Mara, dressed in an adorable pink playsuit, had been absolutely loving in the intense, temporary way of babies the world over. Paula had delighted in Mara’s hugs and smiles—until her interest was stolen by the toy Paula had brought for her. Even then she had enjoyed watching her daughter play.
Kevin had spoiled it by being more aloof. He politely accepted the peanut butter crackers she gave him, but his eyes had watched her every move, as though he knew she was faking and that at any moment she would explode.
What he couldn’t know was how very close she had been to doing just that. Or could he sense it after all? Her head hurt so terribly, and the pressure was so blinding that she was amazed she could hold it
in at all, that a scream didn’t escape her throat each time she opened her mouth. For a brief moment, she’d wanted to slap Kevin. Slap him as hard as she could to alleviate her suffering. The thought frightened her. She’d never hit him before. Yelled, yes. But never hit.
Staring into his blue eyes, she wondered for the first time in her life if it wouldn’t have been better for him if she had given him up for adoption as her mother and bishop had urged. She hadn’t been ready to be a mother when he came—wasn’t ready now, if she was truthful. But she believed then—still did—that girls who gave up their babies were taking the easy way out. So she ignored her mother, her siblings, her bishop, and even Blake. She’d kept Kevin. From the moment they’d put him in her arms, she loved him—madly, desperately at times, but she’d loved him. His return love made up for the gaping loneliness that constantly preyed on her soul.
But what if she had made the wrong choice for both herself and Kevin?
Remembering her son’s expression as he stared up at her, a single tear slipped out of her left eye.
“Hey, there’s no need to worry,” Loony said, running a hand through his very short brown hair, bleached white on top. “I’ll get you through this. I have other products. Stronger ones.”
Paula gripped the bottle until her hand hurt. “I don’t need anything more.”
She could make it until the test tomorrow. She would do it for her children. For Kevin. Once she passed the test, once she had proven to herself that she didn’t have a drug problem, she would take a little something to buoy her spirits and get her through her first day at her new job. Not that she needed it, but what was the point of not taking anything when she really didn’t have a problem with addiction? Never mind what the social worker thought. Loony’s concoctions would help get her through future tests.
In three more weeks, her children would be back with her, the awful days of forced separation behind them for good. They would have been with Blake for forty days by then, as she’d counted out on the calendar, but that would mean little in the long life they would have together. Kevin and Mara loved her, and she was going to have a great life. Blake, of course, would be sorry for his part in separating her from her children. Very sorry. Paula’s headache abated slightly at these cheery thoughts.
Huntington Family Series Page 21