Savvy didn’t have the heart to refuse. “Fine, tonight. Before bedtime,” she said. “Meanwhile, we need to get up and get moved in.” She pointed at Lexi’s suitcase, which lay open under the window. “The dressers are empty and waiting. Even if we’re only here a few days, it’ll be worth unpacking. You didn’t bring much.”
Lexi groaned but pulled herself from the bed and walked toward the window. “Hey, wait!” All traces of reluctance fell from her face. “Tyler’s here! I bet he’s going to clean the animal cages.” She flew across the room and disappeared.
“Lexi has a crush,” Savvy explained.
Amanda grinned. “That’s to be understood. My brother’s quite the catch–if you get what I mean.”
“Huh?” Savvy plastered an innocent expression onto her face. “I’d better go see that Lexi gets some breakfast.” Forgetting her uncombed hair, Savvy went into the hall and down the stairs, where Tyler was already wrestling with Kevin and Mara in the living room. Again she remembered his whisper-soft kiss. Had he really said he was through with LaNae?
“Hi, Savvy.” Tyler beamed a smile in her direction. The annoying dimple in his cheek seemed to mock her. “You’re just in time to help us with the cages.”
She shook her head. “Not a chance. I will, however, supervise from afar. From way afar.”
So she did, enjoying a piece of toast with Amanda on the back patio swing. Kevin and Lexi helped Tyler clean the cages, while the smaller children romped on the grass, taking the opportunity whenever possible to stick their hands in the water from the hose Lexi was spraying into the gerbil aquariums.
Savvy felt peace steal over her. Whatever was or wasn’t going on between her and Tyler, she loved being here with him. She loved the way he looked up at her every so often, smiling or gesturing for her to join him. If she were completely honest, she would admit that her heart raced when their eyes met. Thank heaven the others are here, too, she thought. Lexi and Amanda’s presence kept her from losing perspective. This was all temporary. With Tyler it was always temporary.
Glancing at Amanda to make a comment, Savvy was startled into silence by the naked longing on her friend’s face. At first Savvy thought she was watching her son, little Blakey, but her eyes followed first Kevin and then Mara as they roamed around the yard. Pity mixed with sadness filled Savvy’s heart. She was not the only one who longed for something just out of reach.
Chapter Sixteen
How would you like to go to an activity tonight for kids your age?” Savvy said as they sat in the kitchen making an early dinner on Wednesday evening.
Lexi dropped the carrot she was peeling into the sink. Despite Savvy’s agreement to give her until later that evening, Lexi kept expecting her to bring up their father. Was this some roundabout way of discovering the truth?
“You could wear one of those new skirts.” After cleaning the animal cages, they had gone over to Savvy’s parents’ house, where her mother had been only too happy to pass on a bag of outgrown clothing. Lexi actually liked many of the items, though some needed adjusting.
“What kind of activity?” Lexi held her breath for the answer. All day she’d felt something terrible poised and waiting to happen. Was this it? It’s only a matter of time before something bad happens, she thought. Everything here is too good to be true. She’d better not grow too comfortable.
“It’s at the church. My brothers will be going. They’re having a special program that’s supposed to be really cool. Then they’ll have refreshments. You might find some friends there.” Savvy finished washing the lettuce and reached for Lexi’s abandoned carrot.
Lexi slowly let out her breath. She’d really liked seeing the twins today, especially Forest, who was both handsome and funny. Her tongue had even loosened enough to say a few words to him. “Will you be there?” she asked.
Savvy nodded. “My mom’s in charge of a class. I thought I’d help her out.”
“Why do I have to wear a skirt?”
“Well, usually they don’t dress up, but tonight is special.”
“That sounds dumb.” Lexi couldn’t let Savvy think she was looking forward to it.
“It won’t be.”
“Well, okay, I guess.” Lexi set down her peeler and began scooping the peelings into the trash. She stopped, remembering something. “Oh, wait. I told Tyler I’d go to a movie with him tonight. I practically begged him to take me.” Disappointment flooded Lexi’s body. If she went with Tyler she wouldn’t see Forest, and he was as cute as Zeke–in a clean-cut sort of way.
“What?” Savvy’s face flushed. “Why did you do that? Lexi, you have to realize that while you’re staying with me, you can’t make plans without asking permission.”
“But I always make my own plans. Besides, I thought you’d come along.” Lexi knew that was probably why Tyler had agreed to take her in the first place. He seemed to make any excuse to be close to Savvy. Lexi wondered what his girlfriend thought about that. Tyler had said he wasn’t marrying LaNae, but that certainly didn’t mean she’d be happy that he was getting so close to another woman.
“Well, don’t worry. Tyler can take a raincheck.” Savvy pulled on hotpads. “I think our chicken wraps are done. You are going to love these.”
Later, Lexi dressed in her room, taking her sweet time. Savvy was waiting for her, but Lexi felt funny leaving without telling Tyler where they were going. What would he think of her when he arrived and she wasn’t there? She put on dark brown eye shadow, drew a thick line of black around her eyes, and added two more coats of mascara. Lastly, she smoothed on brownish black lipstick. Well, she was ready, and there was no use in delaying further. She wanted to make a statement tonight, but she didn’t want to miss the activity entirely.
She hurried downstairs and into the living room where Savvy was waiting.
“You’ve got to be kidding!” Savvy gaped at her in disbelief. “That top wouldn’t fit a five-year-old. And what did you do to that beautiful skirt?”
Lexi looked down. The black skirt with the dark pink roses had reached down to her ankle, but a few snips of her scissors had brought it to five inches above her knee. “I cut it off.”
“You what?” Savvy’s voice rose to a screech.
Lexi felt herself cringing, but she forced herself to stand tall. “Hey, I made a hem. I brought a sewing kit with me. I’d think you’d be proud that I didn’t need help.”
Savvy bit her lip, her eyes running the length of Lexi’s body. Lexi was suddenly aware that three inches of her stomach showed and that her belly ring glinted prominently in the light. So what? she thought. This is what kids wear. I don’t want to be out of place.
Savvy took a deep breath, expelling it slowly. “Believe me, you won’t feel comfortable dressed like that.”
“I know what I’m doing.” Lexi’s shoulder ticked several times rapidly. “You want me to go to this activity; I’m going. But I want to go how I feel comfortable. That’s all.”
“And those stilettos are comfortable?”
Lexi looked down at her heels and shrugged.
“At least change the shirt.”
Lexi thought about it. She guessed she could change into the new pink shirt Savvy had given her. It wasn’t as tight as those most of the girls wore these days, but it was still stylish. “Fine,” she agreed. “But that’s all.” She ran up the stairs.
When she came back down, Savvy led her to the front door with the air of someone who dreaded her destination. Lexi wobbled after her, feeling towering and powerful in her high heels.
They had reached the silver car when Tyler pulled up outside. “Hey,” he said, jumping from his green Jeep. “Where’re you going? The movie doesn’t start for a half hour.”
“We’re not going to a movie,” Savvy snapped. “We’re going to a Mutual activity. In the future, I’d appreciate you telling me before you make plans with Lexi.”
“Sorry. I thought she’d cleared it with you.” Tyler looked intently at Savvy. “You look fabulo
us.”
Lexi saw that Savvy had combed her hair smooth and changed into a blue shirt with a matching blue-and-white-flowered skirt that complemented her nice figure. Even Lexi thought she looked great. But not in style–at least not my style.
Savvy’s irritation faded. “Thanks.”
Lexi hated how they acted as if she weren’t even there. “Let’s go already,” she said.
Tyler’s face whipped toward her, starting noticeably as he took in her outfit. “You, uh, well. You look . . . uh . . . nice shirt. I like the color.”
Lexi turned to Savvy triumphantly. “See? Tyler thinks I look fine.”
“Fine?” Savvy shook her head as she looked at Tyler, hands on her hips. “Fine? Is that what you really think, Tyler? Would you let your child dress this way?”
He swallowed hard. “Not a chance.” He looked sheepishly at Lexi. “Maybe you should change to another skirt.”
“No! This is who I am. But I’m fine with staying home, if that’s what you want.” Lexi didn’t want to look like a child–not even Tyler’s child. And she was annoyed with the way he was going along with Savvy.
“You can go in your pajamas for all I care,” Savvy said, fists clenching at her sides. “Come on.”
Savvy went around to the driver’s side of the car, but Tyler hurried up to her and grabbed her arm. “You’re not really letting her go like that, are you?” he whispered urgently. His words stung Lexi, but she climbed inside the passenger door and pretended not to hear.
She sat blinking back tears in the front seat, glad she couldn’t hear the rest of their conversation. What was wrong with her clothes? No, they weren’t anything like what Savvy was wearing, or even like what Amber wore, but most kids she knew did dress this way.
They’ll see, she said, folding her arms in her lap. They’ll have to admit I was right.
Finally, Savvy slipped into her seat and started the engine. They drove away, leaving Tyler standing in the drive looking after them.
* * *
Everyone in the chapel was staring at her. Lexi could feel their eyes weighing on her, pressing against her until she could barely take a breath. She had felt this way before, on that other day when she’d heard about the plane crash. Air had been difficult to find then, too. There hadn’t been enough to even cry–until later when she had heard her father’s sobs coming through the heater vent in their house. His crying had somehow helped her find the air she needed. Of course, it had also made her cry. She’d crept to Brenton’s room, crawled into his empty bed, and wept. The sheets had smelled like him, and she’d been comforted.
There was nothing similar about this situation, so why did the same symptoms come to mind? These were simply strangers who didn’t like her. They weren’t family members trapped in a burning plane. Well, all but Savvy. She was family, at least, plane or no.
Why didn’t I listen to her? Savvy had been right about the skirt and shoes. Not only were they completely out of place but they were also uncomfortable. These kids weren’t like the kids at school back home. Not at all. She wished the ground could open wide enough for her to sink out of sight. Thank heaven Savvy had made her change her top. Even though the shirt was tighter than what most of the girls were wearing, it was at least long enough that she could pull her skirt down a bit to cover more of her thighs.
The first meeting didn’t last long, but it was interminably painful to Lexi. After it was over, Lexi clutched at the fake plane ticket someone handed her, and then Savvy took her to a room full of girls and boys. Lexi was glad to see Savvy’s twin brothers in the class. They stared at her like all the others had during the first meeting, but Gabe smiled.
“This is my sister, Lexi Roathe,” Savvy told the woman teacher.
“Your sister?” The teacher’s brow rose in surprise.
“My birth father’s daughter,” Savvy explained. This last bit made Lexi feel small and inconsequential.
“How nice,” said the teacher, obviously puzzled.
Lexi bet she’d never heard that Savvy had a father other than the man who’d raised her. “It’s good to have you, Lexi.” The teacher smiled as though she meant it, but her eyes studiously avoided Lexi’s skirt.
Unlike their teacher, the other kids stared at her. None of them wore black makeup, Lexi noticed. A few smiled, but Lexi couldn’t smile back. Her attention was fixed on two girls in the back whose heads were together. She couldn’t hear what they whispered, but she thought they looked at her and giggled. Lexi’s face flamed. She wanted to cover herself with her hands and run out the door, but she felt Savvy’s presence, her eyes as heavy on her as those of the girls in the back. So Lexi held her head up and walked into the classroom, taking the first open chair. No one sat next to her, not even Forest and Gabe, who sat in the back with the other boys.
Savvy smiled at her and left. The teacher began to talk, but Lexi didn’t hear a word. She kept her face still, trying not to cry. Trying to breathe.
Mom, her heart cried silently.
Ten minutes were up, and they went on to the next station. This time someone sat by her because there weren’t any empty chairs, and Lexi could almost imagine herself leaning over to the nice-looking girl and asking a question, maybe laughing at something with her. But the girl’s eyes lingered on Lexi’s short skirt and never reached her face. Lexi had no idea what the teacher said.
The next station was run by Savvy’s mother. Lexi went farther back by the boys, and Gabe sat in the chair next to her. His smile gave her the courage to stay, though the two whispering girls darted looks at her that made her feel hot all over.
Lexi felt her shoulder jerking, but she couldn’t stop the movement. It’s all Savvy’s fault, Lexi thought. She shouldn’t have made me come. But that wasn’t exactly true. Savvy had tried to warn her. In the end, she had allowed Lexi to exercise her agency.
Agency. What a peculiar concept. Savvy’s mother was talking about agency now. For a few moments, Lexi forgot about the mocking stares as she listened. According to Brionney, Lexi was responsible for her choices. Not anyone else. Didn’t that mean she shouldn’t have to go to Minnesota if she didn’t want to?
That night she was supposed to tell Savvy where her dad was living. What would happen then? Would Savvy take her home, glad to be rid of her, or would she call the police to put her father in jail? Lexi couldn’t allow that. She swallowed hard and clenched her jaw. Somehow she had to make it through this day.
* * *
“So how was it?” Savvy asked cheerfully as they climbed into the car.
Lexi gave her a dark stare. “I’m never going back.”
Savvy backed out of the parking place but then let the car idle. “I’m sorry, Lexi.” She heaved a long sigh. “I’m really, really sorry. I guess I shouldn’t have let you go dressed like that. I’m new at this, remember? But, honestly, with that shirt, the outfit looks much better.”
“It was horrible. Horrible!” Tears began in Lexi’s eyes at her sister’s attempted kindness. “Everybody was staring.”
“Honey, it’s because you were new. Everyone was curious, that’s all.”
Lexi knew Savvy was wrong. No one else had been wearing such a short skirt–or dark makeup. She’d been completely out of place. “They hated me! Not one person talked to me except Gabe and Forest.”
“I promise, it’ll be better next time.”
“That’s a lie,” Lexi muttered.
Savvy shook her head. “I don’t lie, Lexi.” When Lexi didn’t answer, Savvy started moving the car forward. “Look, we’ll talk about this later. Why don’t we go get some ice cream? I know a nice place that you’ll love. Tyler and I used to go there all the time.”
Lexi opened her mouth to tell Savvy she didn’t want anything from her, but that was when the Suburban they were passing began to roll backwards, its rear lights glowing like two red eyes. “Sav–” she began, but she was too late.
There was a sickening crunch as the Suburban collided with Savvy’s side of t
he car. Lexi screamed as the door and window buckled in, making contact with Savvy’s head. She bounced off like some kind of plastic doll. The airbags deployed, stopping Savvy’s movement almost immediately. Lexi could see blood seeping onto the white material.
“Savvy!” she screamed.
“I’m okay,” Savvy murmured, but her eyes were unfocused and blood gushed from the hand she’d brought to her head.
People gathered around the car. Someone moved the Suburban, but Savvy’s door wouldn’t open. Lexi felt herself pulled out of the car. “Help her,” she cried. “She’s bleeding!”
Lexi couldn’t believe this was happening. Savvy was her last chance, she was all she had left, and now–
“She’ll be okay,” a voice said beside her. Gabe.
Lexi tried to smile at him but couldn’t. “I saw the car backing up, but I was too late to tell her.”
“It was Cali. She was driving her mother’s Suburban. She didn’t look carefully.” He pointed to a white-faced teen who was crying in her mother’s arms.
They had extracted Savvy from the car now, and her mother was with her. “I’m all right,” Savvy insisted. Then she swayed, nearly collapsing. Her mother and another woman carried her over to the grass. Someone had a towel pressed to Savvy’s head. It seemed to Lexi there was a lot of blood.
“You’re going to need stitches,” a woman said, “but it’s not as bad as it looks. Head wounds always bleed a lot.”
“Should I call an ambulance?” someone asked.
“No, I’ll take her,” Savvy’s mother said. “We’re only a few minutes from the hospital. Just help me get her to the van.”
“Wait.” Savvy tugged at her mother’s arm. “Where’s Lexi? Lexi? Where are you?”
“She’s here,” Gabe said. Lexi flashed him a grateful smile.
Satisfied, Savvy let them take her to the car. Lexi didn’t know what to do. Should she go with her?
“Come on,” Gabe said.
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