Savvy considered a moment. With Tyler gone, she would have to leave the house more often. “Maybe I’ll swing by the store,” she said. “Call me if you need me.” She’d take the cell phone Derek had confiscated from Lexi last week.
As she drove down the street, she saw the mailman opening the neighbor’s mailbox. Savvy was tempted to wait in the drive to see if her mother had sent the package she’d promised, but she was more anxious to get back to Derek. It’ll be there when I get home, she thought.
Less than an hour later, Savvy drove back to Derek’s street. She stopped at the mailbox, but it was empty, so either Lexi had picked it up, or there wasn’t any mail.
She walked up to the porch. Had it only been two days ago that she’d told Tyler to leave? It seemed like a lifetime. She twisted the knob and opened the door.
She saw immediately that something was terribly wrong. Derek was lying on the floor, his head bent back at an unnatural angle as he struggled for breath. Lexi was standing over him, limbs frozen, her ashen face filled with horror.
“Savvy!” Lexi cried, her eyes wide. “Help him. Help him! Please!”
“What happened?” Savvy pushed Lexi out of the way and knelt beside Derek. She tried to adjust his head, but he struggled against her, still gasping for breath. She looked up at Lexi through her tears. “Call an ambulance!”
But Lexi was frozen to the spot, unable to do nothing but cry and mutter, “Help him. Oh, help him!” Lurching to her feet, Savvy found the phone and dialed, rushing back to Derek’s side.
The next fifteen minutes were a nightmare as the ambulance arrived and whisked Derek away. Since her first outburst, Lexi hadn’t spoken, the tears running down her face. Savvy put an arm around her, fearing that Lexi would push her away, but her sister sank into her embrace.
“Come on,” Savvy led her to Derek’s car and drove to the hospital.
Dr. Miller arrived and was already in with Derek, but he emerged before thirty minutes had passed. “I’m sorry,” he said, shaking his head. “He’s in heart failure. We’ve given him medication to lessen the symptoms and ease his suffering, but there’s nothing more we can do.”
Lexi let out a scream, clinging to Savvy, who tried to soothe her the best she could. Savvy’s own heart felt tight and her tears close to the surface. She wished Tyler were with them; she could use his strength right then.
“You can see him,” Dr. Miller added. “He’s fighting really hard, but I don’t know how long he’ll be conscious.”
Savvy practically carried Lexi into a room where they found Derek hooked up to an IV and all sorts of monitors. An oxygen tube ran up his nose. He opened his eyes as they came in. Savvy’s tears fell as she saw him try to smile.
“Pumpkin,” he said, his voice low and weak.
Lexi rushed to him. “I’m sorry, Daddy.”
“It wasn’t your fault. I was the one who insisted on getting up. I was . . . tired of that stupid couch.”
“Don’t leave me,” Lexi sobbed as she grasped his hand with the IV needle.
“I’m not leaving,” he said. “I’m just going on ahead with your mom and Brenton. We’ll save a spot for you . . . and Savvy. But you’re going to have to help.”
Lexi sniffed hard. “How?”
“I want you to go to church and be baptized. And someday I want you to do temple work for your mother and me so we can be sealed forever. This is very important. I wrote it down for you. Savvy can help. Be a good girl, okay?”
Lexi nodded, her face crumpling. “I will.”
Derek looked toward Savvy. “You’ve got to give that boy a chance,” he said, struggling for each breath. “I know your pride tells you not to, but he’s not the same person he was when you first fell in love with him.”
“Why can’t he breathe?” Savvy asked Dr. Miller.
“There’s fluid in his lungs. It’s a symptom of the disease.”
Savvy touched Derek on the arm. “Does it hurt?”
“They gave me something. I’m not even afraid.” He closed his eyes for a long moment and then whispered, “Be good to each other. Be happy. I love you.”
“I love you, Dad,” Lexi cried. “Dad?” But Derek’s eyes remained closed.
“He’s lost consciousness,” a nurse said, making a sympathetic noise in her throat. “He could wake up again.”
Derek never did wake. They waited in the room for over an hour before the heart monitor flat-lined, sending a high-pitched, eerie beeping throughout the room. As per Derek’s request, there were no heroic lifesaving measures. The nurse came in and silenced the monitor. Lexi turned into Savvy’s arms and wept. Savvy held her, staring at the still face of the man who had helped give her life. Have a good journey, she told him. Tears fell down her face and into Lexi’s hair.
Savvy was vaguely aware of Dr. Miller reentering the room. He checked Derek briefly, held a whispered conversation with the nurse, and then left the room.
When Savvy had her emotions under control, she nudged Lexi toward the door. The girl tore from her grasp and flew to the bed. She kissed her father’s cheek. “Bye, Daddy!” she whispered. Then she let Savvy guide her from the room.
* * *
Savvy had never imagined the many decisions involved after the death of a loved one. Fortunately, the news spread fast, and the bishop of the ward was on their doorstep before they arrived home, ready to help with arrangements. His wife was with him and had thought to bring lunch in case they felt like eating. Savvy tried to eat to please her, but it was a hopeless cause. Lexi didn’t even try. She went into her room and shut the door.
Later, when the bishop and his wife finally left, promising to accompany them to the funeral home the next day to pick out a casket, Savvy went into Derek’s bedroom. Her mind replayed the times she had sat here with him, discussing books and life. So much crammed into such a short period of time, memories Savvy would cherish forever.
Automatically, she began tidying the room. On his dresser she discovered a folder of personal papers, including his will. After only the second paragraph, she sank down on the bed, shocked to learn that Derek had left custody of Lexi jointly to her and Tyler.
I can’t believe it, she thought over and over. She felt betrayed.
In a panic, she called the attorney, who assured her that both she and Tyler could choose if they wanted to accept the appointment but that those had been Derek’s wishes.
She hung up and forced herself to read the rest. The house was to be sold to settle debts and hospital bills, but there was a healthy savings for Lexi, and with the settlement from her mother’s and brother’s death, she wouldn’t have to worry about college tuition. Derek had left his car and a fifty-thousand dollar life insurance benefit to Savvy, which generously solved her immediate problems of paying rent and tuition, but to Savvy it was a bitter recompense. The only thing she’d wanted was sole custody of Lexi–her sister. Belatedly, she realized that she should have pushed harder to become Lexi’s official guardian before Derek’s death. She’d fight it of course, but she knew Tyler wouldn’t take Derek’s trust lightly. He’d probably always want to remain in some kind of contact with Lexi and that meant running into him often.
Savvy’s heart leapt in her chest. Was that what Derek had intended all along? Did he think that by forcing them to interact that Savvy would finally succumb to Tyler’s charm? Or that Tyler would finally give up his thin girlfriend?
I’ll never get over him this way, Savvy thought, feeling depressed. She had no idea what to do now.
She took the will to Lexi, who read it without any expression of triumph or disappointment. Her entire face was wilted, as it had been since Derek’s death. Her shoulders shrank inward, and her eyes were red and swollen.
“I guess we’ll have to tell Tyler,” Savvy said.
Lexi’s eyes riveted on hers. “You’re not going to fight it?”
Ha. As if you care. “Do you want me to?” Savvy gave a weary sigh. “You’ve made it all too apparent that you’d rather be with h
im.”
Lexi seemed stunned, but for a moment Savvy didn’t care. She was angry at Derek for his betrayal, furious at Lexi for being so obnoxious, mad that Tyler had stuck around long enough to matter in Lexi’s life, and hurt that Tyler had left when she told him to go. She knew the feelings were ridiculous, but she didn’t care. She was through acting like an adult. For the past weeks, she’d been strong for Lexi. It was her turn to quietly fall apart, to mourn her losses, to lick her wounds.
Savvy went into Derek’s room, shut the door, and sobbed into his pillow.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Lexi held a hand against her heart as she listened to Savvy sobbing in the next room. A lot of Savvy’s pain was her fault, she knew. But she couldn’t lose someone else that she loved. She couldn’t!
Yet her heart, bruised and sore from her father’s passing, was breaking again. Not only for her father but for Savvy. I hurt her, she thought. I’m making her cry.
Guilt swept through Lexi. She closed her eyes and began to pray. God hadn’t saved her father, but he had brought Savvy back home that morning when she’d prayed for help. She’d felt so useless, watching her father die. She couldn’t even move to find the phone. If Savvy hadn’t come home and taken over . . .
Lexi shuddered.
At the hospital her father had seemed so peaceful. And why not, she thought. He’s with Mom and Brenton. Tears leaked from Lexi’s eyes. I believe, she thought with sudden understanding. I believe. Wonder filled her heart. It was true! She would see them again. Another prayer answered.
“I’m sorry, Savvy,” Lexi whispered, laying her palm flat against the door. Of course Savvy couldn’t hear.
What to do? Lexi knew she had to make it right. There was enough pain around them without her adding to it with her lies.
After a half hour of heavy thinking, Lexi knew what she had to do.
* * *
“Savvy?” Lexi called.
Savvy wanted to tell her to go away, but she simply didn’t have the strength after her bout of tears. Besides, she needed her sister. They were the only ones who could mourn Derek. Except for Tyler, she thought. He cared about Derek, too.
Savvy pushed herself up with one arm to a half-sitting position. Her sister was hovering by the door, as though uncertain whether she should enter all the way. She looked lost and afraid, and immediately Savvy felt her own emotions tempering. However obnoxious Lexi had been, she was only a child and Savvy loved her.
“Can I come in?” Lexi’s eyes went to where Derek’s favorite blanket lay crumpled on the bed.
“Sure.”
Lexi came to the bed, and Savvy watched her curl up in the blanket, wondering if she could smell her father on the material, if perhaps it made her feel more secure.
“Do you want me to leave?” Savvy asked.
“No.” Lexi’s voice was soft.
Savvy was gratified when the girl laid her head against Savvy’s shoulder. Savvy put an arm around her and stroked her hair and her cheek. How physically changed she was from the Lexi she’d first met! It had been more than a week since Lexi had put on the dark makeup or worn immodest clothing. Her belly button ring and most of her earrings had disappeared. Savvy knew she couldn’t take credit for the changes. The effort had been mutually hers, Tyler’s, Derek’s, and most of all, Lexi’s own choice.
Lexi snuggled closer. Savvy thought she was falling asleep and was startled when Lexi’s voice came without a trace of sleepiness. “Why are you still so nice to me, Savvy?”
Savvy was tempted to trivialize the question, but a tremor in Lexi’s voice signaled that the question was of great importance. “Because I love you,” she said simply. “And I want you to love me. I want to help you be happy again.”
Lexi started to sob.
“Hey, sweetie, it’s okay.” Savvy embraced her sister. “I know you miss your dad, but we’re going to get through this together.”
“It’s not that. Oh, Savvy, I’ve been so awful to you. I lied about Tyler getting married. I lied about how he feels about you. He hasn’t been talking to any girl. I made it all up.”
Savvy swallowed hard. Of course Lexi had lied! She’d known it when Tyler suggested it. Still, she’d used Lexi’s lie to put distance between them. At the time it had seemed the only way to protect herself, but after Tyler’s impassioned plea she wasn’t so sure.
“Oh, Lexi,” she murmured. “I wish you hadn’t done that. I made him leave.”
Lexi’s whole body was shaking as she cried. “I’m sorry. I’m really, really sorry. I couldn’t bear that he’d marry you and then I’d have to worry about . . . about you . . . dying.”
Savvy fought down her own tears as she smoothed Lexi’s hair. “I wish I could promise you that nothing will ever happen to me, to Tyler, or someone else you care about, but that’s the risk that comes with love. Would you rather have not loved your dad? What about your mom or Brenton?”
“It just hurts so bad!” Lexi turned and clung to her, crying harder. “I thought if I made you go away it wouldn’t hurt anymore. But I was wrong. I hurt you, and then I felt worse. I’m so sorry. I won’t blame you if you and Tyler send me to Minnesota now. I’ve been horrible.”
“You haven’t been horrible.” Savvy paused. “Well, maybe just a little.” She forced a laugh, grateful to see a tiny smile appear on Lexi’s face. “But I knew you were dealing with everything the best you could. I was willing to wait. We’re sisters, aren’t we?”
“I love you, Savvy. I’m so sorry.”
“Sh, it’s okay.” Savvy pulled her closer, but Lexi drew away.
“There’s something else.” Lexi reached inside the blanket, pulling out a large overnight postal envelope from under her shirt. “This came for you in the mail this morning. I had to sign for it. I saw who it was from, and I hid it from you. That was before Dad . . . you know. I’m so sorry. I wish I could take it all back–”
“It’s okay.” Savvy cut her off, drawing her back into a tight hug. “You’ve given it to me now.”
Lexi’s face was wet, but she wasn’t crying anymore. “Aren’t you going to read it?”
The thin cardboard seemed to burn into Savvy’s fingers, and her heart hammered in her chest. “Yes, okay.” She tore it open and found a smaller sealed letter inside.
“You’re shaking,” Lexi said.
Savvy didn’t know why Tyler would send her a letter. Had he changed his mind about his girlfriend? No, she had to stop thinking of him that way. Had she become so embittered that she couldn’t find an ounce of faith in the words he’d said to her before leaving Colorado?
The words were written on a single sheet of typing paper in Tyler’s bold handwriting.
Dear Savvy,
I’m so deeply, deeply sorry for all the pain I’ve caused you. Please believe me when I say that I love you more than I have ever loved anyone in my entire life–more than I will ever love anyone else. You are my heart, my breath, and my soul. I do not say this lightly. I want to marry you, I want to wash dishes at your side, I want to cuddle while we watch the stars at night, and I want us to have babies–lots of babies. I want to hear your laughter, touch your hair, and wake up every morning with you in my arms. I want to take you to the temple and make sacred covenants.
Please, Savvy. Will you give us a chance? Do you believe as I do that there is something special between us–that there has always been? The minute you give me the slightest hope, I’ll be there. I promise. Call me.
Yours forever and truly,
Tyler
Tears ran down Savvy’s face.
“He loves you, doesn’t he?” Lexi asked, craning her neck in an effort to see the words.
Savvy looked at her and nodded. “I think so.”
“I knew it! So what are you going to do now?”
Savvy wasn’t sure. To call meant opening herself to possible pain. Not calling was safer, and yet, was she truly willing to accept a life without him, especially knowing that he was offering the on
e thing she’d always wanted?
Still, running away would be much less risky.
Lexi had thought so at least. She’d run from her father and then tried to run from a relationship with Savvy. All to prevent the pain of loving. Now Savvy found herself in a similar situation. If she wasn’t willing to risk her feelings again, what opportunities for happiness might she miss? Would she spend her entire life wondering what could have been? Surely she could be as brave as Lexi was being by finally allowing herself to love Savvy.
“Daddy said for you to give him another chance,” Lexi said. “Didn’t he?”
Biting her lip, Savvy nodded. “I’m going to call him.”
“Yes!” Lexi sprang from the bed. “I’ll get the phone.”
Savvy dialed the number she knew by heart.
“Hello?”
For a second, Savvy’s breath was swept away. He sounded so near, as though she could reach out and touch him. “I got your letter,” she said finally.
There was a pause before he spoke. “I’ve waited all day. I was so afraid you weren’t going to call.”
“I only got it now.” She stopped and tried to take a breath, but tears were coming too fast for her to speak past them. “Tyler,” she choked out, “Derek’s dead. Lexi and I . . . we need you.”
There were no questions. “I’ll be right there.”
Savvy hung up the phone, swinging her gaze to Lexi. She felt an immense relief knowing Tyler was coming, knowing he would help her face the next few days. Knowing she wouldn’t have to always be strong but could sometimes lean on him.
Lexi wiped her face with Derek’s blanket. “So where are we going to live?”
“I don’t know. I should finish things in California, but–” There was also Tyler to consider. If things worked out between them . . .
If.
Oh, how she hated that word.
Forcing the thoughts aside, she said, “What about Minnesota? I hear it’s lovely this time of year.”
“Ugh!” Lexi gave a strangled laugh. “You’d better be kidding.”
Savvy grinned. “So do you want dinner? I didn’t think I’d ever be hungry again, but my stomach is growling like crazy.”
Huntington Family Series Page 87