Running Away (Finding Your Place Book 2)

by Rebecca Barber

  With a confused look, Zoe just stared at me. When I nodded and loosened my grip, she wriggled from my lap and padded across the timber floors, not making a sound. With her eyes locked on mine, she pulled open the drawer. I never meant for my eyes to drift closed, but I couldn’t watch this. Even knowing what she was about to find wasn’t making this any easier to bear witness to.

  “The black box. Open it. It’s yours. From Spencer.”

  “From Spencer?” Her words sounded strangled.

  “Yeah.”

  Finding my feet, I stuffed my hands in my pockets, not trusting them anywhere else. I heard Zoe gasp and my eyes flew open. Silent tears coated her cheeks as she balanced the black velvet box in her hands.

  “Spencer…”

  “See, Zoe? He loved you. This was to be your engagement ring. He bought it when he came to Melbourne to see you. He came home and wouldn’t shut up about you.” I felt the smile tug at my lips and it was scary how much better it made everything feel. For weeks, we’d danced around Spencer’s memory. It was like he was a ghost haunting us. “He was going to marry you. I don’t know if it was today, tomorrow, or ten years from now. All I know is he loved you with everything he had. So don’t you dare think for even a moment that you were anything less than the love of his life. Hell, I was at your first wedding when you were four years old. No one else caught our boy’s eye the way you did. Not once. So, if you want to miss him, then miss him. If you want to cry, cry. And if you want to laugh about his god-awful singing or all the dumbass things he did, then laugh. Just make sure to invite me. But Zoe, you have to let me in. You don’t have to do this alone. Let me help you. Please.”

  I sounded needy and whiny and I hated it, but I meant every word. Every fucking word.

  I heard a giggle and the whole world lit up. Zoe’s giggle was infectious. The smile which had been taunting me cracked through and covered my face. “He really was a terrible singer, wasn’t he?”

  “The worst.”

  “How did he ever think he was good?”

  “I have no fucking idea. And it was always that same god-awful song.”

  We both laughed. It was a fully belly laugh that felt fucking fantastic. “American Pie!” we said in unison.

  Until that moment, I didn’t realize how much I missed Kane. Missing Spencer was a given. But having someone who knew Spencer, who knew which song he sang in the shower and who knew his nasty habits but loved him anyway, having someone to grieve with was what I’d been missing the most. Maybe if Zoe could claw her way out of the darkness and find her way back to join the real world, we’d both be able to heal.

  “I’ve seen this before.”

  It took me a minute to realize she was talking to me. Her eyes were locked on the diamond in the box. “What’d you mean?

  “He didn’t buy this ring when he was in Melbourne.”

  “He said…”

  “He lied.”

  “He’s had this ring for years.”

  “Huh?” Zoe had lost me. What the hell was she talking about? She wasn’t there the day we were sitting out the back having a beer when he announced he had something he had to show me. I had no idea what he was doing, but he jumped up, took off inside, and returned a minute later, dropping the velvet box in my lap. I’d never forget that moment. It was burned into my memory forever. While I cracked the lid, he leaned back in his chair, casually sipping his beer. There wasn’t a trace of fear or nerves on his face. That fact alone told me everything I needed to know. He was comfortable with his decision. There would be no changing his mind or talking him out of it. I’d known Spencer long enough to know that when he set his stubborn mind to something, he was following through no matter what everyone else thought. “When he came back from Melbourne, he was being a moody ass, something I suspect had everything to do with a certain stubborn brunette who was still there.” Zoe blushed, and it looked beautiful as it stained her cheeks. “He went and got it and gave me a look. Told me he brought something home with him.”

  Zoe snorted, and I’d be damned if it wasn’t the cutest sound in the world. “What can I say, he was full of it.”

  “When?”

  “Before I left.” Now I was completely lost. Truly fucking lost. “It’s why…” Zoe’s head fell and her shoulders slumped right in the same moment a lump formed in my throat.

  “Zoe…” I barely recognized my own voice. It was deep and filled with concern.

  “It was two days before my eighteenth birthday. Out by the lake. In our spot. We were sitting on the grass talking about bullshit. We were laughing and teasing each other. The ass kept flicking leaves in my hair. It was a great day.” Her eyes had glazed over under the weight of the memory. I knew what was coming. I knew before she even formed the words. Suddenly everything made sense. Why Spencer had stopped wasting money on cheap beer each week. Why he insisted on painting old man Ward’s house. I knew he was squirrelling away money, I just never knew what for. Now I did. It was right there in front of me. Sparkling in Zoe’s precious hands.

  “He asked you to marry him, didn’t he?” I said it so she didn’t have to.

  Zoe nodded slowly, and when she managed to lift her head, I could see the fresh stream of tears streaking down her face. “He loved me. He said he wanted to spend forever with me. And I…I didn’t say yes.” Zoe hiccupped, and without a word I reached out, wrapped my arms around her, and dragged her back into my lap.

  “I gotta ask, Princess, why? Why did you say no?”

  “Because I was stupid. And seventeen. And I had no idea what else was out there. Who else. I never cheated on Spencer,” she added quickly. The thought hadn’t even crossed my mind. I knew she never would. Either would he. “It was just, he-he was all I knew. I thought there was more to my life than that small town. If I married Spencer, I know I would have been happy and I would have loved him ’til the day I died, and that is still true, but that’s all I would have ever been. Spencer’s wife. I wouldn’t have known who I am without him.”

  “That’s why you left?”

  “Yes,” she squeaked her answer so softly I almost missed it.

  “I get it, Pippi. I promise I do.” I couldn’t stop myself. I kissed her hair and rubbed her back as she nestled her head in the crook of my neck.

  We sat there for a long time, both consumed by our silent thoughts. Zoe was still staring at the ring nestled in the box. “And you’re sure this was for me? I mean, I turned it down once…”

  “One hundred percent. He loved you, Zoe. Don’t ever doubt it. So…the question is, if he’d asked again would he have gotten the same answer? Would you turn him down again?”

  “No.”

  I knew she was telling the truth. She didn’t pause, she didn’t hesitate…but even if she did, it wouldn’t have mattered. All I had to do was look at her to know, that ring belonged on her finger. “So…are you going to put it on?”

  Her head snapped up, collecting my jaw as she went. I felt my teeth clang together as it rattled my brain inside my skull.

  “I…I don’t know. I mean I want to, but it feels wrong. Spencer never gave it to me, you know?”

  “It’s your call, Princess. But it’s yours.”

  “Thanks.”

  “Anytime.

  “Not just for today. I know I’m a mess. Fuck, a mess is an understatement. I’m a fucking disaster. But I’ll do better. I can do better. I want to. I just don’t know how.”

  “You’re not a disaster. Maybe just a little lost. Can you let me help you?”

  With a heavy sigh, Zoe sat down on the end of my bed, her eyes never once leaving the glistening diamond. I didn’t need her to show me to see how impressive it was. Spencer had shown me a few times. He couldn’t help himself. He’d been so excited. Part of me knew that if he hadn’t died, we’d already be planning a wedding, if not awaiting the arrival of their first child. He’d told me he’d wait for her forever. In reality, I don’t think he’d have waited another month. I don’t think he coul
d stop himself. He loved her more than anything. The sooner Spencer staked his claim and made it known to the world that Zoe was his, the happier he’d have been. The happier they’d both be. Now it was something else that we’d just never know.

  “I don’t know if you can?”

  “Will you let me at least try?”

  Fingering the diamond, Zoe looked up at me, then back at the box, then at me again. “Yes.”

  Chapter 2

  Mia

  The sweat gathering between my squished boobs was driving me nuts. It was barely eleven and I was already sweating and aching. After running an early morning aerobics class, a prenatal yoga class, and toddler Zumba class, I was more than ready for a nap. My stomach grumbled embarrassingly, reminding me it’d been hours since I’d stuffed a banana down my throat. With my only two other instructors calling in sick this morning, I’d had no other options. It was the thing I hated the most about owning your own business. Well, that and paperwork. That shit never ended.

  Running my hands through my hair, I was thankful for the short cut. I didn’t have the time, the energy, nor the desire to maintain the long mane so many women had. I watched as they attempted to bounce around the studio, only to be smacked up the side of the face by a wayward ponytail. Taking a long gulp from my water bottle, I coughed and spluttered as my eyes connected with the most intense hazel eyes I’d ever seen. And the face they belonged to, well, fuck me sideways.

  Wiping my suddenly sweaty palms on the bum of my black yoga pants, I stretched a hand out in front me, “Good morning. Welcome to ‘Motivation Is Achievable.’ I’m Mia. How can I help you today?”

  “Hi Mia. I’m Derek Cartwright, we spoke on the phone.”

  I should have been concentrating on his words, but I was having a hard time dragging my eyes from his smooth, firm jaw and his thin lips. My whole body shuddered and it scared the shit out of me. No one had made me react like this in such a long time I was beginning to think I’d never feel it again. Not that last time had left me craving it again.

  “Are you all right?” he asked, his deep voice smooth like the finest, tastiest chocolate I could imagine. My mouth watered at the idea.

  Shaking off the nonsense running through my brain, I remembered I was at work and I needed to at least act professional. “Right! Derek Cartwright. I have your information around somewhere,” I babbled nervously as I shuffled papers back and forth. The front desk was not somewhere I should be. Ever. The damn computer hated me almost as much as I hated it. There were Post-It notes with half messages stuck to every surface, including the phone’s handset. “Look, I’ll be honest. My receptionist is out today and it’s kinda crazy. I remember talking to you, though. As you can see, my filing system…well, it’s shit. Can you please just put me out of my misery and just remind me?”

  Defeated, I tugged on the bottom of my too big shirt. It took a moment, then I remembered what I was wearing. A pair of skin tight, three quarter black yoga pants that had seen better days and a pink t-shirt with my pink runners. Fashion had never been something I’d been interested in, and since I run a women’s only gym, I dressed for comfort and practicality rather than to impress. Derek may have been the first guy to actually step foot in my reception area. Ever. Maybe that’s why my blood was boiling and I was having a hard time keeping my balance on my traitorous wobbling knees.

  He chuckled, and I swear my whole body vibrated at the sound. “No problem. I wanted to see if you could fit Zoe into your self-defence class. You suggested four times a week, but we had to come down and have a look around and see if Motivation Is Achievable would be a good fit for what we need.”

  “That’s right. Now I remember.” Green definitely isn’t my colour, but for some reason I was jealous of whoever the elusive Zoe was. Derek didn’t give anything away other than that she was important. She could be a sister, mother, friend, girlfriend, or even wife. Wife. The thought had me reaching for my water bottle and taking another long swig to wash away the bad taste. I never crushed on guys. Hell, I had some of my best friends questioning which team I was batting for these days. There was just something about this guy that was irresistible. But resist I would. I had to. “Is Zoe around?”

  Without a word, Derek half turned and stepped to the side, revealing who I guessed was the mysterious Zoe. She scared the shit out me. She looked terrible. But what was worse, she appeared as though she’d tried to pull herself together to be there. No amount of makeup could hide the signs, though. They were there. Dull, lifeless hair pulled back harshly. Dark eyes. Oversized clothes, that I’d bet the gym on were Derek’s. She clung to his arm like he was her oxygen. But it was the fear in her eyes that made me want to do anything to help her. I didn’t know if I could. I didn’t know if I was strong enough, but I’d damned well give it everything I had trying. Not for the gorgeous hunk of man she hugged, not even really for her. This would be for the Mia I was five years ago.

  “Hi,” she squeaked.

  “Hi Zoe. Welcome. Do you want to come with me? We’ll take a look around, and see if this is somewhere you think would work for you. Then if it is, we can get the paperwork sorted and get you enrolled in a few classes.”

  Her eyes darted to Derek, and he nodded his encouragement. To anyone who didn’t know what to look for, they would have missed it. I didn’t. She was looking for assurance. Some would mistake it for approval, but theirs wasn’t that type of relationship. After five minutes in the same room as them, even I could tell that much. “O…okay.” I watched, curious as she intertwined her fingers with his. I knew she wasn’t afraid of him, but I couldn’t pick who they were to each other. What pissed me off the most was that I was trying to. It shouldn’t matter. I shouldn’t care. But I’d be full of shit if I didn’t admit it.

  Together, they took a step towards the frosted door.

  This was going to be harder than it had ever been before. Turning back to face them, I realized how tiny I was compared to Derek. He towered over me, and I knew I should feel intimidated, not only by his height, but by the way he filled out his fitted grey shirt. His biceps bulged, stretching the fabric, and it strained across the wide expanse of chest. He obviously spent quite some time in the gym himself.

  “I’m sorry, Derek, but unfortunately you can’t come back here. This is a women-only gym, and some of these women need the privacy and safety that offers. You’re more than welcome to take a seat and wait here if you like. We shouldn’t be any more than fifteen minutes.”

  As the words rolled off my tongue, I felt like the world’s biggest bitch. Zoe physically recoiled behind Derek with each word, but he didn’t quiver.

  “That’s fine. I completely understand. Is this the only way in?” he asked, pointing at the doors.

  “Yes.”

  “Okay.”

  It took me a minute to understand what was going on. But when he lowered his bulky frame to Zoe’s eye level, I fell head over heels in love with him. If he’d asked me for my heart in that moment, I would have handed it over without hesitation or question. It was stupid and irrational and completely unlike me, but he was this gentle giant who obviously cared more about the frightened rabbit in his arms than himself. I wanted someone to care about me like that. Fuck, I wanted him to care about me like that.

  “I’ll be right here, Princess. No one’s getting through that door while I’m standing here. I promise. You’ll be okay. You got this.”

  She didn’t answer. Instead, she nodded softly and untangled their fingers before wrapping her arms around her chest and shuffling towards me. I wanted to know what the fuck was going on. What had happened to make a fully-grown woman this fragile. This broken. But it wasn’t my place to ask. And I sure as shit didn’t want to make anything harder for her.

  Plastering a fake smile on my face, I turned to address Zoe, “Let’s go in. This place is completely secure. We have cameras everywhere, except the change rooms. Even they have pin codes that you use to enter. Each member has a unique code which grant
s them access.” Moving towards the security panel on the wall, I made sure both Derek and Zoe saw me type in my code before the electric doors slid open and we stepped through, leaving Derek with his hands stuffed in his pockets and a grimace on his gorgeous face.

  When the doors clicked shut behind us, Zoe jumped slightly. “Zoe. I know you don’t know me and you have no reason to trust me, but you are safe here. This place might be a gym, but it’s as secure as it can be. It’s not just you. You’re not alone in whatever it is you’re going through. That I can promise you.”

  Zoe fell in step beside me, almost too close, but I wasn’t about to push her away. This girl was obviously going through some heavy shit, she didn’t need me to make it any more awkward. I showed her the cardio equipment, where a few women sat on bikes peddling hard while reading the latest trashy gossip magazines, before we moved onto the free weights. Zoe nodded politely but remained stoically silent. She was going to be a tough nut to crack, but I got the impression she was worth it.

  “We’re not together, you know,” Zoe stated matter-of-factly.

  “Sorry?”

  “Derek and I. We’re not together.”

  Caught off guard, I almost tripped over the edge of a soft fall mat as we stepped into the large empty room where classes were held. This was my favourite place in the whole gym, and to me, this was the space that set my gym apart from others. The walls were painted lavender, and there were no mirrors. Anywhere. In my experience, women didn’t want to see what they looked like while they worked out, and they definitely didn’t want to see what other women looked like. Instead of mirrors, or supplement advertisements, my gym was warm and welcoming. It had purple walls and pictures of exotic places around the world, which made you want to hop a plane and take off. Photographs of the huts over the turquoise water in Bora Bora, a photo of a completely vacant ice skating rink in Central Park, a deserted stretch of the Great Wall of China. To me, these were inspirational. Not those cheesy go get ’em quotes. Not pictures of steroid-induced muscle men. Calm. Peaceful. Happy places. They made you want to come back.