Running Away (Finding Your Place Book 2)

by Rebecca Barber

“One day, will you tell me what I did wrong?”

  Fuck it! I hated this shit! He thought he’d done something. It explained why he was trying to keep his distance. The only reason I was lying in his arms right now was because I don’t think it was actually in his DNA for him to say no. Not to me, not to anyone. It’s just who he was. Something I both loved and hated about him.

  “Promise.”

  As soon as I confirmed his request, a kiss landed in my hair. “Sleep now, Tinkerbell. It’s late.” I didn’t have the energy to argue. Instead, I nestled in against him, safe in his arms, and drifted off, unable to wipe the contentment from my face.

  Morning came all too soon for my liking. With everything that had been going on last night, I’d forgotten to pull the curtains closed, and now the morning sun burned me from my bed. Rolling over, I expected to find Derek still there beside me, but instead cool sheets were all that greeted me.

  I heard the groan burst from my lips before I knew what I was doing. The disappointment was crushing, and it scared the shit out of me. I don’t know why I wanted Derek to still be beside me, all I knew is I did. And he wasn’t. And I was pissed.

  Grabbing the abandoned pillow, I pulled it over my head and squeezed my eyes shut, wishing the morning would go away so I could get back to the dream I’d been enjoying. A dream about the man whose scent was everywhere. It was heaven. It was hell. It was pure fucking torture. For ten minutes I tossed and turned, willing my mind to calm enough for me to drift off, but peace wouldn’t come. Frustrated and horny, I climbed from my bed and stomped into the bathroom before stepping under the cool water. I needed to cool off and get my shit together.

  Afterwards, I made myself some breakfast and stripped my bed. I knew there was no way I’d sleep tonight with Derek’s scent clinging to my sheets. Feeling domestic and on a roll, I cleaned out my wardrobe, tossing away clothes I hadn’t worn in forever, some of which still sported their tags. But no matter what I did, I couldn’t distract my mind long enough to calm the storm brewing. I wanted an explanation. Derek drove me crazy like no one ever had. He’d shown up on my doorstop in the middle of the storm with a determination I’d never seen before, just to make sure his words were understood. I proceeded to fall asleep in his arms, then I wake up alone. I didn’t like it. Not one fucking bit.

  With frustration eating me alive, I went hunting for my phone, needing to vent. I needed Josie. This is what sisters were for, after all.

  Mia: Busy?

  It took longer than I hoped for her response to come. Maybe it was because I was anxious. Maybe it was because I needed her. As the minutes ticked by, the more my annoyance grated on me. While I waited for her, I wandered aimlessly. I tossed a load of clothes in the machine before shuffling back into my bedroom, and that’s when my eyes fell on it.

  Hanging on the back of the chair in the corner was Derek’s jacket.

  I hated the euphoria that flooded me.

  I didn’t want it.

  Fuck me!

  It was undeniable.

  Before I knew what I was doing, I was fingering the soft leather.

  Mia: You left without even a good bye???

  Passive aggressive was my middle name. I’d sent the message before I had a chance to regret it. Tossing my phone on the bed, I followed it down, burying my head in the tangle of blankets. I wanted to kick and punch and throw a tantrum like a five-year-old, but when my phone chirped, I was jolted back to reality.

  Taking a breath, I didn’t know if I wanted it to be Josie or Derek replying. That’s not true. I knew exactly who I wanted it to be. I just didn’t want to admit it to myself.

  Derek: I didn’t.

  “Cryptic bastard,” I snorted while I tried to contrive a snarky reply.

  Derek: I take it you didn’t find my note??

  Mia: Note?

  Derek: Check the nightstand.

  Leaping from the bed, I started grabbing at the twisted sheets and mountain of pillows. When I couldn’t find any trace of the note Derek alluded to, I started tossing things onto the floor. I knew if Derek said he left a note, then somewhere, there was a note. It wasn’t on the nightstand and it wasn’t on the bed. Huffing from frustration and exertion, I dangled my legs on the side of the bed briefly before an idea popped into my head. Tipping myself upside down, I looked under my bed, instantly regretting it.

  Hidden in the darkness were a million and one dust bunnies, a sock which appeared to have lost its friend many moons ago, a pair or panties that I couldn’t be sure if they were clean or dirty, and a pile of papers. Sticking a nervous hand in there, I swiped the floor, knocking everything out into the open. Now I knew it was there, I couldn’t ignore it, unfortunately. Focusing on the papers, I quickly tossed the old receipts, which were so old the writing had all but faded. I found a shopping list I’d written and forgotten, a phone number for someone I couldn’t remember, then there was a note with handwriting I didn’t recognize.

  Mia,

  You looked so peaceful sleeping I couldn’t wake you, but I had an early appointment.

  I had a lot of fun with you last night and spending the night with you in my arms was one of my favourite things to do (hopefully I’ll get the chance again).

  I work tonight, but if you want to drop by, I’d love to see you.

  Have a great day, Tinkerbell.

  Derek

  “What the fuck!” I shrieked, thankful the house was empty.

  I didn’t know if this guy was playing with me or he was serious. I didn’t know if I wanted him to be serious or not. Derek was the sort of guy who could break my heart. Not just a crack, either. He was the sort of guy who could shatter it into a million pieces Was I ready for that? Fuck! I needed Josie.

  No longer worried about looking pathetic and desperate, I shot off another text.

  Mia: I need you! STAT!

  ***

  A handful of hours, three bags of microwave popcorn, two cherry ripe chocolate bars, and a vanilla malt milkshake later, and not only did I feel like I was about to explode, but I’d watched too much sappy, soppy TV and my emotions were stretched to breaking point. I hadn’t heard a peep from Josie and it pissed me off. Not because she hadn’t appeared, but because she hadn’t even bothered to reply. Every time she’d needed me, I dropped everything and rushed to her side. I’d pulled her out of crappy relationships, picked her drunken ass up in the middle of the night so she didn’t have to do the walk of shame, and now, when I needed her, she couldn’t even be bothered to return a simple text message.

  After a long, hot bath, I pulled on my ugliest, most comfy undies, and oversized t-shirt before remaking my bed, crawling under the fresh sheets, and closing my eyes. I’d achieved nothing today. Absolutely nothing. I’d checked in at work a couple of times, but other than wallowing in my own self-inflicted misery, I’d done nothing.

  My eyes drifted closed and I wished the day was over. Tomorrow would be better. Tomorrow I’d get something done. Tomorrow I’d tick some things off the mile long to do list. They’d barely been closed a moment when my phone beeped.

  Derek: Guess you’re not coming down tonight?

  Chapter 23

  Derek

  Work was shit! The same crap over and over and over again. The same tired women sat in the booth in the back, gossiping and bitching while they sipped their overpriced cocktails. Around them men in suits prowled around, eyeing everything in a short skirt or low cut top. Some days I hated my job. Catching Mick the bartender’s eye, I nod, and make my way towards the bar. By the time I navigate my way across the mostly deserted dance floor, he already has an ice water with lemon waiting for me.

  “Thanks,” I acknowledge, taking a long swallow.

  “It’s really slow tonight.”

  “Yeah.”

  “Everything okay, man? You look like you’d rather that water was a beer.”

  I chuckled. Mick was right. I’d kill for a beer right about now. Somehow my day had gone to shit after what could possibly ha
ve been the best way to wake up. I doubted even a beer would turn it around.

  “Yeah, just a long day, that’s all.”

  Mick nodded knowingly. We weren’t close, but we’d worked together since I’d arrived, and Mick was one of the people I’d clicked with straight away. Maybe it was the fact that we were so much older than the others, or maybe we just couldn’t deal with the bullshit that went on around us.

  “Why don’t you take a break? Go grab some dinner?”

  I looked around. Nothing was going on. “Sounds good.”

  Sliding off the stool, I headed out the door. The moment I stepped out into the fresh air I felt a little more alive. It was just after nine, not too late to text. Digging my phone from my pocket, I sent a text to Mia. I’m not sure what possessed me to, but I did it anyway.

  Derek: Hey Tink.

  I walked down the block and stepped into the local kebab place and ordered before slipping into a booth with red plastic seats. It was one of those sleazy late night kebab shops that you wouldn’t take a date to, but actually had really good food. Before I knew it my lamb kebab and chips were placed in front of me, and my phone buzzed.

  Mia: Hey yourself.

  I’d like to pretend I played it cool and her reply didn’t make me smile, but it would be bullshit. Her simple words did affect me. More than even I thought they would.

  Derek: What’d you get up to today?

  Mia: Nothing much. You?

  Derek: Running around. Work.

  Mia: Aren’t you at work now?

  Derek: Yep.

  Mia: Should you be texting me?

  Derek: Nope.

  Mia: But you are?

  Derek: I am.

  Mia: I’m glad.

  Taking a huge bite of my kebab, I put the phone down and focused on my dinner. We hadn’t said anything…well, nothing of any substance, but it just made everything feel better. Today may have started in the best possible way but it had gone downhill quickly. I’d woken up with Tinkerbell curled around me like a vine. Sure, I was squashed on the edge of the bed, I had no room and I was way too hot, but I wasn’t complaining. Not one little bit.

  Recalling the feeling almost made the rest of the day fade away. Almost. Coming home, I tossed my keys on the bench and caught the look Zoe was giving me. It was full of surprise and curiosity, but she remained stoically silent, instead sliding a mug of coffee towards me. I expected the conversation to be awkward, yet Zoe surprised me. Instead of asking where I’d been or who I was with, she just kept up the conversation as if I’d stumbled down the stairs rather than through the front door.

  After she’d headed off to the gym, I trudged wearily towards the bathroom. I hated that I was washing away the scent of Mia that clung to my skin, and a huge part of me was already wondering when I’d be able to get it back. I didn’t have time to worry too much. I had bigger problems.

  As quick as I could, I dressed in black slacks, shiny black leather shoes, and a white button-down shirt. Possibly the most uncomfortable outfit I owned. Fixing my hair, I caught a glance at the guy in mirror staring back at me. He was tense. I hadn’t bothered to shave, needing to feel like I had control of something. Anything. Even if it was only my facial hair. I barely recognized myself. I was stressed. I looked like I was on my way to a job interview, or worse, court. Part of me was desperate to call Mia or Zoe and tell them what was going on. Confess what I’d been up to. I didn’t. This was my problem. My burden to bear. They didn’t deserve to get caught up in my shit. It was moments like this I missed Spencer the most. And Kane.

  “Fuck it!”

  So many times I wished I could punch Kane in the face for what he’d done, the fucking idiot. He ruined so many lives, including his own. All because he’d got caught up in the wrong crowd and addicted to drugs.

  Throwing the comb back onto the sink, I watched as it bounced. I ignored it. Usually I kept my bathroom immaculate, right now though, I didn’t give a shit. I had somewhere I needed to be. Grabbing my watch from the window sill, I slipped it on my wrist and descended the stairs. If I didn’t leave soon, I’d be late.

  Five hours later, I shuffled back through the front door. My shirt was untucked. My hair was all over the place. My hands were aching from the hours spent clenching fists, trying to hold back the anger bubbling inside me. The first hour I’d spent waiting. In a cluttered, impersonal, unprofessional waiting room. Alone. After giving the receptionist my name, she’d pointed me towards the waiting room and left me. Forty-five minutes into my wait, I’d started pacing. I couldn’t not. I was so wound up it was either walk off the nervous energy or explode. I wasn’t sure the waiting room would survive if I let go right now.

  Eventually I was summoned into an office just as unappealing and unwelcoming as the waiting room. Three hours of questions. Three hours of being second guessed. Three hours of not being believed. Fuck, it pissed me off. Then just when I was about to burst, just when I was about to punch something, the question came that I didn’t want. The one question I’d been avoiding since the moment I’d bundled Zoe into the car and left town, barely pausing long enough to glance in the rear-view mirror.

  “So, Derek, do you see yourself returning to your position?”

  I knew it had been coming.

  If I admitted the truth, I knew it was the whole reason for this meeting.

  The whole purpose of this visit.

  The issue was, I didn’t have an answer. I didn’t want one. I didn’t know if I was ready to go back. If I even could go back.

  For weeks I’d been subjecting myself to the testing they required to see if I even could return. I’d passed the physical with flying colours, but that had never been a concern. Physically I was fine. It wasn’t like I got injured and that’s why I’d walked away. Mentally, I wasn’t sure I could go back, although I knew I’d never be put in the same situation again. After all, it wasn’t like I had a best friend these days I’d have to arrest. Or worse, bury.

  As the thought crossed my mind, the house became too stuffy. As quickly as I could, I’d crossed the lounge and grabbed a beer from the fridge before heading for the back patio. The moment I slid open the door, the cool breeze cooled my burning skin. Only when I paused for a second did I realize I’d already chugged half the amber ale in one long swallow.

  I sunk into the chair and watched as the sun sank and the inky darkness of night descended, the questions still circling in my head. Buzzing. Driving me insane. Thankfully, my heavy thoughts were intermittently interrupted by a pint-size pixie, which brought a smile to my lips. I should have been afraid how far she’d burrowed under my skin already, yet somehow that made me feel better. I just wish I could have talked to her about what was going on. But we weren’t there. Not yet, anyway.

  Finishing my kebab, I wiped my hands on the paper napkin and pocketed my phone. I had to get my ass back to work. I could only hope the rest of the night would be over soon.

  Chapter 24

  Mia

  I hated that Derek’s simple texts had such an effect on my mood. Usually only chocolate possessed that sort of magic. As days passed, I fell into a routine which made me feel on top of the world. I’d wake up early, go to work, pushing myself harder than I normally would, then come home and lose myself in some cheesy, embarrassing romance novel. The ones you’d never admit reading. The best part of my day though, was the moments in between spent swapping meaningless texts with Derek. Sometimes they were nothing. A simple hi or good morning. Other times, they were more. Just when I let my worries get the better of me and convince me I was being friend zoned, it seemed like Derek could read my mind and a flirty, sexy message would come through. The only darkness in the days was we hadn’t managed to actually see each other. On the other hand, that was a good thing. It meant every night I could wrap myself in his leather jacket and fall asleep, only to have Derek-filled dreams. They were the best sort of dreams to have.

  The other thing that had been taking up way too much of my time was my q
uest to find the perfect apartment. Ever since the night Derek had spent in my bed I knew I wanted more like it. Or at least I wanted the freedom to have the option. No way did I want my parents seeing stuff like this. It was one thing to know your daughter was an adult, but witnessing it―I wasn’t sure they could handle it. I know I couldn’t. It was a frustrating endeavour. I wasn’t a snob, but I did have standards, and apparently there was a substantial gap between my standards and my budget. It was pissing me off. It was like now I’d made the decision, I wanted action as soon as possible. I didn’t understand it really. I’d moved home because I needed the safety. Craved it. Having someone near who I knew cared was more important than my pride. Now though, now the time had come for me to stand on my own two feet again. I’d like to believe I’d given myself that strength to make the final call, perhaps Derek’s belief in me may have just been the kick in the ass I needed. Whichever it was, it didn’t matter. I’d made the decision, now I just had to make the move.

  My phone beeped and I stumbled off my bed.

  Derek: What’s doing, pretty girl?

  Glancing down at my oversized pyjamas with the spaghetti stain from earlier this evening, I silently berated myself. I was looking so hot on a Friday night. Definitely ready to go party.

  I thought about lying. For a few deep breaths I considered telling him I was getting ready for a date, or a night out, or even suggesting I was lying naked in a bubble bath, but I couldn’t do it. That wasn’t me. Instead I’d told the truth, even if I was somewhat vague.