by Jillian Hart
"He hated that you got hurt, that's my guess."
"True."
She twisted in her seat, waiting for him to open up, waiting to show him how much she cared.
"I met Jennifer in California," he began with a shrug. "She was sitting in church with her aunt and uncle, talking with the pastor. I overheard her say she'd come to stay the summer after a bad breakup because she'd gotten her heart broke. I felt sympathetic for her, being a man who wanted to settle down but couldn't find a date." He winked, his self-deprecating humor caught her every time. "Well, I couldn't."
"I don't believe that for a moment."
In answer, his dimples flashed briefly for one stunning moment. "During the service, I caught her eye when we stood to sing a hymn and she smiled at me. I thought, thank You, Lord. The right lady coming into my life was just what I'd been praying for. So I moseyed over after church, got up my courage and asked her out."
"She said yes. Why wouldn't she?"
"She could have shot me down. I was prepared for it. If I'd known how things were bound to work out, I would have politely excused myself and dashed in the opposite direction." He winked, trying to keep things light, maybe trying not to let her see how vulnerable he'd been. "Not really. I always go back and ask myself if I just would have stayed in California, then I would be happily married right now."
"That's a hard thing to feel. You must have really loved her."
"I can't deny it. Our first date went well. A few dates later, and I was already hoping she'd marry me. She seemed to really care about me. So, I let down the guards around my heart big time. As it turned out, we both did our best but it didn't work."
"I'm sorry." She could read how deep he had been hurt. Her own heart squeezed in sympathy, remembering how much it had hurt when Skip had shown his true self. "She really hurt you."
"She did. Then again, I wasn't the man she needed in the end, and she got hurt by that." He swiped a hand over his face, maybe to hide the wince of pain. He straightened, iron-strong. "I didn't let myself slow down and see the big picture. There were obvious pieces missing from the puzzle that I didn't notice, so I couldn't wonder about them."
"Which is why you're so careful getting to know me."
"And I still got it wrong." A hint of a dimple curved at the corners of his mouth. "For her part, Jennifer did care. But I was a rebound relationship for her. I was someone she settled for, a safety net."
"I know that feeling." After Skip had brought up the possibility of getting engaged, he'd grown more distant. Instead of getting closer, it was as if he went back to his life, letting the demands of his work take over.
She hadn't been able to shake the feeling that he'd gotten to the point of discussing marriage with her and panicked, maybe realizing it was too big of a step for him. Or, too big of a step to make with her.
She feared now that's all there would ever be. All the devotion she could ever inspire in a man.
She shrugged away her own experiences and focused on him. "I hate that you went through that. She was really in love with someone else?"
He winced, unable to shrug away the sense of vulnerability that clung to him. Masculine and vulnerable were a deadly combination, one he wasn't aware of.
"We were from different backgrounds," he said. "I didn't think it was much of a problem. She seemed to like country life well enough. I thought it was really working. But she simply began to drift away. It happened slowly. Then I realized she might have known that her former fiancé's current relationship was ending, and he was a wealthy surgeon."
"Then she's the poorer for it." She'd figured out the truth of Cord Armstrong. Strong country man. Open gentle heart.
"You're just saying it, but thanks. That makes me feel a lot better." He grinned, showing off his dimples.
Dimples that made her pulse skip three beats.
"Any woman who cares more about a man's net worth than his value is missing what matters most." She couldn't help reaching out with her free hand and laying her palm against the granite strength of his square jaw.
Touching him was exactly as she knew it would be. Sun-warmed skin, a slight texture from a half-day's growth of his whiskers, and the snap of their connection as it deepened. His fingers covered hers, not wanting to let go.
"I vowed next time I would find someone who had the same values," he confessed. "I figured there had to be a lady out there somewhere who didn't think being courted by me was settling."
"I never once that thought. Not that we ever got that far, as in serious dating." Disappointment wasn't the word. Neither was devastation. It was like the sun going out forever and all that was left was dark. How the man had come to mean so much to her, she didn't know. "I'm still the same person you chat with and text with. I'm free to have you as a friend."
"Good, because I really like you, Emily. I don't want to end this, this part of it."
"Me, either."
"Good. But I'm not sure how I'm going to get on that plane feeling like this, like I've let you down." His gaze searched hers. "I'm just trying to do right by both of us. Trying to stop this now before we're both farther in and before we get hurt worse."
"I know." She pulled her hand away, breaking the bond between them.
He memorized every detail. The adorable slope of her nose, the golden threads weaving through her summer-blue irises and the character shining there. He wanted to remember every expression. The way she bit her bottom lip, or tipped her head slightly to the side, or the crinkle of her brow when she was uncertain, the way she was now.
Emotion blazed within him with the brightness of a summer sun, feelings he wanted to give in to. In the scenario he'd gone over and over in his mind back home, this moment would have been much different. Not only would he be holding her hand, but she would be holding his heart.
She'd be the center of his life to come.
No way could he have that, but he wanted her with his entire being. He hadn't expected this kind of accord between them. He would never have guessed that Emily would be perfect for him in so many ways.
And so wrong in others.
6
The scars of Cord's broken heart shining deep within him, bared for her to see, made it tough to keep her attention on the road.
I don't want to disappoint you, he'd said with true caring.
As if. She placed her hands on the steering wheel and checked her mirrors for traffic, realizing it was time to start driving. She couldn’t deny the two of them were from different worlds. Would she want to uproot her life and move to Montana? Would she like calling a Montana ranch home?
She didn't know. But she'd caught the anguish behind his words, fearing he would disappoint her. She cut her gaze to him briefly, just a moment before turning her attention back to the road to pull out into a clear lane. He sat tall and straight, tough and manly, his square jaw tense, his hands fisted.
Wow, she sure liked him. He looked as if he could right any wrong and wouldn't stop until it was done. Easy to imagine him fighting a blizzard to get to a wounded calf, easier to picture him and his caring manner handling horses and their foals. He looked as if he could do anything.
She felt snug inside, affected by his capability. Affection bloomed within her, thriving. Cord drew her like the sun to morning, calling to her spirit in some inexplicable way she'd never known before.
At least she got to keep him as a friend.
She hit the blinker and eased into the regular flow of freeway traffic. It was difficult not to bring her own issues into this and she fought down the ghosts of the past and what it felt like to see that she wasn't enough to hold his interest.
It hurt, but this was about Cord's feelings. She would try not to think of her own disappointment. Her sadness lingered as she moved over into the exit lane and swooped down the off-ramp. The right-turn blinker beat like time ticking down as she waited at the intersection.
The light changed, she turned, and he gave a heavy sigh. Not wanting this to end, mayb
e, or out of relief their date was at an end.
She pulled into the covered portico in front of the hotel and turned to him. What on earth did she say? Please don't go? Let's give this a chance?
A little help, please, Lord. Show me what to do. She sent the prayer heavenward, not knowing where else to turn. All along it had felt as if God had been bringing them together. Surely He was watching over them now.
"I don't want to get out of this car." He unbuckled the belt but didn't move to open the door. He raked a hand through his thick hair. The sunlight shot highlights of gold through those strands and spotlighted the emotion on his face. He looked sad but resigned. "I had a good time. Thank you for that."
"Thank you. I had a great day," she confessed, pulse stuttering. "Much better than I expected, and that was already a lot."
"Agreed." Caring warmed his sincere gaze. "I don't want this to ever be a regret. We keep in touch. We keep talking. I don't want to lose you."
"Well, okay." It was all she could do not to reach out and place her hand over his bigger, stronger one. "I just can't go back to not wanting to know you. Thank you for coming so far to see me."
"My pleasure, pretty lady." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small envelope, the gift certificate kind. "For all your trouble planning this, driving me around and keeping me company. Thank you, Emily."
"Thank you." The words stuck in her throat, so she didn't say more.
He slipped the envelope on the console between them. If only she could stop her heart from opening further and opening up to him.
"Friends?" He asked with those adorable dimples.
"Absolutely friends."
"Good. Then this was well worth the trip to get to meet you."
"And it got you off the ranch for a little fun. You work too much, just like I do."
"Agreed."
He gazed down at her hand, small compared to his own. She had long slender fingers, artist's fingers. Easy to imagine her holding a brush and dabbing paint on a canvas or sitting at a piano playing beautiful music.
He felt his spirit lean toward her. He'd never felt that before. Something to think about.
"I guess this is goodbye for now." His pulse beat, echoing in his ears as he opened the door.
"Goodbye for now, Cord."
Everything that should be said was left unsaid between them. He cleared his throat, tight with emotion, and angled up and out of the car. His heart wanted to stay, but it was good sense to leave. "Promise me you'll write me back?"
"I promise." A grin tugged the corners of her mouth. It lit up his world.
"Drive safe." His hand curled around the top corner of the doorframe, above the window, giving it a small push.
She didn't answer as the door closed, separating them. Behind the steering wheel, she tilted her head to one side, watching him through the window. The regard he read in her eyes breezed through him like a warm summer wind, so sweet the back of his eyelids burned.
He didn't speak. No words were necessary. He lifted a hand as she drove away. His heart turned over. Oh, he liked her.
He really did.
* * *
Emily hit the blinker, eased off the gas and pulled into her complex. The early evening sun slanted lower, tossing light as she followed the winding blacktop, hit her remote and parked in her garage.
Her phone chimed as she pulled the handbrake, so she leaned over a little farther and snagged her cell from her bag. Her pulse skipped a beat, hoping it was Cord. Even though she knew it wasn't.
"Emily." Mom's warmth came across the line. "So glad I caught you. What are you up to?"
"No good." She cut the engine, unbuckled her belt and opened the door. "You know me. Trouble, trouble, trouble."
"Yes, I'm not surprised at all." Mom gave a warm, loving chuckle. "I can hear beeping. You must be in your car. Are you coming or going? Do you have plans? You didn't answer my text."
"I haven't looked at my phone. What's up?"
"I was hoping you might be free at the last minute."
"Well, I happen to be. I'm just getting home. What's up?" Thoughts of Cord lingered as she climbed out of her car and shut the door.
She would never forget the way his eyes shone with deep emotion, betraying the softer side of the rugged Montana man. The way he'd looked at her was sincere, as if he were full of wishes, too. She gave the door a shove.
"Come eat with us," Mom invited. "Your dad's getting ready to barbecue. We'll throw on a burger for you. I've got your sister bringing macaroni salad from our favorite deli."
"Is there anything I can bring?" She may have already eaten, but she never turned down a chance to spend time with her family. She hit the garage door button and down the door went. She inserted her key into the lock.
"No, just bring yourself. The only thing we need is you."
"I'm five minutes away." She flipped on the lights in her small but well-appointed kitchen and opened the fridge. A bottle of sparkling water called her name, so she grabbed it. "Give me a sec, and I'm on my way."
"Excellent. I'll tell your father." Mom's smile practically shone across the line. "Talk to you in a few. Drive safe, honey."
"Okay. Bye, Mom." She ended the call, her movements echoing in her townhouse.
She headed upstairs to change into sneakers and realized what Cord truly meant. She was happy here, she loved living so close to her folks. Loved her job. She loved this home.
That was a lot to give up. And it wasn't as if he could leave his family's land, heritage and those animals he took care of.
He wasn't wrong.
She kicked off her sandals and rummaged in her closet for the perfect pair of slip-ons.
Her cell chimed. She grabbed a brush and glanced in the dresser mirror. Whew, she looked like she had been out in the wind and sun. She shook her head. Likely, her hair wasn't the reason why their first date had gone wrong.
Perhaps it was inevitable, she decided. Because he was as connected where he was, there in Montana, as she was here. If he loved his life enough, he needed to find someone who could fit in perfectly. Who could love him beyond all.
Well, she could fit the bill, but there would be no life like this. Or a quick buzz over to her parent's house for an early evening barbecue. No impromptu shopping trips with her sister. No job she adored in a big corporation that gave her lots of opportunity.
Okay, now she was emotionally ready to glance at the screen. Not surprising to see a text from him.
Hey, friend. Did you get home safe and sound?
Warmth filled her right up. She set down the brush and tapped out a reply. Yep. Made it home just fine. Got a call from my mother, and I'm going to go see them. Mom is likely making homemade ice cream. We have a lot of backyard evenings here, with homemade ice cream, until it gets cool. How's the hotel?
Comfortable, Cord's answer came immediately. I've got a game show on that Alex and I always watch together, when we get time. It's fun to have leisure. And to have spent the day doing something fun. You have a good time tonight.
She smiled, grabbed her cell, chose a sweater for when the sun went down, and headed down the stairwell. Thud, thud, thud went her memory foam sneakers on the steps. She grabbed her bottle of bubbly water, her bag and keys, and off she went.
In the car, while she was waiting for the garage door to zip upward out of the way, she answered Cord. I will. It's guaranteed with my family. I wish I had known, and we would have included you. She hit send.
His answer popped on her screen. That's okay. I would have enjoyed it, no doubt. But don't worry about it. I get to relax this way and you have a good time.
I feel bad, she confessed, typing away. But by the time I get to you and back, the get together will be over. Please know I'm sorry not to include you. Then again, you also get to avoid us, so that may be good news for you, too.
She chose a smily face icon and hit send. Whoop, went her phone.
She tucked it into her bag, turned the key in the igni
tion and her engine purred to life. She put the sedan into reverse, checked behind her, waited for Mrs. Chen to walk her dog by on the way to the park, and then backed up safe and sound.
Just like her heart was going to feel when this was all done, and she could wish that he was a man who wanted city life over country ranch.
Her phone binged, announcing his answer, so she stopped in front of her garage and sneaked a peak at the screen.
No problem, he'd said. Enjoy your time with them.
She the garage door remote, checked her mirror and continued on her way.
* * *
In the middle of the police drama, his phone tinged. Cord frowned. Alex again? He kept his gaze on the screen, glad to be relaxing on the bed, propped up by pillows, and reached out a hand to snag his cell.
What are you up to? Alex had written.
I'm all stretched out on the bed watching a show. How about you? He hit send. Swoop, went his phone.
While he was waiting for Alex's answer, he reread Emily's last text. He grinned, just liking the look of her name on his screen.
Ting! He flipped his attention to his cell.
I'm full of ice cream, hiding out in the kitchen where I stole a plate of macaroni salad. Have a big weakness for it. LOL! Sitting at the kitchen table. Oops, someone's coming!
He grinned. I'm snacking on barbecue potato chips. I have a small bag from the cases by the front desk area. Cheese and sour cream flavor is next. Knowing she was busy, he hit send, sent it swooping through the airwaves and, thinking of her, focused on the tv in front of him.
This is the life, he thought, because it sure was nice to relax like this, feet out straight in front of him, boots off by the door, in his soft knit shorts and a tee, dressed for comfort and as comfy as he could be. Being away from home, that is. Not bad. At least it had been worth the flight over.
He'd changed his reservation and had a seat out in the morning, the way he liked it, with a breakfast flight, but he'd grab something at the airport beforehand. He was ready to leave.