by Olivia Reid
"Burt, listen to me very, carefully. You will always be a part of Tanae's life, but on Tanae's terms and on mine. Nothing is stopping you from visiting her at college. Nothing is stopping you from making plans around mine because that's what you're going to do from now on. You will never darken my door again or I will have you thrown in jail and charged with burglary. You will never call me again; not on my cell and not on my home phone. You will never call my family so you can plead your poor, pitiful case to them because guess what—they don't care, Burt. The only reason Brad's not here is because he wants to kick your ass." I took another step. Burt couldn't move because the banister stopped him. He was looking at me with a mixture of hatred and fear in his face. A face I could no longer find anything attractive about.
He was nothing more than a lonely, pathetic man. And I finally felt…
Free.
I pointed to his chest and narrowed my eyes at him. "Because you need to get something through that diseased brain of yours. You are no longer the star of this drama. Your wants and your needs no longer matter. Not to me." And then poked his chest with my finger as I said, "It's not….about…you!"
Michael moved beside me. Silent. But he put a hand on my shoulder and I all I wanted to do was fall into his arms. But I stood my ground as everyone stood behind me.
I knew Tanae was angry at me. And confused. But she was going to have to make up her mind about her father. I couldn't do it for her.
Burt looked at everyone before he turned and headed down the stairs. He moved past Kevin, past Melissa and the kids, who scattered when he approached.
He didn't even look back as he went out the door.
Tanae looked at me, at Michael, at her friends and finally ran after her father.
The house was quiet for a few seconds before Skyler cleared her throat. "I think we're going to leave, Miss Murphy."
I took in a deep breath. "You're welcome to stay, Skyler. But the decision is yours."
They waved at us and filed out the door. Without Tanae around, there really wasn't a reason to stay. I could see them pile into Skyler's car in the drive and back out.
I also saw Burt and Tanae at the end of the driveway. They were talking in hushed voices but pointing at the house and then at each other.
Kevin stepped to the door and looked out before he turned and looked up at me. "I'll follow him, make sure he behaves. And if Tanae goes with him I'll stay outside where ever they go and bring her home."
I nodded to him. He winked and left, closing the door behind him.
Melissa looked at the door for a few seconds before she looked up at us. She pointed outside. "Is he seeing anybody?"
Michael groaned and I broke out in a laugh. April released a long sigh. So did Kyle as he leaned on the banister.
Gerald was the only one that still looked tense. I watched him, unsure of what he would do. Two of his employees had just been in a domestic altercation, and a few things had been revealed that end both of their jobs. "I'm not sure I understand any of this. Kyle…are you and Grace married or not?"
Kyle shook his head. "No. We're not. Grace and I are best friends and we live together."
"Then why did you lie to me? Grace, why weren't you honest?"
I started to say something but Kyle held up his hand. "Because I'm gay, Gerald. I like men. Michael likes Grace and she likes him."
Quiet. I heard a pin drop. We all looked at each other and then looked at Kyle.
Gerald grunted. "That explains a lot."
"Am I fired?"
"Why would you be fired? Did you do something wrong at work?" Gerald narrowed his eyes at Kyle and then looked at me. "Were you two engineering this ruse because you thought I'd fire Kyle for being gay?"
Kyle and I nodded in unison. Wow it felt good to get that off my chest.
"You think I'd fire you because you're gay?"
Kyle shrugged. "You make gay jokes all the time. You're a Jesus freak, no offense April, and you condemn the news every time gays advance getting equal rights. I also heard you were responsible for getting gays fired."
"Who told you that?"
I was only half listening to the discussion. My knees had turned to Nerf balls and I needed to sit down. No…I needed to lay down. Before I collapsed. I was shaking. Bad.
Kyle said names as I turned but I ceased to care about other people's problems. I was more concerned about my own. Was Tanae going to hate me now? Was she going to spend more time with her father than me? Should it really matter? What was my sister going to think about Michael?
Oh God…I needed a drink. I pushed through everyone and headed down the hall to my bedroom. I slammed my door and fell on my bed.
I hadn't bawled like that in years. Not even when I knew my marriage was a farce and the love was long, long gone. Not even when I realized a year later there had never been real love.
I was unloveable. That was how I was starting to see myself. And it was that thought front and center that drove me deeper under the covers.
I think I slept and woke when someone sat on the edge of my bed. I assumed it was Michael, so when I moved the cover I was shocked to see April. "Oh…" I wiped at my eyes. "I thought you would leave."
"Why? Because you gave us such an entertaining Thanksgiving?" Her laughter had always been something I enjoyed. She stroked my hair and moved it from my cry-swollen face. "I don't think Burt's going to be bothering you for a while."
I sniffed. "He'll be quiet until Christmas."
"And we'll cross that when it comes. But right now we have to finish this holiday. Kyle, myself and Michael have heated everything back up. Michael took a shower and Melissa's getting one right now. You ready to eat? I think you need it."
I pushed myself up on my elbows. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you about Michael. I just…I didn't know how to tell you I was…"
"Dating a younger hottie?" April grinned. "Not my business, Grace. But let me let you in on a secret. I doubt Michael knows how wonderful me, and my kids, think he is. He stood up against Burt in a way no one ever has. He did what we've all wanted to do, and that's knock the bastard's lights out."
There it was again! A curse. "Who are you and what did you do with my sister?"
"Grace, he did something your own husband has never done. He stood up for you, and he did it with no thought for himself. All he wanted to do was protect you. And the story he and his sister told us about their day—" she laughed again. "Keep him. He's a fighter. And he's nice on the eyes. So…get up, get a shower and meet us at the table. We have Thanksgiving to get through." She stood and then snapped her fingers. "Oh, and by the way, Brad's here."
I laughed. I was happy her husband had joined us.
"…So, when Jack started waving the gun around, Kevin spoke into his walkie talkie and said, 'now' and six cop cars came out of nowhere. I mean…" Melissa was laughing along with us as she told the story. "I never saw them get there."
"Neither did I." Michael took a long swig of beer. His hair had sort of dried and hung in small curls around his face. He wore his black Nine Inch Nails teeshirt he left here and a pair of jeans.
We were all laughing at the antics the two of them had gone through with Kevin to get Melissa's ex arrested. After Michael hung up with Kevin, Jack showed up in a pick up truck, not his motorcycle or his cut (vest with his club's patches on it—I had to be told this because I didn't know anything about motorcycle clubs) and was patrolling the parking lot. Michael had his bike tucked into a spot between six other bikes while he and Melissa hid inside the office of the Trade In Bean. Flower had already noticed Michael and being the smart cookie she was, herded them inside.
Kevin showed up at the coffee shop just as Jack got out of his truck and started to go inside. Kevin recognized him from a pic Melissa sent to his phone.
Guests spending their Thanksgiving having coffee scattered when the two of them pulled out their guns.
Flower called after we started eating to tell me how exciting it was to work o
n Thanksgiving and she wanted to work on holidays from now on!
We had just finished dessert when the stories started and Michael made coffee with the press Gerald brought. Apparently Gerald was okay with Kyle's sexual standing, as long as he was allowed to come over now and then and enjoy the company and good food.
And the job always got done.
"So what happened after he was surrounded?" Gerald prompted. He had already sampled every dessert in the house and finished two cups of coffee.
"Oh," Michael sat forward and ran his finger around the rim of his coffee cup. "Apparently the idiot was driving around with coke on him. He was arrested and taken away. Detective Taylor let the officers do all the work." Michael picked up the cup. "He said he was going to make sure he got booked in, then he came here."
"And just in time," April said as she stood up and started gathering dishes into a stack. "I say we get this place cleaned. Brad and I have to get the kids over to his mother's."
Brad stood with a hand full of dishes. As he moved past me he squeezed my shoulder and then followed his wife into the kitchen.
Someone rang the doorbell. Kyle got up and let Kevin in. Tanae came in behind him and went immediately to her room. Detective Taylor came up the steps and lowered his shoulders as April came out of the kitchen. "Oh no…don't put it away. I haven't eaten yet."
April laughed and told him to sit and she'd fix him a plate. Kevin came and sat beside me, facing Michael. Within seconds April had a hot plate of food in front of him. Truth was she'd already made him a plate before we started and nuked it.
I looked in the direction of the hall as I started stacking dishes. Kevin put a hand on my arm. "I don't think it was a good visit."
"Oh no."
"I mean, I think they aired out a few things. I sat nearby but sort of out of hearing. Not that Burt's voice can't carry over a tornado." Kevin turned back to his plate. "I think the two of you need talk though. I can take Michael and Melissa with me to get his motorcycle."
Michael touched my hand. "I'll take Melissa to my house. You call me when you need me, okay?"
I squeezed his hand back as he got up and helped clear the dishes. Melissa stayed at the table and flirted with Kevin, so I pulled dishes into the kitchen. April was at the sink along with Brad and Kyle, who were having a heated discussion about Dr. Who.
I always figured those two nerds would hit it off if they ever spent time together. Gerald brought his own plate in and made his excuses for leaving. He gave me a hug, shook everyone else's hand and told Kyle and Michael he expected to see them bright and early Monday morning before he left.
It took about an hour to get the dishes cleared. The dishwasher hummed along, leftovers were on the stove, covered in lids and foil. The turkey and been carved up into plastic containers and stuffed in the over filled refrigerator.
I hugged my sister and her family goodbye. April had her soufflé pan in her hands but didn't let that stop her from squeezing the tar out of me. "Honesty is always the best route to take. And for what it's worth…I think Michael's a good man," was all she said before they piled into their van and truck and headed for Brad's family Thanksgiving.
Kevin helped clean his own plate and hustled Michael and Melissa into his car. I promised Michael I'd call him later. Kyle retired to his own rooms downstairs to see what damage the group of teenagers had done.
When the house was quiet and I took a few breaths, I made two hot chocolates and carried them carefully to Tanae's door. I knocked with my foot, which was my old signal I had my hands full.
She answered the door and my heart leapt into my throat. Her face was swollen from crying but her eyes lit up when she saw the hot chocolate with whipped cream and chocolate sprinkles. "I've got a fire going in the chimney on the deck. Blankets. It's pretty cozy out there."
Tanae took her chocolate and followed me to the back deck. She'd changed into an old teeshirt and pajama bottoms, her old uniform for sad days.
We settled into the lawn chairs Kyle had swapped out for the straight backed ones and she watched the fire in the small clay chimney.
"That's new." She pointed to the flames.
"Yeah. Kyle's idea. It makes it pretty nice out here."
"The back yard looks good. How did you clean it up?"
"I hired help. Cost about $400 but it was sooo worth it." I sipped my chocolate and put a hand on my stomach. "There's a lot of food in the kitchen. Help yourself."
"I will."
I relaxed back and did what I always did when it came to Tanael.
I waited on her. And I would wait an eternity in silence until she was ready.
Then, "We fought."
"About what happened?"
"About everything. About how he's alway treated you, and me. You know…he didn't get what Michael said. What Mr. Kevin said. None of it."
I wasn't surprised. Burt would never find wrong in himself. He would always be the victim of a cruel world that didn't understand him and he would always paint himself in that light. "Where did you go?"
She snorted. "S & S Cafeteria. I didn't eat much. I think the food is gross."
"You just don't like cafeterias."
"Not really."
I waited.
"He yelled in the restaurant, mom. I mean he let his voice go loud. And all he talked about was how bad you were. How you were corrupting me, living with Kyle and screwing that kid. We're sitting down for Thanksgiving and all he freak'n does is complains. And he never once asked how I was." Her voice cracked and I put my hand on her arm. The chocolate in the other. "He never asked how I liked school, or what I was doing. And when I tried to tell him, he just ran over me. Just…talked on top of me as if I didn't exist."
I hated this for her. But I knew the day would come when she saw her father as I did. As someone who wasn't capable of truly caring for other people. I just wanted her fairy tale with her dad to last a lot longer. The bubble always burst.
"Tanae—"
"Look," she put her cup down on the table between us. "I'm not sure I like this guy. I mean…yeah he was right and a part of me was happy he hit daddy. But there's another part of me that's mad that he did. And that's what's confusing me. Dad should never have done what he did today. There was no reason for it. He just hated being left out of anything that involved me."
I nodded. I already knew this.
"I'm not going to cause any problems with you and Michael. I might not like it, but I have to agree with Aunt April. That was the first time I'd ever seen anyone stand up for you. I remember thinking when I was growing up that daddy should do that. That he should defend you sometimes when you were sad or someone was mean to you. But he never did. Michael did it without hesitation. I just…" she made a face. "How old is he?"
"He's thirty-three."
Her eyes widened. "And you're like fifty?"
I made a stern face at her. "I'm forty-five. Geez…you think I'm that old? I lost weight and cut my hair."
"Oh no…no you look great, mom. Better than ever. And I think that's what's really eating at dad. You're moving on and he hates it."
"He's not?"
She arched a brow at me. "Do you see dad ever moving on? I mean…twenty years from now he's going to be complaining about the same things with different people and he's not going to understand why nobody wants to spend time with him."
I couldn't help but smile at my little girl…because she wasn't a little girl anymore. She was becoming a woman and starting to see things for what they were, and not what we want them to be.
"So is Michael coming back?"
"If I call him. But only if I call him."
She pursed her lips. "You mind if I invite a boy?"
I sat back. "Phil?"
"Yeah."
"You're not mad because I wouldn't pick him up that night?"
"Oh, Kyle picked him up. Did he not tell you?"
Laughter popped out of my mouth before I could stop it and she looked indignant. "No….He didn't. Yo
u think he'd want to come back here after this afternoon's events?"
"Yeah. He's been texting me."
"So…he still thinking of MIT?"
"Eh," she said as she shrugged. "He's decided on a local college for engineering. He's going by the name Fish now."
Fish? I decided not to ask why he was called Fish. Better not to know. "So we can call our prospective dates for a night of movies, popcorn and left overs?"
"Can we make pizza? I'm not really into turkey."
I laughed and pushed her to go take a shower. She gave me a kiss and a hug and took her chocolate with her inside. I sat in the cold, warmed by the fire.
It had been a weird and emotional holiday. But what holiday wasn't filled with family angst and drama? Through my marriage there had been fights because I invited too many guests, or too few, or I didn't cook the bird right and only Burt could cook well enough to—
No.
I closed my eyes and slammed the door shut on that nonsense. What good did it really do to dwell in the past and rehash those old arguments? It was better to remember them when they surfaced, because they would always surface. And when they did, I would learn from them and move on.
My Choose One had been freedom. That meant freedom from many things. I'd earned my freedom from marriage, and Michael had given me my freedom to be myself again, and now I was going to choose freedom from painful words.
Painful memories.
The painful past.
I was living my choice now, and though I was sure I hadn't heard the last from Burt, and there were no guarantees from Michael, it was nice where it was. I had a home, good friends, a great job and a lover I could be myself around.