Jacob strained his eyes a bit to see who was coming through the door. He breathed deep and prayed that it wasn’t Anna followed by members of the board of education, coming to haul his ass off. He didn’t recognize the girl who entered and cautiously made her way toward his desk with a piece of paper in her hand. She was tall, maybe five-eight, and a redbone. He’d never seen her before, even in the hallways. She was gorgeous and had a quiet but commanding presence. He would have remembered her.
“Hello, Mr. Marsh?” She had a very low voice for a girl. She almost sounded hoarse.
“Hello,” Jacob said with a nod.
“Um…my name is Elise Jackson. This is my first day here.” Jacob nodded again as he looked at the paper. “I’m in your class. I was also told that you are the head of the marching band.”
“That I do. You play?”
“The piano. I’m also a vocalist, mostly jazz, some R and B. I know that doesn’t help in the marching band. But I also am a choreographer.”
“A choreographer?”
“Yeah, I used to help my old instructors with our band. I just moved out here from Indianapolis.”
“Nap-town. I’ve been out there a time or two, the Black Expo.” Jacob brushed off the subject and then explained quickly the assignment as he reached into his file cabinet and grabbed a syllabus for her.
“Oh yeah, it’s a huge event in Indy, growing every year.” She smiled. “I’d like to get some more information on the band if I could.”
“Okay, we’ll talk a little more later. You can take that seat right there.” Jacob pointed to the empty desk just in front of him.
“Okay, thanks.”
Jacob watched her take a seat. She was wearing a loose pair of jeans that were fashionably ripped and a snug-fitting hooded sweatshirt with JUICY written across the chest. As she sat and crossed her legs like a real lady, Jacob tried to ignore how attractive she was. It was a task he’d grown used to. There were so many attractive and sexy young girls in the school. Silly as they were, there wasn’t much difference physically between them and a grown woman. So, as usual, he took one last glance at this Mya look-alike and made the decision to never again pay any attention to her beauty.
As the tape concluded Jacob instructed the students to write a summary of the career of one of the musicians from the tape. He quickly scribbled five topics on the chalkboard on which they could write. Then he took his seat at his desk and logged onto the Internet to check his e-mails. After he clicked on his in-box he scanned over the subjects. Irritation set in immediately when he saw two e-mails with forwarded messages and then one advertising hot sluts yearning for rough treatment. Then he scrolled to the next one and saw an unfamiliar address: [email protected]. The subject read Mocha Dreams. Jacob peeked his head up and looked around the room before clicking the mouse.
Jacob,
I just wanted you to know that you have an admirer, me! I can’t believe that I finally have the nerve to send this. I’ve thought about doing it for some time now and finally worked up the nerve. You should know that someone is thinking of you all the time. I am longing for the day when you and I can spend some time together getting to know one another better. You’ll be really surprised when you find out who this is and I hope you’ll be as happy as I am nervous. I think of you all the time, and at night before I go to sleep I can hear your voice, singing me to sleep.
Until the time is right,
Mocha Dreams
Jacob read the e-mail three times and bit his bottom lip. He began to think that he had really made a mistake letting Anna spend the night. He wasn’t one hundred percent sure that she had written it, but if she hadn’t, then it had come at the most inauspicious of times.
When the bell rang he breathed a sigh of relief as the kids scurried out the door, all except the new girl.
“Mr. Marsh?”
“Yes.”
“When would be a good time for me to speak with you about joining the band?”
Jacob had a whirlwind of emotions going through his mind. He was trying hard not to make eye contact with Elise. Staring into her eyes for some reason reminded him of what he’d done with Anna.
He did his best to look interested solely in what was on his monitor. “I didn’t know you were interested in joining the band. We don’t do any singing. Perhaps you might want to join the chorus. Mrs. Caruso is right up the hall. She’s the—”
“No, I’m not interested in that. I really wanted to be a part of the band. I had a chance to see you perform a couple years back in New Jersey at the Battle of the Bands, and I remember your performance. You guys were great. You came in second to Gatewood out of Houston. The only reason they won was because they had a more advanced step routine.”
Just like that, she had his attention. “Is that so?”
She nodded. Then she said, “Last year, my high school beat them in a similar battle held in the New Orleans Superdome. I choreographed the whole routine, with a little help from my instructor.” She reached into her shoulder bag. “This is my reel. Check it out at your convenience. If you think I can help a good band get even better, let me know. I’m sure I can help you get your band to do everything that you see on that reel. All I’m looking for is the credit on my résumé.”
Jacob took the DVD from her and placed it on his desk. “I’m impressed. I’ll take a look at it.”
“Okay, great. Let me know when you’ve seen it.” She smiled again and Jacob noticed that she had beautiful eyes, but they had the sleepy look. “Thanks, see you tomorrow.”
Jacob finished the day without seeing so much as a trace of Anna. As relieved as he was to have been able to avoid her, he couldn’t help but worry about how she was doing. He began to wonder what he should do about the whole thing. Perhaps she had broken down and told her mother, or even worse, the police.
His fears got the best of him and he found himself in the teachers’ lounge dialing the number he had on record for her home. He let the phone ring six times and was about to hang up when a groggy voice answered, “Hello.”
“Hello, um…this is, um…Mr. Marsh, calling from—”
“Hey, Mr. Marsh,” she said in a whisper. “This is me, Anna. What’s up?”
“I was just calling because I didn’t see you today…and—”
“That’s sweet of you to call,” she said, sounding too mature. “Yeah, I was really tired today. Haven’t really been sleeping well the last few nights.”
“So, are you okay? I mean, I know it’s been rough, but is there anything I can do?”
“Funny you should ask. As a matter of fact, there is, but I’m really tired right now, so how about I call you later?”
“Well, you tell me when you’d like me to call you back…” He paused. The line was silent. “Hello…hello,” he repeated. Anna was gone.
He returned to his classroom and gathered his belongings. He couldn’t find his keys and began to search for them frantically. He’d left them on his desk. They’d been there all day and now they were gone. He panicked. Had Anna stolen them? No, she’d been home all day. He’d just spoken with her. He was losing his mind, he thought, behind all of the madness. He sat down and took a deep breath and tried to remember where he could have put them. Just then he looked on the floor by his feet and there they were. He laughed at himself for a moment.
Jacob was puzzled by his own paranoia. He was wondering what he’d gotten himself into. He was thinking that it was time to go to his principal, which would probably get him fired. Then he thought about calling the teachers’ union to get a lawyer through the NEA, but it might turn into a full-scale scandal.
The more he thought about it, the more he realized he didn’t know what to do. The fear of losing his job and his reputation sent him sinking into a deep depression. As his imagination began to run away with more dire possibilities, he felt a lump in his throat and his eyes began to water. He tried to close his eyes and regain his composure, but it was too much. He began to cry at his desk
, softly.
“Excuse me, Mr. Marsh. You okay?”
He looked up and saw her staring at him. He felt like dying.
Lisa came through my door like the fire department bursting into a burning building. I looked up from my desk. “What?” I asked.
“You got drama.” My look told her I needed her to continue. “Some black motherfucker is down in the principal’s office cussing Ms. Knight out. He’s screaming that you’ve been fucking his wife.”
“Get the fuck outta here. You serious?” I stood up and looked out my window. I could see the parking lot and I looked for a strange car.
“Hell yeah, I’m serious. I think he’s going to kick your ass. Maybe you should leave out the back.”
Now I was nervous as hell. Shit was popping off. It had to be Kenard. I wasn’t afraid of a fight. I didn’t want to lose one at my job, though, and I was afraid of getting killed. I’d played out this whole scene a couple of times over the weekend and still couldn’t calm myself down. “All right, all right. Okay.”
Lisa was just standing there with a wide-eyed expression on her face. “Do you want me to call the police?”
I hadn’t thought of that. “Yeah, um…but if he comes up here before they arrive, that won’t do me any good…” I paused for a second, then I went to my backpack and started digging around. Lisa was shocked when I pulled out a tall can of pepper spray.
“What the hell? What are you doing carrying that shit?”
My breathing was getting labored as my adrenaline began to rush. “For shit like this.”
“Are you serious? That shit is only good if the nigga wants to rape you. What if he has a gun? You gonna Mace his ass before he can get a shot off. You’re fucking nuts. I love you, boo-boo, but I’m out.” With that, she quickly headed for the door. No sooner had she stepped out of my classroom than she jumped back in. “Oh shit, here he comes.”
Panicking, I said, “Cut the lights off. You go in the bathroom. Hurry up.” I would never have forgiven myself if something happened to her.
She didn’t put up a fuss. I quickly moved behind the door and got ready. I heard the footsteps outside the door and braced myself. Just then my door opened up. I jumped from behind the door, and Mace in hand, I yelled, “Freeze, nigga, or I’ll burn your eyes out.”
“Oh shit,” the custodian yelled out, and put his hands up to cover his face. As I peered into the face of the seventy-year-old man, I heard Lisa in the bathroom dying of laughter.
I looked at her and was fuming mad. I came that close to emptying a can of Halt into the old man’s face and getting myself fired for sure. “Aw, man. Mr. Waverly, I’m sorry to scare you like that. I thought you were someone else.”
“Oh, okay,” he huffed, looking confused.
I patted his shoulder. “Really, I’m so sorry.”
He nodded and took a deep breath. “Mrs. Llamar waved me in. Is she in the bathroom?”
Lisa poked her head out. “Yeah, Mr. W. I just wanted to ask you when you guys were cleaning my carpet so I could move my furniture back against the walls. I didn’t mean to rush you down here.”
“Oh, okeydokey. We’ll get it done this coming weekend.”
“Thank you,” she said. Then she added, “Ignore Mr. Christian. He’s crazy.”
“I see,” the old man said, and headed out the door.
“I ought to kill your ass. You know I almost Maced his old ass.”
She smiled and laughed. “You need help. You really do. Listen, I got to run. But let me ask you: Did you have fun the other night?”
“Oh yeah, it was cool.”
“You disappeared. I heard you went out like the man whore that you are.”
I laughed and thought about the night. I hadn’t heard from Jo, and I figured she was back in New York by now being a devoted wife again. Lisa left and I went back to my desk to finish up work.
It was well past four o’clock and nearly every teacher had left the building, since the kids left at two. We were only required to stay until two forty-five. I usually tried to grade all of my papers from the previous week and have them ready to go home with the kids on Tuesday, so I was used to working a little later on Mondays.
Most Mondays I would meet Jacob for a bite to eat around five before he went to play with his band at a club on U Street. I’d tried calling him five times earlier in the day, but his phone had been turned off.
I put a CD in my computer and turned the volume in my speakers up. “Tell me what kind of man would treat his woman so cold. Treat you like you’re nothing when you’re worth more than gold.” I sang the lyrics along with Joe, and as they sank in, I could hear someone singing them to my Alicia. It was so strange. Now that she was gone, and wasn’t coming back, I could truly appreciate her. And deep down inside, I knew I didn’t deserve her, but that didn’t stop the longing or the pain I felt with her absence.
I imagined a conversation between her and me. “Baby, I still love you,” I say.
She gleams at me with her eyes half-closed, letting me know that she doesn’t believe me, and then says, “You don’t know the meaning of love. You’ve never loved anyone. Not even yourself.”
“What do you mean?”
“You have no self-love. If you did, you wouldn’t behave the way you do. You wouldn’t have thrown us away.” With no response to her truth, I sit there looking dumb. “Diego, the only thing you’ve ever loved was your own dick. It’s all you’ve got.”
She’d be right. Even amid all the pain I’d gone through and caused, I still couldn’t stop seeking out more women, more sex. I thought about the temporary escape from the pain I felt when I was with Erin, and the other night with Jonetta. Then I thought about all the women, all the time. Even before Alicia. In that moment of clarity, it dawned on me that perhaps on those occasions I’d been trying to escape. I just didn’t realize at the time that the escape had been from myself.
10
A Song Worth Singing
Listening to Jacob sing made me proud. I knew one day my friend would make it big. He was too talented not to. He could play nearly every instrument in the band and could outsing most platinum artists who were on the radio.
He was singing a version of John Legend’s “So High” and making it his own with his signature riffs. My back was against the exposed brick wall near the bar as I sipped on my third glass of Absolut and cranberry juice, appreciating my homey’s gift. What I found amazing was that he could pour his whole soul into his performance even though he was going through some changes.
The spotlight was shining on his head as he stood on the edge of the small stage. Jacob almost imitated Legend’s raspy voice, yet he blended in his own smooth falsetto. As he hit the high notes his voice reverberated off the walls and seemingly penetrated the souls of everyone in the room. He held the mic and the stand as he wound the song down. “This is how love’s supposed to be,” he sang expertly.
Women were screaming at him and he stared into their eyes for a second or two at a time before closing his own tight and giving his sexiest soul-singer look. There was now pain all over his face as he pulled the microphone from the stand and dropped down to his knees. “You got me up sooooooo higggghhhhh, my shooooooezzzzz are scraaaaping the skyyyyyyyy,” he crooned. It was over as the room erupted in applause.
“Thank you,” he said. “We’re going to take a short break and be right back for the next set.”
He didn’t even see me standing in the back. When he stepped off the stage he was greeted by a girl I thought I recognized. She had a studded bandanna on and two plats on each side. Jacob smiled at her and hugged her. A second later, he looked my direction and headed over.
“What’s up? I didn’t know you were coming out tonight.”
I nodded. “Yeah, I tried calling your ass all day. I even texted you a couple times.”
“Yeah, my battery was dead and I forgot my charger at home.”
“You want a drink?” I offered.
“Not whil
e I’m performing.”
“A Coke or something?”
He nodded at someone who spoke to him. “Yeah, that’ll be cool. With lemon in it.”
A couple more people came by to give him pats on the back for his performance and a couple of women came by hoping that he would be interested, but he showed none. All they got was “Thanks for coming out.”
“So who was that shorty with the bandanna?”
“That’s Kendra. The one I was telling you about.”
“Oh, okay. She sings with that other group, right?”
“Yeah, but tonight she came solo. We’re actually going to do one together during the second set.” Jacob told me that Kendra had shown up after school in his classroom. He’d explained that he had been really down about the whole situation going on with Anna. Of course he left out most of the truth.
He said that she’d walked in on him crying and that she had comforted him with hugs and kisses. She then offered to stay with him after the show. He’d been more than cool with it.
“She’s a cutie. I gotta say I don’t remember her looking anything like that the few times I’ve seen her,” I said, trying not to sound insulting.
“Yeah, I dig her…”
I knew him and knew that there was a but. “But…”
He laughed. “I don’t know. Maybe it’s the Baltimore versus D.C. thing. You know they have a whole different vibe up in B-more. I may be used to a more…I guess I wanna say…refined sistah.”
“So what is she, a ghetto broad?”
He laughed. “Let me go get ready to wrap this set up.” Before he walked away, he asked, with what seemed like concern, “Hey, have you talked to your brother lately?”
“Not since the other night. Why?”
Ladies Listen Up Page 7