by H. D. Gordon
“Don’t swear,” Nelly chastised me. “And the run would probably be easier on you if you quit that stupid smoking.”
I smirked. “It would be easier on me if I could ride the damn bus like everyone else.”
She shook her head and smiled. “Come on, or we’ll be late for class.”
I nodded and threw the cigarette to the ground, stomping it out. We entered the school and she gave me a quick hug before we parted to go to our first period class. Nelly was a sophomore and I was junior, so we had no classes together. I wished she would have been able to jump ahead into some of my classes, like she had at our last school. She was certainly smart enough.
I watched Nelly leave, mildly annoyed as a group of her friends surrounded her, as they did every morning, eager to swap rumors. Nelly was better at that than me, I guess. I was the only one she really cared about in this world, but she could pretend her ass off that she cared about other people as well. That’s not to say she wouldn’t help them if she could; that just meant she only really cared about me.
I’m sure I was just jealous, which is not something I like to admit. But I didn’t really have any friends; I was never good at pretending. And, anyhow, people tended to avoid me. They didn’t talk to me. They usually wouldn’t even meet my eyes. Sometimes I felt like the plague personified. That’s how they behaved. As if looking into my eyes would cost them dearly—as if they would lose their soul or be frozen solid like the onlookers of Medusa. People just tended to avoid me.
Well, most people.
“Hey, Alexa, wait up!” called a voice behind me.
I knew who it was before I turned around. The options were limited. Like I said, I had no friends.
Unless you counted Jackson Kane. Jackson was the only person who didn’t treat me like a deadly disease. For whatever reason, Jack got me. He understood me, possibly because people treated him the same way.
Jackson swung his arm up and over my shoulder as he walked alongside me, and my lips pulled upward in an involuntary smile. Usually, I’m not one for physical contact. I’m a “personal bubble” person. But with Jack, I didn’t mind it so much. It didn’t make me uncomfortable. And, part of me was just always amazed he was willing to get close enough to touch me.
It also didn’t hurt that Jack was rather attractive. All of the girls at school were in love with him, but most of them just seemed too intimidated by him to even begin a conversation. Like me, I suppose he just has that “back off” way about him.
“What’s up, Jack?” I said.
He spoke with his thick mid-western drawl. “Um, let’s see… the sky, the clouds, the sun…”
I laughed at his weak attempt at comedy. “And, apparently, your supply of crappy jokes.”
“Crappy? Hardly, the ladies love my jokes.”
I made a show of glancing all around us. “You’re right. They’re swarming us as we speak. Better be careful with that arm around me, I wouldn’t want to start my day by beating up some jealous, potential girlfriends.”
He laughed at that. “Really, that would be pretty hot. Not that you need to get any hotter than you already are,” he said, flashing his teeth with a smile.
I rolled my eyes and couldn’t help another laugh. Jack had a way of making me smile, which could be quite a task. He hadn’t even mentioned my black eye. Maybe today was going to be a good day.
But then again, maybe not.
åWe walked into our first period class together and I was tempted to push his arm from my shoulder. I knew what was coming, and I just didn’t feel like getting into it today. Still, my pride got the best of me. I’d be damned if I’d let these kids scare me away from the only person who treated me like I wasn’t some kind of freak.
Sure enough, as soon as we walked through the door, the other students in class grew silent. Then, as I had anticipated, Riley Brockman spoke up. He was surrounded by his jock friends, and each one of them was dumber than the last.
“Look, guys,” Riley said. “Two losers in love. Hey, Kane, did you give her that black eye?”
The class erupted in snickers and giggles, and Riley sat back with a smug little smirk on his face. I felt Jackson stiffen beside me and had to keep a tight grip on his arm to keep him from going after Riley.
Riley hated Jackson. Last week, Riley’s girlfriend, Jenna, asked Jack if he would escort her to the girl’s choice dance this coming weekend. I had been right there when she’d asked him. Jackson and I had taken our lunches outside to eat so we could sneak a cigarette afterward. Or maybe just so I could sneak one. Anyhow, Jenna walked over to where Jackson and I were eating in the shade of a large tree, and she said, shooting a rude glance at me, “Um, hi, Jackson. I was just wondering if you would like to take me to the girl’s choice dance next weekend.”
I’d raised an eyebrow at her audacity. Jackson just looked at her like she was stupid. Eventually, after what must have been many awkward seconds for her, she’d stalked away. We’d laughed about it afterward and didn’t think much of it until we encountered Riley in class the next day. Up until this point, Jack had been letting Riley’s antagonizing slide, but Riley needed to watch what he said. I knew Jack would only take it for so long. They were both big boys, and that would not be a pretty fight.
Not only that, Riley was starting to earn ill thoughts from me. Very ill thoughts.
“Not today,” I whispered to Jack. “You can’t get any more suspensions.”
It seemed to take a minute for this to register with him, but finally, I felt him relax beside me. We took our seats on the other side of the room, with Jackson giving Riley a look of death the whole time. I could swear I saw Riley cringe a little, but he quickly recovered. I couldn’t blame him. I would’ve been scared too if Jackson had looked at me like that.
Just then, the teacher walked in, and I was thankful that Riley wouldn’t be able to continue his ridicule. It’s not like I was scared to fight, quite the contrary actually, I enjoyed it. Good thing too, with all the “preparations” my mother put me through. It’s just that I didn’t feel like it today. Things had been going pretty well.
“Miss Montgomery, would you care to enlighten us with your thoughts on Hawthorne?” my teacher said, looking at me expectantly.
Great. What book were we even talking about? I wracked my brain as the whole class waited for me to speak. What were we supposed to be reading this week? Oh, yeah, The Scarlet Letter. I had read this book before, as I had every other book she assigned us. I read a lot. It’s one of my favorite things to do. Still, it pissed me off that she always called on me first when we were discussing our readings. I don’t like being singled out.
“Not really,” I replied.
She shook her head, as if she expected no less, and marked something down in her grade book. Probably a zero. Whatever. Just add it to my list of problems.
Eventually, class ended and I headed to my second period class, gym. I received another zero for refusing to run the mile. I’m not terribly defiant. It’s just that I didn’t want to do any more running than I already had to. I still had to run the three and a half miles back home, which was more than enough physical exercise, if you asked me.
Thankfully, the rest of the day passed without incident. The final bell of the day rang, signaling it was time to go home. I was relieved, but at the same time, it’s not like I really wanted to go home. My mother would be waiting for me. That was never something I looked forward to.
Stepping outside of the school, I glanced around, looking for Nelly. She knew I hated it when she made me wait for her, but I wouldn’t dare return home without her. Scanning the area, I caught sight of her over on the other side of the parking lot. Annoyed, I started off toward her.
As I got closer, I realized she wasn’t alone. She was talking to someone. I could tell by her posture that she was uncomfortable. When she saw me, her unease grew visibly. I picked up my pace. Before I got too close, I picked up bits of the conversation they were having.
“
I really can’t. I’m sorry. I just have other things to do that evening,” Nelly was saying. “Maybe some other time.”
As she started to walk away, the guy grabbed her arm. Nelly’s unease grew once more, but she didn’t resist. I was moving faster now. The guy had his back to me, but once I heard his voice, I knew who it was.
“Wait,” he said. “I wasn’t finished talking to you.”
At last I reached them. I grabbed him by the back of his jacket, jerking him away from Nelly.
“Yes, you are,” I said, stepping in between them and shoving him hard in the chest. He stumbled back several feet.
Riley’s face showed surprise, then pure hatred. “No one was talking to you, freak,” he spat.
I shrugged. “Doesn’t matter. Leave her alone. Unless you want everyone to see you get knocked out by a girl.”
My tone was casual, but my blood was boiling. Nobody touched Nelly. Nobody. Disturbing thoughts raced through my head, every one of them intriguing. Riley definitely was bigger and stronger than me, but I was pretty confident I could hurt him. That thought alone erased any possibilities of fear. I guess my mother’s training was good for something. I was no stranger to battle. I was conditioned for it. And mostly, I just wasn’t concerned with the consequences.
“Watch it,” Riley said, through gritted teeth, “unless you want to end up with two black eyes.”
I shrugged. “You’re welcome to try.”
Riley lunged for me. I’d been expecting this. I’d learned long ago to anticipate attacks, and he had nowhere near the amount of combat skill my mother had. My respect for her grew a little in that moment.
I managed to side-step his attack and push Nelly out of the way in the process. This was not something he had been expecting, and he stumbled a little before regaining his footing. As he spun around to face me, the anger that had been on his face before had turned into rage. I flashed him a toothy grin, egging him on.
This time he stepped forward and swung his fist out toward my face. Again, I had been expecting it. To me, the fact that he would hit a girl justified my next actions. A hazy sort of anger came over me. It was so intense that I felt it thrum in my veins, like it was vibrating under my skin.
I made my decision. I wanted very much to end this circus show he was putting on. I moved so fast I don’t think he ever saw it coming. I slammed my fist so hard into his face he lifted off his feet and fell back on his butt. His head hit the pavement with a sickening thud, and I stood frozen to my spot. I knew I could fight, but the strength it must have taken to knock someone down twice my size impressed even me.
I felt myself move forward, and then I was standing over Riley. My mind snapped back to the blackbird. His nose sat at a funny angle and deep crimson flowed out of it. He was unconscious. My left eye twitched. I felt one side of my mouth pull up into a crooked smile and just barely managed to stop it before it turned full-fledged.
Then Nelly was tugging on my arm, her voice panicked. “Alexa, we have to go. Now.”
I looked up at her and finally began to take in the scene around me. Students stood around us, dumbstruck. No doubt they had just seen their all-star receiver get knocked out by a girl. A relatively small girl at that. I took one last look at Riley. My mind snapped back to the blackbird.
I heard myself say, “Run, Nell. We have to run.”
We did.
Chapter 4
We were both panting and covered in sweat by the time we made it back to the house. We’d taken the long way home—through the woods instead of following the road that led past our house. I shut the door once we made it inside and slumped back against it.
Nelly stood directly in front of me, with a look on her face that I had never seen before. She looked both proud and… scared. Was she scared of me or of the trouble I was going to be in when we returned to school tomorrow? Probably both.
Still breathing heavily, I looked down at my hands to see they were trembling. Now that we had stopped running, the reality of what I had just done had caught up to me. How badly had I hurt Riley? What was wrong with me? More importantly, how badly would I have hurt him if Nelly hadn’t pulled me away? I would like to say I would’ve been able to walk away on my own, but some small part of me knew that was a lie. Another part of me was disgusted by this. And yet, another small part of me was left feeling disturbingly unsatisfied.
Glancing back at Nelly, I had the feeling she was aware of this. I’m not sure what my face looked like, though I did my best to keep it reasonably void of any expression at all. But Nelly knew me. Sometimes, I felt like Nelly knew me better than I knew myself.
She came forward and took me into her arms. I let her hold me, and actually took comfort in the embrace. My mind seemed to relax a little.
“Girls? I’ll have dinner ready in a few minutes if you want to go wash up and—”
Upon seeing us, my mother stopped abruptly. Her eyes narrowed slightly, and my back went rigid in response. I tried to prepare myself for what was to come. No point in lying to her. She would find out from the school soon enough.
“What happened?” The threat was clear in her voice.
“I got into a fight.” I didn’t know what else to say. Besides, I kind of felt like I deserved whatever punishment she gave me.
My mother remained deathly still, waiting for me to elaborate. I was so shocked that I couldn’t even think beyond that initial thought. I honestly thought I wouldn’t have to. I had been expecting her to drag me outside right then and there.
It was Nelly who came to my rescue.
“There was this guy at school who was messing with me,” she began. “He grabbed me and Alexa yanked him off me. She tried to tell him to leave me alone, and then he attacked her… so she… stopped him.”
Okay, that may have been a little bit skewed, but it sounded better than Alexa may have just seriously injured someone with an extremely badass punch to the face. Nonetheless, I was glad she spoke up.
My mother’s gaze snapped to me. I met her eyes and nodded. And then, to my utter astonishment, she gave a small nod and… walked away.
Chapter 5
Later, I was sitting in my bedroom staring at the wall, when someone knocked on my door. Opening it, I expected to see Nelly standing there.
Except it wasn’t Nelly.
It was my mother.
“Mom, I didn’t mean to—”
“I know, come with me.”
I grabbed my shoes and followed her without protest. I knew she wasn’t going to let something like this slide, but from her reaction earlier, I guess I was just hoping she would.
She led me out to the backyard of the house, and I knew what was coming. Time for her to teach me a lesson. I pushed my chin out and wiped my face clear of any expression, refusing to showcase any fear. The effort had me clenching my teeth.
But instead of stopping in our usual spot where we did our training, she just kept going. Oh god, I thought, maybe she’s taking me somewhere to kill me.
I laughed out loud at this morbid thought, and my mother turned her head, giving me a slightly confused look. I shook my head and mumbled an apology as I continued following her to the unknown destination.
We walked for what seemed like an hour through the woods in the back of our house. With every step, my unease grew. I felt like I was on some impromptu death march. To make things even weirder, my mother kept pointing out certain markers, telling me to commit them to memory. I did. I was never sure why she did the things she did, and by this point in my life, I’d learned to just roll with whatever she threw at me.
At last, we emerged at a small clearing. It was beautiful. The ground was packed with wild honeysuckle and dandelions. And straight ahead of us was a small hill surrounded on all sides by tall trees. There also seemed to be an opening at the foot of it, as if it housed a small cave.
“Wow.” I didn’t know what else to say. I almost smiled. Maybe I’d been wrong. Maybe she just wanted to spend some time with me. As ha
ppy as that would have made me, the thought alone made me suspicious.
But when my mother turned to face me, she had the same expression on her face that Nelly had earlier when we’d first entered the house. It was a mixture of pride and fear. A second later, it was gone, replaced by her usual serious expression. I decided I must have been mistaken. I doubted this woman even knew what fear was.
“Do you remember how to get here?” she asked.
I nodded.
“Good, it’s very important you do. This is where I want you to come if anything ever happens to me.”
“Why would anything ever happen—”
“Why is not important,” she replied. “What is important is that if anything ever happens, you run. You run and you bring Nelly with you to this spot.”
I gave her what must have been a wary look, because she was in front of me, faster than anyone should have been able to move, and she was gripping my shoulders. It was an unpleasant, tension-filled touch, much like the rub of denim on sunburned skin.
“Alexa, I need you to tell me you understand. I need you to promise me that you’ll do as I say.”
I looked her straight in the eyes, refusing to let her scare me. I wouldn’t be scared of her anymore. She had to know that. “I understand,” I said.
What I thought looked like more pride flashed behind her eyes, and this time, I was certain I saw fear. “Good,” she said. “Let’s head back. It’s time to practice.”
Chapter 6
Nelly was sitting on the back porch when we got back to the house, no doubt waiting for our return. She knew this was the time of day our mother always made me “practice.”
When Nelly gave me a big smile, I was surprised to feel a huge weight lift off my shoulders. I guess I hadn’t realized how worried I’d been that she might be angry with me about the fight earlier. I smiled back and then took a deep breath, preparing myself for what was to come.