by Ruth Houston
xxxxx
Life is constantly changing. And at the end of that summer, I felt it more than I ever had before.
Tristan was gone; Katherine was gone, both off to college. That was the biggest difference. Gavin was the newest addition to my life – we hung out together a lot those last few weeks of summer. He worked at Baskin Robbins (why Baskin Robbins, I will never know, but what I do know is that I got unlimited free samples of the Flavors of the Months), and in the weeks Eva had volleyball camp, I ended up spending hours on end there with him, chatting with him across the counter, until the manager got tired of seeing me idly sitting around on my butt doing nothing during the afternoon rush hours and offered me a job. To everyone's surprise (most especially mine), I accepted. I didn't know why I did – I kept thinking to myself that I had had enough change, but I guess sometimes once things get started they just can't stop.
Eva and Martin were still going steady, and I was happy when I was around her, because she always seemed to be happy these days. She confided in me, saying that living with just her dad was different, yes, but there was less stress on everyone now that her parents were officially separated. We remained best friends despite being in different schools and living in different cities. She was still the sister I never had, and always would be.
But I think the biggest change happened on the first day of school.
The first day of school was always hectic. Counselors rushing around, people waiting restlessly in the office to get their schedules fixed (I knew that one all too well), Mr. Clements the vice principal running around with his all-important clipboard, comb-over plastered to his balding head, severe mustache quivering, looking harassed to no end and like he was going to go into cardiac arrest within seconds. You know, the usual.
After spending forty minutes in my registration room with my fellow juniors, last names Aa-By, we were sent to first period. I had Mr. Raskin again, he had been my Pre-Cal teacher last year and was my Calculus teacher this year.
I took a seat near the middle of the classroom off to the side, slouching in my chair, trying to hide from Mr. Raskin's jolly beginning of the school year questions and knowing I would fail because I was one of his favorite students and he always had his eye out for me. Again, why, I would never know – another one of those greater mysteries of life.
"Alright, a new school year," he said heartily as the bell rang and the class settled down. Martin had slid into the desk next to mine as he was speaking.
"Martin!" I whispered.
"Hey Winter," he grinned, giving me a high-five. "Nice, we're in the same class."
"What are you doing here, you stupid senior?" I asked him, though smiling. "You're supposed to be taking your senior year easy, not signing up for a class like this."
"I know," he replied in a whisper, "But I want it so I can keep my GPA high. AP classes, you know, they're all the rage."
I laughed quietly at his absurd wink.
"Ah, Miss Bruin!" Mr. Raskin interrupted our whispered conversation, seemingly undisturbed by the fact that I had been talking when I shouldn't have been. Ah, crap, he had spotted me out. "It's nice to see you again."
I nodded, slouching in my chair even further. He seemed to be waiting for a verbal response, so I muttered, "Uh, yea, nice to see you again too, Mr. Raskin."
He smiled jovially at me and announced to the class at large, "Alright, well now that we have the pleasantries out of the way, I suppose we should take roll. Alright, Derek Adams?"
"Here," someone mumbled from the front of the classroom.
"Excellent, excellent. Sarah Arganbright? Good. Winter Bruin, is here. Carrie Burson? – excellent, excellent, Victor Chang? Good. Zackary Crowne?"
I jerked and choked on nothing at all, head suddenly spinning.
I couldn't have heard right.
Zackary Crowne? On Mr. Raskin's attendance sheet? Impossible. There was no way – there was going to be a silence following that name; no one would say "present" or "here", because it just…wasn't…possible… It was a mistake. A mistake so completely, utterly, totally, absolutely, unreservedly, wholly, downright wrong that it would outshine all other mistakes in its glory-filled wrongness for centuries to come.
But those divine gods and goddesses in the clouds of Mount Olympus often work in cruel ways.
"Here," a very familiar voice drawled softly from the back of the classroom.
I froze, wanting very badly to turn but too afraid to. My heart was thumping wildly in my chest as Martin poked my arm.
"Winter, Winter," he hissed.
I ignored him, shaking my head slightly.
No.
It couldn't be. I swallowed, my throat tight and hurting.
I turned to glance over my shoulder.
And I was stunned by what I saw.
Zack. Sitting two rows over and three seats back, leaning back casually in his seat and twirling a pencil between two elegant fingers, looking as unconcerned as if he randomly showed up on the first day of school in my Calculus class every year.
He lifted his head, his gaze colliding with mine, and the breath was knocked out of me by the sheer intensity of his golden eyes. My jaw must have dropped to the ground, because almost immediately Mr. Raskin asked me cheerfully in-between Linda Daly and Nathan Eichler (yes, Rebecca's Nathan) without missing a beat if I was setting out to catch some flies. Automatically I closed my mouth, still staring at Zack.
I blinked rapidly.
"Martin," I said slowly, turning my head just slightly in Martin's direction but keeping my eyes on that person, unable to tear my gaze away from his. "Tell me I'm hallucinating. Tell me those mushrooms my mom put in the soup last night are the kind druggies use to get high. Tell me I'm not seeing Zack sitting a few feet away from me," I whispered, barely moving my lips.
"I think it's him," Martin said quietly, apparently also shocked.
That was all I needed. I turned away abruptly. "Mr. Raskin?" I said sweetly, raising my hand in the air. "May I go use the restroom?"
"Go ahead Winter, take the pass," he said merrily.
I hurried out of the room, grabbing the bright pink pass on the way out, keeping my eyes trained on the floor. It was only after I reached the safety of the bathroom when I let out a breath. I hugged my arms around myself; the draft coming in from the high window was chilly. I paced back and forth in the bathroom, a hurricane of emotions all vying for my attention, threatening to spill out if I didn't do some fast thinking, soon.
First and foremost was the shock, the sheer unreality to it all. Just seeing him – oh, god. He looked better than I remembered. How was it possible for him to be here? Next was the unexplainable happiness. I shook my head to myself. He was back. Back in California. Again, how? Why? My brain got stuck at those two simple questions.
I stopped in front of the sink and glanced at myself in the mirror. Frustrated, I dragged a hand through my wavy hair and, annoyed with having it down around my shoulders, tied it up in a ponytail. Suddenly I felt very self-conscious, and smoothed down the front of my t-shirt.
I sighed restlessly. I couldn't hide in here forever.
The moment I stepped out of the bathroom, someone grabbed my arm and started steering me away from the direction of Mr. Raskin's room.
"What the –" I looked up.
It was Zack. If I had been hallucinating earlier, I knew I wasn't now, because the hand on my elbow was definitely real.
We stopped in front of a drinking fountain. He was staring at me, the expression in his eyes unreadable.
I gaped at him, a thousand words wanting to escape my mouth, but I found I couldn't quite connect them properly. All these months I had been wishing for a chance to talk to him, face to face, and when I was finally given the opportunity, I had no idea what to say, where to start.
"Winter," he said tentatively, stepping forward.
"Zack?"
"How – what –" Before I knew how it had happened, we were hugging, his familiar scent all around m
e.
"Zack," I whispered, still in shock. I had no idea how to respond. "I can't…believe…"
"That was to convince you that I'm really here," he said in my ear, his closeness and warmth overwhelming. How did he know what I was thinking? "God, I missed you, Winter."
"You missed me?" I said, laughing a little. "How about let's switch that around and multiply it by infinity."
He chuckled and gazed into my eyes, a slow, radiant smile crossing his face. "It's so good to see you again."
"Did you grow taller?" I asked, letting my arms stay around his shoulders.
"Quite possibly," he grinned, golden eyes sparkling. "That would be cool."
"That would not be cool," I objected, "Because I haven't grown."
"Yes you have," he said softly, brushing his knuckles across my cheek and smiling gently, "More beautiful."
I stared at him, then laughed and hit him lightly on the chest. "You dorkus," I muttered. "Did they teach you corny pick up lines at that school?" I teased him. Then I remembered, and hit him harder, frowning. "You asshole!" I exclaimed, pushing him away. "Why didn't you return any of my letters?!" I crossed my arms and glared at him.
He held his hands up in a sign of surrender, saying cautiously, "Now Winter, don't get mad yet –"
"Too late," I cut him off icily, tensing up and stepping away.
"Oh, come on," Zack said, "Look, this isn't the best place to discuss –"
"You're right, we should be back in class," I said quietly, interrupting him again. And I turned around and headed back to Calculus class.
Chapter 31: Two Encounters
-Winter-
It's disgusting how shallow some people are.
Really.
And it's even more amazing how a sudden reappearance of a hot guy makes some sluts go absolutely crazy.
I caught glimpses of Zack for the rest of the day, though he wasn't in any more of my classes, and every single time, there was someone talking to him – either one of the "popular kids" or, even worse, some random ditzy girl who hung onto his every word and giggled like what he said was the funniest thing ever. Right.
Needless to say, by the time sixth period rolled around, I was not a proverbial happy camper.
"What's got you so down?" Rebecca asked me as we headed into the gym together. For the first day of school, all sixth period athletes were to report to the foyer to meet with their coaches. Practices would begin the following day.
"Nothing," I mumbled.
"Oh, come on," she said gently. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing is wrong, Becca," I said firmly as I held open the door for her. Come to think of it, why was I so in a funk? It wasn't like I should care at all who was hitting on Zack or who wanted to become new friends with him. He was free to associate himself with whoever he wanted to. Therefore my answer of "nothing is wrong" was completely correct.
"Okay…" she trailed off.
I guess I wasn't the only one who didn't believe it.
We made our way to the bleachers and sat with Coach Burling. The gym slowly filled up as Rebecca chatted with our teammates. I sat silently, giving half-hearted smiles to people when it was required. I glanced around the gym at the rest of the fall sports teams. Martin, a senior this year, was on the other side of the basketball courts with the rest of the football team, and his coach's booming voice was already making announcements and the typical start of the season speech. Water-polo was off in another corner, as were volleyball and cross country. Hey, come to think of it, Gavin was doing cross country this year.
I started and took another look at the team. There was someone very familiar sitting among their ranks, listening to Coach Tuft speaking, and it wasn't Gavin.
God, he just couldn't stop popping up everywhere, could he? Why was it that we had been in the close vicinity of each other the whole fricking day?
Off on another tangent: Zack? Doing cross country?
…Okay, so maybe it wasn't that unbelievable. But still, he had never struck me as the type to be up for team sports. He was more an individual kind of person. Maybe running was essentially an individual sport anyway.
"Alright ladies," Coach Burling said, clapping his hands. Rebecca and I shared a look, and when she rolled her eyes just slightly I grinned.
Coach Burling looked at her severely. Apparently our little childish exchange had not escaped him. "I can already tell that our team this year is going to be one of the best Branner High has ever had. We have some very talented returning players –" He made a general hand gesture in the direction of Rebecca, me, and a few of our other older players, "– and some promising new players as well. I want us all to make some introductions before we start. Becoming a team is the first step to having a successful season. Tennis may be an individual sport at times, like when you enter a tournament, but here at the high school level we are playing together – we can't win as a team unless everyone works hard and does their part. It isn't fair to make some players haul the whole load, winning their own matches, while others just say, 'Well it's okay, they have us covered; I don't have to win.' You know? So, let's start with some introductions."
He looked at me very pointedly. I gave him a saccharine smile, pretending that I didn't know what he wanted.
"Winter, let's start with you," he said flatly after realizing I wasn't going to start talking. "Name, grade, years on the team, singles or doubles."
Ugh, I hate making group introductions. I cleared my throat slightly. "Okay, uh…my name is Winter Bruin," I addressed the freshmen and the one or two new sophomores that had joined this year. "I'm a junior this year, and I've played since freshman year. Last year I played varsity doubles, and sometimes dropped down to play singles for the JV team when they needed an extra player. I prefer playing doubles, but I guess a singles game here and there doesn't hurt. And…Rebecca over there is my partner." I pointed at said partner, who shook her head slightly, chuckling. "You next, my dear."
"Okay, we-ell," Rebecca said, drawing out the syllable to annoy Coach Burling, who liked fast introductions. "My name's Rebecca, as Winter has already mentioned. I'm also a junior, I've also played since freshman year, and Winter and I have nearly always been partners. Like she said, we played varsity doubles. I guess playing doubles isn't too bad, especially when you have the almighty, totally awesome Winter Bruin as your partner." She fluttered her lashes at me, and I hit her on the shoulder good-naturedly. "See what torture I have to go through every year?" Rebecca complained to Coach Burling, who scowled at our antics. "Okay, okay, I'll hurry up, jeez," she muttered. "Yeah, and that's about it. Do I get to pick the next person? Mariko, you're up."
As Mariko, a short Japanese girl on our team, started talking, I found my attention wandering. Against my own will my eyes strayed to the cross country team over and over again.
Damn, Zack looked good. It was so hard to be mad at him when he was looking that attractive. How did he do it? He looked nice simply sitting there quietly as his coach talked. Once, he turned his head just slightly and our gazes locked. Embarrassed to be discovered staring, I looked down and refocused my attention on the other girls as they made their introductions, ranting inside my head. Stupid, stupid, stupid. I could feel my cheeks growing warm.
"Winter," Rebecca hissed a few minutes later, when Burling was preaching his no-pants-shorts-and-skirts-only-or-else-you-will-be-punished-with-liners-and-all-sorts-of-other-nasty-drills doctrine.
"Huh?" I mumbled.
"There's a guy staring at you," she whispered in a sing-song voice.
I scoffed. "Right," I said, rubbing my thumb along the edge of the metal bleacher. This was so boring. I rapped a rhythm on the bleacher with my knuckles.
"I'm not joking," she replied. "It's a guy on the other side of the gym. He's kinda cute. Actually, he's more than kinda cute. He's pretty darn hot."
"What sport is he in?" I whispered back, the rhythm of my taps growing faster.
"Uh…" In a very conspicuous manner, she looked over
her shoulder. "Cross country, methinks."
"Right," I muttered again, a funny feeling making itself known in my stomach.
"I told you, I'm not joking," Rebecca repeated, "He's got dark curly hair and the coolest eyes. They're like…I dunno, they're kind of metallic, almost. Gosh, Nate's the hottest guy I've ever met, but I wouldn't mind having a boyfriend with those kinds of looks either."
I grinned; I couldn't help it. "Becks, you'd go out with anyone who had a pretty face."
"Hey," she said, obviously offended. "Anyway…" She was still looking over her. "You know…" I glanced at her – she was frowning slightly. "He looks kind of familiar. Hey," she said, suddenly enlightened. "Dude."
"What?" I faked disinterest.
"Oh my god. Dude, it's...what's his name! Crowne! Zackary Crowne! Do you remember him, Winter?!" she asked excitedly. "He left last year during second semester. Moved, or something, remember that, Win? He was in my Spanish class! Just take a look at him. He's still staring at you. Oh my god, it's Zack Crowne. What the heck? Winter, look."
"I'll pass, thanks," I muttered. Hell no. I wasn't going to look again and give Zack the satisfaction of knowing I had turned to look at him.
-Zack-
As soon as Coach Tuft dismissed us, I bolted. I had to get out of that gym as soon as possible – the girls tennis team had dispersed only a minute before.
My backpack swinging crazily from one shoulder, I clattered down the bleachers and raced into the hall, looking both ways – there. There she was, at the end of the hall, looking at the trophies and pictures in the Branner High Athletics Hall of Fame glass display case; she hadn't changed a bit, still wearing those cute jeans with that old green t-shirt that I liked. Her name was on the tip of my tongue, but someone beat me to it.
"Winter!" a masculine voice from behind me called out.
She turned at the sound of her name, eyes connecting with mine first. It was probably only for a second, but to me it felt like time had stopped in that one instant. We were frozen in a moment that would have been perfect if I had called out her name first, if she would just smile at me and tell me it was good to see me again, if I could touch her hand lightly with mine and ask her if she wanted to hang out just because – when really the reason was because I felt like I would explode with impatience at being this close to her, yet still so far away. Sadly, it's very rare that anything is that perfect.