by John Goode
The other two guys stopped texting.
Nathan’s eyes were wide as he exclaimed, “Wait, you’re a fucking freshman?” I nodded again, trying to swallow. He burst out laughing and announced to Levon, “He’s on my team!” When the rest of them began laughing as well, I realized they were laughing with me, not at me.
It was the coolest feeling of my life.
We spent the next hour shooting the shit, talking about basketball in a way I’d never talked about it before. They were easily as in love with the game as I was, so the level of discussion was intense. I learned that Ricky and Nathan were both starting college in Texas, which was incredible to me since I hadn’t quite grasped how big Texas really was. Levon played for Kansas State, and this was his second invitation to the camp, which made him kind of a celebrity since being asked only once was a feat in itself.
The fifth guy was a high school senior who had committed to ASU, and it was obvious he was one of the younger guys who had been invited to the camp. Nate took great pride in telling him I was a high school freshman and that I was from Texas also. I didn’t have the heart to tell him I wasn’t from Texas; it just felt awesome to be part of a group for once.
We all piled into a stretch minivan just barely big enough to hold us all. I felt slightly out of place since the rest of the guys were dressed in training sweats in their school colors with zippers up the legs, making them look like they were ready to step onto the court and play at any second. I was in jeans with a pullover that made me feel like I had showed up for a formal party way underdressed.
As soon as we left the airport, the other guys slipped their iPods on, obviously trying to seem like this was old game to them. I, on the other hand, looked around like a seven-year-old on the way to Disneyland. Nathan, who had sat next to me, elbowed me and whispered, “We seem to be the only ones who thinks this is badass.”
“I know!” I hissed back, obviously talking way too loudly to be whispering. Levon sent us a withering glare and then went back to his cool game. We both burst out laughing. I knew I was going to enjoy myself immensely this summer.
We were assigned rooms once we got to the complex. Nathan and I were given different rooms, but we quickly found our respective roommates and switched things around so we could share a room. Once we found our floor, we raced to the room after he called out from the elevator that the last one there had to sleep on the floor. We pounded down the hallway. He was taller than me by a few inches, but it was obvious he was as unsteady with his legs as I was. I don’t know how it is for normal people, but let me give you some wisdom from those of us whose legs are too long for their own good. The human body can balance well enough when everything is the right size, but when you make legs as long as we had, they become ungainly over long distances. Short bursts across a court, piece of cake; down a hall as fast as you can, train wreck. We tripped over each other as we stumbled to the door. We both hit it at the same time, laughing like loons as we fought to shove our key cards into the slot.
The door next to us opened up and an older boy stuck his head out. He shot us an angry look. “Will you two fools keep it down?”
Nate and I tried to swallow our laughs like two kids getting caught by their grumpy father. Both of us were about to explode when Nathan finally got the key card to work. He opened the door, and we fell inside. Once the door was closed, we let out roaring bursts of laughter as we threw our bags on the two beds assigned us. We found the outraged neighbor so funny, it took us minutes to compose ourselves and take stock of the room.
The room was completely epic.
The beds were huge, which we appreciated given the fact that each of us was tall enough to have altitude instead of height. Mounted against the far wall was a wide-screen TV that scrolled information for the hotel and basketball camp. It was bigger than any three TVs my dad had ever owned and probably had better resolution than all of them combined as well. Nike had obviously spared no expense for the room, which made me wonder again how much my dad had paid for me to have this privilege.
“You hungry?” Nate asked, looking over the room service menu.
“I am never not hungry,” I informed him as I peeked over his shoulder.
“Burgers?” he asked, picking up the phone.
“Hell yeah!” I answered, looking for the remote.
“Man after my own heart,” he said as he waited for them to pick up.
I felt something inside me react, and it was instantly followed by a mental voice that sounded a lot like my dad screaming, “Do not start to have feelings for Nathan!”
I’d given myself a mental face full of cold water, and all the mirth and enjoyment I had just been feeling drained away slowly. I found the remote and fell back onto my bed, quietly looking through the channels to see what sports channels they had. Nate ordered us dinner and pushed his bag off his bed to lie down also. “They have ESPN4?” he asked, marveling.
“I didn’t even know ESPN had a 4,” I said, switching over to see what was on.
I stayed distant for the rest of the night.
Nate said he went to high school in Houston and had just signed to A&M after being named MVP two years in a row on his high school team. He said he had been approached by schools in Tennessee, Florida, and Kansas before settling on A&M. I asked him why, and he just grinned as he answered, “Because they’re the best school in the nation.”
I didn’t know it at the time, but he had just delivered the best pitch for the school anyone would say to me.
We went to bed and woke up hip deep in work. The camp wasn’t a course in how to play basketball—the assumption was that everyone already knew that. Basketball camp was focused on playing basketball well. A series of drills was set up, at first to gauge each person’s level of expertise and then to refine it. Those first two days were the hardest days of my life. My dad had fed me horror stories about boot camp and each night as I fell into bed, almost unable to walk myself into the shower, I wondered if he had felt anything like this. The only saving grace was that Nate was as beat as I was, and he had been playing four years of high school ball already.
I was the youngest person at the camp, and that put me in a difficult position.
On one hand, I knew the least about playing of anyone else there. I had accumulated the shortest amount of time on court, which meant I had the most to learn. Yet, since I was on the verge of sixteen, it meant the professionals expected me to do something amazing to justify my being there. I don’t know what that was, but I do know the first week or so, I didn’t produce. I got yelled at constantly by the coaches, by the trainers, and by the other players. I was so tripped up that I literally fell one day trying to follow the directions of two different people. The entire time I refused to let it get to me. Gone were the days of getting frustrated and throwing a fit. I couldn’t afford to cry and beat my fists on the boards. Instead I kept my game face on, making sure no emotion slipped through while on the court.
As we became adjusted to the grueling workload, we began to have more and more conscious time at night, which meant socializing. I had never been good at the socializing game. Again I found myself surrounded by a pack of guys who were so obviously alpha males, it was comical. The lengths they went through to show their dominance over each other in one form or another was at best hilarious and at worst daunting. The more I watched, the more I became aware I wasn’t like them. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t girly or anything. I just didn’t feel the need to prove myself outside of a basketball court.
I’m not sure if it was my age or the fact I had no experience playing college ball, but I was quickly singled out as different and the guy who needed to prove the most to the rest of them. I was a month away from sixteen, six three, and had no social skills to speak of. I felt like I was everything that was Not Cool all bottled up in one person, and I thought everyone could see it. The one-up contests started with arm wrestling, a game I had never played before and lost at rather quickly and spectacularly. We then
moved on to sports stats and, after that, to girls. I’m not sure how that ranked in their hierarchy—physical strength, sports knowledge, and then female conquests—but it seemed to matter to them.
I thought there was nothing to be ashamed of about saying I was a virgin. After all, I didn’t know any other freshman who had actually done it with a girl yet. I mean, sure, there was talk, but guys knew when most guys talked, it was bullshit. The Unspoken Guy Code said we never called a guy on it unless his claims were just too much. For some reason, though, me admitting I’d never had sex was the funniest thing nearly everyone in the lounge had heard. The laughter was obviously at me this time, and it hurt. The only person not laughing was Nate, and for that I was grateful. I wanted to just bolt upstairs and lock myself in the room, but I knew instinctively to run was to admit defeat. Like a pack of wolves, they would simply pounce on me from behind, and the rest of my time here would be spent being the butt of many, many jokes.
I didn’t know what to say, and I suppose my embarrassment was all over my face, because Nathan spoke up for me. “You guys do know he’s only fifteen.” Which didn’t seem to matter much to them since they didn’t stop laughing at all.
Levon shot back. “And? I was getting busy at thirteen, man!” He got a high-five from a friend of his, which seemed to be the proper way to reply.
“Maybe that’s why it took you four more years to get invited here, then,” Nate said over the noise. “Too busy fucking and not enough playing.”
I looked at him in shock. What the hell? The laughter transformed itself into ominous calls of “Ooohhh!” and “Snap!” and Levon’s eyes narrowed in anger. “Got here before you did, didn’t I?” he said, poking at Nathan’s chest.
“Yeah, but we aren’t talking about me. You were too busy picking on a high school kid, remember?”
A guy in the back called out. “Yeah, leave the kid alone, Lev!” which got a few votes of agreement from the others.
Knowing he was losing the crowd, he ignored Nathan and pointed at me. “You think you’re better than me, punk?”
I looked back in confusion as I pointed to myself too. “Me? I didn’t say that!”
“He’s going to be better than all of us, Lev, and you fucking know it. So back off him and pick on someone who knows how to fight back.” I’d been sharing a room for a week with Nathan and thought I knew him pretty well, but this was all new. I felt the glow of appreciation in my chest as he stuck up for me and locked it down just as fast.
“You got a big mouth there, Walker!” Levon said, standing up.
Nathan said nothing as he stood up with him.
“You wanna settle this on the court?” Levon asked, looking back at his friend. “A little two-on-two against you and your boy?”
I was his boy?
“He ain’t ready yet, jackass,” Nathan said, somehow growing angrier. “We’re all here to learn, not measure each other’s dicks, so why don’t you either chill out or get lost.” Now the sounds of agreement were much louder. The guys in the lounge were obviously tiring of Levon’s game and ready to move on to something else.
He glared at me and then back to Nathan. “Don’t matter. We’ll kick your ass next season anyways.” He stormed off, the crew of guys he hung out with following in his wake.
A couple of guys clapped as Nathan sat down again, taking a mock bow before he did. I didn’t know what to say; no one in my life had ever done that before. The sense of indebtedness and affection I had for him tripled instantly. “Thanks,” I said once everyone had gone back to their own conversations.
He flashed me a smile and brushed it off. “He’s an asshole. You should hear him talk on the court.”
“You didn’t have to do that,” I said, trying not to gush.
His smile only brightened as he replied, “Dude, I always wanted a little brother. Just had no idea he’d be taller than me.”
I felt my heart skip a beat as his words moved through me. It was the very moment I fell in love with Nathan Walker.
CHAPTER SIX:
HEAD TO HEAD
I HEADED home from Florida with two very real things that summer.
One was the knowledge I could play basketball competitively as well as other players. I know that sounds like a stupid statement, but at the time I had no earthly idea basketball could give me anything more than it already had. I was happy with stability, focus of mind, and a way to impress my father with the person I was. It also seemed like it could get me into college. From the way the other guys talked, they had built their life around basketball. College picks, going pro, eventual shoe and endorsement deals. I had never once put myself in that bracket, as I’d simply assumed I was just a kid playing a game and nothing more.
The camp taught me I was a little more than that.
It also got me Nathan’s contact numbers. We had become close friends, at least in my mind, and even though I was sure he had none of the feelings I had for him, he still insisted we stay in touch once we got home. I had agreed for more than the fact I felt an insane amount of affection for him. Nate was the first actual friend I felt I’d made on my own. The one time I asked him if he really thought I’d be better than all of them, like he’d said to Levon, he just smiled and said, “That’s something you need to figure out on your own.”
When I got home, I was ready to start the season right then and there. I chomped at the bit, eager for summer to end so school could start up. My birthday had passed when I was in Florida, a celebration that consisted of Nate and me sharing a dozen cupcakes in our room and watching Hangover three times in a row. My dad, in lieu of a party, instead took me to the outskirts of the base and turned off his Jeep.
I’d never explored this base as I had my other homes, since most of my time had been consumed with practice. We had pulled up on a series of old airstrips that they never used anymore, which pretty much ensured privacy. I didn’t know what we were doing out there, but I no longer had that guilt-ridden feeling every time he took me aside. I had received exemplary marks from the instructors and actually taken home an award that I didn’t feel I deserved. So I knew I wasn’t in trouble, which meant this was my dad’s way of trying to say something important.
“Before you left…,” he began, and I got nervous, wondering if somehow he could tell my feelings for Nathan.
“Dad, it’s okay…,” I started, but he waved me off.
“No, it’s not,” he said firmly, still looking out over the deserted airstrip. “I don’t know….” And he stopped. “I mean, if you….” And again he faltered.
“Dad,” I said, trying to grab his attention.
He looked over at me, and I was stunned to see tears in his eyes.
“I don’t want to chase you away, Danny. I just want you to be the best man you can be.” His voice was wracked with guilt and pain, and I felt my own emotions well up as well.
“I’m still here, Dad,” I said, reaching over and hugging him. “I’m not going anywhere.”
He hugged me back, and I heard him say, “Yeah, you are. Trust me, son, you’re going far.”
I didn’t know how to answer that, so I just kept hugging him, hoping this sadness would pass.
“Anyway,” he said, pulling back and wiping the tears away. “Before you left I was unfair, and that was not fair to you. So I’m going to make it right.”
I laughed as I dried my own eyes. “Dad, you sent me to Florida! That was more than enough.” And it was. Of course, he had no way of knowing how much it meant, and I had no way of explaining it to him, but I think there was an understanding—at least I hoped there was one.
“No, you sent yourself to Florida. I just paid for it. This is for you being a better kid than I ever get around to telling you.” And he handed me his keys.
I took them, confused. “You want me to drive us back?”
He stared at me for a few seconds, wondering if I was that clueless, which I have to admit I was. When he realized I wasn’t yanking his chain, he clarified.
“Those,” he said, gesturing to the keys, “are for you.”
My face lit up. “You mean I get a set of keys to your Jeep?” This was monumental! I mean, I felt lucky to ride in the actual car sometimes, the way he babied this thing. To actually have my own set of keys was just… well, unprecedented in our family.
Again with that look, and he shook his head and just laughed. “Man, you really just don’t have a greedy bone in your body, do you?”
I cocked my head, not understanding the reference at all.
He put his hands over mine and squeezed them around the keys. “Those are yours.” I nodded slowly. “So you can drive your car.” I nodded. He waited for me to get it. “Danny, it’s your car.” I nodded one more time.
And then it hit.
“What!” I screamed and he pulled back and covered his ears.
You have to understand, he had just handed me the keys to the Batmobile.
He began to laugh as I jumped out of the Jeep and began to celebrate madly on the airstrip. He got out of the driver’s side and waited for me to compose myself so he could show me the ropes on his precious baby.
He waited for at least five more minutes, maybe longer.
When I was finally able to regain my shit and make my way to the driver’s side, I felt like I had just won the lottery. I eased myself into the driver’s seat, worried that either I was going to scratch something and he was going to change his mind, or that I was going to scratch something and he was just going to shoot me.
He really loved this car.
It felt like I was sitting in a space shuttle or in the cockpit of a jet fighter, except it was mine. I slipped the key into the ignition. I have to admit a little shiver went up my spine when it clicked into place. I pulled the seat belt on and glanced over at him to be double-sure he was okay with this. He nodded as he strapped in himself. I grasped the key and held my breath as I turned it.
The car jerked forward quickly, causing me to bark out in shock, and then it died.