Remembering You

by Lisa Jackson

  “I know, I know. But just talk to him. If you think the job’s bogus, then forget it, but see what he has to say,” Shelly said, and the stubborn set of Victor’s jaw softened as he stared down at his wife.

  “All right,” he reluctantly agreed.

  “What have you got to lose?” Ronni asked.

  “My pride. And when a man’s pride and dignity are gone, he’s left with nothing.” He took off his old hunting hat and scratched his head.

  “Victor,” she reprimanded quietly.

  “Okay, okay,” he growled, snapping his hat against his leg. “You win. I’ll see what the man has to say.”

  * * *

  “So I’ll need someone to help me with some of the refurbishing and cleanup,” Travis told Victor as they walked through the third floor of the old house. It was filthy, some of the windows were cracked and rain and snow had blown in, destroying the hardwood floor. There were three dormer-style rooms tucked under the eaves and on the second floor, five bedrooms and three bathrooms. The interior in all cases was knotty pine, yellowed with age and battered by the elements where the wind and rain had permeated the old timbers. “The roof needs to be fixed, the moss killed, the gutters replaced. I could have a contractor do some of the work but I’d like to take a hand in it myself.”

  “I thought you were a businessman,” Victor said, running the tips of his callused fingers on the old railing that wound down the stairs.

  “I am…was, but I needed a break. Wanted to start a new life for Bryan and myself.”

  “This house is pretty big for just a man and a kid,” Victor observed, and Travis was vaguely uneasy. His wealth had come through hard work, but it was there just the same, where a man like Victor worked day in and day out to scrape together a living for his family. The house, if it hadn’t been in such disrepair, would have been ostentatious.

  “Yeah, I know, but I fell in love with it. I wanted something different with enough acreage that we wouldn’t feel cooped up.”

  “I don’t think you’ll have much worry about that.”

  The walk ended up in the front hall and the telephone rang. Travis excused himself and took the call in his makeshift den. Wendall was reporting in, offering suggestions on a new employee-benefit and health-care package and explaining about one of the smaller skateboarding companies that TRK, Inc. was planning to buy. He listened, offered his advice and glanced at his watch. He was too young to retire and yet the business had started to bore him. He needed something new and fresh in his life, something he expected to find here.

  Something or someone? his mind taunted. Someone like Ronni Walsh?

  He hung up, feeling restless and frustrated. Trapped in a skin he was anxious to shed. Whenever he was reminded of his life in Seattle, he was disturbed and he longed to just cut the whole damned thing loose. His life here with Bryan seemed so far removed from the rat race he’d left.

  He found Victor in the living room, staring through the windowpanes at the lake. “Just one thing I want to know about this job, Keegan,” he said, frowning in concentration as he worried the brim of his hat in his work-roughened hands. “I’ll work for you, do whatever it is you want done, but I have to know that I got the job because of me, not because you’re interested in Ronni.”

  “This has nothing to do with her,” Travis said. “This is business. I just happened to have met you through her.”

  Victor tugged on his lower lip. “All right then.”

  They discussed the terms of his employment and a smile of relief crossed Vic’s features.

  “Thanks, Keegan,” he said, extending his hand.

  Travis clasped his fingers over Vic’s callused palm and gave it a shake. “I’ll see you tomorrow at nine.”

  “I’ll be here.” Victor Pederson whistled as he left the old lodge and Travis ignored that irritating voice in his head that called him a fool for hiring Ronni’s brother-in-law. His relationship with her was rocky already. What would happen if he was forced to fire Vic? He’d hedged when he’d confided to Ronni that he was hiring Victor on gut instinct. It was more than that. He’d hired the man because of her, because he wanted to get closer to her, because he wanted to look good in her eyes.

  Damn it all, what was happening to him? In years past, he’d hired and fired men and women because of their qualifications and performance, nothing more. Sure, people had given him names, but he’d always been careful, aware that by hiring the friend of an employee he could inadvertently cause problems between the two employees or with him. Oftentimes, professional jealousy developed or worse, and one of the two had to be let go. He’d rarely ever hired one person on the recommendation of an acquaintance unless that person was in the business.

  But in one fell swoop of wanting to erase the silent worry in Ronni’s eyes, he’d given up his objectivity and hired her brother-in-law.

  He only hoped he didn’t live to regret it.

  CHAPTER NINE

  “A PUPPY FOR me and a new daddy for my mommy!” Amy announced. Clutching a candy cane in one fist, she balanced on the mall Santa’s lap and cast her mother a superior, knowing look. Ronni wanted to fall through the tiled floor and die of embarrassment. Her face flaming, she grabbed Amy’s little hand and led her away from the crowd that had gathered at the bench labeled North Pole at the south end of the shopping center in east Portland. She felt the eyes of other mothers watching her as she joined the clog of last-minute shoppers that bustled anxiously through the wide hallway outside one of the major department stores.

  Shifting her parcels into her other hand, she said, “I think we should get something straight, Amy.” She glanced down at her innocent daughter who didn’t seem to understand what she’d done wrong. “I don’t want or need another husband.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because…because Daddy was special.” Jostled by a group of teenage boys, she automatically said, “Sorry,” even though the bump wasn’t her fault. The kid that actually bumped her was six feet tall with shaved hair up the sides of his head, multiple earrings and a fluff of blond frizz on top. As he marched away in his army-style boots, he didn’t bother turning around or acknowledging her.

  Ronni ignored him.

  Amy wasn’t to be put off. “Just because he was special doesn’t mean we can’t have another daddy. Katie Pendergrass has two daddies, one that lives with her and one that lives…somewhere else.”

  “I know, but I just haven’t met anyone who could replace your father,” she said, cutting across the wide mall and through the undergarment department of one of the anchor stores. What was she doing having this conversation in the middle of a frantic throng of shoppers? “Come on, sweetie,” she said, tightening her hold on Amy’s hand as she shouldered open an outside door to the gray day. She searched the lot, trying to remember in which row her van was parked. Fortunately, the vehicle was big enough to stand out even in a filled parking lot and she dashed through the rain, keys in hand, packages rattling, Amy’s little legs flying as the little girl kept up with her. By the time she’d gotten her daughter into the front seat, she was soaked and a woman in a small import was holding up traffic, waiting for Ronni’s parking space.

  Somehow, today, in the gray drizzle of Portland, the Christmas spirit eluded her. Slate-colored skies, pushy shoppers, picked-over merchandise and the continual clink of coins and cash registers reminded her how commercial the most sacred holiday of the year had become.

  Easing out of the parking lot, she headed east, toward the mountains and home. Her shopping was done and, of course, the puppy, now weaned, was waiting to be brought home. Shelly had agreed to let Ronni put on Christmas dinner and she’d arranged her schedule at the mountain so that she had both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day off. Things wouldn’t get hectic with her mail-order business until after the first of the year when people already started ordering item
s for Valentine’s Day, but if Shelly wasn’t able to help her, she’d have to hire extra staff.

  Shelly. Ronni sent up a silent prayer for her sister and unborn baby. So far, Shelly was still pregnant and Vic had started working for Keegan. Things were working out, or so it seemed.

  Suddenly, Taillights flashed in front of her. Tires squealed. A black dog came out of nowhere, galloping across several lanes of traffic up ahead. Automatically she stood on the brakes. The van fishtailed in the rain, its tires screaming in protest. The van stopped just before she collided with the car in front of her. She braced herself as she checked the rear view mirror and caught a glimpse of a silver sports car skidding sideways on the pavement behind her. “Watch out,” she cried and the car missed her by inches.

  “Thank you,” she whispered in prayer. Adrenaline pumped through her and her heartbeat, normal only minutes before, began to throb wildly. “Oh, Lord.”

  “What happened?” Amy, round-eyed, her candy cane a sticky mess on her lap, asked.

  “I think a dog ran out in front of one of the cars up ahead. The first car stopped and the next one nearly ran into it starting a chain reaction.”

  “Is the dog okay?” Amy’s lower lip trembled and her worried eyes searched frantically through the foggy glass.

  “I think so. He took off through those houses.” Ronni pointed to the development just off the shoulder of the four-lane highway. Amy wiped away the condensation and her eyes searched the brush and path between the houses. “It’s not his fault,” Ronni said. “His owners should keep him leashed or fenced.”

  “But is he hurt?”

  “I don’t think he got hit.”

  “How do you know?”

  “I don’t, honey, but I saw him run past that fence. I think he’ll be all right.”

  Traffic started moving again and the silver sports car roared into the lane beside Ronni. The driver laid on his horn, and when she looked at him, he glowered at her and used an obscene gesture before speeding away.

  “Merry Christmas to you, too,” Ronni muttered.

  “You know him?” Amy peered through the drizzle and approaching darkness to stare at the car’s bright taillights as they blended into the long stream of red beams ahead of them.

  “No, and I don’t want to know him. He’s rude.”

  Amy picked up her candy cane and started working on it again. Ronni was about to protest as the sticky peppermint was already on the child’s jacket and pants, but she kept her mouth closed and concentrated on the road that wound through the steep foothills. The suburbs gave way to rolling farmland dotted with smaller towns, then eventually the highway grew steeper and cleaved to the thick forest of the mountains. Rain turned to snow in a matter of miles and soon white powder piled high on the shoulders gave the dark night a small cast of illumination.

  Amy glanced at her mother. “I still want a puppy for Christmas.”

  “I know you do, sweetie.”

  “And a daddy.”

  “Oh, honey, I don’t think—”

  “What about Bryan’s dad? He gots no wife.”

  Travis. Funny, when she thought of marriage, his image always came to mind. “I don’t think he’s ready to tie the knot again—I mean, get married—either.”

  “Why not?”

  “Oh, honey, I’m not sure.” How did they get on this crazy subject? Amy seemed almost obsessed with thoughts of a father these days. The one thing Ronni couldn’t give her.

  With a theatrical sigh, Amy drew on the passenger window again, her small finger sliding through the condensation. “Everybody else has a daddy.”

  “Everybody? Like who?”

  “All the kids in school and I told you about Katie.”

  “Yes, I know. She’s got two.” The lights of Cascadia loomed in the horizon just as the snow began to stick to the road. “I guess she’s lucky.”

  “She likes one better than the other one.”

  “See, she’s got problems, too.”

  “But Travis is nice.”

  Back to him again. “Yes, he is.”

  “He likes you.”

  “And I like him but that’s not enough reason for people to get married, okay?”

  “But—”

  “Subject closed.” She drove past the welcome sign and old, empty sawmill near the railroad tracks. She could understand why Amy would try to pair her with Travis. They’d had dinner together the past three nights and had visited Shelly while Bryan watched Amy. They’d finished decorating the old lodge and celebrated by kissing under the mistletoe that Travis had hung in the foyer. Ronni had struggled with the idea of buying him a Christmas present, then decided to give Bryan and him a housewarming gift instead. It seemed safer and less personal. As each day passed, she and Travis were becoming closer. Just thinking of him caused a warm feeling deep inside, and whenever they were alone, the sparks flew.

  She now knew the name of the company—TRK Inc., the holding company for smaller corporations—that he’d started and built into the empire that it was today. She’d also gained a little more insight into his marriage and why it had failed. Though he still blamed himself, it sounded as if his wife was as much, if not more, at fault for their union’s slow and painful demise. Yes, Ronni and Travis had grown closer, emotionally as well as physically.

  Never, since Hank, had she been tempted to make love to a man. She’d been a virgin when she and Hank had started dating and hadn’t slept with anyone since her husband’s death. She’d always just assumed she would never make love again, never wake up to the smell and feel of a man’s arms around her, never experience a man’s touch on her breasts or spine or—

  She brought herself up short. Lately, her thoughts had a way of turning wanton, and she knew where to lay the blame for that. If Travis weren’t so damned sexy…but it was more than his looks. There was the strong man with the soft center that appealed to her and touched her deep inside.

  With a sigh, she wheeled the van into the parking lot of a local mom-and-pop grocery store and steadfastly pushed Travis Keegan out of her mind. She just didn’t have time for a man in her life—no matter how fascinating he was.

  * * *

  “That’s it then,” Travis said, handing his son the thick sheaf of papers that had come from the school. Aside from health, registration and fee forms, there was information for all of the classes in which Bryan was enrolled. “Looks like a lot of work.”

  “Looks like a disaster!” Bryan corrected, eyeing the pages as if they were his death sentence. He hobbled over to the fireplace and sat on the raised hearth.

  “They would have been here sooner, but they were sent to our address in Seattle and forwarded here.”

  “Great. Just goes to show you how on top of it the school is.”

  “Give the school a chance, Bryan.”

  “Why? So I can look like a freak to all the other kids.”

  “You won’t look like a—”

  “What about these, huh?” Lifting a crutch and swinging it in the air, he added, “What if the doctor doesn’t let me get rid of them? I’ll look like a geek. A weirdo—”

  “A kid who had an accident,” Travis said, trying to understand his son and yet remain firm. “I know it’ll be difficult going to a new school, trying to make new friends, hoping to fit in, but you’ll do just fine.” He offered Bryan a smile. “You’re worrying this to death.”

  “Because it’s my life!”

  “Your new life.”

  “I liked my old one.”

  “Did you?” Travis asked softly.

  “Yeah, I did. And I liked living with Mom.”

  That was a lie, but Travis wasn’t about to call him on it. Not while the boy was so upset.

  “You know how weird it is living with your dad?” Bryan asked.r />
  “No.” Travis sat on the edge of a couch and let his clasped hands drop between his knees. “Why don’t you tell me.”

  “It’s way beyond weird. Guys live with their parents or their mother but no one lives with his dad.”

  “So that’s it. You want a mom?”

  “I’ve got a mom.” He made a dismissive motion with his hand and bit his lower lip. “She’s just not here.”

  * * *

  “There you go, guys.” Ronni shook forkfuls of hay into the manger and two velvet-soft noses began plucking at the dry blades. Contented snorts and the swishing of coarse tails contended with the rustle of straw as the horses shifted in their stalls.

  Lucy, the white mare, was round with the foal she would deliver in the next couple of months, and Sam, the sire, a gray stallion with a black mane and tail, nuzzled her out of the way.

  “Greedy,” Ronni admonished. Liquid brown eyes blinked, dark ears flicked, but he kept on chewing and snorting, determined to get his share and then some. “Just like a man.”

  Ronni hung the pitchfork on two nails driven into the interior walls, dusted her hands and was ready to snap off the light when she saw the shadow. Her breath caught in the back of her throat and she reached for the pitchfork again as Travis stepped out of the doorway and into the lamplight.

  She gasped, then shook her head. “You scared the devil out of me!”

  “Sorry, just got here. I knocked at the house, but no one answered.”

  “Oh, well…” She had trouble catching her breath and her heart beat a little faster than it should.

  “Amy’s had a big day—shopping, Santa and all that—she’s already asleep and I’m late with feeding the horses, so that’s why I’m not in the house….” Why did she feel the need to explain herself? Why couldn’t she tear her gaze away from his mesmerizing stare? Why did her blood still race stupidly?

  “How’s your sister? Her husband’s kind of tight-lipped about what’s going on.” In the shadowy light he looked more handsome than ever as he shoved his hands into the pockets of his jacket.