Remembering You

by Lisa Jackson

  “And Shelly? Vic seems to think she wouldn’t miss this if she were on her death bed.”

  “She’s coming. But just for the performance. Supposedly she’s forgoing the party afterward that the parson always throws. She’s even going to avoid the bazaar.” Ronni’s eyes clouded. “I hope she’ll be all right.” Forcing a smile, she attempted to hide the fact that she was worried sick. Shelly was still spotting lightly and Dr. Sprick was considering hospitalizing her.

  Declining a soda or cup of coffee, Ronni explained that she had to pick up Amy who was playing over at her friend Katie’s house this afternoon. “I’ll see you at the church,” she said as the doorbell rang and she ducked around the edge of the fireplace to retrieve her bag.

  Travis opened the door and found Taffy LeMar, dressed in a business suit and high heels, smiling brightly as she stood on the porch. “Hi,” she said to Travis and handed him a basket filled with sprigs of holly, two fluted glasses and a bottle of expensive champagne decorated with a wide gold ribbon. “From the firm. Just a thank-you for doing business with Mountain West Realty.” A dimple creased her cheek. “And from me, too, I guess. I’m sorry I didn’t deliver this earlier, but I’ve been out of town on business and…well, now I’m back.” She forced the basket into Travis’s hand.

  “Thanks. This wasn’t necessary.”

  “Of course it was,” she said, touching his arm familiarly while her gaze, all blue and shiny, stared up at him. She walked into the entry hall without an invitation, and whether she realized it or not, stopped beneath the chandelier decorated with ribboned pieces of mistletoe. “This is a small town, Travis, and we’re glad for new neighbors—especially someone who might bring his business here and revive a town that was so timber-dependent. Dear God, this house is so beautiful. I knew you could—” Her words clipped off when her gaze slid around the room to land squarely on Ronni still standing near the fireplace. “Veronica!”

  Ronni experienced a hard pang of jealousy.

  Color washed up Taffy’s neck. “I didn’t expect to find you…but then you’re neighbors, aren’t you?” Recovering quickly, she said, “I tried to reach you, you know, to tell you about the impending sale, but with my schedule and yours, we never seemed to connect.”

  “It’s all right,” Ronni replied, gritting her teeth. Looking over Taffy’s shoulder, she noticed Travis, still standing in the raised entryway, his expression drawing into a thoughtful frown.

  “But I know how much the place meant, er, means to you,” Taffy said, obviously flustered. “And I figured it was impossible for you to come up with a down payment on a place this size…oh, God…” She was digging herself a deeper and deeper grave and seemed to realize it. “Well… Oh! You must be Travis’s son!” Apparently anxious to change the subject, she crossed the living room and clasped Bryan’s hand between both of hers. “Don’t you just love it here?”

  “I hate it,” he said simply.

  “Oh, well, I don’t see why. It’s so gorgeous by the lake, and inside, well, the decorations are fabulous.”

  “Ronni helped,” Travis explained. He crossed the room and stood next to Ronni.

  “Did you?” Taffy seemed to notice Ronni with new, calculating eyes. “Been here often?”

  “Not as often as I’d like,” Travis said, draping a familiar and possessive arm over Ronni’s shoulders.

  “Oh, well, I see…good. Since you’re neighbors and all. How perfect.” She leveled a surprised look at Ronni. “It’s good you’re finally getting out and seeing people. I was concerned, well, we all were, that you’d never snap out of mourning.”

  “It just took time,” Ronni said evenly. “It was hard.”

  Travis’s arm tightened around her as if offering her silent strength and she resisted the urge to sag against him.

  “Well, merry Christmas to you all,” Taffy said, making a hasty exit, her heels clicking loudly on the hardwood floors. “And a happy New Year, as well.”

  “And good riddance,” Travis muttered under his breath once she’d closed the door behind her. “That woman’s a barracuda.”

  “She seemed to think you liked her.”

  “I did business with her. Period.”

  “You wanted to buy this place?” Bryan asked, eyeing Ronni suspiciously. “Why?”

  “Sentimental reasons.”

  “Such as?” Travis prompted, his hand dropping to his side.

  “Growing up here in the caretaker’s house, I guess.” She hoisted the strap of her purse to her shoulder. “I always felt at home here and I loved this old house, not that I was in it much, but it seemed special. I…well, it was silly really, because I never could afford it, but I always thought the estate would make a great bed-and-breakfast inn for skiers in the winter and sailboarders or hikers in the summer. Just over the mountain in Hood River, a town on the Columbia River, the sailboarders come by in droves. I thought Shelly and I could run the place and her family could fix up and live in the caretaker’s house. It’s empty now, but wouldn’t take much…” Suddenly embarrassed, she added, “Oh, well, just a pipe dream.”

  “That I spoiled.”

  “It could never have happened. Really. It’s better that I let it go and deal with reality, which is—” she checked her watch “—that I don’t have much time before I have to pick up Amy. So, I’ll see you at the church and don’t forget there’s a party and bazaar after the pageant.”

  “Whoop-de-do,” Bryan muttered.

  “We’ll be there.” Travis walked her out to the van and as she started to climb in, he caught hold of her arm. “It’s been a few days, Ronni,” he reminded her. “Have you given any thought to getting married again?”

  She laughed. “If it makes you feel any better, it keeps me awake nights.”

  His sexy, crooked grin slid into place. “I’d like to think I keep you awake nights.” His gaze slid to her lips. “You seem to have that affect on me.”

  She grinned and kissed him lightly on the mouth. “Dreamer.”

  “Am I?” Gathering her into his arms, he kissed her. Instantly her blood was on fire, and desire, that beast that had slumbered within her for nearly four long years, was restless and ready to be awakened with just a touch, a smile or a sidelong glance.

  When he lifted his head, she waited to hear the words, the declaration of his love, the vow that he couldn’t live without her, but he just stared at her and gave her a quick little kiss to her forehead. “I can’t wait forever,” he warned her as she climbed into her van.

  She rolled down the window. “Three days is not forever.”

  “Seems that way to me.” He touched her face with his fingers and she started the engine. Could she really marry him? Trust him to learn to love her? Maybe a good marriage wasn’t necessarily founded on love, but on mutual respect, on a shared sense of humor and compassion, on like ideas. Maybe the hot-as-a-branding-iron kind of passion was close enough to true love. No way, she told herself. Ever since she was a teenager, she’d known the difference between love and lust, and what she felt for Travis was a blending of the two. True she wanted him physically and emotionally, but did she love him? Would she throw down her life for his? Walk through fire to be with him? Accept his son as her own? Have children and grow old with him? Yes! Yes! Yes!

  But did he love her or did he want to marry her to add some stability in his life? Did he think of her as a stepmother to Bryan, a woman who would become an instant wife and mother? He now knew she’d hoped to buy the old lodge, maybe he thought living there would be an enticement. Maybe she was silly to hope to hear those magic words of love.

  As she drove across town, maneuvering through the streets by rote, the nagging questions racing through her mind, she knew she’d come to a crossroads in her life and she couldn’t take both paths without being ripped in two. What she’d wanted all her life was now i
n question. The past was the trail she’d already taken and to her left was a path she’d started down, a road of loneliness and devotion to a dear, dead husband; the second path stretched to the right and it was a brighter future, one with Travis and his son.

  Without realizing what she was doing, she headed east and through gates on the outskirts of the city that opened to the cemetery. She parked, letting the engine idle and cool, then walked up the hill to a grassy spot with a simple headstone. Beloved Husband and Father, she read and felt hot tears well in her eyes. A blast of icy wind whipped around her and blew her hair into her eyes. “I loved you,” she said to the plot where her husband lay buried. “I loved you with all my heart. I never wanted to let go. Never. But it’s time, Hank. Way past time, and I think…no, I know that I’ve got to get on with my life, with the living part.”

  She waited, almost as if expecting an answer, but the only noise was the rush of the wind that blew through the surrounding trees. A few snowflakes swirled in the air and she shivered. “I’ll never forget and you’ll always be Amy’s father, but there’s another man, one I think I might be able to love and…and he wants to marry me.” She sighed and lifted her face to the cloud-covered sky, as if she could glimpse heaven through the thick curtains. “I’m going to do it.” Her fingers, frozen and bare, curled into determined fists. “By God,” she vowed, “I’m going to marry Travis Keegan.”

  * * *

  The pageant was a delightful fiasco. The angel choir sang the wrong song and the boy who played Joseph kept forgetting his lines. Fortunately, the girl who played Mary prompted him and when it was all over, the audience was smiling, the kids were relieved and they all celebrated at the party and bazaar.

  Shelly managed to sit through the performance, but Vic whisked her and the twins away before she could get bogged down in any of the festivities. Amy was in her element, laughing and talking, still wearing the costume that she adored. She drank cup after cup of cranberry punch that drizzled down the white folds of her angel outfit and still managed to put away two slices of rum cake. By the time the party was over, she was pooped and Bryan was trying hard to look bored out of his mind.

  “Let’s go home,” Ronni suggested.

  “But you said we’d buy a star for the top of the tree.” Amy’s face, so sweet only seconds before, clouded over and her chin jutted stubbornly. “Or an angel or—”

  “We will—”

  “Tomorrow’s Christmas Eve,” Amy said.

  “You’re right. Let’s look through the bins and see what we can find.” She glanced up at Travis who was smothering a smile. “You’ve heard of the angel Gabriel, well you just met the angel Groucho.”

  Travis laughed and they followed Amy past tables laden with everything from gooseberry pies to quilted Advent calendars. Some of the local crafts were so intricate that Ronni made a mental note of them and thought they would make wonderful additions to her next year’s winter catalog. She knew most of the local artists and craftsmen and women already but there were a few new and interesting pieces, created by artisans she had yet to meet.

  “Here it is!” Amy found a table laden with handcrafted ornaments and chose an angel made of a cone, netting, a hand-painted doll’s head and gossamer wings. Pearly white beads and a loop of gold ribbon caused the angel’s dress to glimmer and sparkle.

  “Isn’t she beautiful?” Amy breathed, holding the decoration as if it were made of spun gold.

  “Gorgeous.”

  “Can we get her, Mommy?”

  Ronni winced as she read the price tag, but realizing that half the proceeds went to the church, she agreed to make the purchase. “I think we’d better get out of here before we go broke,” she said to Travis. “Oh, wait. I think you should meet some people who have kids about Bryan’s age.”

  “No way,” Bryan insisted, but Ronni wouldn’t take no for an answer and within minutes she’d introduced Travis to the Carters and their son, Jake, and the Hendersons with their daughters, Becca and Sherrie. Bryan stared at the floor as if he found the yellowed linoleum fascinating, especially when he had to say something to the Henderson girls, but Travis and Ronni lingered, forcing the kids to interact.

  Jake was interested in horses, skiing and basketball players and talked without seeming to take a break. The girls told him what to expect from his teachers at school. Bryan was nearly mute, answering in monosyllables, eyes nailed to the floor, but, Ronni figured, it was a start, a little inroad in that swamp of teenage relationships. The preacher’s daughter, Elizabeth, joined them and encouraged Bryan to join their youth group, which met every Wednesday night and combined Bible study with fun, usually in the form of pizza parties, dances and trips skiing in the winter and swimming in the summer.

  By the time they got into the parking lot, Bryan didn’t even bother saying good-night, just slunk into the passenger seat of his father’s Jeep and showed too many signs of teenage rebellion. “I hope he’s all right,” Ronni said.

  “He will be,” Travis assured her. “It’s just going to take a while for him to change his mind-set.”

  “Good luck.”

  He kissed her lightly on the lips, then she walked to her van. Amy was yawning as Ronni helped strap her into the seat. “Is Travis gonna be my new daddy?” she asked, trying to keep her eyes open.

  Startled, Ronni asked, “Would you like it if he was?”

  “Mmm. Would you?”

  Before Ronni could answer, the little angel with the cranberry-stained gown fell asleep.

  * * *

  “A puppy!” Amy squealed in pure delight. All the presents had been opened, and while Amy was playing with a new doll, Ronni had hurried out to the barn where she’d hidden the pup since five o’clock in the morning. Before that, she’d been up with the frightened little dog half the night as the animal had whined and howled and threatened to wake Amy. “You got me a puppy!” Amy fairly danced a special little jig and wiggled as much as the dog to get her fingers on the wriggling ball of fluff. “Oh, Mommy, he’s beautiful!” Amy cried, entranced.

  “She. It’s a girl.”

  “So she can have more puppies someday!”

  Ronni laughed. “I don’t think so. One dog’s going to be more than enough, I think.”

  After nearly squeezing the life from him, Amy let the pup down and the dog ran in circles, sped around the Christmas tree, under the table, into the kitchen and back again. Amy, in four-year-old heaven, raced after her and slid on the hardwood floors.

  Ronni tried to drink a cup of coffee throughout the chaos. This—early Christmas morning—was their time together alone before Travis and Bryan and Shelly’s whole family descended for Christmas dinner later in the afternoon. She couldn’t believe how her life had changed in the past few weeks and she eyed the little Christmas tree under which the presents were spread. She’d even broken down and bought something for Travis and Bryan as they seemed already a part of her family.

  “Let’s name her Snowball.”

  “But she isn’t white.”

  “Does it matter?”

  “No, honey, I don’t suppose it does. You can name her anything you like.”

  While Ronni picked up the litter and discarded wrapping paper from the Santa gifts, Amy busied herself by making a bed for the dog.

  Once the house was cleaned and the pup was relegated during nonplay hours to a newspaper-strewn laundry room, Ronni turned on her favorite Christmas CDs and started stuffing the turkey. After plopping it into the oven, she even danced a little as she put together a molded salad, peeled white potatoes from her own garden and washed the yams. Yes, it was a time of new traditions, a new beginning. A new dog and a new extended family.

  It was nearly four before she had time to dress Amy and get changed. Sitting at the vanity, slipping silver hoops through her earlobes, she heard the doorbell ring. “Coming,�
�� she called, following Amy down the stairs.

  Travis and his son stood on the porch, their arms laden with packages. Ronni’s heart kicked into double time at the sight of Travis in black slacks and a cream-colored sweater, his hair rumpled by the wind. Bryan, for the first time in ages, was without his baseball hat and wore clean jeans and a gray shirt tucked in at the waist. He managed a tight smile and Ronni was taken with how much he looked like his father. Once the soft flesh of youth gave way to harder planes and angles, he’d be as handsome as Travis.

  “Come in, come in,” she invited. “We have someone we’d like you to meet.” From the laundry room, the pup gave an excited yip and Amy ran to get her.

  “Lookie!” she cried, running with the little dog. “Her name is Snowball! Mommy got her for me.”

  Snowball wriggled and tried desperately to wash everyone’s face. Travis and Bryan exchanged glances. “Uh-oh,” Bryan whispered.

  “What?”

  “Well—” Travis rolled his eyes. “What is it they say about great minds thinking alike?”

  “Oh no,” Ronni whispered, fingers to her lips as she caught his meaning.

  “What?” Amy asked, befuddled.

  “May as well bring our surprise in now,” Travis said and handed the keys of his Jeep to Bryan.

  Ronni’s gaze locked with Travis’s. “I don’t believe it.”

  “Believe.”

  A few minutes later, Bryan returned to the house carrying a half-grown pup.

  “Wow!” Amy’s eyes rounded.

  “We got him at the local animal shelter,” Travis explained. “His name is Rex.”

  “Is he mine?”

  “If it’s okay with your mother.”

  Ronni skewered him with a knowing look. “Oh, great, make me the bad guy.”

  “Can we keep him, Mommy?” Amy was dancing again, her eyes sparkling in anticipation, her cheeks rosy.

  “I suppose.”

  “Yippee!”

  Rex, black and white and looking suspiciously as if he had a Border collie in his family tree somewhere, bounded through the door as if he knew he was home. The smaller pup let out a worried woof, then dashed away to cower under the table.