By now nearly everyone’s releases have been signed, so that might be why episode two focuses more on random high school drama than on us Wannabes. I curse myself for not listening to Josie and acting larger than life to get more screen time.
Deena McKinnley appears time after time asking for a hall pass and heading into the bathroom. I call Amy immediately, and she answers saying, “I can’t believe they’re going to show it.”
“I’d be shocked if they didn’t show it,” I say. “But this is so freaky. She must be sitting at home dying.”
All of us at Westfield High have already seen it, but I still exclaim, “Holy crap!” when the homemade video comes on. It hasn’t been edited down a single bit, and Amy and I make gagging noises as we rewatch the entire three-minute-and-fifteen-second clip of Deena McKinnley making herself throw up.
I know that sounds pretty bad, but trust me, it’s much worse. The video was taken at a crazy angle, from behind the toilet or something, so Deena’s throw up is propelled toward the viewer in vivid 3D.
“Bulimia,” I say. “Have your cake and be thin too.”
Amy says, “I have to go,” and hangs up.
I think about the anonymous website that circulated through the school’s email list back in November. The site featured only one thing. This video. The McKinnley Vomit Video.
Poor Deena. When the website first made its rounds, she was so devastated she skipped school for a week and a half. Then, when she finally came back, she had to eat her lunch in the nurse’s office and be supervised in the bathroom. Deena put on about ten pounds and stayed the focus of gossip until she finally shaved half her head and got a vine tattooed on her skull. Universal high school lingo for, “Hey, everyone? Piss off.”
As the show continues, I’m confused by a shot of Amy sitting in the computer lab at school. The picture cuts to the computer screen and shows one of the funky beat remixes of the Vomit Video where the clip is played backward so Deena sucks up all of her own puke. The TV screen cuts back to Amy laughing hysterically at her computer. Which makes her seem like a pretty awful person. Deena may be a mega bitch, but her having bulimia isn’t exactly hilarious.
The show fails to expose the one thing we all want to know about the Vomit Video. Who the hell taped it and spread it all over the Internet?
After another commercial break featuring our awkward Nőrealique lip gloss shtick, the show comes back on with a shot of Luke hanging out at his locker with his buddies. He’s talking about how much he needs a good football scholarship if he hopes to go to college. He mentions that St. James State is his top choice, and someone says, “Hey, isn’t Shannon Depola’s mom, like, a scout or something for St. James?”
My mouth shoots open in shock at that since before dating Luke, I didn’t know my mom had anything to do with St. James.
Just then, onscreen, I stride past and Luke turns to watch me. I recognize the look he gives me from the video Victoria showed me at the beginning of the school year. I can’t believe she didn’t show me the whole clip. He’s not drooling over me! He’s drooling over my connection to St. James State! It’s suddenly clear why Luke was so anxious to meet my mother.
This also explains why he threw that football so hard. He beaned me in the head on purpose! He was showing off, and then I actually let him kiss me, like, immediately after regaining consciousness. It’s all so horribly obvious. Our beautiful, romantic fairytale relationship is a big, fat, hairy lie. I watch the onscreen shot of the two of us kissing and wonder if people can tell we have zero chemistry.
When we first started going out, I couldn’t understand why I didn’t get the little stomach flips that Rick gave me. Then I figured it was Luke’s hotness factor that was throwing me off. Like, I’m naturally attracted to dweebs who put socks on their ears and in order to fully transform, I needed to override my innate nerdy inclinations. I remember feeling like an actress pretending to be in love as I made steady and frequent eye contact with my hunky boyfriend. I watch myself onscreen forcing my body language to convey how perfect we are together. Blinking eyes, flipping hair, touching my bare skin, parting my lips. None of it is real.
I’m already sinking into an insta-depression when my cell phone rings with the show’s theme song. I’m clinging to the slim hope that maybe no one will notice Luke has been using me. I pick up the phone to Josie’s anguished voice. “I can’t believe he’s been using you!”
“Was it really that obvious?” I wail. “What will everyone think of me?”
“Well, they’ll think your relationship is fake!” Josie answers. “What was with that lame-ass shot of you two kissing?”
“I know, I know. What should I dooooo?”
“Maybe you can pretend to be a lesbian?”
I stop crying. “Can that work?”
“Probably not. You’re lousy at acting. Plus, you’d have to stick with it after the show ends.”
I start crying again. “I don’t want to be a lesbian.”
“I knew you couldn’t handle this.”
“You told me I was going to be great.”
“That’s just something sisters tell each other to be encouraging. When will Mom be home?” I answer her by gasping for air and Josie says, “Hang in there, Shannon. I’m on my way.” She sounds so uncharacteristically caring it makes me cry harder.
As soon as I click off with Josie, the theme song starts up again on my phone. I make a mental note to change my ringtone back to the quacking duck. Still crying, I answer to echoed wailing on the other end.
“I’m not laughing,” comes Amy’s anguished voice. “At the Vomit Video. I didn’t think Deena throwing up was funny at all.”
“Did you not notice my relationship happens to be a complete sham?” I ask. “You were barely even onscreen this episode.”
“But it’s a lie.” She sounds miserable. “They made me seem heartless and cruel and meanwhile my cousin has bulimia and it’s an awful disease. I hung up with you because of your stupid joke about eating cake and being thin.”
“Sorry,” I say. “I just saw a picture of that written in icing on a cake covered in puke and thought it was kind of funny.”
“Bulimia isn’t funny,” she moans. “I was laughing at some stupid picture of a kitten sleeping in his food dish that my abuela sent me. What if people think I made the video and sabotaged Deena?”
“No one will believe you would do that,” I say as I silently wonder, Would Amy do that? She really does have it bad for that tiara. “Everything will be okay,” I soothe her. “Most people know how much these shows are edited anyway.”
After leaving a hate voicemail for Victoria, I consume a half gallon of fat-free ice cream while sitting on the couch comfortably loathing myself. Then of course, I have to eat two heaping handfuls of potato chips to cleanse the waxy taste from my mouth. By the time Josie comes home, I’m in the kitchen ready to launch into a full-on pork-out.
Josie eases me away from the Disodito nacho chips and guides me to the living room like I’m a delicate life-sized doll. “This is a very unhealthy reaction to watching a video of a bulimic,” she says.
“This is a completely appropriate response to heartbreak.”
“Well, the cameras are watching right now, and if you could see how you look…”
I glance down at my oversized stained T-shirt and allow Josie to lead me to the couch.
She reasons that I should give Luke a chance to explain himself, seeing as how he’s so cute and all. Like his behavior should be measured on a different scale. “Lots of times, a guy that hot can act douche-y without meaning to,” she says. “I know he deserves to be kicked to the curb for using you, but sister to sister? Wait and see what he has to say.”
Josie also thinks Amy came across as heartless and possibly devious on this episode, which works slightly to my favor. The way she sees it, if the school were voting right now, Kelly would probably win but I’m still a close second.
“Great,” I say, “the girl who lea
st wants to be Prom Queen has the best shot at the crown.”
“There are still plenty more episodes left to air,” Josie reminds me, making me feel a little better. “And then there’s the live! taping at the Prom,” she adds, which makes me feel much, much worse. I’m not even sure I’m going to have a prom date.
***
As I wait for Luke by my locker the next morning, I mull over Victoria’s insistence that I try to work things out. “He’s been very good for your projected ratings,” she told me over the phone last night. “And with the prize money and tiara hanging in the balance, you should really give him another chance.”
I see him approaching and I wonder if he’s planning to beg me for forgiveness.
“Hey there,” he greets cheerfully. “Cool show last night.”
Guess not. Note to self: revisit earlier notes to self.
“Why didn’t you tell me you knew about my mom working for St. James before we started dating?” I cross my arms. “On the show, it looked like that was the only reason you even noticed me.”
“Aw, come on, babe.” He seems weary of our confrontation already. “Please don’t act all sensitive about that.”
“What?” I’m furious. “I’m not acting sensitive. I want to know if you’ve been using me.”
He considers me a moment then leans in close. Oh my God, he’s wearing foundation. In a low voice, he says, “I’m not using you any more than you’re using me, Shannon.”
I stare at him. “I’m not using you to get a football scholarship,” I hiss at a volume that hopefully won’t get picked up by the microphones.
“No, but you are in a competition to win a million bucks,” he shoots back in a low voice. “And you know being my girlfriend can totally get you voted Prom Queen.”
He does have a point. I squint up at him. “If you honestly think I’m using you, why didn’t you confront me as soon as you found out about the show?”
“Confrontation, ugh.” He shivers. “Besides, I guess I don’t really mind being used.” He gives me one of his easy smiles.
“I’m not using you,” I insist quietly. Just maybe your image and popularity and endorsement for getting elected Prom Queen.
“Okay, so you’re not using me. But you do have to admit, we find ourselves in a mutually beneficial situation.”
I look him in the eye. Mutually beneficial situation? With that one phrase, he just used more multi-syllable words than he has used the whole time we’ve been going out. Underneath all the silly fart jokes and light underclassman bullying, Luke is brighter than I realized.
I’m suddenly glad I never let him get past second base, which in my ball field, means French kissing with hands vaguely rubbing near private bits over clothes. Sure, he once suggested I might enjoy getting naked under a blanket in his convertible at the drive-in, but he took my polite “no thank you” in stride and never pressured me to go all the way. In fact, to be honest, other than Grace’s occasional outbursts, our overall relationship has been fairly devoid of drama. Should’ve known it was all fake.
“Okay,” I whisper calmly, glancing around at our gawking peers. “Can you fix this so I don’t look incredibly stupid to everyone who watched the show last night?”
With a glint in his eye, Luke suddenly collapses to one knee and says loudly, “Please, Shannon, please don’t dump me.”
Suppressing the urge to laugh, I ask at full volume, “What about the way you used me?”
He smiles up at me and lowers his voice enough that the gathering crowd has to move in to hear what he’s saying. “I’ll admit, at first I may have been interested in getting a free ride to college, but then I got to know you. And you, Shannon, are the reason I was able to throw a grand total of over twelve hundred yards this season. I couldn’t care less about that scholarship to St. James State.” He gives his head a slight shake, indicating that he cares very much about that scholarship to St. James State. “Please don’t dump me.” He stands up and takes my hand in his. “You’re the only girl I want to take to prom.”
Nice touch, I think, but say, “I need some space to think.”
He looks at me earnestly. “I’ll wait for you, Shannon. As long as it takes.”
Over the top. I turn away with my head held high and push through the crowd. But not bad damage control, overall.
I’m definitely faring better than Amy. Speculation that she was the one who spread the McKinnley Vomit Video starts buzzing almost immediately. Suddenly, people are going out of their way to console Deena over the whole ordeal. Which is an interesting turn, since when it first happened, people treated her like bulimia was the newest version of the plague.
Deena’s image is helped even more by the senior assembly we have the next day. It teaches us all about how bad it is to diet, and the dangers of eating disorders, and the evil influence of skinny models. Deena bravely stands up with her tattooed head shining and shares about how hard she’s worked to recover from her bulimia and how she’s finally learned to love her curves. She actually cries when she talks about the awful Vomit Video. Looking directly at where Amy, Kelly, and I are sitting, she describes how degrading diets and liposuction are. Amy sinks low in her seat, and Kelly and I keep our heads down, and everyone else gives Deena a standing ovation.
Afterward, people are too distracted by the Deena vs. Amy spectacle to give too much scrutiny to my sham relationship with the captain of the football team.
It makes me sad to see Amy undone, her body language reverting back to its geeky, shy origins from before Prom Queen Camp. At least George is sticking by her side, but unless something drastic happens over the next few weeks, Amy doesn’t have a chance in hell of being voted Prom Queen.
To be honest, I don’t think Amy made the Vomit Video and spread it around. I don’t even think she laughed meanly when she saw it. But in the dual worlds of reality television and high school, perceived truth is what really matters.
Chapter Thirteen
The producers of The Prom Queen Wannabes must be pretty smart, because they choose the very next week to showcase Amy’s amazing singing talent. Sure, everyone at school has already heard her sing. But that isn’t the same as watching her on television as she goes to an audition and gets picked to be a sexy backup singer for the variety show All The Rave! in New York City.
I’m relieved to see that Luke and I come across as a totally legit couple in this episode. There’s footage of the homecoming game with Luke playing amazing and me looking stadium glamorous in all white as I cheer him on. Afterward, a long shot of the two of us slow-dancing together has to convince everyone that we are a couple of characters in a romantic love story. I actually squeal with happiness while watching it.
Unfortunately for Kelly, it’s her turn to play the featured bitch of the week. The cameras follow her around as she presents her modeling portfolio to local businesses hiring models for catalog work. Her SACC’s idea, of course. Knowing how much Kelly hates everything to do with looking attractive, I totally understand her pissy attitude. But people watching the show can’t see how much cashing in on her looks is making her skin crawl.
And then we see the fateful day she shows up for a model interview at the same time as Grace Douglas. Grace has been the standard model for many local businesses ever since doing a garage door commercial for her stepdad back in elementary school. We’re all used to seeing her in some cheesy pose or another on the cover of the Nickel Saver, and she’s even been on few billboards. It’s one of the reasons I felt like there was no escaping her back when I was the Elf Ucker.
The scene shows Kelly and Grace sitting across from each other in a waiting room with their modeling books balanced on their laps. Grace must have been stress eating chocolate over her breakup with Luke or something, because even through the hidden camera in the ceiling and layers of foundation, we can see her face is covered in angry red bumps.
The obvious tension in the room is emphasized by the shark attack music playing in the background. Fin
ally, I think as I watch the hostile looks between them escalate onscreen. This show could use a good bitch-fight about now.
Suddenly, Kelly stands up and verbally attacks Grace with unbridled viciousness. She looks like a lunatic, letting Grace know what a has-been she is and adding a number of unkind references to Grace’s complexion. Poor Grace seems absolutely crushed.
“Wait a minute,” you may be saying. “‘Poor Grace’? Isn’t she that hateful bitch that you hate?” Well, yes, she is. But continuing to hate her at this point seems sort of petty.
Besides, if you could see the way Kelly rips into her, completely unprovoked, you’d feel sorry for her too. Especially when they show Grace blowing her interview afterward. She keeps covering her face with her hands, which is not the best way for a model to win over a client.
The scene is intercut with more recent confessional interviews with each girl. Kelly comes off as cold, complaining about being forced to drag her butt around on go-sees. Meanwhile, Grace is almost in tears as she talks about wanting to make her modeling dreams come true so badly. Kelly winning the ad ends up feeling like a huge injustice.
I’ve been trying to avoid the esteem-smashing message board about the show, but since I came off pretty well this week, I venture on for just a quick peek. Thankfully, I was right about me and Luke seeming swoony together and a few commentators say our dance was the highlight of the show. Grace takes a few hits for her shallow dreams, but Kelly’s the one who really gets the hate on the forum this week. I seriously hope she doesn’t decide to do a browser search for herself because things get pretty harsh.
Mona_184: Kelly is beautiful on the outside, but rotten to the core.
Andrewthesun: They never show her and Pete getting it on, but you can just tell she’s a total slut.
JonJon_5: She’d look better if she duct-taped her damn mouth shut.
And to think, a week ago she was my biggest competition.
The Real Prom Queens of Westfield High Page 14