She rubs her hands over her legs, removing invisible wrinkles. “I know why you’re annoyed at me and I’d be the same if I were you. I just wanted to say I’m sorry.”
I give her an eye roll, “Oh, really?”
“Yes, really,” she sighs. “I’ve been in your shoes before, the amount of women I’ve seen him with is a lot compared to what you have. It’s killed me for years having to witness that.”
Save me the sob story. “Okay well, thanks for that, but I really don’t want to talk to you just as much as I don’t him.”
“I’m just saying,” she snaps, “I know what it’s like to be in your shoes.”
Clutching onto the handle of my purse I say, “You have no idea what my shoes feel like, so don’t come here claiming that you do.” How anyone can tell someone else that they know how your life has been is beyond me. The only person who knows how much I’ve hurt is me.
She glares at me annoyed, “Fine. Kyle asked me to give you something.” Josie digs around in her purse that she collected from the floor to search through on her knees. Eventually she takes out a white envelope and hands it over.
Tentatively I take it. “What’s this?” I ask, giving it the once over.
“Open it,” she instructs.
I run my tongue over my teeth as I look at her and back to the envelope, my heart punching my ribs a couple of times as I try to think of what’s inside. A letter telling me I have an infection—which I could totally see happening—or maybe a letter from him filled with apologies.
Biting the bullet, I tear it open and take out the paper contents. I hold it in my hands and stare at it. I’d have preferred an infection. “A check? What the fuck is this for?” I shout.
“He said that he was really sorry for what happened,” she tells me quickly, clearly my shouting has unnerved her. “He didn’t know how else to help you, said that you could use it to treat yourself as a way of getting over him.”
Come again. One, does he think money solves everything? Handing me ten thousand dollars does not mend a broken heart. Two, it shows how much of a man you are when you get your thing to do your dirty work. Three, he thinks a lot of himself. But I knew that already.
My thumb runs over the indentation that is his name and my shoulders sag. I can’t believe he would do this to me…ever. I shake my head in disbelief, “Do me a favor, give him this back. I don’t want his money I don’t want anything to do with him and the sooner I get rid of everything that reminds me of that rat, the better.” As I try to hand it back to her, she holds up her hands like I’m holding a gun at her. I wish I was.
“I can’t take it back. I was under strict orders to make sure you got it.”
I shove it her way again, “I got it, but I don’t want it.”
Her eyes are wide as she shakes her head at me, her hair falling onto her face and it reminds me of the scene I saw last night.
“Josie,” I whisper, “can you explain why he asked me to come around? Did he want me to find out like this? When we talked he said that you two were just friends, it’s hard for me to understand.”
She stops dealing with her hair and looks at me gob-smacked. “You want to know? Most people are too pissed to care about the why’s and how’s.”
“I do,” I tell her, squirming uncomfortably in my chair because I’m not sure if I just lied. I do want to know but I don’t. I’m so confused about everything at the moment that I just need a starting point so I stand a chance of dealing with this crap.
Josie blows out a long breath as she places her purse back down on the floor. “It all happened quickly. We were sat talking about his trip that he made to see you, drinking wine. He went quiet and started tapping away on his phone. I’m guessing he asked you to come over at that point. We’d drank quite a bit and we both said we were getting tired and got up to go to bed. Anyway, we went our separate ways, he went to his room and I went to mine but I found a huge spider and screamed.”
I sit there listening, wondering how the hell this can lead them to his bedroom. Naked.
“He caught it and got rid of it, but I refused to go back in, I was a childish wreck. He tried to persuade me to go in but I point-blank refused,” she says, laughing at the memory. “Eventually he kind of gave in and came over to me and gave me a huge hug. I looked up at him, wanting to say thank you—but he kissed me instead. I was shocked but I couldn’t stop him, so I didn’t.”
“The next thing I knew, it was morning. He wasn’t in bed so I got up and started to go back to my room, but I found him in the kitchen looking slightly distressed. We talked and he said that he’d asked you to come over and that you would have seen. I told him to come and speak to you but he wouldn’t. We had a good talk, about us too, and he said that he wasn’t sure what came over him but he strangely felt something and that he didn’t want to admit it at the time but, while he was gone he missed me.”
“We decided to see how things went with us though, but he felt bad for leading you on and so he wrote the check. He knew he’d hurt you and for that he’s sorry, but I guess love turns up sometimes in the strangest of places. It can be unexpected or under your nose.”
By the time she’s done I’ve screwed the check up in my hand and gripped the chair so tightly it hurts. He missed her? I’m staring at her with all the anger in the world right now, my eyes are like slits and my teeth can’t clench any tighter. I’m like a Staffordshire bull terrier with lock-jaw. “Thanks for that. Now if you don’t mind, I have a life to get on with,” I grit out, sick of the sight of her and her happily ever after.
Josie has a nerve to smile at me like she won the lottery, but she does, then gets up and leaves. God help Nod tomorrow.
It’s a wonder that I actually made it to the weekend. Well, Friday night at least. Kyle finally showed his face at work Thursday, covering for Mr. Johnson who’s now on a cruise liner. Lucky bastard.
I tried to stop beating the living hell out of the office furniture too, and reign in the anger I felt every time he stepped foot in our office, but it was hard. Hearing his voice just reminded me of England and then it was knocked into Timbuktu by the new image of him and Josie.
Nadine tried to help me after work though, taking me to the gym so that I could take my temper out on my body in a healthy way, rather than torture it by slamming and punching whatever was to hand, and it helped. I spent far too long running on the treadmill, listening to my iPod, to the point that Nod stopped the machine and dragged me off of it.
I wasn’t finished though, and Nod went ahead and showered while I grabbed a drink from the water fountain, remembering I’d seen a punching bag in one of the rooms as we walked to the gym from the locker room. I only hoped it was empty because I was sure it was the only thing that would actually relieve the anger and stress that was inside me.
Thankfully it was, and I kicked and punched the living hell out of it. I didn’t care if I caused myself an injury doing it, but it seemed to get out all the pent-up anger that festered inside me. If it was actually Kyle and Josie, they’d have been black and blue. I didn’t stop until some guy walked in and gave me a lighthearted lecture about doing it wrong, shoving his hands into boxing gloves. My face immediately flamed with embarrassment over it, but he was a nice guy, called Ben, very surfer looking.
After that, I got another lecture from Nod who wasn’t too happy that I was making her late for her shift at work. Oops!
Back at the apartment I waste no time in getting a shower and crawling into the baggiest pyjama bottoms and oldest, comfiest shirt imaginable. After grabbing a bottle of wine from the refrigerator I crashed on the couch and clicked the television on, finding a movie to watch, any movie would do…until there was a knock at the door.
I got up and walked over, not expecting anyone and dreading it’ll be him. Looking through the peep hole I found Nod standing there, even though she was supposed to be at work.
Opening the door I gave her a questioning look. “What are you doing here?” I aske
d, spotting the pizza boxes in her hand.
“I was going to be late anyway, so I called in sick. And then, I bumped into these two.” She said nodding her head to the side.
I looked out the door and was surprised to see Abigail and Nicole from the office also standing there, smiling awkwardly. I gave them both a quick “hi” before looking back at Nod, more puzzled than ever. “I wasn’t expecting this.” This meaning them.
“Well,” she starts, with a sigh. “I was on my way over and these two were leaving a restaurant. We had a quick chat and I invited them over for pizza. See,” lifting the pizza boxes that were in her hands. “And these are burning my hands, so feel free to invite us in.”
Why is it the one night I’m slumming it, she shows up unannounced with new people? People I wouldn’t have imagined coming here. “You two can go and take a seat, I’ll get some glasses and more wine.”
Sliding up beside Nod in the kitchen I whisper, “Care to explain? We’ve never spoken with them at work, and we have never invited them over. It’s a bit out of the blue and I would have appreciated warning.” Signaling with my hand at my awful outfit.
“I’m sorry. But, Abigail told me something when I was talking with them. It felt rude not to acknowledge them and then she brought this thing up. I thought it would be better if she told you, not me. I didn’t want to mess it up.”
It sends an unwelcome shiver down my spine. “Okay. Is it this important though?”
“I don’t know. But if it is, I’m sure you would be better knowing sooner rather than later.”
Conversation between all of us seemed to be forced and strained in the lounge to start with until the wine began to hit us, then it flowed a little more naturally—as natural as conversation gets when you’re tipsy—and these two are actually really nice girls. Shame I never considered giving them the time of day to start a conversation or include them in one at work. That would be one of my many changes. To be more open and inviting to new people. Old people could screw off and hurt themselves—well, Kyle could.
“I’m nipping to the bathroom,” Nod informed us as she got up and practically crawled away, at that point Nicole informed me she needed to go too, and I showed her through to the en-suite in my room. Then it clicked, Abigail and I were on our own. Maybe those three had a well thought out plan to help Abigail tell me what she needed to.
I sat back down on “Nod’s couch” and grabbed one the now-cold slices of pizza. “Worst thing about drinking, your bladder seems to have a mind of its own.” I laughed.
I sensed Abigail’s awkwardness from her strained laugh, like she was running through the words in her head. “Cat, I don’t know if Nadine has already mentioned that I wanted to talk to you, but I felt like I had to tell you. I’ve seen your mood and the way Kyle completely blanks you these days.”
“It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out we’re not talking,” I laugh, which is the complete opposite of what I really want to do. “But, he’s not important to me now. Well, that’s my future plan.”
“I get that, I think, but, I heard you and his Mom talking at the ball. I was in one of the cubicles and heard everything. She was one nasty bitch.”
“That would be her,” I say giving her a tight lipped smile. “She’ll never change, always has and always will hate me.”
“I saw his Mom earlier, she was a few tables away from us. I couldn’t hear much about what was being said, but she was really pissed at Josie. She looked like she was giving her the mother of all lectures and Josie even cried. I don’t know if this means anything to you, I just thought I’d tell you because…I heard your name mentioned.”
Woah! What? Why? I should have no significance in their conversations. I bet diamonds she’d rather he date Josie than me. “My name? Did you hear anything else?”
“No. My ears pricked up when I heard your name and I tried to listen, but I couldn’t catch anything else. It might be nothing, but I didn’t want to risk it.”
“Thank you.”
Nicole and Nod come back in shortly after that and we continued the evening, me slightly withdrawn from it as I tried to think about what Abigail had just said. Mrs. Cooper was probably just pissed that he’d handed me a check. After all, it was the whole reason she tried to keep me away from him, to stay away from his money. Money she believed I was interested in, when in fact I had no interest in it.
By the end of the night I was mentally feeling better about everything, just for the time being but I could blame that on drinking.
While Nadine made another trip to the bathroom, Nicole informed that she’s spotted Ryan doing something I’d told her he shouldn’t have and to keep her mouth shut while I confronted him about it. I also managed to swipe Nod’s phone and take Ryan’s number so that I could. I’d be having words with him, very soon.
How to waste a Saturday, perfected by, me.
I could have done anything, but what do I do, I sit in my room and think. Thinking is the worst weapon anyone can have. You take the smallest thing and contemplate it so much it becomes a mountain in your head, and no matter how many times I think about my life, I can’t get the thought of my new beginning out of it.
I came here to escape the person I’d become and yet here I am, thinking about all the negativity in my life. As much as I despised Kyle at the moment, I was thankful that he’d given me the most precious gift I could ever ask for, even if it was such a short amount of time. Two months is nothing, but it’s long enough to make happy memories. I wasn’t going to let Kyle ruin that. He may very well have destroyed me and broken my heart again, but he wouldn’t destroy my soul. My soul became Kody’s even after he’d died. He was a part of me and would forever be a part of me, even if it was just in memory now. I’d given everything I could to him and if I could have taken his place I would have, but I couldn’t. Instead I was left behind and lived with the pain daily, still do. You may look okay and act okay, maybe even at times feel it but it doesn’t mean you forget or life gets easier. You just cope and things change, you change as a person. That was why I moved back here. Not to run away from my past, but to run away from the person I had become, someone who lived with the heartache on the outside for everyone to see.
Eventually, my parents made me see that my life wasn’t going anywhere and I had to find some kind of path to go down, to find a reason to live again. At the time I was really pissed because I heard the words like, “get over Kody,” which I’d never do, but I soon realized that they were right. Although I hated the fact I was still breathing, I had to focus on something, something else that might give me a reason to live. That was the day I looked at moving back here. Here was home, this country me.
I decided in that moment to get qualifications and spent weeks deciding on what to do. I had always enjoyed calculus, and figured accounting was a safe bet. After that, every living, breathing second became dedicated to that. I missed tons of nights out with my friends and family but knew it would be worth it in the long run, I had time now to enjoy that and make up for it.
If only I knew then what I knew now, I’d have moved to another state.
Grabbing my phone I tapped out a couple of messages to Nicole, Abigail and Nod, asking them if they wanted to go out tonight. I know I wasn’t really close with Nicole and Abigail, but if this plan worked, I wasn’t sure if I’d be leaving the bar straight after. Besides, we needed to become friends. No one can have too many friends, right?
Nod was against it because of working and making up missing last night, but I managed to twist her arm and get her to come after work. Abigail and Nicole seemed up for it and we planned on meeting up outside a small bar not far from this new club that had opened up. That left the final piece of the puzzle to sort out. It would be the hardest part, but thanks to Nicole’s information, I had a little ammunition.
It was almost three when I crawled out of bed, dragging myself to the computer and then typed up my gift for Kyle.
I need to do this and try ag
ain with the whole “life without him” shit. I didn’t want to feel like he could turn up with that red-headed slut bag at any moment and ruin whatever mood I’d be in.
While it printed I grabbed my cell and punched in Ryan’s number, pacing the apartment. When he finally picked up, I didn’t give him a chance to say a word. “Ryan? It’s Cat, don’t acknowledge it’s me in any way, shape or form.”
“Oookay…”
“Are you alone, like completely alone? I don’t even want Nod to be around you,” I ask, biting my nails as I wait for him to reply.
“I’m alone, are you okay?”
Thank heavens for that. “I’m fine. I just need you to do me a favor.”
“Sure, what?”
I breathe a heavy sigh down the phone before I start, “Can you ask Kyle to meet you at that new place. Monarchy?”
He’s quite for a moment, “Sure, but why?”
“Ryan, don’t ask questions just do. Have you been there before?”
“Yeah,” he says warily.
I stop pacing and take a seat just in case this conversation winds up being long-winded, because I’m sure he’ll ask his questions. “Is there somewhere private? I want to talk to him and I’d prefer it to be without extra ears or eyes.”
He goes quiet again. “Yeah, I think so. At any point are you going to tell me why? I don’t see why you don’t just ask him either.”
I deliberately bang my head on the back of the couch. “Because,” I sigh, “we aren’t talking. Can you ask him to meet you at nine?”
“I will, but I want to know what’s going on,” he says, starting to sound annoyed.
“I just need to talk,” I shout, which isn’t a good move when you’re asking for a favor. “He’ll ignore me if I ask but he won’t you and I swear to God Ryan if you don’t, I will make sure a certain someone knows about that house you’ve been looking at…because I will be drinking and I won’t even try to control my mouth.”
Coming Home (Only Time Will Tell #1) Page 18