Before I could decide whether I should, I went after him.
“Get out,” he said from behind his desk, his voice low and cold, as I opened the door.
“No,” I said the same way. “You’re accusing me of something I didn’t do and I won’t have that.”
He laughed. “Of course you did it. Stupid fun-loving Austin? Every girl wants him. I just thought you’d be smarter than--”
“All he did when we were out was talk about that girl from the cruise,” I snapped at him. “Her, and about Melissa too because he’s worried about her. That’s it. And where the hell is your mother that you can’t tell me?”
“At Melissa’s! At her party!”
From the look on his face he hadn’t meant to tell me that. His rage dissipated, and so did mine. “Get out,” he said quietly, more of a request this time than a command.
I shook my head. “Tell me what’s happening.”
“Melissa’s having a Halloween party tonight,” he said, his voice flat. “The family’s all there. All but us.”
This hurt. I knew Melissa and I weren’t exactly best friends but I couldn’t believe she’d thrown a family party and left us out. “She should have invited us, you’re right,” I said, “but I guess she felt like--”
“She did,” he said, his anger rising again and spilling from him. “She did invite us, through Mom, and I said no because it was rude of her.”
I glanced at the couch, feeling strange about standing before him like an employee being chewed out by her boss. Although, wasn’t that basically what was happening?
“Sit if you want,” Owen said, and though his voice was still cool I felt a hint of apology in it.
I took a seat and said, “I don’t understand how it was rude to--”
“To invite me to my ex-fiancée’s house? To make me see her with her baby?”
“She’s not that now,” I said, shocked by the sudden disappearance of the apologetic tone and reappearance of fury. “Well, she is, but it doesn’t matter. She’s your brother’s wife. Your sister-in-law. Mine too. Our family. Don’t you want to have a family?”
“Of course I do,” he snarled at me. “That’s what I don’t know how to--” He slapped his hand down on his desk. “Damn it, don’t change the subject. This is about the party. I didn’t want to go, so we didn’t. No big deal. But it is a big deal that you’re hanging out with Austin.”
I didn’t know where to start. “We went out for coffee, Owen. Three times. Four at the most. I don’t even remember, that’s how unimportant it was. And I told you about it beforehand. It wasn’t... you’re making it sound like I was sneaking around with him and that is so not true. And he’s totally obsessed with Corinne.”
“The woman from the cruise,” he said, seeming to calm a bit. Then his head went up and he said, “But you knew right away. The day that first came up, you said he was serious about her. And he’s at that party right now with her. So I guess he was serious. And I want to know how you knew so fast.”
I couldn’t tell him that. I didn’t know if I’d ever tell him I was an empath but this seemed like a singularly bad time.
When I didn’t speak, he said, “Tell me the truth. Were you screwing around with him? Is that how you knew?”
The suggestion insulted me, but when I looked into his eyes I saw that he was terrified of my answer. Though I didn’t know why he would be, I went over and crouched beside his chair. “Owen,” I said, looking up at him, “I swear to you on my life that I’ve never screwed around. With Austin, or with anyone. And I never will.”
He held my gaze for a second, then looked away. “I believe you.”
I felt like he did, but I wanted to give him more. “Austin just seemed to truly be sad about Corinne. He wasn’t making jokes about her or fooling around or anything like he usually did. I felt like he’d changed.”
“Well, he has. She’s got a baby daughter and he’s spending tons of time with the two of them. I never thought he’d fall for anyone, never mind someone with a kid.”
A daughter. How was Melissa coping with that?
Before I could do more than wonder, Owen said, “I’m sorry, Celia. You deserve better. Better than me. Look, why don’t you go take a bath, now that you finally can, and I’ll clean up in the hall. Okay?”
No. Not even close. “Owen--”
He shook his head. “I... look. I believe you, and I’m sorry, and that’s all I’ve got right now. Can you please go before I say something else horrible?”
I went, but as I sat crying in the bathtub hoping the sound of the jets would prevent him from hearing me I wondered why he was so upset. Was it that he still loved Melissa? Maybe, since he was still referring to her as his ex-fiancée. Or did he want more of a relationship with me? His jealousy of my time with Austin would make me think so, if he didn’t also still seem obsessed with Melissa.
I only knew one thing for sure.
Whatever was wrong, it was tearing him apart.
Chapter Thirty-One
Two weeks after that horrible night, Owen and I were enduring another one. This time, though, we were more or less on the same side.
Tam and Leonard, at whose house we were having dinner, had been snapping at each other all evening, and finally as she served coffee and he criticized her for bringing out “the wrong sugar” she lost control. “Can I see you in the kitchen, please?”
They vanished, but they might as well have stayed with us because their voices carried. Hers, telling him this was clearly not about sugar and why didn’t he just tell her what was really going on for once. His, telling her there was no point because she always got emotional and never listened.
My eyes met Owen’s across the table. He gave me a ghost of a smile and murmured, “At least neither of them threw their coffee.”
I burst out laughing and tried to turn it into a cough. We hadn’t laughed much, or even smiled much, in the last two weeks, so I hated having to stifle my amusement. Owen had been quiet and withdrawn for a few days after his strange outburst then had begun treating me with a stiff politeness that made things around the house so awkward I’d have preferred him to stay silent. We hadn’t discussed whatever had set him off, and I doubted we ever would, but I couldn’t stop wondering about it. His overreaction to my innocent contact with Austin made no sense to me.
Leonard mumbled something I couldn’t hear, a nice change from hearing everything, and Tam responded quietly as well then said louder, “Fine. It was your idea, but fine. Let’s go.”
I looked at Owen, my eyes wide, and he had just enough time to give me an answering grimace before Tam and Leonard reappeared in the dining room. “Sorry, guys,” Leonard said as he took his seat. “Sorry. I thought we could handle this without freaking out but clearly not.”
Tam took a quick and somehow angry breath but Leonard went on before she could speak. “The thing is, we’re getting a divorce. Tam’s looking for an apartment but hasn’t found one yet so we’re stuck together. And so I guess it’s no surprise that we’re not exactly civil with each other right now. I thought we’d be okay for one night with you two but...” He shrugged. “Well, anyhow. Now you know.”
“I’m sorry,” I said, looking from him to Tam then mentally begging her not to release all the rage I saw in her eyes right now. “We should probably go.”
Tam shook her head at once, and Leonard said, “But it’s nice having you here,” and I heard a hint of desperation in his voice and realized he didn’t want to be left alone with his soon-to-be-former wife.
“Well, maybe you should show me your new TV then,” Owen said, pushing back his chair. “Let the ladies talk a bit.”
This particular lady didn’t want to, because I knew I was about to get details I didn’t need, but Tam said, “Sounds good,” and Owen and Leonard headed off.
When they were out of earshot she said to me, “More wine?”
I shook my head, and as she filled her own glass she said, “Honestly. I hate how cas
ual he is about this. He always says it as ‘getting a divorce’. Like he’s getting new socks. No big deal.” She threw back most of her wine then refilled the glass. “But it is a big deal. Divorcing, I mean.”
I nodded, wondering whether Owen was even now asking Leonard about the process to divorce me. Before the big blowup over Austin I wouldn’t have thought he would, but his fury had so overwhelmed him and he was now so uninterested in me that I couldn’t imagine he wanted to stay with me much longer no matter what leaving did to his career.
“I really am sorry, Tam,” I said. “There’s no chance you can...”
I trailed off because she was already shaking her head. “He doesn’t care. I’m not even sure now he ever did. Want to know something awful?”
I didn’t, but the question had been rhetorical. “It took me three tries to tell him I wanted to divorce. He couldn’t even be bothered to look away from that damned TV to hear me.”
A quick mental image of Owen in front of the TV in his cave, so focused he didn’t hear me telling him dinner was ready, flashed through my mind, but I forced it away. Owen and I were different. We were married for good and logical reasons and those hadn’t changed.
She sighed. “I loved him so much, at the beginning, but... he treats me like I’m no more important than some casual friend. He barely notices me, doesn’t talk to me unless he has to, and as for sex, well, I think I remember how to do it. Barely. But not from recent experience.”
Owen and I were getting close to two months without sex, and I’d been worried enough about that before. “I’m sorry,” I said again because I couldn’t think of anything else to say.
She laughed, with no amusement, and drank half her wine in one gulp. “I shouldn’t say this but when you and Owen got married I felt sure you’d split up before me and Leonard and we were already having issues back then. I mean, marrying a guy who’d already been burned by marriage? Twice?”
I’d been surprised enough by her words, but when she added the last one I felt my heart skip a beat then kick hard against my ribs. “Twice?”
“Yeah, Melissa and Mi-- oh, hell. You don’t know.”
I shook my head. “Tell me.”
“I can’t.” She pushed her wine glass aside. “I shouldn’t have said anything.”
“But you did, so tell me. Quick, before they come back.”
She dropped her elbows onto the table and buried her face in her hands. “Leonard’s going to kill me. He always says I talk too much.”
“Tam, please. I know something’s wrong with Owen and I don’t know what, and I want to. I need to. Please.”
Without raising her head she said, “Before Melissa, there was Michelle.”
“Okay,” I said quietly, my fingers tingling with fear. “Keep going.”
“They dated nearly a year. He was crazy about her, was planning this big elaborate proposal. She was the one. Then...”
She took a deep drink of her wine and I fought off the urge to snatch the glass away and scream, “What happened?”
When she’d swallowed, she set the glass down and said, “Then she left.”
“After he proposed?”
She shook her head. “It was like a week before or something. He got up and she was gone. Left him a note saying it wasn’t working out. He had no idea. Broke his heart.”
Sitting shocked, I heard the guys heading back toward us. She must have too, because she leaned closer and whispered, “Then he tried to marry Melissa with no romantic stuff, and then...”
Owen and Leonard walked into the dining room and Tam said, as if she’d already been talking, “Yeah, I’m up for going to that store sometime. For sure.” She looked up at the guys and said, “Anyone want coffee? I think I need some.”
The others made small talk as we drank coffee. I joined in enough to not seem out of place but inside my head I was finishing Tam’s sentence. He tried to marry Melissa with no romantic stuff, and then she left him too, just like Michelle had. Dramatically and painfully.
Then he accepted my proposal. He’d made it clear at the time he’d liked my businesslike and non-emotional approach, and now I knew exactly why. He didn’t want to risk being hurt again, risk falling in love and being humiliated.
He didn’t love me. He wouldn’t let himself love me even if he wanted to. Was that why he’d been so distant lately? We’d had an amazing time in Vegas but ever since... Was he deliberately cooling things down between us so he wouldn’t develop feelings for me because if he did I might hurt him like his other women had?
I was still dwelling on that as we said our goodbyes and he pulled out of their parking lot.
After a few moments of silent driving, Owen said, “I didn’t see that coming. Their split.”
“Yeah, me neither.”
He sighed. “Leonard says she’s just so emotional and he can’t cope with it. All she ever does is cry at him, apparently.”
“Not what she says,” I told him. “She wants to be treated as more than a friend and he doesn’t do it.”
Owen drummed his fingers on the steering wheel. “Well, either way, it’s a bummer.”
“Yeah,” I murmured.
It certainly was. And both ways could describe my marriage. If I showed Owen how I truly felt inside, how much I now wanted a child and how scared I was to have the pure intimate connection with him that would require, I’d lose him for sure. He wouldn’t want me if I brought drama and emotions into our lives.
But did I want to keep him when our marriage was as flat and dull as the paper of our pre-nup?
Chapter Thirty-Two
On the first Monday of December, I sat in the chamber where I’d married Owen, struggling to get my head around being back here after the news he’d given me that morning.
It had been a strange day from the get-go. A little before lunch I’d been called by Austin, so excited he could barely get his words out, and invited to his wedding that evening. I’d been shocked, of course, but thrilled for him. He’d proposed to Corinne the night before and they’d decided to get married right away. Once I’d agreed we’d attend he’d quickly gotten off the phone because he had more things to plan. I’d called Owen to let him know, only to be blindsided again.
“I’ll have to meet you there, things are crazy here.”
“Why, what’s up?”
“Lawrence is leaving at the end of the year. Decided to retire. Just announced it today.”
I’d managed to mutter something reasonable, but I’d done no work all afternoon because I couldn’t stop thinking.
Owen had married me to get the promotion. Lawrence had granted him that promotion. Would Lawrence’s replacement care whether Owen was married? Probably not. So... would he stay married to me? Also probably not, and I was surprised and scared by how much that hurt even with how we’d been lately.
Owen, still in the suit he’d worn to work, slipped into the room and took the seat next to me in the second row. “Hi, sorry,” he said, pushing his coat off to drape over the back of his chair. “You were okay getting here on your own?”
I nodded, and he gave me a little smile, then we sat in silence.
I wondered if he was thinking about our wedding in that same room. Though I hadn’t seen him before it, I couldn’t imagine he’d looked anywhere near as excited as Austin, who was standing at the front shifting from foot to foot and grinning so hard his face must have hurt.
As I realized that my brother-in-law was about to marry a woman I’d never even met, and wondered again why Owen had been so against Melissa’s Halloween party, Linda came in with a tall woman of about her own age with long dark hair and a friendly smile who was carrying a baby a little younger than Nolan in a frothy peachy-pink dress. “Right here,” Linda said, pointing at one of the chairs in the front row. “And I’ll be beside you. Good place for pictures.”
Austin left the front and hurried over. “Helena, Corinne’s here, right?” The woman said, “I couldn’t talk her out of it,” clearl
y teasing, and Austin grinned at her then reached out a finger to the baby, who giggled and grabbed it. “And how’s my peach doing? You look great, Jenna.” He tickled the baby’s tummy, and over her squeals of laughter added, “You’re my pretty peach, aren’t you?”
After a few more moments of baby talk from Austin, while I watched amazed at his transformation, the officiant said, “I think we’re ready.”
Austin kissed the baby’s forehead and hugged Helena then returned to the front as Helena took her seat and a piece of music I’d never heard began playing. Classical, and gorgeous, with what I thought might be a clarinet soloist.
I heard a laugh of pure delight from the back, and turned to see a woman who looked so much like Helena that she had to be her daughter holding a bouquet of white roses in front of her beautiful dress. Sky blue at the top flowing down into a rich deep bluey-green at the bottom, though it was much more casual than most wedding dresses it was lovely.
We all stood as she walked down the aisle toward Austin, but she probably wouldn’t have noticed if we’d stripped and done a cancan in unison. She didn’t take her eyes off Austin once, and when I glanced at him I saw he was lost in her too.
When Corinne reached Austin he slipped his arm around her waist, and she smiled up at him and mouthed, “I love you.”
He returned the sentiment, and I heard a sudden sob and to my shock realized it was Linda. Austin turned to his mother and gave her such a sweet smile that my throat tightened. He obviously thought Linda was overcome by emotion at his wedding.
As I opened my energy field and picked up her feelings, I discovered that ‘overcome’ was definitely the right word, but not in the way he thought. She was both proud of him and happy for him, but she was also so angry she could hardly breathe and so sad I couldn’t imagine how she wasn’t bawling her eyes out.
Stunned by her confusing reaction, I reached out and touched her shoulder. She grabbed my wrist hard, keeping me there, and though it was uncomfortable I sat leaning forward throughout the entire ceremony because she didn’t so much as loosen her grip on me. Her shoulder was bony beneath my hand, and I looked at her arm and realized it was skinnier too. Why was she losing weight? She definitely didn’t need to.
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