He’d established somewhat of a routine with Lily with the help of Anna’s family and Anna’s best friend, Marlie, who conveniently lived across the street and worked from home. For a few years, she became Lily’s second parent. Last year, she had sold her house and moved from Florida to California because she’d met the man of her dreams. She had been sad to leave them, and frankly, Ryan was more than a little sad himself to see her go though not for the reasons Anna’s parents had hoped. They thought he and Marlie were romantically involved, and they’d given him their approval. But to him, her moving away was losing a good friend and another piece of the life he’d shared with his wife. Lily asked about her all the time when she’d first moved. She wanted to know why her mommies left her. Was she a bad girl? Did they want a new little girl? Each time she asked this, his heart broke a little more.
It was the main reason he hadn’t dated since Anna’s death. Fearful Lily would get too attached, he reasoned it would be best to remain single and celibate until she was older. Lately, he’d questioned his decision. He was a busy man during the day, given his duties as principal. In the evening he made dinner, helped Lily with homework if she had any, and if not, he’d made it a habit to get involved with a puzzle project. She’d become as addicted to puzzles as he was. He cherished these times, but often he thought about how lonely he was and wondered how much longer staying home doing puzzles of Maps of the World with a soon-to-be eight-year-old would substitute as a social life for a forty-four-year-old. Not that he didn’t enjoy this time with Lily. He of all people knew that life could change on a dime. He cherished the time with his daughter, but after he put her to bed, the nights were long and becoming quite lonely. It wasn’t that he needed “a woman” as some of his guy friends teased. No, he needed adult-female companionship. Someone to spend time with and enjoy whatever they chose to do. Maybe it was time to start thinking about dating again. He would just keep it quiet. There was no need to tell Lily.
No, for now, he would keep these thoughts to himself.
He filled his briefcase with the paperwork that he needed to attend to over the weekend, patted his pockets for his keys. “I’ll see you all Monday,” he said with as much cheer as he could muster to the three ladies who comprised his office staff.
“Have a good weekend, Ryan,” Bea, his personal secretary, said as her bright pink nails danced across her keyboard.
“Thanks, I plan to.” He didn’t, but she didn’t need to know that.
Bea’s two assistants, Chloe and Ruth, waved as he passed through the front office. He gave a friendly two-finger wave in return but didn’t say anything. They were engrossed in whatever Bea had assigned them. She was almost seventy. He dreaded the day she retired. It would be difficult functioning without her. But, again, he had experienced loss, and the loss of a secretary could and would be dealt with when the time came.
He exited the building through the staff door. Greeted by bright sunshine, and a tinge of a breeze, Ryan hoped they’d have a bit of cool weather for the upcoming holidays. Florida during Thanksgiving and Christmas was not conducive to throwing one into the holiday spirit.
He tossed his briefcase in the backseat, cranked over the engine on his nine-year-old Ford, and was backing out of the parking space marked PRINCIPAL ROGERS when his cell phone rang. He looked at the caller ID. “Yes, Bea, what did I forget?” he asked.
“Nothing. I just wanted to remind you that tonight’s your turn to host the session at the library. Seven o’clock.”
“Thanks, I’d completely forgotten about it,” he said, and wished he hadn’t made the commitment. He was always true to his word, so he’d go, and maybe tonight he would tell the members to take him off the volunteer list.
“You’re supposed to bring the snacks, too. I went ahead and ordered three dozen cupcakes from Cream Cups for you,” Bea said.
“You’re a real doll, Bea. Thanks. Have a good weekend,” he said, then clicked off.
Since Lily was spending the weekend with Phillip and Nan, they’d picked her up an hour ago, which gave him time to drive the three blocks to the bakery, so he wouldn’t have to backtrack later. With the house to himself, he would read through the paperwork he’d been avoiding, then prepare himself for tonight’s session.
Thirty minutes later, he placed three boxes of cupcakes on the table, dropped his briefcase on the kitchen floor, and headed to the master bedroom to shower and change.
When he finished, he dressed in faded jeans and an equally faded burgundy-and-gold Florida State T-shirt, his alma mater, and hopefully one day Lily’s, too. He grabbed a can of Coke from the fridge, then removed the papers from his briefcase.
He took them out to the lanai and read them three times. He’d questioned this idea for months, and now he had to make a decision. Once he signed the papers, it would be final. There would be no turning back.
However, he was only forty-four, still reasonably young. It was time to move forward. Before he changed his mind, he took a pen and signed all the papers, then went inside and faxed them to the real estate office.
When the last paper slid through the machine, he lifted his can of Coke in the air, toasting his bravery.
The home he and Anna had shared was now officially up for sale.
Chapter Four
Brandy started her new job at the library the Monday after Thanksgiving. She’d been nervous at first, but George and the rest of the staff knew her and treated her as though she were an old friend, not a new employee on her very first day. She knew them from her many visits over the years.
“You know this place inside and out, Brandy,” George explained. “Just follow Andrea, and she’ll show you what your job entails.” He patted her on the shoulder. “You’ll do just fine. I was thrilled when Linda told me you were interested in the job. Now, welcome to our little family.”
“Thanks, George, this means a lot to me. I’m going to like working here, I can feel it,” she said, as a way to convince herself. She thought that she would, but she was still frightened. She’d never had a real job, had never been the breadwinner. She had to work now. It wasn’t a choice. The pay wasn’t as much as she needed, but George assured her that after her ninety-day probationary period, the pay would increase. She’d breathed a sigh of relief when he told her this. What little bit of money she had left from Jeff’s insurance would now be her and the kids’ nest egg. Unless it was absolutely necessary, she wouldn’t use another dime of it.
“So can I. Now let Andrea show you the ropes. I’ll see you later,” George said, then headed to his office.
Andrea was short and round, with bright blue eyes and a headful of bouncy red curls. Brandy guessed she was somewhere between fifty and sixty. It was hard to tell. “Follow me, hon. I’ll get you the list of December’s events, and let me tell you, it’s a long one this year.”
Brandy nodded and followed Andrea to the back of the library. She felt good today. She wore a black pencil skirt with a dark green silk blouse. With low heels and minimal makeup, she felt as professional as one could, given her circumstances. Linda had pretty much told her to get off her duff and start living again or else. She hadn’t asked what the “or else” referred to, but assumed it was drastic. Her feelings of happiness could be as fickle as the weather. She’d had brief moments of happiness before. But as soon as she thought about Jeff, she was back to that dark, sad place where she’d existed for so long and wasn’t sure she’d ever leave. But in order to survive, she had to allow herself a few moments of respite from her grief, though doing so gave her a massive bout of guilt. She hoped that Jeff would understand. In the meantime, all she could do was cross her fingers and offer up a silent prayer that he was okay with her focusing on her new job. She would return to her grief tonight.
“Brandy, are you all right?” Andrea asked her.
Startled, she said, “Uh, yes. I was just in awe of all the books we passed.” She tried to sound light and teasing, but from the look on Andrea’s face, she hadn’t
been successful.
Andrea’s friendly face showed concern. “Are you sure?” she asked. “We can have a cup of coffee in my office if you’d like. Give you a chance to get used to working here.” Andrea smiled. Brandy knew her as a library employee, but now she was also her immediate supervisor.
“No, I’m fine. Truly. It’s still hard, you know.” She let the sentence hang. Everyone at the library knew she was a widow. She hated being called a widow. It made her sound old and ugly. But she reminded herself that she wasn’t a young babe in the woods anymore, either. And ugly, well it depended on what one thought of as ugly. She actually smiled at the thought.
“You know we have grief counseling sessions here. Every Friday at seven o’clock. You should attend. I went for a couple of years after my husband passed away. They really helped me to move on with my life.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t know” was all she could come up with.
“Howard had been ill for a long time. In a way, it was a relief. He suffered for so long.”
“I suppose it’s for the best, but it’s still hard, you know?” Brandy said.
Andrea nodded. “It took me a couple of years to decide to live again, but when I did, my life now is so much better since I changed my attitude.
“I know Howard isn’t suffering, and he would want me to be happy. We talked about this before he passed away. We even discussed the fact that I might even meet someone and fall in love again. I told him that was highly unlikely for someone my age, but you know, I was wrong. I have a boyfriend now.” Andrea’s eyes lit up like stars. “He’s the best thing that ever happened to me, too. You’ll see. One day, you will also find another special someone.”
“I don’t think so,” she said sternly. She thought Andrea was a bit crazy. How could she just forget her husband? And a boyfriend? It seemed like a betrayal, but she would keep that to herself. She didn’t want to start off on the wrong foot, especially not with the woman who was her supervisor.
A bit hesitantly, Andrea asked, “Surely, you and your husband discussed this sort of thing?”
Brandy could feel the heat rise to her cheeks. What right did she have to ask such a personal question? They stood like two statues in front of what Brandy assumed was Andrea’s office.
“It’s too personal. I’m sorry. I can’t talk about this now. Just show me what my job entails. I came here to work, not discuss my future dating habits,” she said. She knew it came out all wrong, but it was too late to take it back.
Andrea threw back her shoulders, gaining an inch in height. “Of course.” She turned and walked inside the office. Brandy trailed behind.
She removed three large stacks of papers from a filing cabinet. “These are the requests we have for use of the meeting rooms. Since this is the main branch, we schedule for all Lee County’s libraries. Here is a master list of the requirements for the applicants. Most of the forms are returned to us by fax or e-mail.”
Brandy had thought she would be working at the main desk, checking out books, interacting with the public, discussing their favorite books and authors. She wasn’t sure she could do this. Maybe it was a mistake taking this job. She could find something else. She preferred to work from home. She should let someone else who needed the job take over.
What am I thinking? I need this job.
“I can manage that,” she forced herself to say. “Is there more to the job than scheduling?”
“Oh yes. Much more. You’ll be reserving computer times for those who’ve put in a request. Then there is the homework-assistance program. You will need to match the volunteer to the student, that sort of thing. And story times for the preschool children. When at all possible, we like to have a children’s author as a guest reader. I have a list of authors who regularly read to the children. You’ll need to familiarize yourself with the children’s books, then set up the story times, which almost always stay the same unless something drastic happens. It’s all quite simple. Just a matter of being organized. Now”—she came out from behind her desk and held the stacks of papers out to Brandy, who took them—“I’ll show you to your office. Give you time to read through the applicants. Just use the master list as your guide and schedule according to the event. It’s all laid out for you.” She motioned to the stack of papers she held, and said, “You’ll get the hang of it in no time. Oh,” Andrea added, “one more thing. You will also be responsible for organizing the Christmas-decorating committee volunteers. Actually, you should start that first. The holidays are just right around the corner. We’re usually completely decked out by the first of December.” Andrea smiled. “I hope this isn’t too much for you.”
Brandy took a deep, miserable breath. “No, it’s not. I can’t wait to get started,” she replied, and knew that Andrea knew she was lying.
“There’s a list of Friends of the Library who always volunteer to decorate. It’s somewhere in that stack of papers. You’ll want to contact them today.”
“Of course,” Brandy said, trying to display more enthusiasm than she actually felt. “I’ll get started right away.”
She followed Andrea through a zigzag of rooms she hadn’t known existed. “This,” Andrea said as she opened the door, “is your new office.”
A room not much bigger than her closet held a utilitarian gray desk, a chair, and a desktop computer. There were no windows, no plants, and not a single book. She wanted to toss the papers and run, but she swallowed hard and shook her head. “I love it.”
And now she was turning into a liar.
Chapter Five
“Daddy, that was the best birthday party ever. Lisa, Cara, and Joy said so today in school. They said they wanna have fairy princess parties, too,” Lily said as she swirled a spaghetti noodle around her fork.
Ryan smiled. She looked exactly like him. Black, curly hair, deep brown eyes, and, from the looks of it, she would be tall as well. Hopefully not as thin as he was, but he thought her perfect. He only wished Anna could’ve lived to see what a little angel they’d created, but it wasn’t in the stars.
“I agree. Fairy princesses are the best,” he said as he sat across from her. He’d made her her favorite dinner. Spaghetti and meatballs. Iceberg lettuce with ranch dressing and garlic bread.
She nodded. Red sauce circled her mouth. He pointed to his mouth with his index finger. She reached for her napkin and wiped her mouth. They were on the same wavelength. She was such a sweet little girl. Well behaved, smart, and beautiful. Right this moment, he thought his life was as close to perfect as it was going to get, at least for now. That made him smile.
“What’s so funny, Daddy? You look silly when you grin that way,” she said, and giggled.
“I was just thinking how lucky I am to have such a beautiful, intelligent, and very well-mannered daughter. I smiled because you make me happy,” he replied honestly.
She appeared to contemplate his answer. “Did Mommy smile at me a lot when I was a baby?” she asked as she continued to eat her spaghetti, carefully winding the long noodles around the tines of her fork as he’d taught her.
About to take a bite of spaghetti, he lowered his fork. It had been a very long time since Lily had mentioned anything about Anna. “Mommy smiled at you all the time. She, too, thought you were an amazingly smart little girl.” That was all he could come up with though it was the truth. She’d just caught him off guard.
“Did Marlie smile at me a lot?” Lily asked.
He laughed out loud. “Of course she did. You remember her, don’t you?”
She placed her fork at the top of her plate as he’d taught her. “Kinda, but not real good. Her face is kinda fuzzy. I just forget ’cause I was small, right?”
“Of course. We can get out the pictures after dinner if you want,” he suggested. Sometimes he did this just to let her know she had a mother and that Marlie really existed. Though she spoke to her on the phone at least once a month, Lily was becoming almost shy when they talked. He should take her out to California for a vi
sit this summer, but he wasn’t sure if this would do more harm than good. It could trigger the loss all over again. After Marlie moved, Lily cried herself to sleep every night for almost three months. He couldn’t risk that again.
“Nope, I don’t wanna. They’re too old,” she said. “I want to get the Christmas stuff out. You said we would. Please. Please. Please,” she added, then gave him her best smile. She’d lost her two bottom teeth, and she stuck her tongue through the space where they belonged. It always made him laugh in delight.
Kids. He loved his daughter so very much. Someday, he hoped to meet a woman who would love Lily as much as he did, but he knew he had to wait until she was old enough to understand what a relationship between a man and a woman was all about. Maybe when she was a teenager, he’d meet someone. She would need a woman’s influence then more than ever. Nan was great, but Ryan knew from experience that when girls reached a certain age, they didn’t want to hang out with their grandmother. But, he could be wrong about that. Lily loved her grandparents very much, and he would never take that away from her. He loved them, too. Recently, they’d started dropping hints that it was time for him to move on with his life. They didn’t come out and say, “It’s time to start dating,” but he knew what they meant, and he agreed.
He had more news, and he knew he couldn’t put off telling them much longer. He planned to tell Lily soon. And he hadn’t planned on putting up the Christmas tree.
At least not in this house.
Chapter Six
Linda had insisted that she and Brandy meet for dinner tonight. Brandy didn’t want to. All she wanted to do was go home, take a hot bath, make a pot of tea, and read the latest novel she’d brought home. Her fourth day at the library had been much tougher than she really wanted to admit.
The Most Wonderful Time Page 3