“If I were an angel, I wouldn’t want to kiss you.”
“And you sh—” She tilted her head. “You wanted to kiss me?”
“Against my better judgment. I’m a man, Maddie. Nothing more, nothing less.”
She took him in again but still didn’t look convinced.
And even more against his better judgment, he said, “Still offering to help? I could use a hand.”
The boat was beginning to look like an acupuncture patient. The C-Flex was held in place by dozens of ice picks. Maddie held the material, and Chase stuck the pick in.
Working on a boat wasn’t on the list of ways to mend a broken heart, but there she was. She’d come up with the idea during the long hours of another sleepless night. He couldn’t use work as an excuse to push her away if she were helping him, right? She’d gotten up earlier than anyone else, left a note, and headed to the marina. This time when she’d pulled into the parking lot, she hadn’t dreaded the bad place. She’d concentrated on her goal of getting Chase to admit or see that he was her angel.
Barnie had already been up and looking over the form in the warehouse. “He’s doing a good job.”
“On the boat, anyway,” she’d muttered, but Barnie hadn’t asked what she’d meant, and she didn’t explain. Sometimes his lack of curiosity was a good thing.
When Chase had said all those mean things, combined with the fact that her sister had sold her out, Maddie had imploded. She’d gone home to her bedroom, pulled the covers up to her chin and sunk into her comfortable hole. Nine on the sad meter.
Then she realized something: since Chase had come into her life, she’d edged to four or even three. The double rainbow, and the way she felt when she looked at him, had nudged her back into the light. If she gave up on him being her angel, she might have to give up on the angel altogether. That thought had sent her even deeper into her darkness looking at a future that held no color. She decided that he must be her angel. He just didn’t know it.
Telling him off had given her a different kind of feeling, a feeling of strength she’d never felt before. She’d held it under control until he’d kissed her. That had thrown everything off. He wasn’t supposed to kiss like that, with a warm, soft mouth armed with an electrical charge. And she wasn’t supposed to react like that, not when she still loved Wayne and didn’t want to love anyone else again.
“You all right?” he asked, bringing her out of her reverie. “You were just kind of staring off. I don’t want you to fall off the scaffolding.”
“If you lost your memory, how can you remember how to kiss…like that?”
He blinked at her question, then got a chagrinned look. “Forget I kissed you. And don’t spread it around that I don’t know who I am,” he added. “It’s not something I go around telling everyone.”
She tilted her head and smiled. “Who else have you told?”
He seemed to weigh his answer, then said, “Just you. Now forget about it.”
Yeah, right.
A lone fan washed warm air over them. She pulled her hair up and closed her eyes for a moment. When she opened them, he was watching her.
He averted his gaze. “Ready to break for lunch?”
She wanted to ask him if she’d really seen the burn of hunger in his eyes but pushed out, “Yes,” instead.
“You don’t have to do this, you know.”
“Aren’t I helping?” She thought of Q being more of a hindrance than a help to Bobby.
He took in her expression and smiled. “Yeah, you’re helping. But you’re obviously not used to working.”
“No, but you know what? It feels good to be doing something again.”
Chase climbed down from the scaffolding and held out his hands to help her. She leaned into them, feeling them tighten around her waist as he set her down in front of him. He seemed to notice that his hands remained on her waist even after her feet had touched down and let go.
“Jeez, you weigh almost nothing,” he said.
“Don’t tell me I’m skinny.”
“Don’t women like to hear that?”
“Not this woman. All my life I’ve been called skinny and string bean, and people are always saying, ‘Baby, are you losing weight?’ and I’m sick of it. I don’t like being skinny, but I am and there’s nothing I can do about it. Ever since Wayne left, my family pays more attention than ever to my weight.”
He was studying her, one eye narrowed. “You can’t even say it, can you?”
“Sure, I can. See…skinny.”
“No, died.”
She shook her head. “No one’s supposed to say that word around me. Left is better.”
He grabbed up a battered cooler and walked out to the old picnic table that overlooked the bay. “Maddie, you’re a case.”
She grabbed her cooler and followed him, trying not to look at the bad place even though it looked different now. “A case of what?”
He sat down. “Denial, for starters. It’s been a year since your husband died. Isn’t it time to accept that and move on?”
She sank to the bench on the other side of the table. “I don’t want to move on. He was the only man I’ll ever love, and the only man who will ever love me. I don’t want to lose what I feel for him or replace it with something else.” She felt her mouth tighten along with her chest. “I just want the pain to go away.”
His expression softened, but he focused on opening his cooler. “You’re never going to date anyone? Marry again? Have kids? I’m assuming you don’t have kids.”
She shook her head to all his questions. “I’ll never love anyone the way I loved Wayne. I know that, so it’s useless to even think about it. And as you’ve no doubt guessed, there isn’t exactly an overabundance of eligible men in town. The ones who are in town…well, they aren’t interested in me.”
“Why not?”
He was serious.
“Come on, look at me.”
He did, sweeping his gaze over her face and down as far as he could see of her. “And?”
She laughed but couldn’t help feeling a little warm inside that he still had to question. “Besides being plain and…skinny, nobody here is ever going to see me as anything more than ‘Baby’, the scrawny, sickly kid they grew up with. But it doesn’t matter because, like I said, I’m not going there.”
“Ah-huh.” He pulled out what looked like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, and a sloppy one at that.
“I brought lunch for both of us.” She opened her own cooler and pulled out leftover chicken and potato salad.
“You didn’t have to do that.” But his hungry eyes gave him away.
He watched her set out the paper plates and spoon a heap of salad onto his plate and a smaller one onto hers. Then she doled out the fried chicken, two thighs for him and a wing for herself.
“Is that all you’re eating?” he asked.
“I don’t eat much. And no, I’m not anorexic. Food just doesn’t appeal to me anymore.”
“Since Wayne died.”
“Left.”
He shook his head. “Maddie, you’re not just a case; you’re a truckload.”
CHAPTER 6
“I never thought about how these things were actually made.” Maddie stepped back to survey the work they’d completed by mid-afternoon. They were nearly done with the C-Flex application.
Sweat glistened on her collar bone and neck, and she was sprinkled with flecks of sawdust. The fan blew her blond hair away from her face. Her skin was flushed with heat and exertion, and Chase refocused his thoughts. He could think about her later, when he was gone, and she couldn’t tempt him.
“You like going out on boats?” he asked.
She looked out the big open door to the choppy water beyond. “Yeah. Wayne and I went out at least three times a week. I liked going out on the Dinky—that’s what he called it. It’s just a little boat we took out to watch the sunset and go shelling. He liked to go fast, whether it was on a boat or in a car.” She got a wan smi
le on her face. “He used to get this look, and I knew he was up to something. Sometimes I could feel it. Like when we’d go out at night, and he’d open the throttle all the way.”
“In the dark?”
He had been listening to her talk about Wayne since lunch. He didn’t know whether to like the guy or hate him. He seemed too perfect, too wonderful.
“That’s what made it exciting, going into that black void at full tilt.”
Ah, perhaps he’d found the crack in Wayne’s silver armor. “What if you’d hit something?”
She waved that away. “He knew where everything was. Besides, out in the Gulf, it’s pretty much open.”
“Except for buoys. And other boats, debris, traps.”
“Boats would have lights on.”
“Not always.”
She turned to him, her admiration for Wayne still intact. “But nothing ever did. He knew what he was doing. He wouldn’t let anything happen to me.”
Chase let out a humph sound, deciding not to mention that something did happen, though luckily Wayne was alone. Things could happen out there, especially in the dark. Something had happened to him, too. And hadn’t he found part of a raft floating out there?
“Wayne was like that,” she continued. “He brought adventure into my dull life. He liked taking chances. Did I tell you he got me scuba diving?”
Let’s see, she’d talked about meeting him in high school, their wedding, their honeymoon in the Caribbean, but no, not scuba diving. “No.”
“He was certified, and he taught me how to dive.”
In the oddity that was his life, Chase knew nothing about himself but knew diving without being certified was wrong. “You didn’t go through the course?”
“Nah. He knew everything about diving, so why go through the formalities? He opened a whole new world to me down there. He used to feed barracudas by putting a hotdog in his mouth. They’d come right up to him and take it. And he rode a shark once. He said it was a nurse shark so it wouldn’t attack. It was amazing.”
Behind Maddie’s excitement, he detected a hint of the worry she’d felt then. She tucked her arms around herself, bunching up her now-dusty jumpsuit.
“He lived on the edge, didn’t he?” he asked.
She walked up to the fan and spread her arms like a cormorant drying its wings. “He made life worth living. You know, it’s nice to talk about him like this. My family is very supportive of me, but whenever I try to bring up Wayne, they change the subject. I’m probably boring you to death, but I appreciate you letting me talk about him.”
“He sounds like a jerk.” The words weren’t exactly what he’d intended to say, but they’d slipped out anyway.
She spun around, shock on her face. “What?” The fan blew her hair into her face.
It was too late to take it back now. “Your prince charming had a serious character flaw. He took dumb chances, and worse, he took them with you. It’s one thing to be reckless with your own life, but it’s a whole different matter to endanger someone else’s life. Especially someone you love.”
He didn’t love Maddie, of course, and wasn’t sure he’d loved anyone. But he knew he’d never take those kinds of risks with her. He did, though, dislike putting that defensive hurt on her face.
“Don’t say that about him. He took good care of me. He paid the bills, made me happy, always made sure I had a coat and something to drink. He was careful.”
And she believed it. “I know you loved him, and I’m sure he loved you. But don’t make him out to be some saint, because he wasn’t. You shouldn’t have been diving if you weren’t trained, and it’s plain stupid to play with a shark, any shark. It’s really easy to lose your bearings out there on the ocean in the dark. Unless you have the right instrumentation, you don’t know what could be out there. Think about what he was doing the day he died.”
“Don’t say that word!”
Before he could think better of it, he’d taken hold of her shoulders. “Maddie, he died. It’s an ugly word, but that’s what happened.” He squeezed her shoulders. Jeez, they were small. “He died because he was playing games. Luckily he didn’t take that chance with you on the boat…that time. But regardless, he took a chance and he lost.”
Her eyes darkened, and she turned away from him. “He knew what he was doing. It was the boat that failed.”
He took her chin and made her look at him. “If you’re not familiar with a boat, you don’t take chances. He was stupid to play games like that, especially in front of you.”
“But he was doing it for me.”
The sound of someone stepping on a board drew their attention to the opening. A little boy stood there. He looked like a miniature Howdy Doody with bright red curls and freckles.
Maddie quickly wiped at her eyes, and Chase realized he’d made her cry. The thought twisted his gut as he watched her walk to the boy.
“I had the bus drop my nephew off here,” she said, steering him closer.
Chase crouched down to the boy’s level. “Hi, there.”
“What’s your name?” the boy asked, his head tilted, looking at Chase the way everybody in town did.
“Chase. What’s yours?”
“Q.”
“That’s a funny name.”
Oops. Wrong thing to say. The kid’s face sagged, though his little shoulders stiffened.
Chase added, “Sounds like a sci-fi kinda name. Yeah. There’s a guy on Star Trek with that name. A cool bad guy.”
The usual annoyance set in: how could he remember details like that and not a thing about his life?
Q beamed. “I want to be a kewl bad guy.” He tilted his head again. “Are you Uncle Maddie’s angel?”
“Uncle Maddie?”
She shrugged. “He’s always called me that.” She nodded to Q. “So, you going to answer him?”
Sure, put me on the spot. “Nope. I’m just a regular guy, like you.”
“Are you a bad guy?”
“I hope not.”
Q looked at Maddie for confirmation. She only shrugged. “Why were you having a…a…discussion like Mom and Dad do?”
Damn, he must have heard part of their conversation. “I was just telling your…Uncle Maddie that she shouldn’t be sad anymore.”
Q brightened at that. “I always ask her where she is on the sad meter.” He looked over at her. “She looks like a nine.”
She knelt down and whispered, “That’s our secret, remember?”
Chase asked, “Where is she usually on the sad meter?”
“Seven or eight. Except when I hug her.” He demonstrated, wrapping his little arms around Maddie’s neck. She closed her eyes and hugged him back, a gesture that tugged at something deep inside Chase.
“Now what are you?” Q asked after the hug.
She forced a smile. “Only a three.”
Q looked at Chase. “Give her a hug and see where she is.”
Maddie gave a nervous laugh. “Now, Q, I’m not a carnival game where everyone gets a try.”
It was a bad idea to hug Maddie, but he kept thinking about the hurt he’d put on her face, and maybe a hug would make up for it a little. Just one hug.
She didn’t protest when he slid his arms around her and pulled her close. They were both hot and sticky and covered in sawdust, but all that didn’t matter once their bodies came together, and her cheek pressed against his shoulder. She fit so perfectly there, he felt a sense of homecoming he was sure had to be his imagination. He heard her sigh as her body relaxed, and that made him involuntarily squeeze her closer. When he discovered he’d closed his eyes in the process, he figured he’d better end this here and now. He set her apart from him so suddenly, she blinked in confusion and had to gain her balance.
“Uncle Maddie, you had a funny look on your face.”
She brushed sawdust off herself and gave Q an odd smile. “That’s cause he’s all sweaty.”
“No, it was a good funny look,” Q said. “Where are you on the sad
meter now?”
She cleared her throat and avoided Chase’s eyes. “The same. You’re the only one who can lower my sad meter.”
Q was clearly tickled by those words, and a little embarrassed by them, too. He focused on the boat hull. “Wow, what’s this?”
“We’re making a boat,” she said. “See, we put this on today. Doesn’t it look like a whale having acupuncture?”
Chase couldn’t help but laugh at the analogy.
“What’s acu…acu…whatever?” Q touched one of the ice picks. “Can I help?”
“We’re done for the day,” Chase said. “I’ve got to get everything ready for the messy part tomorrow.”
Q’s eyes widened. “I like messy parts!”
“Q, you get to help your daddy in his workshop.”
“No, I don’t. He gives me kiddy tools and makes me sit in the corner.”
Maddie frowned. “Well, I guess we’ll go if there’s nothing more for me to do.”
Chase forced himself to shake his head, even as his mind searched for things she could do. “Thanks for your help today. So, what am I going to pay you?”
“You don’t have to pay me.”
“You worked hard; you should be paid.”
She waved the idea away. “You keep the money; I don’t need it. I live with my parents, and the marina pays my house payment.”
“You own a house?”
She stiffened. “The one Wayne and I lived in. I can’t sell it, but I can’t live there either. And don’t lecture me about it. It’s silly for me to live all by myself when I can be surrounded by my family.” She gave Q another affectionate squeeze. “I’ve never lived by myself and I don’t think I’d like it much.”
He’d obviously been too hard on her, though he couldn’t help thinking it was for her own good. Instead he said, “You’re lucky to have family.”
She let out a long breath. “Yeah, I am.” She glanced down at her dusty shoes, then back at him. “When should I be here in the morning?”
“Maddie, you don’t have to help me tomorrow. It’s going to be messy. I’m wetting out the C-Flex with resin, then working with fiberglass.”
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