“Jamie, please.”
My hand came up to my face. “Okay.” I finally looked into his eyes.
“I need a couple days. I have to figure out my head, think some stuff over, you know.”
“Of course.” I nodded, then bit my lip before saying, “I can get someone else to watch Sarah on Thursday, it’s no problem.”
“It’s up to you, but that’s not what I want. Thursday is a long way away,” he said.
“It is. Just… don’t feel obligated to do anything. I want you to do the right thing for you. What I mean is, I can get a babysitter, so only come Thursday if you want to.” Heaving a deep breath, I met his eyes. “It’s up to you. Just let me know.”
He rubbed down the sides of my arms again, looking into my eyes. “I never feel obligated to do anything, Jamie. This isn’t about that, okay? Even though I’m going to take a few days for myself, I still want you to call me if you need me.”
I nodded, breaking eye contact. “Alright. Well… thank you for coming over.”
“Of course,” he said. He sighed and wrapped his arms around me, clutching me to him.
My arms moved of their own accord, and suddenly my hands were clutching at his back.
He kissed my forehead lightly. “See you in a couple days, Jamie,” he said. His hands dropped away from me.
“Okay,” I whispered, squeezing my eyes shut. I felt Cameron moving away, but I couldn’t seem to force my arms to release him.
Instead of breaking my hold, Cameron’s arms encircled me again, squeezing me to him. “I’m not going to be too far away,” he whispered. “No matter what.”
“Okay,” I said, hoarsely. “Okay.” I forced my arms to drop from around him.
Immediately, Cameron turned away from me. He crossed to the kitchen and gave Sarah a quick kiss on the top of her head. Without another word or a glance back, Cameron walked out of the door, making sure to lock the bottom lock on his way out.
Watching the closed door for a minute, I was not quite able to make myself move. I walked to the door and unlocked the bottom lock. The knob felt cool as I turned and held it.
“Jamie, no way, no how are you going to run after him,” I whispered. I released the knob, taking a step back. With a deep inhale, I unlocked the top and bottom locks.
I found Sarah still at the table, fitting another piece into the puzzle. She smiled over at me as I sat beside her with my breakfast plate.
“Hey beautiful girl, did you have a good morning?”
“What are we going to do today, Mom?” she asked, enunciating every word.
I took the lid off my plate, finding toast, eggs and sausage. “Did you eat this, angel? Or did you eat a yogurt?”
Sarah made a loud, annoyed sound. “What are we going to do today, Mom?” she repeated.
“Oh, sorry. Gymnastics. We’re going to gymnastics today. I’ll tell you the rest in a second,” I said, standing up. When I checked the fridge, I found one of Sarah’s yogurts gone. When I looked into the trashcan, I found an empty yogurt container and a banana peel near the top.
Taking the seat beside Sarah again, I said, “So today is Sunday…”
“So there’s no school today. Yep, that’s right, angel,” Sarah said, giving me a wide grin.
“Yep, that’s right, angel. In an hour we’re going to go to gymnastics. I think Heidi said you’re going to practice on the beam today.”
Sarah squealed, waving her hands up and down.
“And then, we’re going to go to that Lucky Stars movie with Aunt Amy and Uncle Peter.”
“Is it a movie about gymnastics?” Sarah asked.
“No baby, it’s about a horse. Remember, we watched the preview.”
“And then?” Sarah asked.
“Then we’ll either go to dinner or go home,” I said. A hot feeling surged up my face, and my eyes started to tear up. I took a deep breath to push the feeling back. Stuffing a big bite of eggs in my mouth, I began to chew. The eggs were a little cold, but I just shoveled another bite into my mouth.
“And then we’ll go to ice cream,” Sarah said.
“Maybe,” I said, but then decided, “Yeah, okay, we’ll go to ice cream.” Finishing my meal, I stood and walked over to the fridge. “You should probably eat lunch before we go to gymnastics.”
“I will go get ready,” Sarah announced, jumping up from the table.
My purse vibrated from where it was still sitting on the table. Pulling out my phone, I saw that Susan had already texted me three times.
Susan: Morning. Welcome to day two, eat up.
Susan: I hope you’re eating a good hearty breakfast my friend.
Susan: We were just invited to a barbeque at Patrick the Hot Dad’s house. You’re invited too.
I sent her a message back.
Me: I’m about to have a second breakfast, and it’s Patrick the Hunky Dad FYI.
Her response came immediately.
Susan: Well… I’m thinking you’re the main invitee, but Patrick doesn’t have your number, so he called Bee. We’re totally going to the barbeque after we hang out with your mom anyway, though. Free food and beer, and he has a pool.
Me: You can’t have beer, you’re pregnant.
Susan: It’s the idea. And anyhow Beza can, not that she will. You could too, I’ll drive you.
Me: I probably can’t, can you tell him sorry for me?
Susan: No, you call him, you big chicken.
Me: I don’t have his number.
She sent me his number.
Me: I hate you.
I saved his number into my phone as Patrick Kelly, feeling like I’d stolen his last name since he’d never mentioned it to me. I pressed the button that opened the screen to text message him, but closed it. Opening my phone app, I took a deep breath and called him.
The phone rang twice before Patrick answered with, “You’ve reached Patrick.”
“Um, hey Patrick, it’s Jamie,” I said.
“Hey.” His voice, which had sounded casual and professional, now sparked with interest.
“So…” I drew out the word, “Susan passed on your number and an invite to your barbeque.”
“Good. I was hoping your friends would,” he said.
“Is it a dinner time thing?” I asked.
“Yeah, around five-thirty. And, it’s definitely going to be a friend barbeque, not at all like a date,” he said. I could hear the smile in his voice.
I breathed out a laugh. “Okay, well as long as it’s not a date. I was very worried,” I said, grinning. “But, unfortunately, I have plans with my sister and her husband for dinner.”
“Oh,” he said, his voice losing all of its enthusiasm.
“Unless… until what time will your barbeque be? We might be able to drop by after dinner.”
“Sure, or if you want, you can just bring your sister and her husband,” he said.
I paused, looking down at the puzzle spread over my kitchen table. “Maybe, I’ll ask them.”
“Great, I can’t wait to see you… as a friend, nothing more,” he said, making me laugh again. He added, “I’ll text you my address, just come whenever you can.”
“Alright,” I said.
“And I hope it’s okay, I’m planning to save your number. Just a warning, I might put your name down as ‘Sexy Mom’.”
“Ha, I forgot I have to kill Beza for telling you what I called you,” I said, feeling my face get hot. “Just so you know, you’re now Patrick the friendly dad.”
“That’s unacceptable. I am absolutely going to have to change your mind on that,” he said.
“You can try,” I said through a smile. “I’ll see you later.”
“I’m counting down the hours… in a friendly way,” he said.
“As long as it’s in a friendly way. Bye, Patrick,” I said before I hung up.
A smile had taken over my face but it fell away as I set my phone down next to the scattered pieces of the puzzle. Standing, I crossed to the cupboard a
nd opened it to stare at my coffee beans.
“I miss you,” I told them. They missed me too, I could tell from the way they slumped forward in their bag. “No one would know,” I whispered.
Then I sighed and turned to my fridge. I opened it and peered in at the contents. There was an overwhelming assortment of choices that would all expire if I continued to overlook them. I settled on sandwich fixings, and made Sarah and me grilled ham and cheese sandwiches.
As I served the sandwiches on plates, Sarah returned to the kitchen dressed in her gymnastics leotard.
“Sweetheart, you can wear that now but when we’re outside you’ll have to put on clothes over it.”
“No,” she said as she took a seat at the breakfast table.
I blew a breath out my nose and looked to the ceiling for patience. The ceiling gave me nothing. Grabbing half of my sandwich, I ate it on my way to my room. After getting dressed, I grabbed Sarah some shorts and a light sweater.
“Hey baby,” I called as I reentered the living room. “Do you want to see Mommy drink grass?”
Sarah looked up from her sandwich with wide eyes.
“What do you say? Do you want to see me drink grass or not drink grass?” I raised my eyebrows in question.
A big smile spread across her face and she nodded. “Yes, eat grass!” she shouted.
“Well, I’ll probably drink it, but it tastes really gross.”
She giggled furiously.
“But you have to put on your clothes, otherwise we won’t have time to go get the grass before gymnastics,” I said, holding out outfit.
Sarah jumped up and put the clothes on. When I held out her jacket, she immediately shrugged it on also. “Mom, are you going to drink grass?”
“Yes,” I teased as I grabbed my purse.
She giggled again, grabbing her stomach.
I grabbed the other half of my sandwich and placed our empty plates in the sink. When I turned again, I caught a flash of black in my vision and looked up to Logan’s urn. It seemed to be looking down at us. I reached up and ran a finger over the wolf as I passed, and then took a big bite of my sandwich.
I opened the front door as quietly as possible and whispered to Sarah, “Let’s be really quiet, can you do that?”
I looked up as I pushed the door open and saw Clarke in his yard. I straightened, putting an arm around Sarah and holding her to me as I locked my front door.
When I turned, I glanced over into Clarke’s yard. He leaned down over Buster, the hook of his leash in one hand. He looked up, meeting my gaze.
“Hey, how’s it going?” he asked, giving a little wave.
“Hey,” I said, grabbing Sarah’s hand and turning away with her.
“Well, have a good day,” he called.
I glanced back at him, but found him petting Buster.
“Yeah, you too,” I mumbled as I turned back toward the path and led Sarah to the parking lot. When we’d reached the car, I glanced over my shoulder once more, but no one was behind us.
The parking lot for the Health Nut was thankfully much less crowded than it had been yesterday. Sarah and I snagged a parking space near the front of the parking lot and had little trouble walking in.
As we stepped into the short smoothie line, I leaned down toward Sarah. “That’s the grass,” I said, pointing toward a glass case of wheat grass on the smoothie counter.
Sarah smiled at the counter, eyes lighting up with excitement.
The same lady with hair that looked so much like dandelion fluff, waited behind the smoothie counter with a big smile on her face. “What can I get you ladies today?” she asked us when we stepped up to the counter.
“A wheat grass shot,” I said.
Sarah squealed again and jumped in place.
The lady behind the counter smiled down at Sarah. “You sound excited. Is the wheat grass for you?” The lady gave me a wink as she said it.
“No!” Sarah shouted.
I laughed before saying, “Sorry, she’s just excited to see me drink it.”
The woman grinned over at me. “Well, would you ladies want anything else?”
“Strawberry smoothie!” Sarah ordered.
“Do you have a kids’ size?” I asked.
“We do,” she said, pulling out a twelve-ounce cup.
Sarah continued squealing and jumping around until I relented. “Alright,” I said.
“Okay, take this up to the front,” the lady said. There was no line to pay, and when we returned to the smoothie counter, our drinks weren’t finished yet. The smoothie lady called out another man’s order, and he walked past Sarah to get his drink.
“Hey, who’s your favorite gymnast?” Sarah yelled at the man.
The short, older man turned, gave me a questioning glance and then looked down at Sarah.
“Hey, who’s your favorite gymnast?” Sarah called at him again.
“Angel, not everyone has a favorite gymnast,” I told her, giving her a squeeze and smiling at the man.
He smiled down at Sarah. “Well, I do,” he told Sarah with a wink. “Do you know who Sawao Kato is?”
Sarah shook her head, eyes wide and focused on the man.
“He is from Japan, like me. One of the best gymnasts who ever lived. You should look him up.”
Sarah nodded at the man and looked down at her feet.
“Thank you,” I said to him.
He gave me a small smile and a nod, and then walked past us, sipping his smoothie.
“Wheatgrass shot, Strawberry Sunshine,” the smoothie lady called out to us.
“You ready for this?” I asked Sarah as I brought the wheatgrass shot to my mouth. I lowered it. “You want to taste it first?”
“No!” she shouted as she jumped up and down excitedly, waving her hands in the air.
“How about smell it? You want to smell it?”
“No!” she shouted again, and then gave another squeal.
“Okay.” I brought it to my lips. “I’m going to drink it.” The smell hit my nose before I downed the shot. Maybe it was because I was so prepared to be disgusted this time, but the astringent grass taste did not overwhelm me. It was less bitter than I remembered.
For Sarah’s benefit though, I stuck out my tongue and said, “Oh, yuck.”
She giggled, jumping up and down in a circle.
“Okay, angel, here’s your smoothie. Let’s head to gymnastics, yeah?”
She beamed all the way to the car.
“I’m going to drink that if you don’t,” I told her as I fastened her into her booster, pretending to lean down and take a sip.
“Hey Mom! That’s not yours,” she shouted as she pulled her drink away and stuck the straw in her mouth.
“Okay, okay, you keep it.” I smiled and closed her door.
Day Two: One O’clock
The gymnastics studio was on the other side of town, up through the industrial buildings and tucked back in an office complex. I parked in the small empty lot that hugged the side of the warehouse building. Sarah’s seatbelt clicked the moment I parked the car. She tried to pull open her door, but groaned when it didn’t open.
“Wait,” I told her, exiting the car and opening her door. “Wait for me to cross the—” I grabbed Sarah’s arm as she made to run for the building. “Stop! Sarah, this is a parking lot, it’s dangerous.”
Sarah tugged against my grasp as I shut both our doors.
“Sarah, do we need to practice getting out of the car again? Or can we be safe?” I said through gritted teeth. I held my breath as a car passed, speeding through the parking lot.
Sarah danced in place, eyes focused on her gym. “Be safe!” she yelled, and even though she was shouting, she stopped tugging on my arm.
“Okay, angel, look now that there are no cars we can cross and be safe.”
As we walked up to the glass doors on the warehouse, the doors opened.
“Hey ladies, nice to see you,” Sarah’s coach Heidi called with her thick Texan acc
ent, as she stuck her head out of the door. She propped the door open by kicking down the door’s stand.
Sarah ran up to Heidi, throwing her arms around her.
Heidi leaned over, barely a foot taller than Sarah. “Hey, monkey, you driving your mama bananas, or what?” She leaned back. “Saw you by your car. You scared me running toward the parking lot like that. Remember to wait for an adult every time you cross the street.”
Sarah nodded furiously, her eyes wide and expression intent.
“Okay there, sweetie, go on in and start stretching while I talk to your mama,” Heidi said, stepping back and gesturing for Sarah to go in.
Heidi patted my arm, “How’s everything going?”
“Fine. She had a pretty good week, nothing too major happened. But the principal did mention she’s been doing gymnastics on the playground.”
Heidi grabbed up her mass of curly, gray-streaked red hair while she listened to me, grabbing it all together in a messy bun the size of her head. “Oh, I’ll definitely to talk to her about that,” she said, nodding.
“Thanks. Lately every time I tell her to do anything, Sarah just tells me ‘no’. But she’ll listen if you tell her,” I said.
“Well, that won’t do. But I do think that it’s rather typical, especially at her age. We’ll have a little talk about needing to listen for safety, if you don’t mind,” she said.
“Please, have at it,” I said with a grateful smile.
“Alright, well, go ahead and take a load off for a while. I brewed a whole pot of coffee for you as well, so help yourself.”
“Oh, thanks,” I said, biting my lower lip as I turned away and headed toward the benches near Heidi’s office. I glanced at the long line of gymnastics team photos spaced along the wall. Gleaming gold and silver trophies jutted out from every flat surface, ribbons hanging from their bows. Sitting down, my eyes found the words emblazoned in white, ‘Every Champion was Once a Beginner’ contrasting out from its black background.
The Fourteen Day Soul Detox, Volume Two Page 2