“Who knows?” Kaoli needed to update her if she wanted her to not look like she was making things up. Not that it mattered in front of Griffin. Griffin was just jerking her chain. He couldn’t possibly believe she knew more about this than he did. It was funny, actually, that he was the one asking. If there really was a rumor going around, she’d have expected reporters from other news outlets, not him, to be in touch. Especially if news of their wedding, which no one was supposed to know about, had leaked.
“Must have been quite the scene,” Griffin said. “Do you miss each other? What’s it like, dating long-distance and knowing she’s lost interest?”
“What are you talking about?”
“‘Kaoli Morgenroth’s girlfriend won’t confirm she misses her. Could their relationship be on the rocks? You decide.’”
“Are you trying to get me to say something so you can quote me in Celebrity Crush?”
“Of course not. If I need a quote from you, I have no problem inventing one.”
Somehow that didn’t surprise her. “So this is all a joke to you. Does it ever bother you that you’re being unethical? I mean, you’re Kaoli’s fiancé. Some people might consider that a reason not to publish stories about her.”
“Those people are called journalists, and they already think I’m scum, so what do I care? The general public doesn’t care. They don’t know who I am. I’m just the schmuck Kaoli Morgenroth’s going to leave at the altar so she can run off with some second-rate backup dancer. Which reminds me…hmm…let me think. Last I heard, you were the one lying to the public.”
Her face burned. That was different. Kaoli was the one lying to the public. Rae was just along for the ride. “I’m helping her.” Surely he understood that she wanted to make Kaoli as popular as possible, and their so-called relationship was doing just that. “I want her to succeed as much as you do. We’re on the same side.”
Griffin tightened his grip on her shoulder blade. “You’re helping her because you want her.”
“That’s ridiculous.” It might be time to extricate herself from his arms before he left bruises. His hands were stronger than they looked.
“Don’t you understand why she asked you to dream up our wedding dance? Because she wanted to prove she was over you.”
“Who is she proving it to? To you? Or to herself?”
“To you, Rae.”
Oh sure. He wanted her to believe that Kaoli had left her own tour and traveled several hours out of her way to a small town in the middle of nowhere to prove she didn’t want her? He was too smart to think that made any sense.
“Kaoli warned me you were in denial. She was right.”
Ah, now she understood what was up. Kaoli was trying to make Griffin jealous. So rather than reassure him that spending a day alone with Rae was nothing to be concerned about, she’d told him Rae still wanted her.
And he believed her.
He didn’t know Kaoli had propositioned her in her room. He didn’t know how hard Kaoli had tried to get her to sleep with her. He didn’t know what he was marrying.
Rae broke free and threw up her hands in exasperation just as Kaoli appeared at their side, Jori trailing behind.
“Getting hot and heavy over here?” Kaoli said.
Rae wondered how much she’d overheard.
“I think it’s time for you to dance with your husband-to-be,” Rae said.
“Is Griffin telling you about the video?” Kaoli asked.
“What video?”
“You didn’t see it?” Kaoli seemed surprised. Like Rae had nothing better to do with her time than stay on top of every up-to-the-minute development. “A fan recorded us rehearsing in that band shell the last time I was here. It’s bad. It makes it look like you and I broke up. You’re going to have to make an announcement saying you’re not dating Jori, you’re dating me.”
Now Jori was caught up in this mess, too? That was not okay. Rae was going to have to find this video as soon as she could and figure out what happened.
Whatever it was, though, it obviously wouldn’t have involved Jori if Jori hadn’t been there in the band shell dancing with them in the first place. It was Rae’s fault that Jori was involved. Rae should never have taken her up on her offer to help.
But what had Kaoli said? It looked like they broke up? Sylvie’s comment that Kaoli was flirting with the new sound person echoed in her head.
Why not break up? If the pieces were already in place…
“Couldn’t we just use this as an opportunity for you to move on and date someone else?” Rae said. “Someone more convincing?” Like Graciela the techie? Or a fan who would do anything for the chance to kiss a rock star in front of the cameras?
Kaoli scowled. “Your contract’s up for renewal in an couple months, Rae. Don’t be difficult.”
Rae clenched her hands together and twisted her fingers in a nervous ball. What was Kaoli’s problem? This could work!
And if they continued this way, what would next season be like? Rae would be back onstage, traveling from city to city with the other performers, back in the spotlight, making appearances with Kaoli at public events to maintain their charade. Would Jori still be in her life? If she was, and Rae was still “dating” Kaoli, they’d have to skulk around in secret to see each other. And she didn’t want that. She didn’t want her life to revolve around cameras and rumors and damage control. She didn’t want to make a public announcement that Jori meant nothing to her.
She just wanted to dance. How had just wanting to dance turned into such a mess?
It turned into a mess because she hadn’t been clear in her own mind about her priorities.
Now she was. She was clear.
“I can’t do this anymore,” Rae said. “I quit.”
“Excuse me?” Kaoli looked stunned.
Rae felt a little stunned herself. Her heart pounded steadily, though, and her voice held strong. “I’m done. The dating, the paparazzi, the job, everything.”
Jori jumped to her side. “Rae, don’t. You love your job.” She touched Rae’s shoulder.
Rae shrugged away from her and shook her head. Her job was important, but there were other things that mattered more. “I’m sick of pretending.”
But Jori wasn’t, was she? Jori was still messing around with Axel.
It didn’t matter.
“I’ll finish teaching you this dance,” Rae told Kaoli and Griffin. “And that’s it.”
Rae spent the rest of the afternoon shouting dance instructions and driving everyone so hard that no one had the energy to talk about anything but which foot was supposed to go where. By the end of the day, Griffin seemed confident he’d memorized all the steps. She hoped he wouldn’t forget everything before the wedding, but if he did? Not her problem. She’d done the mature thing and not stomped out, but if he or Kaoli needed anything after today, they were on their own.
She ran them through the routine one last time. Then Kaoli and Griffin took off.
Rae breathed a sigh of relief. Later, she’d remember the downside of being unemployed, but for now, she was going to feel good about her freedom. She sat on a bench and changed out of her dance shoes into flats.
Jori could have left. She should have left, because she’d lost enough of her day already, helping out. But she joined Rae on the bench.
Rae finished with her shoes and straightened. “What are you—”
“I’m looking for that video,” Jori said, fussing with her phone. “Here. Want to see?”
Jori scooted over until her shoulder bumped into Rae’s side. Their arms were bare and they were both soaked with sweat, but the sweat didn’t bother her. She liked it—liked the raw intimacy of it. Did they really have to watch the video? There was no point anymore, right? No announcement to make, no Kaoli to appease. Instead she could lean closer and take that phone out of Jori’s hand and—
The tinny sound of Kaoli’s singing burst f
rom the phone.
Rae sighed. She should watch.
The video began in the band shell with Rae at the far edge of the screen, her back to the camera as she watched Jori attempt to position Kaoli’s arms in the correct configuration for a weave combination. It was a relatively simple move for the feet, but the arm pattern was complicated, and Jori had struggled with it.
This was their breakup video? Rae remembered feeling bad for Jori and going over to help, but how would that…
In the video, Rae was shaking her head. Her awkward gait as she made her way over to them looked more like angry stomping than injured hobbling, and the amateur videographer had made sure of it by adding a voice-over.
“Get your hands off her,” said the fake voice of Rae on the video. The voice sounded nothing like hers, but who would know? “She’s mine.”
The words Kaoli Morgenroth’s girlfriend makes a big mistake appeared along the bottom of the screen.
Rae covered her face and continued watching through the gaps between her spread fingers. She knew what came next—she’d pulled Kaoli away from Jori to teach her the step herself. How that could possibly be construed as breaking up with her, she had no idea, but she was about to find out. But instead of zooming in on that moment, the video cut seamlessly to many minutes later, when Rae was dancing with Jori, making it look like Jori was the one Rae had pulled into her arms.
“You’re the one I want,” Rae’s fake voice told Jori on the screen. “I love Kaoli’s music, but you’re the one who rocks my world.”
“‘Who rocks my world?’” Rae groaned. “That is the worst line ever.”
But the way video-Rae was looking into video-Jori’s eyes, smiling and lost, no one would ever believe she wasn’t in love.
The clip ended and Jori started it up again.
“Once wasn’t enough?” Rae asked.
“I could watch you all day,” Jori said absently, engrossed in her screen.
“You…what?”
Jori’s head jerked up. “I mean…” She cleared her throat and paused the video. “I mean, what a great routine. I should teach Axel these steps. We’d wow everyone at his cousin’s wedding.”
Rae rose from the bench and threw her dance shoes into her carryall with more force than necessary. “You’re still going to that?”
“Yeah. So Baylee can get to know her cousins.”
Rae slung her bag onto her shoulder. She should admire Jori for staying on good terms with the father of her child. But the thought of her dancing in Axel’s arms made Rae’s fingernails dig painfully into her palms. Jori should be dancing in her arms.
“I’m not going to sleep with him,” Jori said, ending the playback and putting her phone away as she stood. “I’m not going to sleep with any of the men there.”
Rae schooled her face into a blank expression. Really, she wasn’t jealous. It wasn’t like she had a right to be. They hadn’t promised each other monogamy. They hadn’t promised each other anything.
“I’m not going to sleep with any of the women there, either,” Jori said. “I already have a girlfriend.”
Rae’s bag slid off her shoulder and thumped to the floor. Her stomach clenched. Jori had called her her girlfriend. Was she her girlfriend? They’d slept together and Rae had freaked out but not completely run away, and Jori had assumed that meant they were dating? No, not dating—committed. Committed enough that Jori wasn’t going to sleep with anyone else and was going to go around telling people she had a girlfriend.
Which was pretty presumptuous.
And felt nicer than she wanted to admit.
Jori wanted to be her girlfriend. Rae had pushed her away and Jori still wanted to be with her.
“That doesn’t make me a lesbian, okay? That’s not how it works.”
“I remember,” Rae said. “Sexuality is fluid. People change. No labels. No guarantees.”
Even though none of those were true for her.
But somehow that didn’t upset her the way it used to.
“I may have been a little harsh about there being no guarantees,” Jori said.
“No, you were right. You shouldn’t pretend something is true if it isn’t.”
Jori shook her head. “When I said people change and relationships fail, I didn’t mean I wasn’t willing to try.” She stepped around Rae’s bag and came closer.
“Don’t say that.” Rae’s vision blurred with the threat of tears. Her throat closed. “I’m the one who needs to apologize. Not you. And I’m sorry. I’m very, very sorry for everything I said to you that night.”
“You were being honest.”
“And hurtful.”
“I’d rather you were honest than protect my feelings.”
“You can’t mean that.”
Jori reached for her waist and Rae wrapped her arms around her.
“I do mean that.” Jori’s warm breath caressed her cheek. “I love you, Rae.”
“Don’t.” Rae’s voice cracked.
Jori could have said I love your hair. I love hanging out with you. I love dancing with you. Thrown the word love out there like a test to see what kind of reaction she got before she threw in her soul. But not Jori. She had to be the bravest person in the world. Or the dumbest. No, the bravest. Telling her she loved her when she didn’t know for sure whether Rae loved her back.
“But all those things I said about how I could only be with a lesbian…”
“Don’t think of me as not a lesbian,” Jori said, her head bowed close, planting kisses in her hair. “Or bi. Or whatever. Think of me as a human being.”
“I do.” And when she thought of Jori as just herself, she loved her, and nothing else mattered. And that scared her, because it meant she was sticking her head in the sand and ignoring reality.
She didn’t want Jori to love her.
Rae moved her hands up and down Jori’s back, wanting to protect her, to tell her this wasn’t safe, to tell her it was safe. She slid one hand to Jori’s head, smoothing her baby-soft hair.
Jori rested her head against Rae’s. “Think of me as me.”
She wanted to. All her reasons for why Jori’s sexual identity should bother her seemed trivial compared to all the things she liked about her. All the things she loved about her. Maybe it didn’t have to bother her. Jori was a better person than Rae was, and Rae was clinging to her stupid rule? Maybe she could change her rule, drop it completely. She wanted to drop her rule. It would be worth it.
“Jori—”
“Think of me as the woman who loves you.”
Jori pressed her lips to the hollow just beneath her collarbone, and all that mattered was the feel of Jori’s lips on her skin and the scent of her in her arms and the heady feeling of being wanted. Rae’s grip loosened and Jori licked her way across her chest along the bare skin exposed by her tank top, leaving a trail of sensation that built with each deliberate kiss until Rae was shivering with anticipation and arching her upper back, helpless to do anything but urge her on.
Jori’s moan rumbled against her chest. Her kisses grew more heated and her pelvis bumped forward, knocking into her at random intervals that rapidly sped up. Without thinking about it, Rae found herself grinding into her, rubbing against as much of her body as she possibly could. She probably shouldn’t be doing it until they had more of a conversation, but she didn’t care. It was insane how much she wanted her.
“Don’t you have somewhere you need to be?” Rae asked, making one last grasp at rational thought before she lost herself fully to Jori’s touch.
Jori kissed her mouth, cutting off further conversation.
Rae kissed her back with everything she had, desperate to erase the harsh things she’d said. Jori moaned into her mouth and shoved her hand between them to caress her through the stretchy fabric of her dance pants. The shock of it set Rae swaying, and she gripped Jori’s waist and pushed forward into her hand, straining toward the unbearable pleasure. It was c
razy. She wasn’t even under her clothes and yet it didn’t seem to matter. No barrier could stop her touch from burning through. Her touch was heat, and love, and home, and it filled her with a pleasure that built until she was shaking so hard she wasn’t sure she could stay on her feet. And then she was over the edge, not caring that her legs no longer worked, spilling out words she didn’t want to take back, whispering over and over that she loved her. She sagged and collapsed into the support of Jori’s arms.
She loved her.
Her legs stopped shaking, but the sense of not being in control only got worse. How could she love her? But she did. God help her, she really did.
Chapter Nineteen
Zach Fourvel was contemplating lunch in front of his open refrigerator when one of his favorite tipsters phoned.
“Lots of celebs in town this weekend,” the guy told him. “Diego Alvarez is flying into LaGuardia on Flight 1227 to flack his new movie. He’s staying at Hotel Atlantico through Sunday.”
Zach shut the refrigerator. “He’s not bringing his rug rat, is he?”
“Not that I know of.”
Too bad. A candid shot of a big movie star like Diego Alvarez would be marketable, but without the rug rat sitting on his shoulders looking barfably cute, the photo wouldn’t be worth nearly as much. It was better than nothing, though. He did have a new movie coming out, so the timing was good.
“Anyone else?”
“Blue Detweiler is staying at the Marco. Should get in today from some shindig upstate, but no one knows when. Len Leppanen is rumored to be staying there, too, but I can’t confirm that.”
“Any women?”
“Kaoli Morgenroth. Performing downtown tonight.”
Hmm. Kaoli Morgenroth. Most people would advise him to keep a calendar and look up venue schedules and shit like that, but calendars and schedules were for nerds. Give him last-minute tips and unexpected run-ins any day. Those were the exciting shots. Scheduled appearances weren’t his thing. But Kaoli Morgenroth might be good. He could only be in one place at a time, so choices had to be made, and photos of women paid more than photos of men. A lot more. Go figure.
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