“You got skinny,” Andrew said as he cleared off the smear of dried blood from his lips and chin with a wet wipe Alek had given him.
Maks caught Micha’s eye in the rearview mirror. They both raised their brows in a that’s-not-gonna-go-over-well way.
But Eleanor just scoffed so quietly it was barely audible. “You’re bigger. Bet that makes you feel special.”
“That’s ’cause I am special. Didn’t I tell you that before?”
“Only a hundred times.”
“Guess you forgot.”
Eleanor lost the crooked smirk and became serious. “No. I never forgot anything.”
Alek’s head bobbed, his profile showing he was smiling from where he’d taken the passenger seat up front. He’d handed the wheel over to Micha because the guy preferred to be doing something even as mundane as driving to sitting idle.
“Why were you there? I don’t understand how you’re even sitting here.” Andy laughed as he tucked the dirty wipe into a pocket on the side of his backpack. Kid was clearly still struggling.
“The lady who took me after my mom left said my father wanted me.”
Her wording made Maks wince. Her mom “left”? Abandonment issues, say hello to Eleanor.
He continued to blatantly eavesdrop as she went on. “She brought me to that house, and I had to stay with him.”
“Why didn’t you ever call? You knew our number. I waited forever.”
If Eleanor heard the mild accusation in Andy’s voice, she gave no indication. “He wouldn’t let me. He wouldn’t let me leave or anything. I was gonna run away at first, and he caught me sneaking out because the gate creaked. He said . . .” She rubbed at the tip of her pinkie when her nail picking caused the cuticle to bleed. “He hated Auntie Sydney. He said she talked my mom into hiding from him, hiding me from him, and then he said he’d hurt her if I tried to leave or ever see you guys. He said I was his now, and he’d know if I tried anything. He said he’d hurt you, too.” She shook her head fiercely. “I wasn’t gonna do anything to make him do that. I figured I’d wait till I was older and he couldn’t do anything about it. Then I’d come and find you.”
Andrew hugged her hard, looking too sad and too old for his age. “Did he hurt you?” he questioned hesitantly.
She shrugged and scraped at something on the knee of her jeans with her thumbnail. “Yeah. But I didn’t care.”
Brave words. Fuck. Maks looked out the window to see they were crossing back into Manhattan. He wanted to go back and kill that fucker all over again. Why hadn’t he held off and brought Eberto to the club? He could have kept the pariah on the wall and fucked him up every time someone revealed another wrongdoing.
“He’s gone now, Elli.” Andy sounded pretty damned satisfied about that. “He can’t hurt you anymore. Russia made sure of it. Your dad can’t hurt any of us.”
“Okay. But if he’s gone, and my mom’s gone, where will I go now?”
Hearing the kids shift, Maks brought his gaze back into the SUV to see them looking at him. So much hope and fear and pain stared at him.
“We’ll do our best to fix it so you don’t have to go anywhere you don’t want to, sweetheart,” he promised, even though he knew he shouldn’t. “Don’t worry about that right now. Okay?” He wanted to pat her somewhere in reassurance but didn’t dare.
“You’re the best, Russia,” Andy said gravely. “Now I know why my mom likes you so much,” he added before settling back into the seat beside him, finally relaxing. Eleanor did the same, tucked up close to her brother.
“Who are these guys?” Maks then heard her whisper.
“My mom’s friends. Russia’s her boyfriend, though.”
Eleanor leaned over to look at him, hazel eyes wide in her drawn face. Couldn’t have been any wider than Maks’s after having heard that title. As nonchalantly as he could, he slipped his hand into the front pocket of his pants and grabbed for his key, rubbing it so hard the metal teeth scraped at the pads of his finger and thumb. His increased heart rate immediately began to slow. He drew in a few tight breaths and brought Sydney’s image to mind. His beautiful little Aussie. Boyfriend? Once again, he cautiously attempted to allow what he was coming to feel for her to fill him out. And it did, bringing with it a longing he didn’t understand. But it was hampered from taking over completely by fear. So much fear, and that damn pain just waiting to consume him.
Because he knew, without having to be told, that their time had come to an end. And not just because the job was done. But because what woman would choose to stay with a man who lived his life as Maksim did? The world he lived in was brutal. Period. And now Sydney knew it firsthand. Yes, this particular situation had come about because of something she’d done, and it had worked out in the end, but maybe the next one wouldn’t. Look at what Sergei’s life had become. Maks had a strong feeling his Aussie wouldn’t take that chance. Not with her boy. And if all went according to plan, once Maks spoke with Jeremy, their attorney, a young girl to raise, as well.
He disconnected from the quiet conversation still going on next to him and watched his city go by. His only option was to let her go.
The thought had his fists curling, his key cutting into his palm as a possessive fury swooped in to trample the altruistic thought. She was his, though. He couldn’t let her go. But he couldn’t keep her if she didn’t want to stay. What if she did? And what if he began to feel what Vincente and Gabriel felt for their women? He couldn’t love her. She’d have the power to destroy him if he allowed that. He should just keep her for sex . . .
But it wasn’t about sex anymore. It hadn’t been for some time, despite him craving it with her as any addict with their drug of choice. He frowned when he realized that. The sex was way down on the list now. This was all about her. About how he felt when he was with her.
Was he fucking nuts? He couldn’t be considering keeping her and these two kids. Kids? Children he’d be responsible for? Children who might one day want to emulate him? He’d be a fucking role model. He’d eventually be called upon to solve their shit and help them with other shit and talk to them about more shit, all in order to make their lives a little less confusing.
Why was that tempting to him? What if he screwed them up? Made mistakes?
Like every parent.
Jesus . . . The fact that Andy might need him because his own father was absent . . . Or Eleanor. After Maks’s upbringing, he might have a lesson or two for her on how to deal with the trauma an asshole father left behind . . .
Holy shit. Could he possibly be useful to these kids?
The very thought was staggeringly attractive. But at the same time, not. He couldn’t help wanting them all the fuck out of his life so he could go back to not giving a damn about anyone but himself and his friends. Dammit, putting yourself out there is a hell of a lot harder than Gabriel and V make it look.
What a head fuck. And a pointless one, because, as he’d thought earlier, Sydney was probably going to leave his ass anyway. That would just make it easier, take the decision away from him. He’d let her and Andy and Eleanor go and be thankful it was over. Be relieved that they couldn’t do this to him anymore. Problem solved. Right?
Maks finally closed his eyes against everything in him that was refuting that argument and continued to sift through his mangled emotions for the remainder of the drive.
Still pacing, her entire body aching from the tension seizing her muscles even though she knew Andrew and Maksim were safe, Sydney whirled around when she heard the loft door bang open.
“Mom!”
Her knees nearly gave out when her son appeared in the entrance, blond hair a mess, face flushed. She couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe, so he came running to her. His smile was blinding.
He slammed into her, knocking her back a couple of steps, and she held him so tightly, burying her face in his neck. She’d though
t the reservoir had run dry, but more tears seeped from between her swollen lids.
“It’s okay, Mom. It’s so okay.”
She tightened her arms around the boy who’d been the light of her life from the moment she’d learned of his existence. He’d given her more reason to smile and laugh and live and love than anything . . . until Maksim.
Pulling back, she cupped his face and simply took him in. “Are you okay?” she whispered.
“I’m great. Really great.”
Perplexed by his enthusiasm, she gave him a watery laugh.
“Wanna know why?”
“Aside from the obvious?” She hugged him once more. “Okay.”
“Look.” He pointed to where Alek was standing at the door. He waved someone forward, an encouraging smile on his face.
And Sydney’s knees did indeed give out then. She grasped Andrew in order to stay upright and stared in shocked disbelief at Emily’s baby girl.
“Elli,” she whispered as the girl scampered across to them and practically burrowed under the skin of Sydney’s torso.
“Auntie.”
The overwhelming appreciation and love that filled her for the man who’d made this possible was difficult to take. It was too much. He was too much, just as she’d told him the other day. How had he done this?
Questions tumbled from her aching throat, and her son filled her in.
When he was finished, her mind reeled at all she’d been unaware of. Eberto was Eleanor’s father? He’d been the man Emily had spoken of, the monster she’d been terrified would find her? The one she’d run from after he’d beaten her up because she’d felt too ill to attend a party with him? Neither had known the illness had been a morning sickness that would plague Emily throughout her entire pregnancy.
“Where is he now?” she asked.
“Uh, Russia . . . well, Russia kind of took care of him,” Andrew said, his concerned gaze on Eleanor. Sydney couldn’t see if Elli returned it because she’d yet to loosen the tight hold she had around Sydney’s waist. God, she’d missed this cheerful, entertaining little thing. Though, Elli certainly didn’t seem cheerful right then, understandably, or in the mood to make anyone laugh as she’d forever done with her mother and Sydney.
Sadness tried to break through her euphoria, but Sydney didn’t allow it entry. Not today. She looked across the room to where Alek and Eva were talking. She gave Alek an inquiring look when he met her eye. Where’s Maksim? it said. He nodded toward the stairs.
Separating herself from the kids, she promised to only be a few minutes and headed down. She had to see him. Make sure he was okay. Had to thank him for saving her life, by saving her son’s and possibly Eleanor’s.
Now that she’d been given an opportunity she’d thought lost to her, she also had to tell him how she felt.
Even if he didn’t want to hear it.
Maksim held his Pakhan’s eyes as Vasily crossed over to where Maks was leaning against the bumper of the Hummer.
“Needed a break from all the syrup and honey?”
Vasily smiled, his shiners curving. “I like the syrup and honey. There isn’t enough of it, if you ask me.”
“Yeah.” Maks brought his attention back to the toe of his Ferragamo. “I’m on overload,” he offered by way of explanation as to why he was out here by himself. Well, Micha was hanging by the door leading up to Sydney’s loft, but that was normal, and he was unobtrusive enough that Maks didn’t resent his presence. “What the fuck is wrong with my head, Vasily?” he asked, needing another opinion. “Why can’t I accept this? I’m actually afraid to let her in. And the kid, don’t even get me started. What if . . . Fuck. I’m getting beaten down by what-ifs here.”
“There’s nothing wrong with you, Maksim,” Vasily assured him. “You’re stubborn and arrogant, and sometimes a real pain in the ass. But you’re also a beautiful, loyal person who simply has a hard time accepting the love people want to give you. The problem is, you just can’t trust it, and that’s a roadblock that’s been there since the day I met you. Which is understandable. I’d assumed Sydney had slipped through and made it in. But you’re still fighting it?”
“What I feel for her is overwhelming and too strong for me to unleash. I want to own her. I want her under me. And not just sexually anymore. I want to surround her and protect her and love her and keep her all for myself. But at the same time I want her to stay the fuck away from me.” He shrugged, shaking his head, and made a sound that was embarrassingly helpless. “I wouldn’t know how to cherish her as Gabriel does Eva. To allow her the freedom and independence Vincente allows Nika. To worship her the way Alek used to worship Sacha. I wouldn’t know how to do those things without . . . without dominating her to the point of captivity. Especially because she’d be in our world. They would be. The three of them. What if I begin to hate her son for his presence? Or Eleanor for hers? What if I resent them for the time they take from me and Sydney? There’s no denying I’m fucking selfish.” His brows came down. “I hadn’t thought of that until just now. Neither of those kids deserve that. Anyway, I’m fucking myself in the head, and it’s probably for nothing. I have a feeling she’s going to thank me and then tell me never to come near her again.”
Vasily chuckled, sounding as if he knew something Maks didn’t. “I think it’s normal for a parent to feel a small amount of resentment toward their children—though many wouldn’t admit to it. After all, kids take over our lives. They come first for a lot of years. But because you love them, it becomes acceptable and normal. And those overly possessive feelings you have for Sydney are based more on you not being sure of her feelings than anything else. If you were as secure in her love as the boys are with their women, that would most likely settle into something bearable. Love is a fucking bitch, Maks. It consumes you. And because you are who you are, it’s a disturbing, frightening thing. No doubt it’s getting to you like this because you’ve never allowed for it before.”
“That’s not true,” Maks murmured, lifting and holding his Pakhan’s gaze. “I love you. I love my boys and Tegan. I would kill for any one of you.”
“I hear you say that, I hear the truth in it, and it makes me glad I trusted my instincts the day I saw you sitting in that cell.”
Maks frowned. It wasn’t often Vasily brought up the day they met. “And what did your instincts tell you?”
His Pakhan pulled a De Niro face as he shrugged. “It’s not something I can explain. I’ve only experienced it twice. Once when I met Dmitri, and again when I met you. There was just something that wouldn’t let me walk away. And the closer I’ve gotten to you boys, every time you prove yourselves to me, I feel grateful that I was given the intuitiveness to recognize exceptional men when I saw them.” He reached out and clasped Maks’s shoulder. “But back to your fear that you’re going to suffocate Sydney with your feelings. You can’t.”
Swiftly trying to recover from being told his mentor, one he so admired, considered him an exceptional man, Maks struggled to get back on track. He did only because he didn’t want to make Vasily regret sharing.
“I don’t want to go up there and have her tell me it’s over. If they walk away from me? All of this shit building inside me will manifest into something black, and that scares the fuck out of me. How would I come back from that, Vasily?” He rubbed at the back of his neck and sighed roughly before answering his own question. “I wouldn’t.”
“Judging by the look on her face—and some information I, for once, received before you did—I don’t think that’s something you’re going to have to worry about, son.” Vasily clapped him on the shoulder and walked off as Maksim met those amethyst eyes that never failed to give him a jolt.
His exquisite little Aussie stood there, holding the door to the loft open, still wearing her lime-green dress and sexy shoes. She looked worn-out but still more beautiful to him than anything he’d ever seen. Needing h
er so fucking badly, he lifted his hand with his usual arrogance and waved her over by crooking three fingers. Letting the door close, she moved that sweet little body his way and came right into his open arms. He lifted her against him, and she wrapped him in an embrace that was heaven-sent, cradling his head as she buried her face in his neck.
“Thank God you’re okay,” she whispered. “Are you okay? Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you.” She kissed his cool skin and then blew him away. “I love you. I don’t care if that’s not a part of this game and you can’t give that back to me, but I need you to know that I love you so much and I’m glad you are who you are.”
Thank fuck he was leaning against his SUV because he was sure they’d have ended up on the ground had he not had the support. Flabbergasted, he braced himself before shoving off and moving them over so the Hummer would allow them some privacy. He pressed her back into the brick wall of the building next to hers and gently grabbed a hunk of her hair, exerting enough pressure to tip her head back so that she had no choice but to look him in the eye.
“Repeat that,” he commanded, using his thumb to swipe at a smudge of mascara under her right eye.
“I love you, Maksim. I love everything about you from your big, giant feet to the pewter ring around your gorgeous eyes. From your massive ego and lack of filter to your sense of loyalty and honor. I love how you make me laugh, how you make me want to cry sometimes, how you make me feel protected and special and wanted.” She pulled out of the hold he had on her hair and kissed him softly on the cheekbone. It felt sensitive, so it must have been where Eberto had landed one of his punches. “I love you for what you’ve given me in returning those kids upstairs.”
His confusion at what he was hearing dissipated. “Ah, I get it. This is appreciation morphing into—”
“No. No it isn’t,” she said quickly as he lowered her to her feet. “I am in love with you because I am in love with you. Period. I’m grateful to you for saving my son’s life and for bringing me Elli. But there’s a distinction.”
An Obsession with Vengeance (Wanted Men Book 3) Page 38