It was late when he arrived at the shop, which was closed. He rang the bell and waited until he saw his father enter from the back. Heinrich gave him a broad smile and a quick wave of the hand. His father unlocked the door. His eyes were red and he looked a lot older than his sixty seven years.
‘Heini, my son,’ his father breathed as his arms enveloped Heinrich in a protective hug. ‘You came. I’m so glad. Your Mama will be so pleased to see her baby.’
‘Papa,’ Heinrich replied hugging his father. ‘How is she? And how’s Gerde and the children?’
‘They’re upstairs. Come,’ he said, releasing his son, and as he locked the shop door behind him, Heinrich could hear the familiar sound of the ticking clocks and the smell of cabbage mixed with fresh baked bread.
Heinrich picked up his bags and walked up the stairs behind his father. As they entered the large living room, his mother shot up from her chair. ‘Heini, my little Heini,’ and she cried as she hugged him, she couldn’t stop.
Gerde and her four children sat silent on the sofa, all dabbing at their eyes. His brother, Mathias stood up, his two elder sisters remained sitting at the table with their three children around them. The place was full to bursting, like it used to be at Christmas time before the war. But the reason they were all there now, was Willi, Heinrich’s eldest brother, and first born. Heinrich walked over to the sofa. Gerde stood up and they immediately embraced, but Gerde stood sobbing into his shoulder for some time before he managed to calm her to kneel in front of her children to give them all a hug. The atmosphere in that room was thick and heavy with grief and distress. The short bursts of brief conversation that did puncture the sorrow and mourning seemed unwanted; unnecessary. Perhaps some semblance of normality would come after the funeral: perhaps people could talk then. For now, though, exchange was redundant.
‘Is there anything I can do?’ Heinrich asked knowing little could be done to ease the pain of everyone in that room.
‘I’ve told Gerde and Mama, you and me will sought everything out; get the funeral arranged,’ Mathias suddenly said.
‘Fine,’ Heinrich nodded at his older brother.
‘You need feeding,’ his mother stated as she got up from her chair. ‘You’ve had a long journey.’ She had to keep herself busy, if she didn’t she would fall apart.
‘Leave it, Mama, I’m fine,’ Heinrich said kindly.
But his mother walked into the kitchen to make some coffee. Heinrich walked after her.
‘Mama, I’m fine, really,’ he said putting his arms around her again.
She turned to face her youngest son. ‘You don’t look fine,’ she said. ‘You came straight here, didn’t you? You’ve not been to see Anna and the girls, have you?’
‘No, Mama,’ Heinrich said.
‘And are you going to see them?’
‘Mama, can I stay here tonight? Find out how the land lies with Anna first.’
‘You will have to sleep with Mathias, share the bed.’
Heinrich smiled at the childhood memories of sharing a room with two older brothers.
‘Heini,’ his mother said. ‘Even if Anna doesn’t want you any more, those girls do, you are their father; nothing can change that.’
‘I know, Mama, I will go and see them tomorrow.’
‘Good,’ she said patting him on the cheek. ‘Do the right thing.’
Heinrich had done the right thing all his life. He had married a woman he’d made pregnant, and although he didn’t love her with a passion, he was very fond of her. He had studied architecture instead of fine art, because his father had said it was a more practical career. And he had accepted the fact his wife might recoil when he came back from the Eastern Front, injured and scarred. But he thought her initial repugnance of his unsightly injuries might wane with time. But time seemed to expand the repulsion she felt every time he undressed in front of her to get into bed. Physical contact was sparse, mechanical and emotionless, to the point he thought she just might puke. So he became accustomed to sleeping in a night-shirt which got in the way when he wanted to turn over or feel the need for her flesh to be pressed against his. In the end he resigned himself to the fact it would never work. His injuries could not be undone. The only thing that would change things was perhaps getting himself killed the next time he went into battle. Heinrich looked at his mother. She had lost her first born son. No: he had to stay alive. If anything happened to himself or Mathias it would kill her, and his father.
‘Mama,’ he smiled. ‘Remember when Willi married Gerde?’
‘Yes,’ his mother said. ‘She kept him waiting for an hour.’
‘And can you remember when they had their first child?’ he asked.
‘Yes,’ she said, stopping what she was doing. ‘He was so proud to become a father.’
‘He and Gerde were so happy, and Willi, the younger, is turning into a fine young man,’ Heinrich remarked.
‘Looks like his father, too,’ his mother smiled. Then she said, ‘Will you be going back to the Channel Islands?’
‘Yes, unless…’
‘Good, you should be safe there. Things cannot get any worse here, Heini, our country is being bombed now by day and by night,’ she interjected.
‘Mama, just be careful: no careless talk.’
‘I am always very careful, Heini. But I don’t want to lose my other sons to this war. And I wouldn’t like my daughters to lose their husbands either. I have twelve grandchildren, and if they survive the bombings it will be they, I hope, who will give this country its dignity back.’
‘That’s enough now, Mama,’ Heinrich said taking hold of his mother again.
‘Yes, you are right Heini,’ she said smiling.
Heinrich gave a little laugh.
That night, after taking Gerde and the children home, Mathias and Heinrich, visited the local bar. Those they knew immediately offered their commiserations and they gratefully accepted them before sitting down at a table. A waitress came over and Mathias ordered two beers.
‘Have you anything to eat,’ he asked the young girl.
‘I could get you some bread and cheese,’ the waitress replied.
‘Two of those, then,’ Mathias replied. Then turning to look at Heinrich he grinned. ‘You lucky bastard.’
Heinrich frowned.
‘Sitting out the war in that cushy posting,’ Mathias smiled.
‘Where are you off to?’ Heinrich asked.
‘To where the cannon-fodder are mustered; somewhere around Stalingrad. They’re shoving every man and machine they can get their hands on at the Russians. I’ve heard it’s a nightmare, Heinrich. The 6th Army have been overrun, surrounded and cut off. Even supplies aren’t getting through, they’re having to drop everything by air. And orders from above are explicit; the 6th Army are not to break out, they are to hold.’ He looked down. ‘I will end up like Willi, wounded and freezing to death on a hospital train, only to die when I’m almost home.’ He wiped a solitary tear from his eye. ‘Let’s talk about something else.’
‘It is madness,’ Heinrich breathed. ‘Anyway,’ he said smiling, ‘I’ve often wondered why you never married,’ he mused.
‘Not met the right woman yet. Besides what’s the point now, I might be dead this time next week. And the moment you do get attached to a woman she will immediately kick you in the balls because when you’re posted they quickly find someone else.’ He paused. ‘What is it with you and Anna?’ Mathias asked.
‘I went out East in perfect condition. I came back damaged goods,’ Heinrich remarked cynically. ‘But, let’s not talk about that either.’
‘Doesn’t leave much else to talk about, there’s only the war, and women.’
‘We could reminisce,’ Heinrich offered.
‘A tell-tale, squirmy little sod, you were.’
‘You and Willi were constantly teasing me, you shouldn’t have treated me like you did.’
They both laughed as the bread and cheese came to the table.
‘Let’s get drunk,’ Mathias said. ‘I feel like getting blind drunk.’
‘If you piss the bed, Mama, will be furious,’ Heinrich reminded.
‘A whore-house?’
Heinrich shook his head.
‘What’s the matter with you, Heini?’
‘You are not to tempt me down such paths, remember. Mama always told you and Willi not to lead me astray.’
‘Don’t give me that, I know all about you and Irme. She broke me in too.’ Heinrich momentarily looked disgusted. ‘And don’t come over all innocent.’ Mathias retorted.
‘I’m not,’ Heinrich replied, ‘I’m just baulking at the knowledge you were there before me. I can’t believe we fucked the same woman.’
‘I think she got Willi, too, but he never said.’
‘Will she be coming to the funeral,’ Heinrich asked.
‘I bloody well hope not, how embarrassing would that be. I’ll go around and see her tonight,’ Mathias nodded.
‘Will her husband be there?’
‘Hope not,’ Mathias laughed.
The following day after arranging the funeral with Mathias, Heinrich plucked up the courage to go and see his wife. His children he missed, but his wife was another matter altogether. He still had a key to their apartment but he knocked first before he let himself in. It was a Saturday, so the girls were not at school. Surprised, Anna physically jumped when she saw him standing in the small hallway of the apartment.
‘You should have let me know you were coming,’ she said.
‘Put you out, have I?’ Heinrich smiled. ‘Expecting someone else?’
‘No,’ she replied looking down.
‘You always were a bad liar, Anna,’ Heinrich said.
‘I have to go out shopping, you know the shops close at one.’
‘Where are the girls?’ Heinrich asking poking his head around their bedroom door.
‘My mother picked them up this morning,’ Anna sheepishly replied. ‘She’s giving then lunch.’
‘Well, I suggest you get yourself around there now, unless you want me to fetch them?’ Heinrich asked.
‘I’ll get them,’ Anna said, grabbing her coat from the stand in the hallway.
‘I’ll wait. And while you’re out tell that man of yours not to come around while I’m here. All I want is to see my children. Oh, and he forgot something. He’s left it over there on the dresser.’
Anna quickly picked up a fancy cigarette lighter and left the apartment while Heinrich made himself at home.
Chapter Thirteen
The week before Christmas the Beckmann family buried Wilhelm. It was a simple family funeral with a gathering above the shop afterwards, where Heinrich’s mother, with the help of Gerde, and Heinrich’s two sisters had prepared the food. Irme was also there. She had not attended the funeral but had offered to finish preparing the buffet meal whilst the family paid their last respects. She had everything set out and the coffee percolating when they all arrived back. The first thing Irme did was give Heinrich’s mother and father coffee then inform them everything was in hand. And when Irme left, Gerde took over. She, too, had to keep busy; keep herself together for the sake of her four children. Heinrich’s sisters had their three children around them, but not their husbands, who were themselves away fighting with the 6th Army.
Mathias took off his cap and immediately went to help Gerde in the kitchen. Heinrich sat with Anna and his girls, but conversation between the two adults was simply out of necessity. Heinrich adored his children, and they lavished their love and affection upon him when he was around. If he didn’t have to go back he would disappear with them, take them away, to the country perhaps, just disappear leaving Anna to do as she damned well pleased, with whom she damned well pleased. He didn’t care anymore what happened to her, as long as his children were safe and well cared for.
Later that afternoon after taking Anna and the children home, he stayed for a while to play with the girls. They asked him questions about Uncle Willi, and how he died. He answered them honestly, and when he put them to bed they fell asleep listening to his story about a fairy who lived in the forest. His made up stories amused them, and every time he was home he always made sketches of his stories which they would keep stored in a cardboard shoe-box which was now so full it had to be tied with a white silk ribbon.
Heinrich put on his cap and was about to leave.
‘You should not be so graphic when you tell the girls how Willi died. It might give them nightmares. And I do not want them to see you without a shirt,’ Anna said.
Heinrich stepped up close to Anna. She looked a little afraid. ‘Don’t tell me how to bring up my own children Anna. And don’t criticise me especially when you allow other men into the home, my home. We are still married, remember,’ he said. ‘And I could demand my marital rights.’
He paused as he saw the look of sheer terror on Anna’s face.
‘Don’t worry,’ he added, ‘It would be like fucking a piece of furniture, and get this one thing straight, Anna, I do not want the girls to think everything is sugar and spice and all things nice, atrocities are being committed out there, I have had to commit some of them myself, so don’t come over all sanctimonious when it comes to the war.’ He began to walk away, but he stopped and turned again. ‘And don’t believe all you read in the newspapers, Anna. I will be around tomorrow to see the girls again.’
‘What time?’ Anna shouted after him.
Heinrich just slammed the door shut behind him and stood on the other side reprimanding himself for being such an unpleasant bastard.
Heinrich needed a drink. Mathias had taken Gerde and the children home so he went to the local bar alone for a couple of beers before he knocked on Irme’s door. It was about 9pm. He didn’t care if her husband was there, he simply wanted to thank her for all she’d done for the family that day. The smile on her face told Heinrich she was alone, and when she invited him in, he accepted.
‘I just wanted to thank you, Irme, we all appreciated you being there this afternoon,’ he said taking off his cap.
‘That’s what neighbours are for,’ she replied.
‘Your husband not around?’
‘He’s on fire-watch tonight,’ Irme explained. ‘Won’t be back until seven in the morning.’
Heinrich looked down turning his cap in a circle between both hands. ‘Will Mathias be coming to visit’ he asked.
‘No, what makes you think that?’
‘The other evening he said he was calling on you.’
‘He did, but he brought a bottle of Schnapps with him and became so drunk I had to sling him out. You’ve been drinking, too,’ she said.
‘Only a couple of beers,’ Heinrich replied. ‘I’m not drunk.’
‘No, I can see that,’ Irme said.
‘How long have you and Mathias been…?’ Heinrich wanted to know.
‘We’ve not been anything for years,’ Irme said. She didn’t want to tell him Mathias had spent rather a lot of time with Gerde and her children while Willi had been away. ‘I know what you need, though, Heinrich,’ Irme said smiling, unbuttoning his tunic.
‘How long has it been, Irme?’
‘Oh, does it matter, too long as far as I’m concerned,’ she smiled. ‘Let’s go into the bedroom, get more comfortable.’
The curtains were still drawn back so Irme didn’t flick the light switch. They both undressed with the light of the moon shining in and the occasional flash of exploding bombs somewhere in the far distance as British night-bombers dropped their load on their target in Frankfurt. Irme was now naked. For a forty eight year old woman she still had a body that was firm, but the years had brought about a curvier frame than before and that comforted Heinrich as he reached out to feel those motherly, womanly proportions. She knelt on the bed: Heinrich stood naked in front of her. A flash of light suddenly shot across the room and she caught sight of his injuries.
‘What has this country done to you, my beautiful, Heini,’ she breathed.
Heinrich just stood there letting her hands wash over his entire body. He knew she would take care of things, and she did after she’d taken his hard cock into her saliva filled mouth before slipping on the condom she took from the bedside table. Heinrich groaned and she lay flat on her back, her head on the pillows. She opened her legs and began to stroke herself. Heinrich watched, getting more and more excited until he lay on top of her, her breast in his mouth and his cock inside her consoling cunt, and the only sounds were the deep sounding thuds of distant explosions as they suddenly erupted to shake the floor like tiny earth tremors. Heinrich, lost in an attempt to forget about the past to just reach the point where his orgasm would erupt to leave him tingling with the sensation of coming, knew Irme wasn’t ready. He put his hand down and as soon as his finger began to make light circling movements she expelled an enormous scream. Heinrich grunted and groaned at the muscle tightening in his groin and the noise Irme was making, until they both lay side by side breathing hard and heavy.
Forbidden Liaison: They lived and loved for the here and now Page 9