by E. L. Todd
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I didn’t know you were dating Scarlet.”
I didn’t respond to her words as I continued to walk.
“Please say something,” she said.
“What am I supposed to say?”
“Do you want to be involved?” she asked. “I understand if you don’t. And if you do want to be involved, but not be in a relationship, that’s fine as well. But I’ve realized how wrong I was and that I made a mistake. We were getting really serious and I got cold feet, running to the first guy that would have me. I love you, Sean, and I’m so sorry about what I did to you. Please take me back.”
“I can’t,” I said. “I have Scarlet.”
Penelope sighed. “I know and I feel terrible about that,” she said. “But you and I are going to have a baby, Sean. Shouldn’t we try to be a family?”
I stared at her for a moment while thoughts flashed across my mind. Marrying Penelope was exactly what I wanted; having her carry my child was even better. This wasn’t the way I wanted it to play out, but perhaps that’s where I was meant to be. Maybe it was a sign. Penelope was carrying my child and wanted to work on our relationship. She said she was sorry for everything. But then I thought of Scarlet and everything I had with her. She was everything to me. I couldn’t live without her. I still loved Penelope, but I loved Scarlet more. I never wanted to be the dad that was separated from the mother, but I couldn’t do that to Scarlet. I couldn’t leave her.
“I can’t trust you, Penelope.”
She grabbed my hand. “I know,” she said. “But I’ll spend my life making it up to you.” Her eyes started to saturate with tears and drip down her face. “I wish I could take it back, but I can’t, Sean, and I’m sorry. I regret everything. Please give me another chance. I promise you won’t regret it.” The tears streamed down her face and I watched them fall. Even after everything that she did to me, I still hated seeing her in pain. “I love you, Sean. I’ve always loved you.”
As I listened to her words, I imagined the life I always wanted. It wasn’t perfect and the way we came to this situation was painful, but we were still there. I still cared for Penelope, but I wanted Scarlet. But then my future son or daughter was in my life. Could I really do that to them? Be married to another woman and have other kids? I would never want my child to experience that. It would make me a horrible person. Shouldn’t I try to make this work for my kid? I hated everything about the situation. I wanted to die because of what I was about to do to Scarlet. I wanted to fucking die. I met her gaze and watched her for a moment. “I love you too,” I whispered.
She kissed my hand and held it in her own. “Thank you,” she said. Penelope wrapped her arms around me and I held her. My heart ached for the woman that I loved. Seeing her shed those tears for me was a declaration of her love and remorse. If Penelope wasn’t carrying my child, I would have turned her away, but since she was, I wanted to give the relationship another chance. Of course I wanted to be in the child’s life—that was obvious, but I would rather do that as Penelope’s husband than her boyfriend. It isn’t exactly what I wanted, but I was stuck. I was going to be a dad.
My thoughts of Scarlet pained me. I knew how much this would hurt her, but a part of me knew she would understand, knowing that the pregnancy changed everything. I loved Scarlet, I really did, and I felt my heart ache because I wouldn’t be spending my life with her. She was everything to me, and now I would lose her forever. She wouldn’t want to be friends with me—maybe never speak to me again—but she would understand.
Penelope pulled away and spotted the engagement box sitting on the kitchen table. She was still for a moment then she grabbed it. Her eyes lit up when she saw the ring inside. She must have spotted the engraving because she knew it was hers. “It’s beautiful, Sean.” Tears sprung from her eyes. She put the ring on her finger. I didn’t even ask her. But the sight made me happy. She was serious about raising this kid with me—as a family. I wanted the best for my child—nothing less. He would have family vacations, ball games in the park, and a father to look up to, someone who sacrificed the love of his life just to be perfect for him.
Penelope reached up to kiss me, but I pulled away. “I’m still with Scarlet,” I said. “I’m committing to you for the rest of my life, but I’m with Scarlet until I end it. Nothing can happen until I talk to her.”
Penelope nodded. “I understand,” she said as she hugged me. “I love you, Sean, and I’m so sorry.”
I returned her embrace. “I love you too,” I said. “And I’m very excited about the baby.”
“You are?” she asked as she pulled away, a look of surprise on her beautiful face.
“Of course,” I said. “Why wouldn’t I be?” I placed my hand over her slightly distended stomach. “I got a fiancé and a baby today.”
Penelope smiled then tears fell from her eyes as she looked at me. I understood why she was so emotional. I just took her back to be a father to her child. I sacrificed my relationship with Scarlet, even though I didn’t want to, just to commit to our unborn baby. The baby was mine. It was my responsibility. I was forgiving her for everything and we were moving forward as a family. “I don’t deserve you, Sean,” she whispered.
I kissed her head, but said nothing. I knew she didn’t deserve me, but that didn’t matter anymore. The only thing that mattered was our child.
7
Scarlet
“When is Sean going to be here?” Ryan asked. He watched me check my hair in the mirror and make sure my makeup was perfect. “You look fine, Scar. It’s just Sean.”
“This is my boyfriend we are talking about—not just Sean,” I said. “And he should be here any minute.”
He rolled his eyes. “Do you want me out of the apartment for the evening?” he asked.
“No, of course not,” I said quickly.
“I just assumed you would want to be alone.”
“We do,” I said. “But not all the time.”
“Well, if you want me to visit Cortland, let me know.”
“That won’t be necessary.” I laughed.
The knock on the door made me jump with excitement. “I got it!”
Ryan didn’t move from the couch. “I couldn’t care less,” he said sarcastically.
I opened the door and jumped into Sean’s arms, almost knocking him down from the force of my jump. He laughed as he staggered backwards. He dropped his bag on the ground and I started kissing him, pushing him against the wall as I grabbed his face and kissed him like it was the last time.
Sean moaned as he kissed me and I ran my hands over his body. When we finally broke our embrace, he was smiling at me. “Are you happy to see me?”
“Is it obvious?” I asked. “I was trying to play it cool.”
“You never play it cool.”
“No, I don’t.” I grabbed his face and kissed him again and we made out in the hallway for a few minutes. Sean pulled away from me and rested his head against mine. He was having a moment and I let him take it. I knew how much he missed me over the past five days.
“Is Ryan here?” he asked.
“Yes, unfortunately.” I sighed. “But we are doing it anyway.”
Sean smiled with his lips, but not his eyes. “I love you so much,” he whispered. I saw the tears behind his eyes and I hugged him tightly. He wasn’t this emotional when he left Seattle, but now he seemed to be overcome. Sean held me to his chest tightly and didn’t let go for a long time.
I pulled away. “Let’s get your stuff inside.” I grabbed the one bag he had and it was practically empty. He didn’t pack much. Sean grabbed the bag and placed it over his shoulder, following me inside. Sean moved to the living room and shook hands with Ryan. They started whispering about something but I couldn’t make it out.
“So, what are you guys doing tonight?” Ryan asked.
“I don’t know,” I said as I wrapped my arms around Sean’s neck. “But I don’t really care.”
Sean rubbed his nos
e against mine and I immediately wanted to go in the bedroom. Ryan rose from the couch and grabbed his jacket from the coat rack. “I’ll be at Cortland’s,” he said as he walked away. “Get this shit taken care of before I get back.”
My lips were on Sean’s and I was pulling him to the bedroom, wanting to be with him as soon as possible. Sean remained stationary as I tugged on his arm. The forlorn expression on Sean’s face suddenly became apparent now that Ryan was gone. “What’s wrong?”
Sean sighed as he took a seat on the couch. I sat beside him. Sean stared at me for a moment and I saw his eyes become coated with tears. Whatever had made Sean so upset was starting to frighten me. I didn’t know what he was going to say.
He grabbed my face and kissed me gently. “I want you to know that I love you very much, Scarlet, and there is nothing I wouldn’t do for you. You are everything to me—I mean it.” He kissed me again and pulled away.
“You’re scaring me,” I whispered.
Sean grabbed my hand. “I have something to tell you.”
My lungs took an involuntary breath, preparing for the battle about to be waged on my heart. Conversations that started with this phrase were always bad.
“Penelope came over last night and we started talking,” he said quietly. I felt my heart race in my chest. I couldn’t believe what was happening. “Penelope is pregnant with my baby, Scarlet.”
I stared at him for a moment. “What?”
Sean nodded. “It’s true.”
“How do you know it’s even yours?”
“Well, the sonogram said the conception was before the other guy. Plus, the guy left her when he found out it wasn’t his. I think she’s telling the truth.”
I took a deep breath and sighed in relief. That wasn’t what I was expecting Sean to say at all. I grabbed his hand and smiled at him. “I don’t care, Sean. You should be in the baby’s life if you want to be. This doesn’t affect our relationship. I will love the baby like it was my own.”
Sean closed his eyes and a tear fell down his cheek. He was completely moved by my words and I knew that he was frightened that I would end the relationship because of his child. I wanted to be with Sean—even if I was a stepmother.
“Scarlet.” He breathed.
I grabbed his face and kissed his tears away then ran my hands through his hair, trying to calm him. “It’s okay.” I whispered.
Sean sighed before he continued. “I—I want to be in the child’s life—of course I do. I wouldn’t even consider anything else, but—but I want to be a family, Scarlet. I—I can’t do that to my kid, not at least try to be a family. I don’t want to be two separate parents.”
I stared at him. “You don’t have to be with Penelope to raise this kid, Sean. Don’t let her tell you otherwise. You can be a great father without being with her.”
“But I don’t want to do that to my child,” he whispered. “I want to be a family.”
My chest started rising and falling with my heightened fear. “What are you saying?” I asked.
Sean dropped his gaze. “I want to be a family, Scarlet. I don’t want my kid to have a stepdad. I—I don’t want that.”
“Are you telling me that you want to be with Penelope?”
Sean was crying at this point. He wiped his tears away, but they continued to fall. “Yes.”
I stood up and started pacing the room. “You came here to breakup with me,” I whispered. “You’d already decided that you’re going back to Penelope?”
Sean stood up and faced me. “I know you will understand, Scarlet. There is a child in this now. If she came to me without being pregnant, I would have thrown her out on her ass. I don’t want her, Scar. I want you and no one else. But I have to try and make this work now. This is my responsibility. What kind of father would I be if I didn’t try to make it work with Penelope? I don’t want my kid to have to go back and forth between houses, spend the holidays at different places every year, or have step parents. If my parents divorced when I was little, it would have killed me, and I know kids often have emotional problems when their parents separate. I can’t do that to my son or daughter. I know this ends our relationship, but now that I have a kid, that kid is my number one priority, even over you. Believe me, I don’t want to lose you, and this arrangement is killing me. I don’t want this, Scar. I really don’t. I don’t want Penelope. Please tell me you understand—I need to hear you say that.”
I started to cry. “She is just going to fuck you over again, Sean. When she finds someone better that doesn’t care that she already has a kid, she is going to leave you. Don’t you get that? You are just going to end up divorced and alone. And I’m not going to be there when she breaks your heart again, Sean.” I wiped my tears away and ran my hands through my hair. “I want nothing to do with you, Sean. You are picking her over me and you are making the wrong choice, Sean. The wrong choice.”
“I’m not picking her over you!” he said. “I’m stuck with her. She is pregnant with my kid.”
“I already heard you say that,” I snapped. “And you can still be a great father without fucking the mom. Fuck you, Sean. You are going back to her because you want her. You’ve never gotten over her. This pregnancy just gives you an excuse.”
“Please don’t say that, Scar. You know that isn’t true. You know how much I love you. I want to be with you. I mean it.”
“Get the fuck out of my apartment and go back to where you came from,” I said. “I never want to see you again—ever. I mean it. Don’t call me or come back to Seattle. And don’t you dare call my brother. After I tell him what you did, he is going to fucking kill you, Sean. We are done—for good. I hope you have a good life with your family. Now go.” I turned around and let my tears fall without letting Sean see them. He didn’t move for the door, but I waited for him to take his leave. I felt him stand behind me and touch my arm lightly.
“Please tell me that you understand,” he whispered. “I need to hear you say that. I understand that you are angry—I am, too—but please tell me you understand.”
“Don’t touch me,” I said as I jerked my arm away. “Now get the fuck out of my apartment.”
He didn’t move. I turned around and shoved him as hard as I could. Sean fell to the ground, but didn’t retaliate. He rose to his feet and looked at me with tears dripping from his eyes.
“Have a good life, Sean. Go be with your real family.”
Sean grabbed his bag and placed it over his shoulder. “I love you, Scar.”
“Don’t ever call me that again.”
“I love you,” he said. “I know you believe me.” He turned around and left the apartment, closing the door gently behind him. When I heard the door shut, I collapsed on the ground and heaved with the heavy sobs that shook my body. My body convulsed with pain, and for the first time, I didn’t want to go on—I didn’t want to live. Sean made me so happy and now he betrayed me. Broke my heart into so many pieces, it looked like fairy dust. Hours went by as I laid in the living room, crying to myself. I remembered how depressed I was when I first got to Seattle and how much it hurt my brother. I didn’t want to do that again. I’d made so much progress and I didn’t want to falter again—I didn’t want to fall.
My body lifted itself up and I stood in the middle of the apartment. The mirror on the wall showed my reflection of smeared makeup and running mascara. My hands wiped away the evidence of my tears, and I took a deep breath. I couldn’t let myself fall again. Sean had betrayed me once, and it was my fault that I let him hurt me again. My life wouldn’t spiral out of control like last time—I wouldn’t let that happen.
My heart throbbed painfully for the trauma I’d just experienced, but I swallowed back the pain and decided that it wasn’t worth it. Sean wasn’t worth the pain even though we were perfect together and it felt so right. He was an idiot for throwing me away for a cheating bitch—even if she was carrying his baby. Sean and I were over. We were done. No amount of crying would change that. I walked into my
bedroom and changed then I grabbed my jacket and left the apartment, heading for Cortland’s place.
When I arrived there, Cortland answered the door with a smile on his face, but his expression fell when he realized how unhappy I was. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” I said. “Can I come in?”
“Of course.” He opened the door for me and allowed me to walk inside. Ryan was sitting on the couch with a dark-skinned woman. I recognized her immediately. She was gorgeous and exotic looking, and I completely understood Cortland’s fascination with her.
“Where’s Sean?” he asked.
I ignored him and walked into the living room. Ryan met my gaze and I knew he could read my expression clearly, unlike anyone else in the known world. He jumped from the couch and came to me, wrapping his arms around me tightly. Cortland watched us for a moment then turned to Monnique. “Something just came up,” he said. “Can I take you home?”
I pulled away from Ryan. “No, that isn’t necessary,” I said quickly. I was moved that Cortland would risk offending his date just to comfort me, but I didn’t want him to sacrifice anything for me. I turned to Monnique. “It’s very nice to meet you. Cortland talks about you all the time.”
She smiled at me. “I hope they are good things.”
“Yes.” I smiled. “Very good things.”
Cortland turned to me. “Are you sure?”
“Yes,” I said. “As long as I have Ryan, I’ll be okay.”
Ryan wrapped his arm around me and held me close to him. He kissed my forehead and let me bury my face in his shoulder. “I’m going to take her home,” he said. “It was nice meeting you,” he said to Monnique.” We turned away and walked out of Cortland’s apartment. Cortland followed us and he hugged me tightly before I left.
“Call me if you need anything—anything at all,” Cortland said.
“I will.” I smiled.
“I love you,” he whispered.
“I love you, too.”