by Amy Cross
"So your solution is to give up?" Benjamin says. Again: it's as if neither of them can hear me. "Now that Patrick has taken her there, you want to just sit around and wait until they eventually return? It'll be too late. She'll be like him, and then there'll be no way back for her!"
"We can't go to Gothos!" Todd insists. "It's just not possible! It's a mark of desperation that you're even considering the idea." He pushes the book back toward Benjamin. "Sir Edward Moss was a crazy old man who set up the Watchers to investigate street rumors. While he was alive, the Watchers were a joke. It was only when he'd disappeared that other men took his place and made this group what it is today. Moss was a crank, and he didn't go to Gothos or Sangreth or any of the other places he claimed to have visited. He probably died in some far-off country, still writing those ludicrous fake accounts of his journey." He sighs. "And even if he did get to Gothos, how did he get those accounts back? None of this makes any sense!"
"I'm not desperate," Benjamin says, clearly working hard to control his anger. "I'm a man of science and logic. I've spent years working out a possible path to Gothos. I've studied the notes Moss left behind and I'm convinced he was onto something. At first I thought it was impossible. I thought only Patrick could make the journey these days, but now I know there's a way. It's not easy, but it can be done, and I don't see that we have much choice. Or are you scared?"
"I'm not scared," Todd replies, "but I'm not stupid, either. If you thought it was possible for us to go to Gothos, you'd have done it long ago. You'd have gathered up as many men as you could find, and you'd have led a god-damned invasion. We'd be there now!"
Benjamin shakes his head. "No," he says. "We wouldn't, and do you want to know why? Because I'm scared." He pauses. "I dreamed all my life of seeing the great home of the vampires, but when I finally realized it might be possible, I was filled with such terror that I immediately stopped my research. The thought of entering that place, of being among them... I failed. I should have been stronger, but I became so terrified, I allowed myself to recoil from such a journey. Now, though, I see that we must go. A young girl's life is at stake."
"You're insane," Todd says. "You can't seriously think you're going to reach Gothos."
"Not me," he replies. "I'm too old. Even if I survived the journey, I'd be no use. It must be you," he says, before turning to me, "and you."
"No way," I say. "I quit."
They both stare at me.
"I've been trying to say it since you two started arguing," I continue.
"You quit?" Benjamin asks, with a look of disgust in his eyes. "You quit?"
"I quit," I reply.
"You can't quit," Todd says.
"I came to help Abby," I say. "I came to help a young girl find out a little bit about her mother. I was gonna sit down and talk to her properly, but you guys fucked all of that up. I'm not going to go running off with you to this Gothos place. I'm not going to do any more of this. Abby's..." I pause. Since we found the dead girl in the woods outside Callerton, I've come to realize that Abby's not just a lonely teenage girl. She's a vampire, and I don't think there's anything I can do or say that will help her. She scares me. "I thought she was a vulnerable, frightened girl," I continue, "and the first time I saw her, it was like looking at Sophie. But now I see that she's different. She's like Patrick, and I don't want to be around her. What she did to that girl in the forest... She's not human. For all we know, she even killed her foster parents."
"That wasn't her," Todd says.
"You don't know that!" I say "It's a little convenient, isn't it? They turn up dead, just after she returns to the area? I hate to say this, but I don't trust her. You act like you're trying to save her from becoming like Patrick, but the truth is that she already passed that point a long time ago. You're trying to fight a battle that's already been lost, and I'm not interested. That's why I'm quitting."
"She needs you," Benjamin says.
"No," I reply. "You need me, because you think I can help you reel her in. You think I can help you control her. But I'm not going to do that. Whatever happens, happens. You had her, and you lost her. She's gone. She's become something else, and I'm done with all of this."
"You can't give up on her," Benjamin continues. "I admit it's a long shot, but there's still a chance we can bring her back. If that happens, she'll need you."
"It's not gonna happen," I reply. "It's over. You've lost her." With that, I turn and head out of the room. There's no point arguing with Benjamin and Todd. They're so fixated on Abigail, they can't see the truth. We tried to save her. We tried to keep her away from danger, but she's in Patrick's arms now. For better or for worse, he's going to turn her into the daughter he always wanted, and there's nothing any of us can do to stop him.
Gwendoline
Far away.
"Abigail!" I shout, grabbing her hand and dragging her across the room to the window. "You must see this! Look out there! Do you see the mountains? I went there once, on a hunting trip with Daddy. I think he wanted to toughen me up a little, but of course the whole thing failed rather miserably." I pause for a moment, remembering how awful it was to see such disappointment in my father's eyes.
"Sounds... fun," Abigail replies cautiously.
"I'm not very tough," I continue. "Daddy's always been so disappointed in me. I sometimes think I should take crocodile-wrestling lessons, just to prove him wrong. Maybe we could do that together! Oh, dearest Abigail, would you like to go crocodile-wrestling with me?"
Abigail stares at me, looking a little shocked. We've spent the past hour rushing around Gothos as I show her all the wonderful things in the house. It has been so long since we had a visitor, and I'm afraid I might have rather overwhelmed dear Abigail by peppering her with stories and anecdotes. Still, she has to learn about the place; one can't go through life being ignorant of one's heritage, so it's absolutely vital that she's told about the rich history of this place. It's so exciting to have a new friend, although the excitement is tempered by the knowledge that I'm planning to kill her tonight. That's a bit of a shame, really.
"You look quite pale," I say with a smile. "Are you feeling okay?"
"Yeah," she says. "Just suffering from information overload."
"Let me show you something else!" I say, taking her hand again. This time, however, she pulls away. "What's wrong?" I ask, turning to her. "Come on, I'll show you something that'll make your jaw drop to the floor with sheer thrilled wonder, and your eyes'll pop out on stalks, and your brain'll spin like a top!"
"Actually, I'm kind of tired," she says. "Maybe we could take a rain-check and carry on with this later?"
"A what?" I ask, confused. "A rain... check?"
"A break," she explains.
"Okay, but just one more thing!" I insist, taking her hand firmly and leading her to the other side of the room. We stop in front of a small red vase that stands on a beautiful little pedestal. This is one of my favorite things in the whole of Gothos: although it looks so innocuous and unimportant, this vase once played such a huge role in the history of the vampires. If dear Abigail is ever to consider herself a true member of the species, she simply must know about these things. "So," I say, after I've given her a moment to consider the vase, "what do you think this is?"
She pauses. "A... vase?"
"Yes, silly," I reply, "but what kind of vase?"
"A... magic vase?"
"No no no," I say, laughing. "It's a normal vase, but it was once used for something very wonderful. It was used to carry Cassandra's heart after it was first cut from her chest." I wait for her to say something, but she just seems a little confused. "Do you not know about Cassandra?" I ask, stunned by Abigail's total lack of knowledge. She's really starting from scratch, but it doesn't matter: I'll soon get her up to speed. I'm a quite wonderful teacher.
"Gwendoline," she says, sighing, "I genuinely appreciate your effort, I really do, and I'm totally grateful to you for showing me around, but would you be annoyed if I went
to my room and took a nap? I'm really tired, and I think I need to get some sleep before dinner."
I smile, realizing that I've monopolized her for far too long. Why didn't I consider the possibility that she might be tired? "Of course," I say. "Poor dear Abigail, please forgive me, I was just trying to make you feel more at home, but I suppose there's plenty of time to do all of this later, isn't there? Shall I show you to your room?"
"Is that okay?" she asks.
I nod. "But on the way, I want to show you just one more thing." I grab her hand again, this time leading her back through to the ballroom. We go over to the large patio doors that look out across the garden. "Isn't it beautiful?" I ask as we stare at the scene. A huge green lawn spreads out from the house, running for miles before it's met by the edge of a tall dense forest and - beyond - the mountains. I've always fantasized about what it would be like to run around in the forest, although of course I've never dared to go so far from the house, not since Daddy took me out there many years ago. "Gothos has the most wonderful garden," I say.
"Yep," she says, nodding.
"In the old days," I continue, "there used to be croquet games outside, and everyone would gather for huge parties. That's when the vampires were here, of course. Things are so different now."
"So you're not a vampire?" Abigail asks.
Turning to her, I can't help but laugh. "Me?" I say. "A vampire? Heavens no!" I bare my teeth for a moment, allowing her to see the distinct lack of fangs. "If I'd been born a vampire," I tell her, "I'd have gone off exploring. I'd have traveled the world and fought monsters and done all sorts of things, instead of... well, instead of spending all my time here." I pause for a moment, imagining all the fun I might have had if I'd been blessed with the mark of a vampire. "Mustn't complain, though," I say. "Gothos is the most wonderful place."
"You can still go out and explore," Abigail says. "Nothing's keeping you here. The world's not that scary."
"Of course," I reply. She thinks it's so easy, but she doesn't understand what it's like for me. For one thing, the garden might look empty, but there are things living out there. Horrible things. I glance across the room, to make doubly sure that we're alone, and then I lean closer to Abigail. "Do you want to know a secret?" I ask, keeping my voice low just in case one of the ghosts overhears me.
"Sure," she says.
"You must promise to keep it," I say, putting on my most serious face. "If you tell anyone, I might end up in awful trouble."
"I promise," she says with a grin, as if she's humoring me.
Reaching down, I grab her left hand and take hold of her little finger. "Promise that if you let my secret out to anyone else, you'll give me this finger. You'll cut it right off and give it to me."
She smiles. "Okay. I promise."
Letting go of her hand, I reach into my pocket and pull out one of the keys I've been carrying around with me. "Diana doesn't know I have this," I whisper, glancing around once again to make sure that there's no-one nearby. "I'm not supposed to go out into the garden on my own," I continue, "and of course I don't. But sometimes I unlock the door and open it just a little, to give myself a thrill. I like to breathe the air from outside occasionally."
"You're a real rebel, huh?" Abigail says.
"I wouldn't say I'm a rebel," I reply, turning the handle and slowly opening the door a couple of inches, "but I do like to be naughty from time to time. Don't you?" Abigail shivers as a cold breeze blows in from the garden. "Can you smell that air?" I ask. "Isn't it the freshest, most wonderful air you've ever known? It comes all the way from the mountains, you know."
"It's nice," she says, "but cold. I guess you don't get much sunbathing done around here." She pauses. "So when was the last time you went outside?"
"Oh," I say, trying to think. "It must have been... years and years and years ago. Daddy took me hunting, and -" I pause, trying not to think about that horrible day. "Well, I haven't been out since." I reach out to pull the door shut, but Abigail grabs my hand.
"Are you really scared of opening the door?" she asks.
"I..." I start to say, but then it occurs to me: if Abigail goes outside, all my problems are over. I've been setting up a complex plan for getting rid of her tonight, but suddenly this opportunity is presenting itself. "I don't know," I say finally, as I desperately try to decide what to do. Should I stick to my original plan, or should I seize the moment? "I mean, it's not allowed. Going outside, I mean it's... Diana forbids it."
"So what?" Abigail asks, grabbing the handle and opening the door all the way. "Come on, let's go outside."
"Absolutely not," I say, stepping back. "It's forbidden."
"Why?" she says, smiling. "Is it dangerous?"
I glance over at the other side of the room. There's no-one around. I could let Abigail go outside, and then I could tell people I have no idea what happened to her. After all, she'd only need to go a few paces away from the door and she'd be as good as dead. "Do you really want to go outside?" I ask cautiously. I shouldn't even consider the idea, but the chance to kill Abigail so quickly can't be ignored. It's as if this opportunity has just been plopped into my lap.
Smiling, she takes a step through the door and turns back to me. "Look, Gwendoline," she says. "I'm outside. Is something awful going to happen to me?"
I stare at her. I should get her to come back in, but it's so tempting to let her keep going. After all, I want her to die, and now she's making it far too easy for me.
"You're right," she continues, taking a deep breath. "There's really nice air out here. We should come out properly later." She turns to come back inside.
"No!" I say, blocking her way. "Go a little further! You need to get away from the house a few meters if you're really going to breathe in the crisp air."
She stares at me, clearly becoming a little suspicious. "Gwendoline, it's very nice out here," she says, "but I really just want to -"
Suddenly I push the door shut and turn the key, locking her outside. She lunges for the handle, but it's too late. My heart is pounding. I shouldn't be doing this, but she's almost forced my hand. If she'll just walk a little further into the garden, the creatures out there will surely grab her and kill her. This is almost too easy.
"Gwendoline," she says through the glass in the door, "this is very funny, but it's really cold out here."
"Go and have a look first!" I say, hoping no-one hears the commotion as Abigail tugs on the door. "Just go a few more steps from the house and take a nice deep breath. I'll let you in straight away, I promise."
"Seriously?" she asks, sounding annoyed.
"You're the one who wanted to go out there," I remind her. "Take a little look around." I keep my hand on the handle. I could open the door and save her, but it's far too tempting to let her walk to her doom.
"Gwendoline, let me -" she starts to say, but suddenly she spins around, as if something behind her has caught her attention.
"What happened?" I ask, trying to contain my excitement. Is this it? Is it going to be so easy to get rid of Abigail?
"Something touched my shoulder," she says tensely. "Something touched me." She backs against the door. "Gwendoline, let me in!"
"Just a moment," I say, pretending to try the key.
"Now, Gwendoline!" she insists. It's so funny to hear the sense of real panic in her voice.
"I can't!" I say, wiggling the key in the lock. "It's stuck. I don't know what's wrong!"
"There's something out here," Abigail says. "I can't see it, but I keep feeling it brushing past me. What is it?"
"I don't know!" I reply, still pretending to try the key in the lock. "I shouldn't think there can be anything at all. I just -" At that moment, I hear a noise over my shoulder. Before I can react, I'm pushed aside and Diana turns the key, opening the door and pulling Abigail into the room.
"What were you doing out there?" Diana shouts, slamming the door shut and locking it. "Where did you get this key?" She turns to me. "Gwendoline, how many times hav
e I told you never to go out there?"
"I just thought -" I start to say, but she slaps me hard across the face, almost knocking me to the floor.
"Don't talk back to me," she snaps. "Apologize to Abigail at once."
"It's okay," Abigail starts to say.
"It's not okay!" Diana shouts. "Gwendoline, apologize!"
Slowly, I turn to Abigail. Determined not to let her see me cry, and with the side of my face still stinging, I take a deep breath, forcing the tears back. "I'm sorry," I say, my voice quivering a little. "It was only supposed to be a bit of fun."
"It's fine," Abigail says, clearly feeling awkward. "It was just cold, that's all."
"Sorry if I scared you," I say. "If you like, I can make it up to you tomorrow by taking you to the zoo."
"The zoo?" she replies, looking puzzled.
"Yes!" I say, smiling. "We have a little zoo in the garden. You can -"
"There's no time for this talk now," Diana says sternly. "Abigail, perhaps you should have a rest before dinner. Meanwhile, Gwendoline can do some chores for me."
"I don't want to do chores," I say, turning to her. I hate the way she always punishes me by making me do chores, like I'm some kind of child. "Please don't make me!"
"Everyone must do chores," Diana replies. "Go through to the pantry while I take Abigail back to her room."
Realizing that there's no point arguing with her, I turn and stomp through to the pantry. I hate this part of the house; it's where the servants work, and I don't see why I should have to spend time in such a place. As the maids get on with their work, I sit in the corner and wait for Diana to come and put me to work like some kind of common slave. I can't believe how close I came to getting rid of Abigail. Ever since she arrived at Gothos this morning, I've been plotting to get rid of her, and then she almost got herself killed right in front of my eyes. I'd assumed it would be hard to neutralize her, but perhaps she's stupid enough to walk straight into one of my traps. After all, I wasn't even trying to kill her just now, and she almost died. Imagine how things will go tonight when I'm actually putting in some real effort.