Expired Regrets

by Megan C. Smith

  “Anxious to get back much?” he sarcastically asked.

  I smirked at him and nodded. “Yeah, may be the closest I get, since she is unconscious. Last time she woke up wasn’t too pleasant.”

  We made it to the room in record time, and Grant stepped up to Leslie, placing his hands on her shoulders as he leaned down to whisper something in her ear. I saw her tense up as she squeezed Rose’s hand tighter and then moved to stand.

  “You don’t have to leave,” I quickly shot off, seeing Leslie hesitate. “I’m just staying too.”

  Leslie smiled at me as the tears shone in her eyes. “No. It’s okay. We need to go home and get some rest and give her mom an update. I’m going to bring her up here with me later.”

  I knew that feeling all too well. My body was exhausted, to move a muscle physically ached after going hard all night in the rig and then coming upon that final call. But more than that, I was emotionally spent from realizing who was in that destroyed vehicle to thinking she was gone, I was mentally and physically done, but there was no way on earth I was leaving Rose.

  Leslie hugged me, and then she and Grant left the room, turning the lights down on their way out. I scooted my chair closer to the bed and reached out to hold Rose’s hand again, before laying my head on the edge of the mattress to get some shuteye.

  The next morning, I was awakened by a knock at the door. I moved to sit up, and a blanket fell off my shoulders. Apparently, one of the nurses had taken pity on me. I tried to stretch out, feeling all the aches and kinks in my muscles. The door opened, and the doctor from yesterday walked in, scanning his eyes over Rose then to me in my uniform. I knew I looked like I’d gone on a bender.

  “Aren’t you the paramedic who brought her in yesterday?” he asked curiously, trying to place everything in his mind.

  I nodded my head as I started to explain the history, but figured that would be more than he’d bargained for, so I gave him the cliff notes’ version.

  He just raised an eyebrow at me and then moved to look at Rose’s charts. I gave him a rundown of the uneventful night, and he seemed pleased that her vitals were strong. He did a quick exam, checking her reflexes and pupil dilation, then pulled back the blankets to look at an incision site and her abdomen before righting her clothes.

  “You know you saved her life,” he said, acknowledging me again.

  “Just did my job, sir,” I replied, trying to brush it off.

  “No, son, you did more than that. She could have easily died. There were many times I thought she was going to, but something in her seemed to keep fighting back.”

  That’s my girl. I smiled and looked back to her.

  “Well,” he began, clearing his throat at intruding on the moment. “If you need anything, just push the call button. Remember, here you aren’t on duty.-Call us.”

  He stepped out, and I laid my head back down in an attempt to catch some more sleep, but it seemed to become a revolving door of people as nurses and staff came in and out.

  Leslie showed up later with Rose’s mom. She hugged me tightly as she thanked me for saving Rose. “I always knew you were an amazing man, Bryant.”

  I shuddered as tears came to my eyes. I stepped out to give them some time with her. Grant held out a duffel bag of mine, and I thanked God he’d known where my spare key was and had thought to grab me a change of clothes. I pulled out my phone to call work, but the dispatcher said Greg had told them what was going on, so I was off the schedule already. I thanked her and hung up the phone, relieved that Greg had taken care of so much for me since the accident. After reaching down to grab my bag, I headed for the family showers I knew were around the corner.

  Feeling refreshed, I peeked in on Rose and saw her mom sitting with her. Deciding to give them some more time alone, I closed the door quietly. I’d made a point to check on her mom the last few years and knew Rose had been pretty shut off and had only called on Sundays to check in and make idle chatter — another guilt I held on to. I’d taken her daughter away from her, too.

  I walked over to Grant, who was with Leslie, talking, and sat next to them, taking the coffee that was being held out to me. I breathed in the smell of the caffeine and thanked them.

  “We also brought your truck up, in case you had to go to work, or needed to go somewhere.”

  I shook my head and blew on the coffee to cool it off. “Nope, I’m off the schedule and not leaving ‘til security drags me out,” I said with a deadpan face.

  Rose’s mom stayed about an hour before heading out, demanding we call with updates. She hugged me again and wished me the best. Leslie walked her out to the car and then came back to Rose’s room, where I had returned to keeping vigil.

  “Her mom said the doctor came back in. They said that they are going to start weaning her off the pain meds, so she may wake up tonight. I should probably stay instead of you. I can work to warm her up to you.”

  I laughed, knowing that I was probably a glutton for punishment. “Nah, I’m brave. I can take her.”

  Leslie laughed aloud at me as she pulled a chair up to the other side. “Well, if it’s all the same, I’m staying to protect you,” she said, finishing it off with a wink at me.

  We sat there staring at Rose a moment. I imagined her awake and reaming me out. Knowing she wouldn’t wake for a while, I tried to start up a conversation about the wedding, but Leslie just shrugged at me.

  “What’s up, Les? You know she’d be pushing you down the aisle,” I joked, trying to break the tension.

  Leslie sighed and then got to talking. The wedding had been put on hold, until her maid of honor recovered and could be there.

  I really hadn’t expected anything else. Leslie and Rose had always been inseparable. When she’d told the ER doctor that she was her sister, truer words couldn’t have been spoken.

  Her body trembled, and she changed the conversation, catching me off guard.

  “So are you going to tell her?”

  “You know, I really haven’t thought that far ahead. At this point, I’m just hoping for her to wake up, say hello, and not kick me out again.”

  Leslie smirked, and then we both fell into a silence.

  As the sun set and the room grew dark, Grant showed back up after getting off work. He rubbed Leslie’s shoulders, which ached from slouching over Rose’s bed waiting for her to wake up. She leaned into his hands, groaning in pleasure.

  “Damn, me next!” I hollered to Grant, and he winked in return.

  “Come on, you two. I’ll bet neither of you have you have moved an inch. We’re going to dinner right across the street, and then you can come back.”

  I could feel my eyes bug out in panic as I tried to come up with an excuse to stay. “I’m sure Leslie would like some one-on-one time,” I attempted.

  Leslie laughed. “I get plenty of one-on-one time, as you put it, and the nurse said it’d still be awhile. Let’s get you fed. You’re going to need your strength!”

  She grabbed my hand and pulled me toward the door. I looked back at Rose resting in the bed, showing no signs of saving me. Not like she’d object if she were awake, stupid!

  I had to admit, the break from the hospital was nice as I tried not to inhale my food in order to get back faster. My mind was still in the hospital room. I checked my phone repeatedly for a call from the nurse I’d caught on the way out. I had instructed her to call me if anything changed. I wiped off my fingers, done with my meal. I had ordered some smoked wings that were actually really good, and I made a mental note that this place was worth a return visit when I was back on shift with Greg.

  I was antsy to get back to the hospital. Grant and Leslie kept trying to talk to me, ignoring my search for the waitress.

  “She will still be there, and your phone, if it isn’t dead yet, hasn’t rung,” Grant said, trying to pacify me.

  I glared at him as I spotted our waitress and flagged her down. She sauntered over with a big smile on her face and leaned toward me, showing off her ample c
leavage. “Yes, hun?” she asked, batting her eyelashes with a come-hither look.

  “Yeah, I need my check please. My fiancée is waiting for me,” I said crossly.

  She straightened up and headed toward the register to print off our checks as Grant busted out laughing. “Jeez, man, really? Exaggerate much?”

  I ignored him and stuck cash to pay my bill into the folder and gave it right back to her, ignoring her last-ditch efforts at flirting with me.

  On my way out to head back over, Grant and Leslie jogged to catch up with me.

  “Hey, dude, I’m just yanking your chain. You haven’t dated since…” He paused a minute. “…in years. No sense chasing them all off and spending your life alone.”

  The crosswalk sign changed, and I stepped into the street. “It’s her, Grant. Could you imagine being with anyone else other than Leslie?” I raised an eyebrow at him, daring him to argue, especially with Leslie tucked under his arm. Besides the fact he would move heaven and earth for her, he loved her so much, and that woman would castrate him if he said anything different.

  After stepping from the hospital elevator, I saw Greg in the waiting area. “Hey, Greg. Thanks for handling things with dispatch.”

  “No problem. I figured you’d be worthless and depressed. In all honestly, I did it for me.”

  Greg laughed, giving me a shove. He asked how Rose was doing, and I gave him the run down.

  “Man, I didn’t think she’d make it when I saw her,” he whispered.

  I looked away, having heard these words more times than my stomach could handle.

  Before leaving, Greg wished Rose well and let me know to take all the time I needed. I headed to the room, pausing at the doorway. I watched curiously as Leslie was saying her goodbyes for the night to Rose.

  “Grant says I’ll be safer at home. He isn’t willing to risk me in the crossfire.”

  Grant laughed, and I knew I owed him a thank you for giving me the night to myself with Rose. I settled into my chair and soon drifted off to sleep, hoping she’d wake soon.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

  I blinked my eyes as I awoke and moved my arm to wipe my eyes, realizing it felt extremely heavy. I looked down and saw a cast on it, and my leg as well. Well, I know this room. I thought to myself as I looked around, surveying the typical hospital décor of mauve wallpaper, framed beach print on the wall, and hand sanitizer dispenser by the door. I looked at my casts again and thought about the car accident that had led me there.

  I remembered being stuck upside down, trying to call to the woman, who had been kneeling there moments ago. All I’d seen were her slippers, and they couldn’t help any. I’d felt weak as my strength had faded away. My eyes had watered with tears, and I’d realized that was how I would die. It felt unfair. I’d wished I could rewind time and had followed my heart more. I should have forgotten what that jerk had taken from me when he assaulted me, and just loved Bryant harder. I remembered that Leslie had told me a million times that Bryant was just trying to do what he thought was best for our family by getting a job and saving up for Angelica’s arrival. But, I’d played the best friend, you-side-with-me card, and she’d never spoke of it again.

  I heard a light knock at the door and started to turn toward it, when I caught sight of a gorgeous man in dark denim that hugged his muscular thighs reclined back in the chair. I trailed my eyes up his body to his white button-up and crisply rolled sleeves that constricted on his biceps. As I reached his short dark hair and five o’clock shadow, my heart skipped a beat, recognizing instantly that strong jaw line and face. The brown eyes — Bryant! He had saved me.

  A nurse stepped in and looked to him with fondness and a smile before looking to me with a startled expression, apparently realizing I was awake.

  “Hi, Rose. We’ve been wondering when you were going to join us.” I attempted to speak, but my throat was so dry and scratchy that my voice got caught, and I only made a gagging noise.

  “Let me go get you some fresh water and the doctor,” she whispered excitedly, quickly exiting.

  A moment later she returned with a small cup of water and helped me take a sip. “Easy now, your body has been through a lot.”

  You have NO idea.

  “What day is it?” I asked with a perplexed expression on my face as I tried to figure out how long I’d been there. Judging by the scrapes I could see that had just scabbed over, I knew it hadn’t been too terribly long.

  “Only a few days. This one,” she said, tilting her head toward Bryant. “He never left your side for long and only by force from your sister and her fiancé.”

  I smiled at him, resting in the chair with his head angled in an uncomfortable position and mouth gaped open, catching flies. I took another sip of water and stared at him, noticing the dark circles under his eyes and his disheveled hair. The nurse’s voice broke through as I heard her excuse herself. She’d read my mind apparently.

  I stared at him a minute, shocked he was here for me years later. Four years had passed, and he still had the ability to send my heart rate racing and capture my breath. I’d almost died, and Bryant had saved me. All my choices the last four years haunted me as I stared at the gorgeous man lounged back and trying to rest beside me. I had pushed away Bryant and my mom and held on to Angelica as a reminder of my pain. It was time for it all to end.

  I decided there was no time like the present to wake him up, since the doctor would probably be in any minute. I tried to reach out to touch him, but he was just out of my reach, and I didn’t think falling out of the bed was a good idea. I cleared my throat, hoping to wake him, but his head just lolled to the side. God, he was going to have a killer kink in his neck.

  I sat there a minute plotting and decided on a course of action. I dipped my fingers in the icy water, shivering as the cold crept into my body. I slung some droplets on his face.

  Startled awake, Bryant shook his body and as his eyes blazed open, no doubt searching the doorway for the culprit.

  “You know, that’s a good way to catch a fly.” I moved my un-casted hand to muffle a giggle as his eyes quickly met mine and brightened.

  He jumped up and took my hand, looking like he was trying to decide if this was real or a dream. Then he reached up and brushed a lock of my hair behind my ear. “You’re awake!” he exclaimed in pure joy as he squeezed my hand tighter.

  “Thank you, Captain Obvious,” I snarked back.

  I couldn’t help myself, but instantly felt bad as I saw him put an emotional wall up between us. He let go of my hand and crossed his arms over his chest. My mouth watered as his long lean muscles made themselves apparent. This was Bryant, but not the same Bryant. When I’d met him over four years earlier, he’d been a boy in comparison to the sex-god–of-a-man in front of me now. The knock sounded again, and the doctor stepped in, smiling like a long lost friend.

  “Hi, Rose. I’m Dr. Campbell. You gave us all quite the scare. Lucky you had so many people fighting for you, starting with this guy right here.”

  He nodded toward Bryant, and I looked to his eyes as his shield dropped a moment, letting the fear he’d apparently been in the last few days show through.

  The doctor began speaking again about what all my injuries were as he did a quick physical. He started to lift the blanket, and my heart rate accelerated in panic at not knowing him.

  He looked to me perplexed. “I’m just checking your incision site,” he stated very matter of factly and continued his examination.

  Bryant raised an eyebrow at my expression, and I felt my cheeks heat with embarrassment at my instinctive reaction.

  The doctor left, talking to the nurse about new orders for my continued care. Their voices faded as they walked further from my room.

  Bryant toed the ground with his boot, picking at apiece of lint on his shirtsleeve.

  “You were the paramedic, weren’t you?” I asked, already sure of the answer. I watched Bryant nod in reply without elaborating further.

  “Was it
bad?” I questioned him, not certain I wanted to know, when I saw the fear fill his eyes.

  He began to speak but choked up.

  After clearing his throat, he tried again. “It was one of the worst accident scenes I’d been called on. I didn’t even know it was you.”

  I stared into his eyes, trying to urge him to continue talking to me. His silky voice healed me more than any medicine could.

  “Greg. My partner — his name is Greg — he went to you first, as I checked on the other vehicle and assessed the injuries of its driver.”

  His eyes met mine a moment, and apparently seeing the concern in them, he assured me, “The other driver is fine, wasn’t even transported from the scene. Anyway, obviously you were the priority because of your injuries, so we headed to your truck as the fire rescue team started to extract you.”

  Tears created a sheen on his eyes, and I reached my hand out to hold his.

  He hesitantly took it, and I felt the warmth radiate up my arm, straight to my heart.

  “I saw the Seminole logo and the jumper symbol and knew. I think I knew the whole time instinctively, but didn’t want to believe it, not realizing you were driving down. I dropped to my knees, and there you were…” His voice cracked as he tried to speak quicker to get it all out. “…it was bad. There was blood everywhere. You coded a few times on the ride over, and I had to drain the blood that was filling inside you from your internal injuries. When we pulled in, I was doing CPR to keep you alive. They immediately took you to an OR to start working on you.”

  He reached up and wiped a tear that escaped from my eyes. “Greg wasn’t sure you’d make it, but I knew it. I knew you were too tough to give up.” He lightly bumped my shoulder with his fisted hand to lighten the mood.

  Speak, Rose. I opened my mouth to keep the moment from ending.

  “So, how is my truck?”

  Really, Rose? Fire Rescue extracted you. How do you think your truck is?

  Bryant laughed, and the sound was a balm for my soul. “Pretty sure it is totaled,” he replied, still heartily laughing at me.