From the day I met Hef to today, it has been a long and emotional journey. When I moved into the Mansion, I was looking for a break. It was not about the money because I could have made more as a first-year legal associate, nor was it about becoming “famous” by association to Hef; it was about living a carefree, fun lifestyle, one that was drastically different than my own was at the time. And at first, living at the Mansion was just that; it was like an extended spring break. My mistake was staying longer than the few months I initially intended to stay. I got caught up in the drama and tension between the Girlfriends and what was once enjoyable, turned into a miserable waiting game. If I could go back, I would do it all over again; the only difference would be that I would have left after a few months.
Living with Hef was a one-of-a-kind experience. I learned that you must follow your dream and believe in yourself and that you do not have to conform to everyone’s expectations. But I also learned that a life of pure hedonism is only briefly satisfying; it leaves you lonely and empty in the end. Having lived a life of learning and discipline and then one of fun and pleasure, I learned that neither is satisfying in itself, and that you have to find a balance in life to be truly happy and fulfilled. I imagined that I would learn some sort of a formula for greatness from Hugh Hefner; what I learned is that Hef is just a human being, like all the rest of us, with faults, vulnerabilities and insecurities. I learned that being wealthy brings with it a lot of responsibilities, even more stress, and attracts many fake, insincere people. In the end, money doesn’t bring you happiness unless you have loved ones to share it with, and you use it to help those less fortunate than you. I also learned that I would not dumb myself down myself for anyone. I would never again be a woman who belittles herself to make someone else—a man—look bigger. I was never just having fun, and I certainly never meant to contribute to the trend of stupid blonde girls. It is quite possible to be blonde, be comfortable with your sexuality, and be intelligent; it maybe an exception to the rule, but it is possible.
The greatest legacy that life at the Playboy Mansion with the iconic Hugh Hefner has left me with is the enjoyment of the simple things in life; it used to be a cliché to me, but now I truly understand the meaning of that phrase. Nothing makes me happier than to hear my mom say that her back hurts a little bit less today than it did yesterday, or waking up with Balbina’s little pug head lovingly tucked into my neck, the kisses Bogart bestows upon me as soon as I open my eyes, or the times Justin surprises me with a latte and a blueberry scone in the morning. I treasure the daily ritual of making my own coffee and reading the newspaper, going for a walk with the dogs and making dinner with Justin. I realize that I used to take these small things for granted, and I am happy that I learned not to. If I had not lived at the Mansion, it might have taken me a lot longer to learn many valuable lessons about gratitude, true friendship, and love. The burden of my memories has lifted. Maybe the tormenting, vivid dreams about living at the Mansion again will finally stop. I don’t know what the future holds, but I have finally made sense of my past. At thirty, I feel like I have lived many lifetimes. I look forward to the future and the new unexpected adventures it will bring.
And that movie star I mentioned in the prologue? He got over my past, and called a few days later to apologize. But that’s a whole other story.
THANK YOU
Thank you Hugh Marston Hefner for making me a part of your fascinating life; for your kindness and generosity. I care about you very much and hope we can build a friendship. To the girls—thanks for the memories. I have learned something from each and every one of you. To my partner in crime, you know who you are—you made me laugh, you made me cry, and then laugh again. This special experience would not have been the same without you. The staff at the Playboy Mansion, thanks for making a mansion feel more like a home. To all the butlers, the chefs and kitchen staff, thanks for the best French toast, fajitas, cheeseburgers, and skinny fries. Thank you to the ladies who cleaned my room, David in the video department, Mickey for just being you. Thank you Mary, Norma, Elizabeth, Joyce, Bob, and Jenny. To the yard workers who always cleaned up after my dogs. Elaine, I didn’t mind cameras in my face as long as you were behind the lens. To all of the Security, especially the unparalleled Mark, and Freddy and Eddy, the best limo drivers around. I want you all to know that everything you ever did for me was always appreciated. The employees of PEGI who took me in, and were patient and understanding while I made my guest appearances at work every week.
Laurent, Gary, Holly, and Edgar thanks for all your great work and the good times we had at the salon. Also thanks to Janet and Edon. I would like to thank my vet, Dr. Werber for always being there for me and the pugs, beyond the call of his duties. My acting coach D.W. Brown for many words of wisdom and countless moments of inspiration. Mark Ebner for our brief yet enjoyable collaboration; I hope one day to be as compelling a writer as you are. Thank you to Chris Nassif and Zach Solov at Diverse Talent. Gavin Maloof, thank you for so many things. You are truly one of the kindest, most generous people I have ever met. You are amazing; may God continue to bless you and your family.
A special thanks to my agent Frank Weimann, for your immediate confidence in me and my story. I realize how lucky I am that you took me on. At Running Press: Greg Jones for your belief in the story and for your enthusiasm. Lisa Clancy, my editor, thank you for your hard work and patience. Janet Saines, thank you for your clarity and for being the only one who always answered my e-mails. Joshua McDonnell, thanks for a fabulous time in Philadelphia and all your talented, creative work. Craig Herman, it is a pleasure working with you. Diane Mancher, you crack me up, thanks for your work on behalf of the book. And thank you to everybody else at Running Press who made this book happen. Thank you to James Creighton and Pier Nicola D’Amico for the beautiful photography.
Thank you to my friends, those who were there for me during this turbulent time. Pamela, thank you for the frequent phone calls, your kind words, and your belief in me. Laura, thanks for the sound advice, and for being there for me when I really needed you. Denise, thank you for the encouragement, it has always meant a lot to me. Niki, you were one of the first people who originally encouraged me to tell me story. Gena, thanks for reminiscing. Sean, thanks for being there for me during some of the hardest times in my life, you are a great friend. I would like to thank Justin’s family and friends for their understanding and respect. Papa Leonard, thank you for always buying Canada Dry ginger ale for me, you know I love you. Debbie, thank you for your positive encouragement. My precious pugs, Balbina and Bogart, for your unconditional love, endless kisses, and entertainment. Although I could do without the snoring at night, I would have not made it through it all without you.
Justin, I could not have done this without you. It was you who selflessly encouraged me to write this book, and who pushed me along when I didn’t think I could go on. You were my rock when I lived at the Mansion, you were my best friend when I left, and you were patient and supportive when I was writing. And you kept the wine bar fully stocked when it was desperately needed. I am lucky to have an intelligent, honest, kind man like you in my life.
Most importantly, I want to thank my wonderful parents. I love you. Thank you for your hard work, your sacrifices, and your unconditional love. Everything I am and I have is because of you. I can only wish to be as hard-working as my father, as loving as my mother. Dad, you are my courage and strength. Mom, you are my best friend, my inspiration, and everything that is good in me. Thank you for being my angel on earth.
I thank God for all the blessings bestowed upon me.
© 2006, 2009 by Izabella St. James
eISBN : 978-0-762-43271-4
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