by A. M. Kusi
Jax had really hurt her this time. He’d seen the burn of rejection in her eyes. He’d taken her vulnerability and thrown it in her face, accusing her of being a slut yet again. Knowing that she had never done that before, that she wasn’t who he thought she was, only made his words that much more hurtful to her. Now he had to wait until she got back and try to talk to her, beg her forgiveness. If she even came back. The idea made his stomach sour. He poured himself a glass of whiskey and drank it down until he couldn’t feel anything anymore. It numbed the conflict between his head and his heart.
He used the key card Harper had given him to open her door. The room smelled of roses—like her. He walked over to her bed and set his bottle of whiskey on the side table. He didn’t bother with the glass. If she brought Todd back to her room, he was not going to go down without a fight. His sanity and his career rested on him being focused and he couldn’t do that with whatever the hell this was between them.
When he finally heard the door open, it was dark in the room except for the light near the kitchenette. Jax sat up and watched her walk in alone, wearing a black dress and her fuck-me heels. Her hair was down, but not messy like it would be if she had been in bed with someone.
Harper left her shoes on the ground in a pile and started to unzip her dress when her eyes met his.
Harper clutched her chest with a quick inhale of breath, shocked. “Jesus, Jaxton! You scared me.”
He stood up, still drunk, but not swaying like he had been two hours ago when he’d decided to lie down and wait for her like a lovesick teenager. “How was your date?” he grated.
“None of your goddamned business. What the hell are you doing in my room?” she asked, motioning to her unmade bed.
“I can’t do this anymore,” Jax admitted before standing in silence for a full minute.
“Great. Now that we have that cleared up, why don’t you go to your room and leave me the hell alone,” Harper said, crossing her arms.
Jax rubbed the back of his neck, shifting uncomfortably on his feet. “This isn’t easy for me…to talk…I mean, to tell you how I…”
Harper stood motionless, making no attempt to help him.
“What I mean to say is, I want it to be my business. I want you to be mine, and only mine,” he said, taking a few steps closer to her. He put one hand on each side of her face, forcing her to look into his eyes. “Unless it’s too late. I’ll understand. I messed up and should have never treated you that way.”
A tear escaped Harper’s eye, sliding down her cheek. Jax used his thumb to wipe it away. “I’m sorry,” he said.
“You want me now? I thought you didn’t do relationships?” she asked, dropping her arms to her sides.
“That was before you came tumbling into my life, before you turned my world upside down. You’ve made me want to try a lot of new things,” he said, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her closer to him.
Harper met his gaze with her soft brown eyes full of cautious, glimmering hope.
Jax cupped her face in his big hands as he melded his lips to hers. She tasted better than he remembered. Her hands gripping his back, pulling him closer to her, felt like cool water in the desert to his weary soul. Jax picked Harper up, and her legs wrapped around his waist as he carried her over to the bed. His tongue coaxed hers as they explored each other’s mouths, reacquainting themselves. Jax’s hands roamed up her thighs, finding the top of her stockings. She was wearing a garter. Jax broke the kiss to fall on top of her on the bed where he unhooked each strap and slid the flesh-colored stockings down each leg slowly, leaving hot, wet kisses down the inside of her succulent thighs.
He felt her muscles clench in anticipation. “Jax,” she said in a husky, breathless voice.
“Yes, goddess?” He smiled.
“We can’t.”
Jax climbed back on top of her, kissing her again, silencing her protests. She didn’t believe him. He would just have to prove how serious he was. Running his hands freely over her breasts through the dress, he could taste the need on her tongue. Her body shivered, sending a shot of electricity straight to his groin. Every nerve ending a live wire, exposed to her elements. Harper pushed him as she turned her head to the side.
Jax slid off to her side, facing her with his head propped up on his elbow. “Why?” he asked, confused and deflated, bordering on angry. “Isn’t this what you wanted?”
“I wanted you sober. Why is it that you are only able to come to me, submit yourself to being loved by me, when you’re drunk? Why couldn’t you have been sober?”
“I’m just a little buzzed, not drunk. I want you anyway: drunk, sober, on the bed, in the kitchen.” He laughed before kissing and sucking on her neck.
“I want to make sure you won’t regret this in the morning.”
“Why would you think I’d do that?”
She bit her lip, looking down at his chest while speaking. “Because I know what it’s like to make a decision when you’ve had a little too much to drink, thinking it was a good idea at the time, and then waking up and regretting everything the next morning. Not to mention the fact that you seemed pretty ashamed of almost sleeping with me before, and every extra friendly interaction since.”
“Harper? Did someone hurt you? Did someone take advantage of you?” Jax asked, his whole body growing tense, waiting for her answer. The protector in him roared to life, seeking destruction of anyone that would dare harm her.
“Nothing like what you’re thinking. I just…did things to make someone else happy that I didn’t want to do. They didn’t force me; I never said I didn’t want to. I only did it because I thought I had to, to make them happy. I felt horrible the next day and regretted it. I don’t want to do the same to you.”
He lifted her chin so she would look at him. “Harper, I appreciate you being so thoughtful with me; it means a lot that you care so much. I don’t ever want you to do something because you think it will make me happy though. Promise me?”
“I already promised myself I would never do that again, in that way, I mean.”
He pulled her close in a hug so that she was laying on his chest. Why hadn’t she felt like she could speak up for herself and say no when she didn’t want to do something? Jax’s mind went crazy, wondering about the specifics of what had happened.
Before he knew it, Harper was sleeping on his chest. He covered them both with the down comforter and fell asleep, with Harper wrapped in his arms.
Jax woke early with a pounding headache and dry mouth. He had drunk more than he’d thought the night before. Harper was still sleeping soundly next to him. He enjoyed being so close to her; it made him feel happy.
Jax felt immediately uncomfortable knowing that one person could have so much control over him. What if she exploited his weakness? It was a risk he was willing to take.
Better to slip out and take a shower in his own room, pack up his stuff, and get them a coffee before they headed out to the airport.
An hour later, he made his way to her door with two coffees and a bag with cake pops, since they hadn’t really gotten to celebrate the contract the night before because he had been a complete moron. He knocked and waited for her to answer with his hands full.
Jax heard some shuffling and then Harper opened the door, hiding her face. He walked in and set the coffee and treats on the counter before following her. She was packing the last of her things into the suitcase. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her closer to him.
“Good morning. I brought you a surprise,” he said, taking a deep inhale of the rose perfume she wore.
She turned to look at him and his stomach sank. She had been crying. “Thanks.”
“What happened?” he said, panicking. “Is it your mom?”
“What? No, my mom is fine,” Harper said.
“Why were you crying?”
She lo
oked at the ground and then back to his eyes. “I woke up and you were gone. I thought…I thought you had sobered and decided that you didn’t mean what you’d said last night.”
He sighed, squeezing the back of his neck. “Harper, I don’t say those things lightly. I don’t mess with people’s emotions if I can help it. I meant every word of what I said last night. I want to be with you, if you’ll let me. Let’s try this out and see where it goes.”
She smiled, her brown eyes brightening.
He leaned in for a peck on her lips before he said, “Go see what I bought you.”
Harper walked over and found the bag. Opening it, she smiled and exclaimed, “I love cake pops!”
“I figured we didn’t really get to celebrate our accomplishment last night; why not have cake for breakfast?”
“Why not indeed,” she said, stuffing one whole cake pop in her mouth. “Mmm.” Her moan sent a jolt of lust through his system. His eyes zeroed on the pretty plump lips currently wrapped around the treat he’d brought her.
“If you eat like that, we’ll miss our flight,” Jax said, his eyes darkening.
“Good to know,” she said, licking the confection stick clean.
Jax groaned. “Listen, we need to talk about some things.”
“Yeah?”
“I want to keep our relationship a secret for now.”
“What?” Harper asked, grimacing.
Jax stood up and kissed her; she tasted like lemon frosting. “I just want some time to adjust. And we need to explore this without any extra complications or pressure. The promotion is up for grabs, and if I am dating the boss’s daughter, I might be passed on so it doesn’t seem like I am being favored. If I get the job, no one will respect me.”
“They will think you slept your way to the top? Must be hard being seen as man-slut.” Harper teased sarcastically. “You got me cake to sweeten me up, didn’t you?”
“Did it work?”
“I’ll keep this between us, and my best friend, Isa, because I need someone I can talk to about it. She keeps all my secrets. But only for a little while. Once this becomes more than just exploring, we will tell everyone, after the promotion. Deal?”
“Deal.”
“When do we have our first date then?”
“Sunday? Tomorrow? I have a game tonight and River will be there. I think it’s best you don’t come. He will take one look at me and know.”
“Oh, okay,” she said, her shoulders slumped in disappointed before she sparked back to life with an eager smile. “I’ll plan a secret date for Sunday. It will be fun.”
“Secret date, huh?” He smiled, wrapping his arms around her. “Why don’t we just stay in? I can think of a whole list of things I would like to show you, and we don’t even have to leave your bed to do them.” Jax kissed her neck.
“You had your chance to get me in bed. Now you’re going to woo me.” She winked.
Jax burst out laughing. “Woo you?”
“I’m gonna make you work for it. Trust me, it will be worth it. Think of our dates as foreplay.”
“Dates, as in plural?”
“Mm hmm. You want to date? Have a relationship with me? I’m going to show you what a relationship is all about, secret or not.”
Chapter 15
Jax couldn’t believe how excited he was to see Harper on Sunday. The visceral way his body reacted to her sent off alarm bells in his mind, but they were getting easier to silence when she was around to distract him. He resolved himself to be more cautious and take this slow. He needed to keep some ground rules when it came to how close he let himself get to her for his own protection and hers.
Harper texted him to meet her at the harbor by the ferry. When he arrived at the docks, the smell of sea air filled his senses. Seagulls fought over scraps, feasting on small fish or bits of crab they were lucky enough to find. Several people waited in line for the ferry. He spotted Harper walking towards him with a big smile that lit up her eyes. He had never seen her so happy. Jax instinctively pulled out his phone and snapped a picture of her. She had jean cut-off shorts on and a loose pink top that matched the pair of pink converse sneakers on her feet.
“Hey, boyfriend,” she said, opening her arms for a hug.
He pulled her small body into his, while looking around to see if anyone seemed to have heard her. “What part of ‘secret relationship’ means announcing things like that to the public?” he spoke against her ear.
She looked up into his face. “Oh, well I guess that means you can’t kiss me in public either then?” She tried to pull away, but Jax held her there.
“I see your point.”
“What are the odds that anyone we know is coming on this trip?” She asked him.
“Trip?” he asked.
“We are going to take the ferry to Salem.”
“Salem? As in witches? Nah, I don’t do witches,” he said, pulling away.
“I thought Jaxton Harris wasn’t afraid of anything,” she teased, just as the ferry docked.
He ran his hand over his short beard, thinking it over.
She put her hand on his chest and crooked her finger for him to lean closer to her. She spoke in his ear. “I’ll make it worth it.” She pulled back enough to suck his bottom lip into her mouth.
Jax squeezed her tighter, not caring who was around to see this time. A prisoner to her powers of persuasion, he relented. Harper was playful and sexy, and he liked it a lot. More than he should. “Fine. But I’m driving.”
“Deal!” she said, leading him over to her white BMW that was parked in line for the ferry just as the cars ahead of them started to board.
Once the ferry took off from the dock, Harper and Jax got out of the car to watch from the viewing deck. They stood against the railing, with his body pressed against hers. He wrapped his arms around her, fitting perfectly together like two puzzle pieces custom-made for each other.
Taking in the gorgeous views of the coastline from Boston to Salem, Massachusetts. Jax rested his chin in the side of her neck, inhaling roses and salty sea air. He kissed and nibbled, feeling the goose bumps appear on her shoulders, spreading down her arm. He moved his hands to the patch of skin on her thigh just below her shorts, feeling gooseflesh there too.
“Are you cold?” he asked. There were some clouds in the sky, but it was a gorgeous hot day in the first week of July.
“No. It’s you. Every time you touch me, this is how my body reacts.”
Jax smiled and kissed her cheek. He was actually enjoying himself. Harper made everything more fun.
When the ferry docked, he followed her directions around Salem and found a place to park along a side street. They got out and she led him past a graveyard that seemed extra creepy, as far as graveyards go. Jax reached out and grabbed her hand. She squeezed his and assured him, “Don’t worry, I’ll keep you safe.” She winked.
He laughed. She was tiny compared to him, and though she did it in a joking way, there was something about the way Harper said it that made him believe she would do anything she could to protect him, from ghosts or otherwise.
They walked through the village, seeing where the Salem witch trials had been held, and learning the true history. That the people were usually those who’d used herbs to help heal others, or who were simply in the wrong place at the wrong time.
“Using religion and fear to control the masses and getting neighbor to turn on neighbor. I find it interesting that those most affected by this were women, don’t you?” Harper asked.
“I never gave it much thought, honestly.”
Harper smiled. “That’s because us women are divine and men are scared of the power our femininity holds. If only they knew they have the ability to access their own.”
“Huh?” Jax looked over at her, thoroughly confused. “Are you into this woo woo stuff?”
&
nbsp; “Jax, I just meant if people could fully take ownership of who they are, before society got its gender-decisive hooks into them, they could develop a more emotionally intelligent outlook on life that is balanced with masculine and feminine qualities. The best of both worlds.”
“Mmm.” He wasn’t sure what he thought about her statement. “Are you saying that, as a man, I should have feminine qualities?”
“Relax. I can tell you are reading too much into this. When you think of femininity, you think of the more nurturing or domestic side of a woman, or her sex appeal, right?” Harper asked as they walked past a park with a statue.
“I guess so.”
Harper seemed to be thinking how best to explain it to him. “To be a good father, you need to be strong and protective, but also understanding and loving, right?”
“Uh, I don’t know. My father is strict as hell,” Jax admitted.
“The ideal father would be empathetic, with boundaries. That is one example of mixing masculine and feminine qualities.”
“I’ll have to take your word for it.”
“You said you wanted to have a family someday, right? Have you thought about the kind of father you want to be?”
He squeezed the back of his neck, uncomfortable about revealing too much. “Not really. Just, maybe a little less strict than my own. What about you? If you do become a mom someday, what would you do differently?”
“I have a good mother, but no one is perfect. If I had more than one child, I would hope that I would not favor one above the other. I want to be fair, which I know is easier said than done.”
He watched Harper as she gave her answer. She shared her heart so easily, and he wished he had the ability to do the same. It was safer to not talk about feelings though, so he changed the subject. “Where are we going?”