by A. M. Kusi
Harper walked through the door and locked it behind her. She came around to his side of the desk and took his face in her hands, pulling him against her chest comfortingly. “I’m so sorry, Jax. I know how much you wanted that position.”
He resisted at first, but the smell and softness of Harper enveloped him. Blanketed with her comfort in his time of greatest need.
She bent down and kissed the top of his head lovingly. Jax took a moment, drinking up what she had to offer, and then pulled away, regaining control of himself. There was one thing he was good at, and he needed to prove that now more than ever. He stood and pulled Harper against him into a bruising kiss as he pressed her against the far wall in his office. Her body tensed and then relaxed as he reached down and pulled her skirt to her waist, before entering her in one quick thrust.
***
Harper gasped. She liked when he was dominant and more aggressive during sex. She saw the turmoil mixed mingled with lust in his half-lidded eyes and knew this would bring him comfort as well as an escape.
She had seen his face when her father had told them the news. He had been sitting still, his expression reflecting utter loss and shock before growing stone cold seemingly devoid of all emotions, making him unreadable. Her heart had broken for him. She’d known how much he wanted this promotion.
If sex with her was the balm he needed for his wounds, she wanted to give it to him. A few quiet gasps, muffled groans, and an orgasm later, Jax pulled out of her. They cleaned up and collected themselves in silence. She tried to wrap her arms him for a hug. He let her, but his body was stiff. She felt him starting to pull away.
“Let’s go to your apartment. I’ll bring the whiskey,” Harper offered with a hopeful smile.
Jax nodded, still stoic.
Chapter 25
Harper drove home to change and grab a bottle of her favorite amber liquid before heading to Jax’s. Her phone rang, and she saw it was River.
“Hey, stranger,” Harper answered.
“Hey, little sister.”
“How is Ella?”
“She’s doing much better. I want to tell you something before you hear it from Mom and Dad.”
“Yeah? Should I be worried?” Harper asked.
“Not really. I have decided to stay here in Vermont with Ella. I’m quitting the company.”
She was silent for a moment, processing what her brother had just told her. “You already told Dad?”
“Yeah. I asked him not to mention it until I could tell you myself.”
“Wow. How did he take that news?” She asked, surprised that her brother, who always was the perfect son, doing everything his parents wanted him to, had just thrown away their father’s legacy.
“Not so great. They knew it was coming though. I realized that life is too short to do what everyone else thinks is the right thing for you. I gotta do what makes me happy. I love Ella. I want to spend my life with her.”
“So, you’re giving up your dream for her?” She asked.
“Dad’s company was never my dream. I just did it because everyone expected me to. With Ella, I can follow my dream and have her with me for the ride, making it all worth it.”
“You really love her, huh?” she asked, tearing up. She had more in common with her brother than she’d thought.
“I do. Harper?” River asked.
“Yes?”
“You should do what makes you happy too. Try not to care what Mom and Dad think, or anyone else.”
“Is that your brotherly wisdom for the day?” She joked.
River laughed. “I guess. Hey, when you have some time, you should come see The Orchard Inn and get to know Ella.”
“I would love to.”
“Have a good night,” River said. “Love you, sister.”
“Love you too, brother.”
Harper picked up the bottle of whiskey and grabbed her bag with a newfound confidence. She would go over and talk to Jax and let him know that this wasn’t the end. This was just their beginning. She loved Jax and she knew he loved her too. She would do whatever it took to make him realize that.
***
Jax opened the door and let Harper in. He was looking forward to the top-shelf whiskey she’d promised to bring, but he had worked on his own reserve while waiting for her.
She set down her things before saying, “I see you started without me.” Her phone rang and after she glanced at it, she looked at him apprehensively. “It’s the doctor’s office.”
He drank down the rest of the amber liquid in his glass and poured himself another while she answered.
“Hello…? Yes, this is her. Okay…Can she just tell me over the phone? Oh, okay…I’ll be there.” Harper hung up, looking worried.
“What did she say?” he asked, his concern numbed by the alcohol.
“She said that I needed to come in Monday and go over the results.”
“Is that normal?” he asked before taking another sip of the liquid, feeling it burn his throat on the way down.
“I usually don’t get called back in. But she assured me it’s not an emergency.”
“You’re worried,” Jax said.
Harper seemed to stare off into space for a moment before shaking her head and saying, “I’m sure it’s normal, but will you go with me Monday at two?”
“Sure. Doesn’t matter if I take time off now,” he said, bitterly.
She walked over to where he had plopped himself on the couch with a tumbler full of whiskey. She curled up next to him, took a deep breath, and spoke, “Jax, I know it seems like everything is messed up right now, but the good thing is we still have each other. Now we can be open about our relationship. We don’t have to hide. River is leaving the company, and that means another position will be open and—”
Jax cut her off. “What? River is leaving?”
“He called me today to tell me. He is staying in Vermont with his girlfriend. He’s in love.”
“So he gave up the company!” Jax yelled. “Over a woman?”
Harper winced. “He wants to be happy and the company wasn’t making him fulfilled.”
“Your brother just threw away what I would give anything to have, over a woman,” he said, not truly hearing her words. He shook his head. That must have been what River was trying to get a hold of him about this week. Jax had ignored several calls, too busy with work and Harper. Truthfully, the less he talked to him, the easier it was to carry on the lie. It still stung, finding out like this.
“Jax, we can tell my dad and brother about us now. We can move on from here and have a relationship. We don’t have to hide anymore.” She smiled, hope shining in her eyes.
“You just said there was a position opening. Your brother may not care about this company, but I do. It leaves us in the same place as before.”
Harper looked as though she had been punched in the stomach. Tears welled in her eyes. “I agreed to this arrangement, but we can’t keep going like this. I deserve to be happy too. I love you, and I don’t want to have to hide that anymore. I can’t live in this place of limbo another day.”
“Let’s not talk about this now. Let’s go upstairs instead,” he said, setting his glass on the table and pulling her against him seductively.
He could feel her body responding as she seemed to come alive with his touch. He tempted her to forget everything and get lost in his body. He needed to climb inside her, let her hold him captive and take away the pain for a little while.
Harper pushed him away. “No, we have been tiptoeing around this conversation for too long.”
Jax grabbed his glass and took a big sip, welcoming the burn. He wanted to drink the whiskey until he couldn’t feel anything. Not the disappointment over losing the position. Not the ache in his heart for denying what he knew to be true about Harper. He didn’t want to face the fact
that he would have to see the knowing disapproval in his father’s eyes.
“You’re my boyfriend, and I want to be able to invite you to my parents’ house for dinner, go out in public, and not be afraid of who will see us holding hands. I just want us to be normal.”
Anger swelled within him as he erupted. “Well we can’t, Harper. Not everything is about you. You’re my best friend’s little sister and my boss’s daughter. My parents would never approve of me dating a spoiled white princess. Not to mention the fact that I just lost everything I ever wanted because of you! If you hadn’t been a distraction to me, maybe Natasha would not have beat me for the position,” Jax yelled.
He regretted the words as soon as they lashed out of him, striking the one person his body craved to protect.
She swallowed and stared at him. “So, that’s what you really think of me after all the time we’ve spent together? What was this then, Jaxton? Just sex and a fun time? Was this a game to you?”
Jaxton didn’t speak. He looked down at his almost empty glass, wishing the flames of liquor would engulf him and put him out of his misery.
“I deserve an answer.”
“It was fun while it lasted. I told you from the beginning, I don’t do relationships.” He needed space from everything Harper stirred up in him. Pushing her away seemed like the safest option. His lungs burned with the need for air. She was suffocating.
“Why didn’t you say something weeks ago when I told you I loved you? Why did you string me along? Are you that much of a coward? Did you want to screw me a few more times before…Was that what all of this was?” she asked, her eyes full of hurt.
How was he supposed to reply? How could he tell her that she was right and wrong and everything was just one jumbled mess inside him. His voice swallowed up by the hurricane twisting and surging within. His mind and heart warred, leaving chaos and desolation behind. He didn’t have the right words.
She continued, “You had kicked me out on the curb and I took you back. I can’t believe how blind I’ve been. I let myself be used because I wanted to make you happy and keep our relationship as easy as possible on you. I allowed myself to be treated like crap because I love you. But love isn’t selfish. Love isn’t untruthful. You have shown me who you really are, and I see now that I allowed myself to be blinded by sweet words and lust. I pushed my needs aside to appease you.”
Jax looked at her, forcing himself to see the pain he’d caused her. Her tears were agony etched on his soul but he deserved to be punished, so his gaze didn’t waver.
“Jax. I think you do love me, but you can’t admit it to yourself. You can’t let anyone in. If this is what your love feels like, I don’t want it anyway. I deserve better than that. I’m done trying to please you and tiptoeing around things to make it easier on you. I’m done trying to make you love me.” She stood and walked to the kitchen to grab her bag.
“Harper,” Jax said, standing. Her name scraping its way out, slicing him to pieces. He needed her and yet a small part of him said, I knew you would eventually leave. I’m unlovable. His heart was breaking, screaming at him to stop her. His body didn’t move, not even to take a breath. His voice didn’t speak. He stood frozen and locked in an isolated cage he’d built for himself.
“I should have stood up for myself before this. From the first time, you didn’t choose me. How could I have been so stupid?” she said.
“Wait.” He walked over and grabbed her arm.
“Don’t worry, Jax. I won’t tell my father and brother that we were fuck buddies for months.”
Harper pulled her arm away and ran out. The door slamming close behind her as the last words she’d spoken echoed in his mind. They were more than fuck buddies. The loss he’d felt when he didn’t get the promotion was nothing like the pain searing his chest seeing Harper walk away. He was broken and shattered. Angry and disgusted. But most of all, conflicted.
Jax grabbed the bottle of whiskey that she had left on the counter and went back to the couch, where he drowned his sorrows until Monday morning.
***
Jax had come into work with a full-blown hangover. He tried to look put together as the dull headache continued to throb well into the afternoon.
He saw Harper walk into the office, past his door. He knew he needed to apologize. He had made a mess of things and treated her like crap.
Dorothy knocked and poked her head in to tell him that David needed to see him in his office. A sense of dread filled his stomach as he grabbed his phone and walked down the hall to David’s door.
“Come in,” David said.
He opened the door. Harper was sitting across from his boss, not bothering to acknowledge his presence. Had she told her father? If David Parker knew how he had treated his daughter, there would be hell to pay.
“Have a seat, son.”
Jax sat in the empty chair next to Harper. He could smell her scent and he just wanted to bury his head in her neck. He wanted to make everything right.
He cleared his throat, thankful David wasn’t a mind reader.
“I already talked to Simon and Natasha about Harper’s progress. I wondered what you had to say, since you were in charge of her overall learning experience?” David asked.
Jax looked at Harper’s stoic expression and then at David. “I think she is a natural. She has been a quick learner and has come up with a lot of good ideas whenever I worked with her. I let her take lead on several accounts.”
David seemed to be thinking for a moment before saying, “I don’t think she is ready for her own accounts yet. Natasha thought the same. She needs some more experience before I let her go on her own.”
“She is sitting right here.” Harper waved her hand. “Did you have a similar meeting to go over a progress report for River and all the other consultants here too? Or is it just me that gets a grade like a kid in school?” she snapped.
“Harper, we talked about this. This isn’t the time or the place for this discussion.”
“You don’t need to talk about me like I am not even here.” Harper stood up for herself. She had to, because no one else was doing it for her, even when she was down and needed the help.
“I think you’re wrong,” Jax said aloud.
David and Harper both turned to look at him.
“With all due respect, sir, I think she’s ready for a solo account.”
She looked down and then back to her father.
David folded his hands in front of him thoughtfully. “You do?”
“I do.”
“I’ll take that into consideration. Harper, I’ll let you know what I decide this week,” David said.
She glanced at the clock and nodded. She stood and left the office, with Jax not far behind her.
“Can we talk?” Jax asked, following her into her office and shutting the door. The memories of the moments of intimacy they’d shared there violently assaulting him.
“What do we have to talk about?” Harper asked.
He could see she was trying to hold back her tears. “I’m sorry about what I said. You didn’t deserve to be treated that way.”
“No, I didn’t. I’m glad those things came out.”
“You are?” he asked, surprised.
“Of course. Why would I want to waste any more time on a man who doesn’t love me and can’t give me what I need?”
“Oh,” he said. “Harper, can’t we just pretend none of this happened? Start over?”
Harper forced an incredulous laugh. “Sure, let’s go to my dad’s office and tell him about us right now.” She stood and walked to the door. His hand shot out and grabbed her arm before she could turn the knob. “See? You can’t do it. You can’t choose me.”
Something flashed in her eyes—a disappointment that felt worse than his father’s ever could.
“There’s so much working
against us,” he said.
“Including you.”
Jax stepped closer to her. He leaned down and kissed her before she could react. Harper moaned and he felt himself respond. He needed her, right there and right then, but she pushed him away.
“Stop.”
He tried to catch his breath, fire raging in his body. He had to make this up to her.
“Jax, I need to get over you. In order to do that, I need you to leave me alone.”
Her words sent daggers of ice through his heart. Leave her alone? So she could get over him?
Why did the thought of letting her go make him feel like he was being torn apart from the inside? The fact was, he couldn’t give her what she needed. He wasn’t ready to walk down the hall and tell her father about them, risking his job and his friendship. He was choosing himself. Again.
She grabbed her purse and opened the door before running out. He took a moment to gather himself and went back to his office.
The afternoon crept by slowly. He kept an eye out for Harper, but she never returned. He checked the shared calendar; she had a doctor’s appointment scheduled for two. Damn! He had forgotten all about it! She’d asked him to go, but that was before they’d broken up. Jax knew how nervous she had been and he had let her down—again.
***
Harper’s mind was still reeling when she made it back to her house. After the news the doctor had given her, there was no way she could return to work. She needed time to process everything that the doctor had explained to her.
Her results had not been what she’d expected. Now, she had to make a decision about the next steps. She couldn’t tell her family; they had enough to deal with right now, adjusting to River’s news. Her mother had gone through this, but she was working on rebuilding things with River.
The one person she wanted to share her world-changing, terrifying news with was the one man she couldn’t.
She still had a few weeks before any more tests needed to be run. Until then, she would do as much research as she could so that she was informed of the process and options available to her.